The SmarK Rant for AEW Dynamite – 08.07.24

The SmarK Rant for AEW Dynamite – 08.07.24

Live from Winston-Salem, NC

Your hosts are Taz, Excalibur & Tony Schiavone

AEW American title eliminator: MJF v. Kyle Fletcher

MJF makes sure to share his opinions on North Carolina, but Fletcher gets a small package for two and a sunset flip for two. Kyle with the FULL BODY LIFT AND SLAM and MJF bails and then takes over and works the arm. Max with the double arm shoulderbreaker and he continues working on the arm, and a gut wrench gets two. He sets up the return of the KANGAROO KICK, but Kyle counters with a superkick and slugs away in the corner. Kyle with the spinning slam for two and he dropkicks MJF to the floor and follows with a tope. Back in, Max runs away again, so Fletcher hits him with a moonsault to the floor. Back in the ring, Kyle goes up and MJF bails yet again, but Fletcher charges and Max runs him into the railing as a result. But then he stops to steal a fan’s hat, and that allows Kyle to toss him into the front row and hit him with a dive over the railing. Back in the ring, Fletcher goes up and drops a flying elbow on him for two. Kyle tries a tombstone and Max rolls him up for two and then takes out the arm again before hitting him with a hammerlock DDT for two. Fletcher gets fired up while MJF calls him a “wannabe Ospreay”, and they slug it out and fight to a double down. Fletcher gets two off that, but Maxwell switches to the armbar and Fletcher rolls him over in a cradle for two. Fletcher with a running kick in the corner and they go to the top, where Max tries the top rope tombstone, which Fletcher blocks and cradles for two. Kyle with his own tombstone for a VERY HOT two count, but this brings Don Callis out to give Kyle the SCREWDRIVER OF DEATH. But Kyle has a conscience and doesn’t use it, which allows Max to go low and hit the KANGAROO KICK and brainbuster to finish at 17:40. Kyle Fletcher is awesome and this was a BANGER. ****1/2. Afterwards, Max lays him out with the diamond ring to bust him open, which is weird because I thought Australians bled a purple color like Klingons in Star Trek VI, and then Will Ospreay makes the save. Ospreay and MJF are having great matches and the issue is easy to understand and makes sense, but the actual feud continues to feel flat.

Mariah May v. Viva Van

Mariah immediately hits Van with a headbutt and a release german suplex. Mariah with a missile dropkick and she puts the boots to Van in the corner. Van gets a rollup for two, but Mariah dropkicks her again as we take a break. Back with Mariah continuing to squash Van with a pair of knee strikes and Storm Zero to finish at 6:35. Afterwards, someone presents Mariah with a giant poster of Mariah and Toni in happier times, with “The, Mariah, The” written in German on the back. And the delivery person turns out to be GENE PARMESAN! AAAAAAH! No wait it’s Toni and they get into a huge brawl.

Meanwhile, Jack Perry smashes up a bunch of innocent CRT TVs. Man, do you know how many retro video game systems you could hook up to those things?

Bryan Keith v. Katsuyori Shibata

Jericho notes that even though his match with Murder Grampa was “awarded four stars by Dave Meltzer” he still suffered a broken finger. Tragic. Also proof that anyone who didn’t like that match is objectively wrong. Shibata goes after Keith’s arm and they fight to the floor, where Keith goes after Shibata’s arm in turn. Back in the ring, they slug it out and Keith gets a suplex for two. Big Bill confirms that although 100 days as FTW is impressive, 109 is even more days. THE MATH CHECKS OUT! Shibata comes back with the IRON CLAW and finishes with the armbar at 7:08. Just a basic TV match. **. Afterwards the Learning Tree all attacks Shibata, but Hook makes his return from fireball injury and cleans house.

Meanwhile, Orange Cassidy is the only Conglomerate member who was able to make it to the show tonight, but he’s found a couple of local boys who are looking for a fight.

Meanwhile, Hangman Page might be delayed in his justice against Swerve, but justice will come eventually. Maybe at the same time as the new AEW TV deal finally gets announced, who knows?

Meanwhile, Jim Ross sits down with Swerve, and goddamn is it getting sad to see Jim on TV. He is in way worse shape than anyone was letting on. Swerve promises to beat Danielson and take his legacy.

