The SmarK Rant for Coliseum Video presents Terminators 96

The SmarK Rant for Coliseum Video presents Terminators 96

Originally written 02.22.26

Holy shit I’m the nerdiest nerd I know and I’ve never even HEARD of this one before, and here goes the WWE Vault just posting it like it’s no big thing. Apparently it’s a super rare tape that goes for hundreds of dollars these days. The initial description made me think it was a repackage of In Your House III but I guess not? Well let’s find out together.

https://youtu.be/LKLS29FdjUo?si=yn5-dTPIlDgYdeVX

Hosted by Handsome Dok Hendrix

The RAW Bowl: The Smoking Gunns v. Savio Vega & Razor Ramon v. Sid & The 1-2-3 Kid v. Owen Hart & Yokozuna

Goldust sends flowers to Razor via his usher, but Razor beats the guy up and smashes the flowers. Man, you’d think a guy with so much machismo would be more comfortable with his manhood. Vince and Jerry are way over the top with stupid football terminology. And they’re all wearing football jerseys so you know they spent a good hour planning this out. Each team gets a timeout for use any time in the match, and it’s elimination rules. Bart hits Owen with armdrags to start and Owen immediately tags in Billy so we get the Gunns showdown. But then they do a hiptoss on each other and immediately tag in Owen and Yokozuna. Owen stalls, so Hebner threatens to throw a “delay of game” flag. But Owen gets knocked down and brings Savio in instead. Yoko slams him and stomps him down, and it’s over to Kid, who misses a leg lariat and gets clotheslined for two. Savio hits his own leg lariat for two, but Sid makes the save. Owen comes in with his own leg lariat on Savio and that gets two, but it’s over to Razor, who works a headlock on Bart and gets two. Sid finally comes in and chokes Bart on the ropes, but Bart gets a clothesline for two and a suplex for two. Sid beats on Savio and Owen hits Savio with the enzuigiri for two and we take a break. Back with Owen and Yoko working Savio over exactly where we left off. Kid comes in with a leg lariat on Savio and then tags Yoko back in as we keep cutting back to Brother Love in the dressing room preaching to no one. Sid and Kid work Savio over in the corner as this drags on and goes nowhere while Vince and Jerry make football reference after football reference, and Razor gets a hot tag and runs wild on Kid. So Kid calls a timeout and the ref makes Razor stop the beating, but he does the Razor’s Edge anyway while Hebner yells at Dibiase. And then Sid hits Razor with a clothesline and puts Kid on top for the pin at 10:00 to eliminate Razor & Savio as we take another break. So what the fuck was the point of the “timeout”?

We return with Bart getting worked over by various heels and Owen hits him with shoulder blocks in the corner and a suplex for two. Bart rolls him up for two, but Owen goes up and misses a flying splash. The ref gets distracted again and Yoko sets up the butt splash on Billy, but somehow Owen ends up taking the move and Billy gets the pin at 16:00 to eliminate them. They’re really topping themselves with idiotic finishes in this match. So we’re down to Sid & Kid v. The Gunns, as Billy takes a beating from Sid and Sid clotheslines him for two. Sid with a chinlock and Billy fights out of that, but walks into a big boot and an elbow for two. Billy gets a cradle for two, but Sid uses his staggering array of terrible punches to retain control, and follows with a chokeslam. But instead of making a cover, he sends the Kid to the top, but Razor comes out and shoves Kid off, allowing Billy to roll up Sid for the pin at 20:39 to win the prestigious RAW Bowl! This was more accurately described by Bischoff on the other show that night as the “Toilet Bowl” because it was definitely a turd. Heatless and meandering with stupid “rules” and bad finishes. * Especially for something that took up half of the show. Not to mention Vince and Lawler being absolutely unbearable on commentary, making lame football “jokes” that were all a bunch of non sequiturs. Oh and also Lawler spent the entire match hitting on a centerfold who occasionally said “This is wild!” as her contribution to the commentary.

Diesel v. British Bulldog

Joined in progress from RAW on January 29 1996 as I guess this tape is gonna be all RAW matches to fill the running time. Diesel clotheslines Bulldog over the top, but Bulldog trips him up and goes to work on the leg while Vince builds up the upcoming In Your House VI. They slug it out and Bulldog goes after the knee to take him down, robbing Nash of his ability to stretch out his leg in the corner. Yokozuna joins us at ringside to support Bulldog while Davey chokes out Diesel and then goes back to work on the leg again. Diesel hits the floor while Bulldog undoes a turnbuckle, but Diesel runs him into it. Yoko waddles in behind the ref’s back, but misses his shot and legdrops Bulldog by mistake, allowing Diesel to get the pin at 4:14 shown. *1/2

Shawn Michaels v. Yokozuna

From the same episode as the last match. Yoko escapes a headlock and throws chops, but Shawn chases him to the floor as Owen Hart joins us at ringside and Shawn literally runs around ringside slapping hands with the front row. They edit out a break and return with Shawn missing a splash from the top but making the comeback anyway. He goes back to the top and Yoko catches him on the way down, but Owen runs in behind the ref’s back, hits Yoko by mistake, and Shawn superkicks Yoko for the pin at 3:25. Man they edited this one down to NOTHING, but the original was pretty OK. *1/2 And afterwards we get some dissention within Camp Cornette, but then they decide to gang up on Shawn instead like a bunch of Marines, and Diesel has to run out and make the save. So next week we get a tag team match to settle things.

