The SmarK Rant for GWF Supercard – 07.09.91

The SmarK Rant for GWF Supercard – 07.09.91

I was torn between this and Georgia tonight but a coin flip decided things for Global.

Taped from the Sportatorium, I mean, GLOBAL DOME, in Dallas.

Your hosts are Scott Hudson & Craig Johnson

The announcers recap the first four matches of the first round of the TV title tournament from yesterday’s episode, as Billy Black, Dirty Rhodes, Wild Bill Irwin and the Patriot all advance. This actually eats up the first 10 minutes of the hour long show.

TV title tournament round one (????): Terry Garvin v. The Zebra Kid

I’m unclear if this is part of the TV title tournament but I’m assuming not? Or maybe it is since it’s kind of been assumed that everything is part of the tournament thus far? Garvin has suddenly cut off all his hair and resembles a hetero-ized Dalton Castle rather than the Jimmy Garvin ripoff he was doing before this. And now he’s a babyface for reasons. Zebra Kid is a random masked guy. Garvin does a fired up babyface shine segment and dropkicks Zebra to the floor before headlocking him in the ring. Zebra puts him down with a forearm for two and chokes him out on the ropes, but Garvin blocks a clothesline and takes him down with an armbar. That looked a bit ugly. Garvin with the DDT for the pin at 3:53. Garvin was certainly making an effort there to be a lovable babyface, I’ll give him that. *1/2

Big Bully Busick stops by to chat with Joe Pedicino, still using the controversial heart punch and smoking cigars.

TV Title tournament round one (???): Makhan Singh v. Private Terry Daniels

And they replay the heel turn interview from yesterday’s show, recycling the maximum amount of footage to eat up time. Daniels has suddenly grown a Ken Patera 1982 afro and looks nothing like himself. Makhan blocks a dropkick and puts Daniels down with a headbutt and follows with a legdrop. Makhan tosses the Private and beats on him outside, taking him onto the interview stage and slamming him on that. Back to the apron and Makhan runs him into the post and chokes him out on the apron before sitting on him to block a sunset flip. And the Karachi Krunch finishes at 4:00. This was actually a super effective squash win and Daniels knows how to put guys over. **

WRESTLING NEWS CENTER! Scott and Craig briefly review the rules in the TV title tournament, as the 24 man tournament goes down to 3 men, and of course you can’t have 3 men in one match, so they’ll flip a coin and one guy gets the bye into the finals.

Boni Blackstone has a question for his favorite wrestler, Jeff Gaylord, and wants to know if he holds any records outside of pro wrestling. That feels like a setup line.

TV title tournament round one: Chris Walker v. Doug Sommers

This one was at least definitely announced as a tournament match. Sommers tries a headlock, but Walker, who will likely need a walker these days because his hip is destroyed from years of steroids, reverses to his own. And holds it. And holds it. Sommers sends him into the corner but misses a blind charge, very clearly walking Walker through this match like he’s a child, and Walker goes back to the headlock. He’s like Tom Magee with a better dealer and less talent. Sommers escapes with a back suplex, but misses a headbutt and Walker goes, you guessed it, back to the headlock again. Sommers works him over in the corner and suplexes him for two. Sommers goes to a chinlock and even the easy Sportatorium crowd is turning on the match like it’s Chris Jericho. Sommers keeps working on a chinlock and then goes up with a flying splash, which misses. Walker comes back with a flying bodypress to finish at 8:00. Holy fuck this was fucking awful. -*

Rip Rogers and Makhan Singh introduce themselves as The Cartel, answering to the mysterious Boss.

Boni Blackstone chats with Jeff Gaylord about the kid’s stupid question. Apparently he likes to lift heavy stuff. I bet that kid got beat up at school the next day for going on TV and saying his favorite wrestler is Jeff Gaylord.

TV title tournament round one: Rip Rogers v. The Hitman

The Hitman is another rando masked guy, and his backstory is that he’s a surprisingly popular babyface from Chicago. Meanwhile, Rip is apparently an expert on basketball trivia, including the ABA. That’s quite the specific talent. Also his contract stipulates that his payday amounts end in 99. So this wasn’t announced as a tournament match, but the announcers mention “winning this tournament” in passing, so that’s good enough for me. Hitman takes Rip down and works the arm. This just drags on and on as Hitman gets a small package for two and a sunset flip for two, and he reverses a slam for two. Hitman retreats to the floor for some reason and Rip goes up and then just goes back down again after changing his mind. But then Hitman makes the comeback and puts him down with a back elbow for two. Rip cuts him off with a DDT for the pin at 7:47. That’s the second DDT finish on the show, by the way. I guess Rip advances? We’ll find out on the next show I guess. *. This felt like 8 minutes of Scott and Craig amusing themselves with bizarre inside baseball references about old cars and weird weight limits while a match sort of happened on screen.

Axl Rotten joins Joe, and he puts over his own British Commonwealth title. You look at him and expect to hear Will Ospreay and instead it’s Brian Knobs coming out of his mouth.

And then the announcers go back and retroactively declare that all the matches on tonight’s show were actually part of the TV title tournament, and wrap up the show.

This was not very well presented to say the least. They really need an actual ring announcer to give it more of a “wrestling show” feel and clarify things like “Which matches are part of the tournament”. I know this is shocking to hear, but I think they might have just filmed a whole bunch of matches and then crafted the tournament concept around whatever they had in the can. I know, wrestling promoters do something lazy to save costs? I never!

Not the worst thing ever but this felt like a big step down from the first episode.