The SmarK Rant for AEW Dynamite – 09.04.24

The SmarK Rant for AEW Dynamite – 09.04.24

Live from Milwaukee, WI

Your hosts are Excalibur, Tony Schiavone & Taz

Daniel Garcia joins us to start, and he’s OFF THE FOMRAT SHEET and wants to break MJF’s neck tonight. So Max shows up in the skybox and would rather wait so there’s no cowardice or excuses. Also Daniel is looking like “an emaciated skinhead hooked on Ozempic”, which seems a tad harsh. So Garcia goes even lower with a shot at MJF’s hair transplant, which DIDN’T EVEN WORK. Insert meme of that rap battle guy here. And then he points out that Max has had trouble maintaining a relationship for more than a year. But then MJF has to get another 5 minutes of promo time in to get himself over again and goes with the slutty mama joke, which finally triggers Garcia enough to try to attack. And he takes a wineglass in the face as a result of being a hothead. And Max kisses him on the bloody forehead for good measure. I don’t normally like Garcia’s chances in this situation but since he just signed a big new contract I can see AEW putting him over to really rub it in WWE’s face.

Meanwhile, The Conglomeration accepts Will Ospreay as an honorary member tonight, which prompts a wacky phone call between Kyle and Mark Briscoe to discuss the situation. And the word of the day is STUPENDOUS.

Continental title: Kazuchika Okada v. Kyle Fletcher

Shockingly, Fletcher actually WON A MATCH on Collision to set this up, although his win streak will likely end at one. Kind of like the Blue Jays. They trade wristlocks and Fletcher takes him down with a chinlock, but Okada reverses out and goes for the Rainmaker, which Fletcher evades. Fletcher with a kick to put Okada on the floor and he follows with a dive as we take a break. Back with them slugging it out, and Kyle puts him down with a lariat and slugs away in the corner. Spinning slam gets two. Fletcher fights for a piledriver, but Okada counters him into the neckbreaker and goes up with the elbow before REALLY building up the Rainmaker pose for real this time and flipping us off. One of these days they’re gonna turn him insta-face by having him really do it. Kyle sends him to the floor to buy some time and avoid another Rainmaker, but he goes after Okada and walks into a DDT, like losing a game of knifey-spooney. They fight on the apron and Okada drops him on his head on THE HARDEST PART OF THE RING and both guys are down and out on the floor as we take another break. Back with Okada wrapping up Fletcher in a top wristlock, but Fletcher counters out of that and hits him with superkicks. To the top for a superplex, but Okada lands on his feet and dropkicks Fletcher to the floor. So they fight out there and Fletcher just casually hits him with a brainbuster onto the railing and then dives onto him in the crowd. Back in the ring, Kyle goes up and drops his own elbow before giving us his own Rainmaker pose, but Okada escapes the tombstone and puts him down with a lariat. I sense the pose was a bad idea. The fans chant “one more time”, so Okada obliges with another lariat, and then hits the Okada Dropkick, but Fletcher does manage to hit his tombstone for two. Fletcher goes up and Okada is way out of postion, so he slams him on the other side and goes up again, but this time Okada hides behind the ref, and then kicks him in the nuts and hits the Rainmaker to retain at 19:15. Okada just casually throwing out great matches on TV here like some kind of showoff. Nice little story at the end with Fletcher getting too cocky and paying the price. ****1/2

Meanwhile, Swerve Strickland uses his big fat business-killing contract to buy back his childhood home, and he celebrates with Prince Nana. I kinda hope Hangman breaks in and burns it down or something. Think of the heat!

Jamie Hayter v. Robyn Renegade

I forget if I made this point last week, but Jamie Hayter has to be driving the marketing people NUTS because she’s seemingly unable to maintain a physical appearance and color scheme for more than a week or two. Hayter fires off a lariat but Renegade gets double knees in the corner. They fight to the apron and Robyn stomps her out there, but Hayter comes back with a powerslam in the ring and then hits a pair of backbreakers and finishes with the Hayterade at 2:25.

Meanwhile, Roderick Strong continues complaining about his foot under the ropes last week, but doesn’t want to face Hook for the title tonight.

Meanwhile, Jon Moxley and new companion Marina Shafir destroy some people backstage. Oh and he thinks Jack Perry is a sweet kid, no matter what people say.

Jon Moxley joins us with his off-putting new music and attitude, still looking for Darby Allin. But Darby isn’t there, so he leaves again. The man just wants to talk!

Meanwhile, Chris Jericho is still bitter about the jacket atrocity of 2020. $7000 is a lot of money. So Orange stops by and tells Bryan Keith to tell Jericho that he’ll pay up the $7000 in cash if Bryan wins their match. Some hilarious shade from Orange with Jericho standing right there.