Shawn Michaels & Diesel v. Yokozuna & The British Bulldog

So this is why I thought it was a repackage of In Your House III, due to this rematch from that show. I guess I reviewed these RAW episodes during the pandemic and while suffering from kidney stones, so I don’t remember any of this. We’re joined with Yoko holding the neck massage on Shawn to get heat on him, and Bulldog comes in with the hairtoss on Shawn. It’s funny because he spent years taking that bump against the Hart Foundation and now he can finally give it back to someone. Yoko comes in and falls on his face for a double down, but Shawn steps on him and makes the hot tag to Diesel, who is still kinda sorta a babyface at this point. The Dudes the Rocket Launcher on Yoko for two, as Bulldog saves and hits his partner by mistake, and Shawn superkicks Yoko to the floor for the countout at 4:35 shown here. Good god this period was so lame. *

Razor Ramon v. Hunter Hearst Helmsley

Another one from these tapings, and we’re joined with Hunter beating on Razor in the corner and flirting with model Shae Marks at ringside. Hunter slugs him down and 1-2-3 Kid joins us at ringside and tries to feed Razor from a comically oversized baby bottle, drawing Razor out for a chase around the ring. And Razor just keeps running until he’s counted out at 3:23. Good lord this tape sucks. DUD.

Bret Hart v. Goldust

This is the introduction of Marlena, once again from the Stockton RAW taping the night after Royal Rumble 96, and it’s non-title. We’re immediately clipped to Bret working a hammerlock, but Goldust chokes him out in the corner and he also goes to work on the arm. Bret sends him to the floor and we’re clipped again to Goldust still working the arm, but Bret sends him to the floor and Goldust tries to run away. Razor makes the save and tosses him back in the ring as LITERALLY EVERY MATCH so far has had outside interference, and we’re clipped again to Bret putting Goldust away with the Sharpshooter at 4:33 shown. Just a bunch of hammerlocks. *

Fatu v. The Ringmaster

We’re over to Superstars for this one, as apparently Fatu eliminated the Ringmaster from the Royal Rumble, and now this Ringmaster fella will have to try it again next year. And the year after that, assumedly. Fatu misses a superkick and Ringmaster goes for the knee, wrapping his leg around the post and dropping an elbow on the throat while we get an inset promo from Ringmaster, wearing sunglasses indoors for some reason while Vince declares him to be STONE COLD. We take a break and Ringmaster continues working on the leg, but Fatu makes the comeback and hits a running cutter out of the corner. He goes to the top, but Dibiase trips him up and Ringmaster brings him down with a superplex and finishes with the Million Dollar Dream at 6:17, as Fatu’s struggles to escape make no difference. Well, all I can say is that I hope Fatu doesn’t hold a grudge against Steve Austin and do something he regrets later. **1/4

WWF title: Diesel v. Yokozuna

Holy crap, it’s a match I’ve never seen before! This appears to be from a Superstars taping in 1995, two nights after the In Your House III PPV. Diesel was going the horn with Yoko at this point, forcing them to downsize to secondary arenas because they couldn’t give away tickets. Diesel tries the powerbomb quickly, but Yoko blocks it and drops the leg on him. This sets up a butt splash attempt, but Diesel moves and pins him at 1:10. On the bright side, they didn’t have time to do an outside interference finish here. DUD

Hakushi v. The 1-2-3 Kid

Well back to those dire Stockton tapings after a couple of matches away from it. They trade takedowns and do some nice reversals off that, and Kid bails to the floor and talks it over with Ted Dibiase. I will say one good thing about this period: Dibiase changing from his goofy sequined sweat suit into a nice tailored suit was a 100% upgrade. Kid sends Hakushi to the floor and follows with a dive. Back in for the kicks in the corner and he follows with a dropkick and we take a break. Kid goes up and Hakushi catches him with a dropkick on the way down as Vince whines about legal action from Ted Turner, and Hakushi makes a comeback with a neckbreaker for two. Mule kick puts Kid on the floor and he follows with a springboard dive for a double down out there. Back in the ring, Hakushi gets two, but he misses a clothesline and Kid hits him with a spinkick for two. Hakushi reverses into a cradle for two and takes Kid down with a rana for two. But then he goes up and Kid brings him down with a superplex to finish at 8:00 shown. Best match of the tape by far. ***1/4

