The SmarK Rant for AEW Dynamite – 05.07.25

The SmarK Rant for AEW Dynamite – 05.07.25

I missed last week due to the Vegas trip and honestly didn’t even really check results, so hopefully I can keep up this week. Still on vacation, and apparently about halfway through the original Super Mario RPG on SNES, which is a BANGER of a game by the way. I know, hot take, but I had somehow never played it before now. I should also note that I’ve been off work for a couple of weeks now and NOBODY HAS DIED. Well nobody notable at least.

Unless you want to count the Pope, which I DO NOT.

Live from Detroit MI in a SUPER COOL theater layout.

Your hosts are Excalibur, Tony Schiavone & Taz, who has NOT yet won the papacy because there hasn’t been orange smoke as of this writing. Conclave Jones over here. But I digress.

Hangman Page joins us to start, and he’s not really sure why people are accepting him as a babyface. He was looking for REVENGE on Swerve and he found it and nearly killed him (crowd cheers this) but sadly he didn’t feel closure, he felt nothing. So then Will Ospreay interrupts and they have a staredown, prompting the crowd to sing Happy Birthday to him. Ospreay actually calls back to the Dark Order and notes that he’s not gonna be the victim of Page’s crusade to redeem himself on the way to the AEW World title. Also he’s been doing all the media and photos for the company while Page was sulking. But before they can come to blows, the Don Callis Family interrupts, and Don challenges them to a tag match NEXT WEEK.

FTR interrupts the match rundown, as Stokely seems to think that Tony Schiavone’s acceptance of their apology was not sincere, and lays the badmouth on him until Tony stands up for himself and FTR tells him to calm down and sets their sights on Nigel and Daniel Garcia for Collision instead.

Meanwhile, Harley Cameron has Anna Jay’s back tonight, and probably a handful of her ass as well.

Eliminator match: Tony Storm v. Anna Jay v. Thunder Rosa v. Penelope Ford

So how does this work, exactly? The loser of the fall is the one “eliminated” from title contention? Anna takes Ford to the floor for a brawl while Rosa dropkicks Toni on the ropes. Rosa with a cradle on Ford for two. Penelope comes back with a dropkick on the ropes for two, but Anna hits a neckbreaker on Ford for two. Toni breaks that up and gets a fisherman’s suplex for two, but Ford kicks her in the female yambags to break it up and everyone bails to the floor. Rosa dives onto the pile and we take a break. Back with Anna getting a cradle on Rosa for two and they fight to the floor again, where Ford moonsaults the pile this time. Back in, Ford misses a handspring and Toni hits the hip attack on Ford and Anna, setting up a double-team from Thunderstorm. This brings Megan Bayne out to attack everyone, but Anna stands up to her and Megan lays her out as a result. So Harley saves her friend with a lead pipe and chases Megan to the back. So Ford tries the Mutalock on Anna, but she leaves her crotch exposed to Toni Storm, who kicks her RIGHT IN THE LADY YAMBAGS and then PROCURES THE CHICKENWING to win at 10:34. So I guess all three are eliminated from contention? Strange that they never addressed that eventuality, since it was the finish and all. Very fun, fast paced match. ***1/4

The Hurt Syndicate join us and MVP is still looking for tag team title challengers. So that brings out Top Flight, but MJF cuts off their challenge and beats up both Martins. Max notes that he also likes hurting people, really doing the hard sell for Bobby, but the decision will apparently come next week.

Meanwhile, the Elite are curious why Ricochet wants to team with them tonight. I bet there’s gonna be some flips in that match tonight! But the Death Riders are waiting in the locker room.

ROH World TV title: Nick Wayne v. Rhino

Well that was a poorly kept secret but it makes sense for Christian and all. Wayne dodges him and hits a missile dropkick before choking him out in the corner and going to a chinlock. Nick misses a standing moonsault and Rhino comes back with clotheslines and a belly to belly out of the corner, but Sabian takes the ref and Christian trips Rhino up. But he hits a spinebuster for two anyway. Goar misses and Nick hits a Killswitch to finish clean at 3:24. This was OK but it’s not like Rhino is gonna be doing 10 minute matches on TV at his age. *1/2

Meanwhile, Rush is a tad upset at Kevin Knight for costing him $100,000 on Collision.

