The SmarK Rant for AEW Dynamite – 12.04.24

The SmarK Rant for AEW Dynamite – 12.04.24

Hey, so today continued the grand winter tradition for me, namely slipping on the icy sidewalks of Saskatoon and taking a flat back bump in the process. Being old and tall is a bad combination in this town.

Live from Fishers, IN. I’ve never ever heard of the city before but the crowd sounds JACKED tonight.

Your hosts are Excalibur, Tony Schiavone & Daddy Magic

So the big news from the Continental Classic is that Juice Robinson is out, replaced by Kommander in the tournament. Obviously the sports bettors heard about the drastic swing in money going Juice’s way and decided to do something about it by taking him out.

Continental Classic Blue League: Kyle Fletcher v. Shelton Benjamin

They battle to a stalemate to start, as Kyle backs off and acts like a dick to annoy Shelton and the crowd, prompting a cheapshot in the ropes from Shelty B. Shelton with a high suplex, but Fletcher takes them both to the floor with a Cactus clothesline as we take a break. We also learn that although Don Callis is not from Saskatchewan, he follows our lead in not observing Daylight Savings Time. Back with them slugging it out and Benjamin clotheslines him to the floor for a nice bump from Fletcher and then bounces him between the apron and the railing. But Shelton charges and Kyle runs him into the ringpost, which gets a nine count. Back in, Fletcher gets two. They slug it out and Kyle hits him with an enzuigiri and Michinoku Driver for two. Benjamin fires back with his own kick and powerbombs him for two, then switches into a nasty STF, nearly bending Kyle in half with it, but he makes the ropes. “Why are they booing?” wonders Don Callis. Shelton teases a superkick, but Kyle hits him with his own first and goes up with a flying elbow for two. Fletcher charges in and Shelton hits the superkick this time and puts him down with a german suplex pair. And the crowd is so hyped for it that he does it a THIRD time for fun, and then puts Fletcher onto the apron with a knee strike. Back in with a sunset flip for two for Kyle, and a rollup with a handful of the ropes finishes at 15:49. So it’s 6 points for Fletcher and another banger for Benjamin. ***1/2.

Meanwhile, on Collision, Daniel Garcia battles to a draw with Okada.

Hook joins us, and he wants Christian at the Hammerstein Ballroom later in the month, and Nick Wayne TONIGHT IN THIS VERY RING. But then Christian provides distraction and the Patriarchy attacks for the 3-on-1 beatdown. And Hook gets his hand smashed with a conchairto. They should give him a hook for a hand now, although that might be a bit too on the nose.

Meanwhile, Mercedes Mone clarifies that Kamille quit and she’s no longer liable for her.

Meanwhile, MVP wants better out of Shelton Benjamin, who completely failed to hurt anyone so far tonight. So he grabs a passing intern and hurts him instead. And MVP is much happier with that.

Dynamite Dozen Battle Royale:

So the rules for this one have changed again, as the last two guys here (Kyle O’Reilly and Adam Cole obviously) will face each other next week for the right to then face MJF at the PPV for the ring. Evil Uno does some wacky spots with Cole but gets quickly thrown out by Mark Davis. Top Flight does a mini match with Cage & Archer as this thing is so dull that it’s already killed the crowd. Rush and Andretti turn on Top Flight and knock them out of the ring, and then Mark Davis runs wild for a bit and then the Murder Machines put him out as we take a break. Rush and Action go after Rocky Romero, but Action gets kicked out of the ring by O’Reilly and then Rush gets tossed out as well. Rocky gets tossed out by Cage & Archer and Cole kicks Butcher off the apron and out. So that leaves the obvious final four, with Cole, O’Reilly, Cage and Archer. Cage and Archer both tease elimination and hang on for a comeback, but Cole and Kyle clear them out for the win at 10:11. I love how everyone is unified in their hatred of this entire storyline, so they’re doubling down on it now and stretching it out even longer. Kind of a shitty battle royale with a couple of cool spots from Lio Rush.

Meanwhile, Julia Hart has another spooky video for Jamie Hayter.

Meanwhile, Max Caster continues fragmenting the Acclaimed with his claims of being the Best Wrestler Alive and not a lot of evidence to back it up.

Swerve Strickland v. Max Caster

Max’s rap is a little too spicy towards Swerve, so Swerve suplexes him and sends him to the floor with a grumpy look on his face. Max hits a springboard dropkick back in the ring, but Swerve pops up with a house call kick to leave Caster ragdolled, and then another pair of them mercifully ends it at 2:28. That’s actually a rarity for TK, as usually the rising star wouldn’t get squashed so decisively by the star in this situation. And Max is still moving, so Swerve hits him with a Swerve Stomp to really make his point. Honestly this was kind of a no-win situation because either Swerve loses to someone who is WAY below him, or Caster has his singles push cut off immediately, so I’m not even sure why they booked it in the first place.