Diesel v. Isaac Yankem DDS

I’M SEEING DOUBLE HERE! This is another one from Superstars. Diesel hits him with a sideslam, but Yankem slugs him down and clotheslines him to the floor. Back in for a back elbow from Big Daddy Dentist, and he puts the boots to OG Diesel and chokes him out on the ropes. I can see why Vince thought he could switch these guys a year later, I’m having trouble telling the difference between them. If it wasn’t for Nash’s hair, it’d be like watching a pair of twin brothers have a shitty match on national TV. Not to be confused with the other times that Yankem had a shitty match with his other brother on national TV. Yankem goes up and misses a flying legdrop, just like Nash always does, and Diesel comes back with Snake Eyes but misses the big boot. Yankem drops the leg, which I believe he calls the Novo-Kane, but it only gets two. And then Diesel revs up and finishes with the POOCHIEBOMB at 5:54. This isn’t really enticing me to review 1995 Superstars. But hey, it’s an interesting match I’ve never seen before, so I’ll take it. *

Jake Roberts v. Tatanka

So this is from the Free 4 All show before In Your House VI, so that makes it a rarity by itself. Jake goes for the DDT a couple of times and Tatanka bails to the floor to escape. Back in, they criss-cross and Jake heads out to go after Dibiase, but that allows Tatanka to attack him on the way into the ring and choke him out to take over. Jake fights back and misses a blind charge. Tatanka goes for the finish, but Jake slips out and hits the DDT at 5:00. This was simple and fine. **

Bret Hart, Razor Ramon & Savio Vega v. Yokozuna, Owen Hart & Hakushi

This is another dark match from 1995 Superstars, joined with Yoko beating on Razor, but he misses a splash and it’s over to Savio. The heels work him over in the corner, but Savio backdrops Owen and Ramon comes in with the fallaway slam for two. Owen slugs away with forearms, but Razor fights back until Owen hits him with a leg lariat. Bret comes in and hits Hakushi with a DDT before going up with the middle rope elbow for two. Backbreaker and legdrop get two. Hakushi hits him with a shot to the throat and follows with a broncobuster in the corner, and Bret is the face in peril. Yoko slugs him down and chokes him out on the ropes, and Owen gets the OWENZUIGIRI for two. Owen with the chinlock and Bret fights out of that, so Owen hits him with a belly to belly for two before Razor makes the save. Back to the chinlock, and Yoko comes in for a double slam to set up a diving Hakushi headbutt. That misses and it’s hot tag Savio, who cradles Hakushi for two. Backslide gets two. Savio runs wild and knocks Owen and Yoko off the apron before tying Hakushi up in a version of the Octopus stretch, but Yoko breaks it up. Savio beats on Yoko and dives off him and onto Hakushi with a bodypress for two, as Yoko saves that as well. Savio goes back to the submission, but Owen saves this time. Owen and Hakushi double-team him, but Savio ducks under a clothesline and hits his own clothesline on Hakushi to finish clean as a sheet at 11:40. Well this was a refreshing change of pace for this tape. ***1/4

Razor Ramon v. Jeff Jarrett

Back to Superstars now from the February 8 1996 show, as Jarrett survives the initial flurry from Razor and hits him with a slingshot suplex for two. Dropkick gets two. Jarrett goes to a chinlock and takes Razor down with his feet on the ropes for two. Razor fights up and JJ clotheslines him for two. 1-2-3 Kid joins us to continue our run of outside interference here, armed with a baby stroller this time. Razor takes him out and heads back into the ring for a superplex on JJ, but Jeff sends him to the floor to escape the Razor’s Edge. They fight on the floor and Kid attacks with the STROLLER OF DEATH for the DQ at 6:00. But then Ahmed Johnson comes out to save and chases Jeff Jarrett all the way to WCW. **

Bret Hart v. The Undertaker

One last trip to Stockton for RAW in 1996 to end the tape. They slug it out and Taker chokes him out on the ropes and then chokes him out in the corner before slugging him down. Taker with the dreaded smother claw while Diesel joins us for commentary, and Bret counters the ropewalk with an armdrag. Bret goes to work on the knee in the corner while Diesel notes that Vince offered a pay increase in exchange for doing commentary work. Bret works the leg and Diesel lets us know that he’s got “one of those rechargeable flashlights at home” so he’s not scared of the darkness cast by the Undertaker. I should note he was playing complete babyface earlier in the same show and now he’s a shit talking heel on commentary. We’re clipped to a double down, but Taker sends Bret to the floor and runs him into the railing before choking him out back in the ring. Bret fights back and takes out the leg again after a ref bump, and that allows Diesel to leave his commentary position and attack Bret, ramming him into the post. I should note that the ref was out cold for so long that I actually forgot that he was bumped. Taker saves Bret, so Diesel grabs a chair and attacks him as well, taking him into the ring for the POOCHIEBOMB as the match just kind of meanders to a Sports Entertainment Finish at 10:00 or so. **. Diesel with another Poochiebomb, with twice the Poochie, and that’s where we end the tape.

I wouldn’t call it a standout entry or anything, but for what seemed like it was going to be a bunch of RAW matches from January 96, it turned into a fairly interesting mix of stuff from different sources. And it was all stuff I hadn’t seen a million times. So for me, that’s a win.