AEW Women’s World title: Mariah May v. Nyla Rose

Nyla goes after Mariah in the corner and they get into a slap exchange and May can’t get anywhere with a takedown attempt. So Nyla puts him down with a crossbody and a legdrop for two. Mariah necks her on the top and goes up with a missile dropkick for two. We take a break and return with dueling headbutts for a double down. Nyla with a clothesline for two, but Mariah manages to send Nyla to the floor and suckers her into running into the stairs, for a 9 count. Back in the ring, Mariah catches her with a running knee and Storm Zero to retain at 10:05. Impressive showing from May here. ***

Meanwhile, Deonna Purrazzo is moving on from her losses to Thunder Rosa.

Mercedes Mone joins us and isn’t worried about Shida at All Out, but Christopher Daniels pops in and announces that Kamille is banned from ringside for the show. This was fine but Shida is a weird choice for a PPV challenger.

Meanwhile, the Elite will not have a happy ending for Bryan Danielson at All Out.

Orange Cassidy, Will Ospreay & Kyle O’Reilly v. Claudio Castagnoli, Pac & Wheeler Yuta

Kyle and Yuta trade takedowns while Taz bemoans the lack of flying mares these days in wrestling. Kyle and Yuta trade armbar attempts, but Orange comes in and goes for the pockets, which prompts Wheeler to attack him and they slug it out. Over to Pac, and he wants Ospreay, so we get that showdown as they do some tumbling and battle to a stalemate. We take a break and return with Yuta hitting a german suplex on Orange for two. Orange goes for the tag, but Yuta hits him with another one for another two. Orange with his own, but Claudio breaks up the tag attempt and then pummels Orange with forearms in the corner to set up a superplex from Pac. Orange blocks that, so Pac tosses him into a Brutalizer and Ospreay has to make the save. So the BCC takes the babyfaces to the floor and beats on them out there, and BCC hits Orange with a Fastball Special for two. Very appropriate with X-Men ’97 all the rage with the kids at the moment. BCC works on Orange in the corner but he desperately escapes them all and makes the hot tag to Ospreay. He runs wild and puts Yuta down with the corkscrew kick and we take a break. Back with Orange getting beat up again by Claudio, but he comes back and takes Claudio to the floor and everyone goes crazy with dives. Ospreay hauls Pac to the entrance ramp for some revenge from last week and dives onto him with a 450 senton to the floor to get rid of him. Back in the ring, Orange makes the comeback with a diving DDT on Claudio, but the Orange Punch misses. So O’Reilly helps out with some kicks and Orange hits a Beach Break on Claudio for two. They double-team Claudio with kicks, but Yuta stops the Orange Punch. So Kyle puts Claudio in a guillotine choke and hangs on like a tick. So Claudio powers him off and lays him out with an uppercut, setting up the Giant Swing. And that finishes at 19:38. Kind of a flat finish as poor Kyle jobs again. Another great match tonight. ****1/4. And the Elite hit the ring and Perry lays out Bryan Danielson while he celebrates with the BCC, but they make their own comeback and chase them out of the ring. And Claudio informs them that he’s in a belt collecting mood and now he wants the tag team titles. So shockingly, the Bucks are going to defend the tag team titles TWICE in a two week period! I hope they can maintain that manic pace without gassing themselves.

Meanwhile, Pac and Ospreay continue their fight in the backstage area and Pac hits him with a brainbuster on some equipment boxes.

Man, what’s with them stealing CM Punk’s star gimmick for the All Out graphics? RENT FREE.

Main Event Contract Signing: Hangman Page v. Swerve Strickland

I gotta ask, is Bruce Pritchard booking these shows or something? They’ve done the contract signing gimmick WAY too much this year. Hangman fails to show up for his end of the signing, and indeed we learn that he’s in SWERVE’S HOUSE. So Hangman tells a tale of how Swerve’s family regretted ever having him around. And since Hangman has to make a choice, he chooses HATE and HOLY SHIT HE ACTUALLY DOES BURN THE MAN’S CHILDHOOD HOUSE DOWN. I was just joking about it and THEY FUCKING DID IT! And Hangman tells him to say goodbye to ever holding the AEW World title again, and say goodbye to ever feeling any joy or happiness again. And most all, goodbye to his house, which goes up in flames to end the show. Man, now THAT’S a personal grudge. Also I didn’t hear what the crowd was chanting at the end but if it was “THIS IS ARSON” then they should get a PPV or something to reward them.

Two hot matches and a HOT (see what I did there?) angle with big HEAT (I’m on fire tonight!) made for a pretty great show to do the hard sell for All Out. I look forward and Swerve and Hangman doing violent things to each other on Saturday and count everything else as a bonus.