Meanwhile, MJF continues phoning in his promos. Anyone wanna bet they’re lazy enough to book a draw next week and do a three-way at the PPV?

Pac v. Jay White

White continues to be even more miscast as a babyface than Adam Cole is. White beats on Pac with chops and sends him to the floor, then teases an early Blade Runner as Pac retreats to the floor. Back in the ring, White beats on him in the corner and adds a backdrop for two before sending him to the floor for a front suplex on the apron, THE HARDEST PART OF THE RING. Back in, that gets one. White tries a springboard and Wheeler Yuta yanks him to the floor and beats on him out there as we take a break. Back with Pac in control in the ring, but White suplexes him into the corner and adds a DDT for two. Pac hits a german suplex and White hits a uranage and it’s a double down. Jay is up first, but he charges and hits boot in the corner, allowing Pac to go up. Black Arrow misses and they trade finisher attempts until Jay hits the sleeper suplex. Pac counters the Blade Runner into a standing Brutalizer in a crazy reversal while Jay bleeds from the mouth, and Jay collapses into the ropes to break. But Wheeler again interferes, pulling White out for a bu saiku knee, and back in Pac goes to finish, but Jay reverses to the Blade Runner at 13:33. Man, Wheeler is so irritating that it even made people believe in Jay White as a babyface here. ***1/2. So then Jay takes out Yuta with a very satisfying Blade Runner, but Marina comes out and distracts him so that Moxley can lay him out. And this brings out Hangman for a staredown with Moxley, but the camera guy reveals himself to Orange Cassidy, all fired up after Full Gear, and the babyfaces actually WIN A FIGHT FOR ONCE! Moxley gets up from that, so Hangman blasts him with the Buckshot Lariat and clearly we have the four-way main event for the PPV here. This was such a breath of fresh air after weeks of Moxley running roughshod.

Meanwhile, Chris Jericho hypes up the ROH Final Battle PPV and gets the city wrong, before announcing that he’ll announce his opponent on ROH tomorrow night.

Anna Jay v. Penelope Ford

They trade shots to start and Penelope takes her into the turnbuckles with a drop toehold, but they brawl to the floor and Anna goes into the stairs as we take a break. Back with Ford hitting the handspring in the corner, but she goes up and Anna brings her down for a Perfect necksnap that gets two. Nice callout from Daddy Magic there too. Ford comes back with a pump kick and Ford tries the cutter, but Anna reverses to the choke. Ford reverses that into the cutter, but it only gets two. Ford goes up and misses a moonsault, and Anna hits her with a shotgun dropkick, and Ford hits her own for two. They’re getting a little sloppy and they need to take a breath and calm down. Ford with the bridging deathlock, but Anna makes the ropes and finishes with the Gory Bomb at 8:53. Fell apart a bit at the end but it was a lot of fun and very much overachieved. ***

This brings out Mercedes, who thinks Anna should come back in 10 years if she wants a title shot, but Anna slaps her down, so Mercedes suddenly realizes she has a prior engagement and leaves.

Meanwhile, Mariah May sits down with Renee and puts herself over as a great friend for giving Mina a title shot next week. Because “shaking your tits” only gets you so far and eventually you have to work. So Mina interrupts and tells Mariah to hit her with the champagne bottle to her face this time.

Continental Classic Gold League: Brody King v. Claudio Castagnoli

They slug it out to start and trade bombs, and Brody gets a senton for two. Claudio dropkicks the knee and hits him with a double stomp in the corner before going to work on the arm as we take a break. Back with Claudio continuing on the arm, but Brody hits a death valley driver for two. Claudio with the Swiss Death forearm for two. Claudio with the hammer elbows, but Brody powers out of that and puts him down with a lariat for two. Brody hits him with the cannonball for two. Claudio tries a springboard forearm, but Brody blasts him down with an elbow for two. Claudio goes up and Brody brings him down with a superplex and a piledriver for two. Claudio wisely retreats to the floor to regroup, but Brody follows him out and beats on him with chops before charging and running himself into the railing. So Claudio dumps him into the front row, but Brody somehow beats the count. Claudio tries one more lariat, but Brody hits him with a preemptive lariat of his own and that gets two. Claudio escapes the Ganso Bomb, then hits him in the nuts and finishes with the Neutralizer at 14:22 to get another 3 points. ****

I’m digging the C2 tournament matches and it was great to see the babyfaces actually standing tall this week, but goddamn that Adam Cole situation is just killing the midcard. They desperately need to pivot in another direction with it. Otherwise, a solid episode of pro graps tonight, although all the muscle relaxers probably helped my enjoyment a lot.