The SmarK Rant for GWF Supercard – 08.06.91

The SmarK Rant for GWF Supercard – 08.06.91

Taped from the Globaldome in Dallas, TX

Your hosts are Craig Johnson & Scott Hudson

The tag team tournament continues unabated! You can’t stop it, you can only hope to contain it!

The Dragon Master & The Dark Ninja v. Stan Lane & Steve Cox

Cox isn’t the worst choice for a Bobby Eaton stand-in, I suppose. Together they’re the Sweet Cox! Cornette does a really funny over the top intro for Lane and then does a bored “Oh yeah and here’s his partner Steve Cox” as a follow up, because Lane wanted to win the tag titles by himself and only reluctantly accepted a partner. Cox and the Dragon Master trade takedowns and Cox beats on him with forearms in the corner and backdrops him for two. I’m very surprised that he’s still using the Dragon Master gimmick when Kendo Nagasaki has way more name value and the announcers just call him that anyway. Over to the Dark Ninja, latest in the endless line of vaguely Asian masked men in Dallas, but he’s got a martial arts gi so you know he’s legit. Lane works on the arm of the Ninja, who probably had to be done by 5:00 so he could get beat up by Steven Seagal on a movie set. Cox comes in and Cornette gives him some helpful critique on the finer points of his form in the ring, while the “Japanese” team double-teams Lane in the corner and Dragon Master chokes him out in the corner. Over to Cox and Dragon Master takes him to the floor and beats on him out there, and then Ninja drags this down further than Lauren Boebert’s IQ again with a ridiculously terrible clothesline for two. This man is a disgrace to wrestling ninjas the world over. Just really embarrassing. Also he appears to be wearing sneakers. Cox and Lane thankfully double-team this guy with a Hart Attack and Lane gets the pin at 6:30. The Dark Ninja might have been one of the worst workers they threw onto one of these shows, and that’s saying something so far.

John Tatum & Rod Price v. Steve Simpson & Chris Walker

The other Simpson brother is still MIA, so Walker takes his place in the tournament. Tatum and Price were at least a decent working team in Texas and wouldn’t be the worst choice to win the tournament outright. Tatum slugs away on Walker to start (“Purveyor of the atomic pout” notes Craig in reference to Tatum’s emotional outbursts) but he takes a shoulderblock and demonstrates his teary-eyed face. THERE’S NO CRYING IN WRESTLING! Walker overpowers him again and Tatum has another moment of deep inner sadness and lets Price take a try. Price counters a cross-body from Walker with a stungun and the heels go to work and toss Walker to take over. Rod Price was a part of one of the all time great wrestling stories, as he was working a match with Chris Adams while they had real-life heat with each other over personal issues, and Adams gave him a hair-toss that ripped out the brand new hair transplants that Price had recently received. Back in the ring, Price gets a legsweep for two and they cut off the tag, but Walker collides with Tatum for a double down and Walker finally gets the hot tag to Simpson. It’s BREAKING LOOSE IN TULSA but Tatum does a nasty eye-rake on Walker and throws Simpson over the top for an impressive bump onto the concrete, but he superkicks Price by mistake and Simpson comes in with a splash on Price for the pin at 8:00 to advance. Not the worst, just a competent tag match. And of course my pick for the finals gets eliminated in the first round.

THE NEWSROOM! WITH JOE PEDICINO!

The Royal Family are apparently maulers now. But more importantly, will Sid Justice be impartial as a referee at Summerslam? And is someone going to crash the wedding?

Boni Blackstone interviews a fan, who wants to know why Jim Cornette chose Steve Cox to be Stan Lane’s partner? Maybe he just wanted to let his wife have some Cox.

The Royal Family v. Chaz & Terry Garvin

Rip Morgan beats on Chaz to cut off his babyface shine and Victory comes in to beat on him with kicks. Chaz manages to get Garvin in and he runs wild for a bit, but misses a dropkick and the heels take over again. Morgan takes him to the floor and drops him on the apron, and it’s back in the ring for more punishment. Apparently Victory and Morgan are the reigning and defending tag team champions of New Zealand and have been for quite some time. I’m gonna need to see some proof of that. Garvin tries a sunset flip on Morgan and that’s blocked, and the supposed New Zealand tag team champions switch off on bearhugs to wear him down. Morgan goes to the chinlock but misses an elbowdrop and it’s hot tag Chaz. Chaz tries a bodypress on Victory, but Jack drops him on his head and pins him at 7:38. This was certainly a match.

Joel Deaton & Billy Black join Joe and talk about their Japanese tour, as apparently they’re dangerous cowboys.

Jim Cornette joins Boni, and clarifies that he didn’t choose Steve Cox as a partner, the promotion did. Lane promises to make Steve Cox a champion if he keeps his mouth shut. This would of course be the exact opposite of the alleged requests from every other wrestling promoter in the business.

Wet & Wild (Sunny Beach & Steve Ray) v. Chico Torres & Los Aztec

The jobber team is even more generically ethnic than the earlier Japanese team, as the beach babyfaces are clearly going far in this thing. Ray with a crossbody on the Aztec for two and a sunset flip for two. The Aztec claims a pull of the tights and lets Torres give it a try while the announcers put over the performance of Wet & Wild on the UWF Beach Brawl PPV a few months before this. I thought we agreed not to talk about that show again? Beach comes in, wearing a wetsuit like early Sandman, but Torres immediately clotheslines him for two. Back to the Aztec, who I assume retired in 2012, as the heels work on Beach in the corner and good lord this match is terrible. Back to Steve Ray, who randomly powerbombs the Aztec for two, but he gets double-teamed by the heels in the corner again. Back to Beach one more time and he fucks up a clothesline on Torres and then does some kind of facebuster on the Aztec off the top, although I’m not sure what he was even going for. And then a Rocket Launcher finishes for the babyfaces at 7:30 to advance to the next round. Wet & Wild looked like a couple of green rookies and are CLEARLY ripping off the Outrunners, so expect them to go far just to annoy me.

Not the best episode of the show, to say the least.