The SmarK Rant for GWF Supercard – 07.08.91

The SmarK Rant for GWF Supercard – 07.08.91

Figured I’d give this a try since KrisP seems to have a nearly complete collection on the drive. I’m not super conversant in the history of the Global Wrestling Federation, other than it took over the ESPN timeslot from USWA in 1991 and was “financed” by a series of what turned out to fraudulent lenders from Nigeria.

Joe Pedicino introduces the new version of the USWA, which has now “gone Global”, with Max Andrews stepping into the role of commissioner.

Taped from the Sportatorium in Dallas, TX

Your hosts are Scott Hudson & Craig Johnston

Jim Cornette joins us, and he’s pretty sure that the crowd wants the show to run long so they don’t have to go back to sleeping in a cardboard box under the overpass. Also Stan Lane will be facing some jerk called The Patriot in the TV title tournament, and instead of red white and blue, he’ll be black and blue.

TV title tournament round one: Brian Adias v. Billy Black

Apparently Billy is the Georgia All Star Wrestling TV champion already. They trade hammerlocks on the mat and Adias goes to work on the arm and they talk about how Black is “arguably one of the most popular newcomers in Japan”. I don’t think that’s 100% accurate. Black takes Adias down with a headlock after a cheapshot, but Adias tries a hiptoss and they both fall over. So Adias goes to a chinlock as the announcers explain the needlessly complex tournament rules, but don’t give us a bracket. Apparently it’s a 24 man tournament and there’s coin flips and stuff involved in the finals. Black slugs away in the corner while the announcers are like “Brian Adias started in the 70s!” as though it’s a selling point for him. Black gets a superkick and chokes Adias on the ropes. But then Brian comes back with a back elbow and goes up with a flying splash that hits the knees, and Black gets the pin at 6:18 by using the tights. This was certainly a match. *1/2

Buddy Landel joins Joe after washing out of WCW yet again and he’s the Nature Boy of the 90s.

TV title tournament round one: Randy Rhodes v. Sweet Daddy Falcone

Randy is a Dusty lookalike, as even the announcers point out that it’s pretty shameless and then do a gimmick where they spend the match trying to guess who he looks like. Rhodes works the arm and pounds on Falcone with forearms, but Sweet Daddy clotheslines him out of the corner. They slug it out and Rhodes chops him down for two before going to a chinlock. He throws an elbow, which sadly isn’t bionic and thus doesn’t put Falcone down. Falcone whips him into the corner but misses a charge, and Rhodes finishes with a bulldog at 5:15. This was pretty wretched. DUD

Norman joins Joe, doing a promo more like classic Makhan Singh from Stampede. And he says he’s sick of giving out teddy bears to the snot nosed kids because he’s working for someone called The Boss now. And indeed he’s back to being Makhan Singh again.

TV title tournament round one: The Patriot v. Sweet Stan Lane

Jim Cornette actually screws up his introduction and says that Lane is the next “tag team champion”, which the announcers try to cover up in the lamest way possible. Patriot has a gimmick where he’ll be announced from a new hometown every week because he’s representing all of America. They work around the lockup and there’s a whole lot of nothing going on as Lane is clearly here to do a job and then fuck off back to Florida. Lane tries a full nelson and Patriot quickly escapes that and sends him running to Cornette for advice. That advice? “Make sure you have friends in the medical industry who know how to switch a DNA test, just in case.” That’s pretty specific. Patriot runs them together and puts Lane down with elbows, but Cornette trips him up and Lane drops an elbow to take over. We get some choking with the wrist tape and Cornette adds a shot with the racket. Lane with the slingshot clothesline for two, but Patriot gets a sunset flip for two. They slug it out and Lane misses a blind charge and Patriot comes back with clotheslines and a dropkick for two. Cornette gets another shot with the racket behind the ref’s back and that gets two for Lane. But then Patriot rams them together again and rolls up Lane for the pin at 9:10. Clearly they thought Patriot was going to be their version of Hulk Hogan, but Lane looked completely checked out there. **.

Stan Lane joins Joe afterwards, and threatens to throw hands with Cornette for costing him the match, but they calm down and make up.

Big Bully Busick joins Boni and he denies rumors that he’s using an illegal heart punch.

Fantasma v. Wild Bill Irwin

Fantasma, the father of Santos Escobar, uses his lucha dropkicks and takedowns, but Irwin cuts him off with a chinlock. Fantasma exits the ring and to think it over, but Irwin catches him with a sideslam on the way in and that gets two. Irwin drops a knee for two. Fantasma comes back with more dropkicks, but Irwin gets a cheapshot to put him down again. Fantasma dropkicks him to the floor and follows with a dive. Back in with a flying forearm for two, but Irwin hits him with the whip and follows with a gut wrench for the pin at 7:10. This was a colossal style clash. ½*.

The Patriot joins Joe, stressing that he’s filled with the SPIRIT OF AMERICA. Joe notes that his finisher is the Patriot Missile, an elbow from the top rope, which of course we didn’t see in the match on this show.

Pretty easy to watch thus far. We’ll let it play out and see how it goes.