Orange Cassidy & local talent v. The Beast Mordos, Rush & Roderick Strong

Orange’s friends are local North Carolina competitors known as “FTR”. Seems like they’re big Bret Hart fans, but then who isn’t? Strong gets worked over in the babyface corner with elbows, and Orange dropkicks Strong out of the ring and we get hands in pockets all around. We take a break and return with Cash getting triple-teamed by the heels with a samoan drop from Mordos for two. Strong comes in with a chinlock, but Dax gets the hot tag and runs wild before cradling Strong for two. Middle rope clothesline gets two. They fight to the top and Strong escapes, bringing Mordos in with a swanton for two. Dax bails and the Kingdom geeks attack him out there while the heels work on Orange in their corner, and we take another break. Back with Dax fighting for the tag, but Strong cuts off Cash, so Orange comes in instead and cleans house. Tornado DDT on Mordos, but he gets distracted and speared. Orange takes out Rush with the Beach Break, but it only gets one. So they all fight to the floor while Rush beats on Dax, but walks into the Orange Punch. And FTR gives him the Shatter Machine and pins him at 17:50. Rush does a JOB?!? This felt very filler to me but it was a solid use of 20 minutes. ***. Afterwards, the Acclaimed comes out and jobs to a bad microphone, and then gets into a brawl with FTR. Does NOBODY in this promotion want the tag team titles anymore? Why did the Bucks even bother winning that tournament when their whole gimmick is now that they don’t ever want to defend the titles or even wrestle? Why not at least put the two dipshits from ROH on TV and let THEM defend their tag team titles even.

Meanwhile, the Patriarchy sets up a Bang Bang Gang v. House of Black match for Collision, with the winner getting a title shot at All In.

Meanwhile, we get a video hyping up Hologram over on Collision. Hey, at least they’re doing stuff to actually make people remember that the show exists this week.

Kamille v. Jasmine Hao & Clara Carter

These local geeks look like the female version of 80s Crockett jobbers. Kamille tosses them around and finishes with a Dominator at 1:33. Afterwards, Mercedes informs us that Britt is suspended so she won’t be here tonight, but Christopher Daniels via Tony Khan via Tony Schiavone informs us that Britt is un-suspended, but she’s still not here and does a satellite interview instead and promises to be there next week. This segment was so flat that it might as well have been Britt’s ass and probably should have just been left on the cutting room floor. Also I feel like I’m screaming into the wind with this but they really need to stop having Mercedes out there in 18 inch heels standing next to supposed giant Kamille because they end up looking the same height and it ruins the entire point of a heater.

Anything Goes: Bryan Danielson v. Jeff Jarrett

Ricky Steamboat was advertised as the special referee but he just ends up on commentary instead. What’s up with that? Jarrett hits him with a guitar on the way to the ring, which goes against his recent babyface turn but falls under “tough love” apparently. JJ beats on him with a chair and they fight into the crowd, and then up to the concourse as Jarrett gives him the old garbage can to the head. Bryan fights back with kicks, but Jarrett suplexes him onto another trash can. Jeff slugs away as Bryan bumps into the circle of fans, but he comes back with another suplex on the can and we take a break. Back with them in the ring for the first time as JJ slugs away in the corner, but Danielson fights back with an elbow and tosses Jarrett for a dive. Bryan fights back with more kicks on the floor, but misses a charge and bounces off the railing. Although Jarrett treats it like it hit and sells it. Bryan dives off the apron and Jeff hits him with a chair on the way down. Back in the ring, Jarrett with the Pillmanizing attempt, but Bryan uses the man’s own chair against him and follows with a missile dropkick. But Jarrett absorbs the kicks and takes Bryan down with the figure-four. So Bryan grabs the chair and smashes Jeff’s knee to break free, but Jarrett blocks the Lebell Lock and gets the Stroke on the chair for two. Jarrett with a Sharpshooter this time, but Bryan reverses him into the Lebell Lock and Jarrett goes after the fingers to break. They slug it out until Jarrett gets the enzuigiri, but Bryan grabs the chair again and uses it for a bu saiku knee to finish at 15:34. Who had “Jeff Jarrett having a second AEW career revival in 2024” on their bingo card? Hell of a Memphis brawl that lived up to everything I was expecting. ****1/4. Yet another proof that Jeff Jarrett should be the one main eventing All In, if we’re being 100% honest with ourselves.

Afterwards, this brings out Swerve while Wheeler Yuta backs up Bryan in the ring, and Swerve again promises to absorb Bryan’s legacy into his own. And if he’s feeling beat up after Jeff Jarrett, imagine what Swerve will do. So Swerve wants a warmup and challenges Wheeler Yuta for next week.

This was kind of a Dynamite speciality, with a great opener and a great main event and a lot of nothing in the middle. But I sure enjoyed the hell out of both the great matches this week so that’s a thumbs up from me, even if I would have fast-forwarded through the rest of the show were I not reviewing it.