Mark Briscoe, Swerve Strickland & Mike Speedball Bailey v. The Young Bucks & Ricochet

The Bucks leave Ricochet on his own to start and Swerve beats him down in the corner as a result and follows with a big boot. Speedball comes in with a rana off Swerve’s shoulders, which gets two. But finally the Bucks help out and we get triple sentons before they all run away. So the Bucks again throw Ricochet to the wolves and the babyfaces hit them with triple dives as a result. Back in the ring, Briscoe and Bailey team up with their martial arts on Ricochet, but the Bucks have to clean up for Ric AGAIN and do their Young Bucks things to bail him out. Finally Ricochet hits a 450 on Speedball and we take a break. Back with Briscoe taking the beating, but he makes a hot tag to Speedball, who runs wild and hits the shooting star on Matt for two. Falcon Arrow and he goes up, but Nick stops him, so Mike takes Nick off the apron with a rana, sending him crashing into Matt on the floor. Back in the ring, he misses a shooting star on Matt, but recovers with a Spanish fly for two. And then everyone goes nuts with big moves and everyone is out. The Bucks cut off the tag, so Bailey kicks the shit out of them and brings Swerve in, and he is a HOUSE OF FIRE. Sorry, too soon. He stops to dance, but Ricochet charges, so Swerve tosses him out and finishes the dance before suplexing both Bucks at once. The faces triple-team Matt and Briscoe drops the froggy bow for two, but Nick saves. And we get ANOTHER run of big moves, but Matt gets the inside cradle on Swerve and pins him at 14:00. Oh man we’re building to Bucks v. Swerve & Hangman at All In, aren’t we? Anyway, you can probably guess what I’m going to give this one, and that’s the greatest rating of all: PARTY MATCH! ****1/2

Meanwhile, MJF thinks that Will Ospreay is “the reason they put directions on shampoo bottles” but wants him to win the title at All In so he can get another shot at it.

Meanwhile, Jamie Hayter sits down with Renee, and she’s unimpressed with Mercedes and doesn’t claim to be the best or biggest or anything. Also the back injury isn’t relevant, but before she can finish the promo, Mercedes storms in and attacks to end it on a cliffhanger. So they battle into the arena “in the little gimmick balcony there” in Taz’s words, but Hayter wins that battle before Mercedes blindsides her again while she’s busy standing tall.

Meanwhile, Willow and Kris Statlander continue their strained friendship, and that leads to a match tomorrow night.

Kazuchika Okada v. Kevin Knight

Sadly, Knight gets attacked by Rush before he even makes it to the ring, and to be fair he was warned about that. Speedball comes out to save and that probably is gonna lead to a kickass tag team match soon as well. Okada’s unconcerned reaction to the whole thing is great. But Knight decides to give it a go anyway, and Okada immediately DDTs him for two. Okada with a giant faceplant for two. He puts Knight on the top rope and dropkicks him to the floor as we take a break. Back with Knight making a comeback with a rana for two, but Okada catches him with the neckbreaker and goes up with the elbowdrop. I’m kind of amazed that he’s been trolling people with the Rainmaker pose for over a year now and the crowds still buy into it like Lucy with the football. Knight reverses the Rainmaker into a cradle for two, but he goes up and hits Okada’s knees with a splash before coming back with a dropkick. But then he tries a dropkick and Okada hits him in midair and finishes with the Rainmaker at 9:07. But then he adds another pair of Rainmakers before Speedball saves again. ***1/2

Meanwhile, Don Callis is sick of the Outrunners and tells them to get a pair of partners to face his Family tomorrow night.

Samoa Joe v. Claudio Castagnoli

They fight for the lockup and Claudio gets a cheapshot, but Joe goes for the choke right away and Claudio desperately makes the ropes. Taz: “Thanks for telling me about the ropes, I don’t know much about how to get submissions on people obviously.” They brawl to the floor and Claudio deadlifts him and drops him on the railing, but he charges and runs into a uranage on the floor. Back in the ring, they trade chops and Joe hits him with an enzuigiri in the corner, but Claudio takes out the arm and we take a break. Back with Claudio trying a cobra sleeper, but Joe powerslams him for two. Big boot and senton gets two. Claudio comes back with a lariat for two, but Joe escapes the Neutralizer, so Claudio puts him down with the springboard forearm. Giant Swing is countered into the choke, however, and Claudio taps at 10:09. The Death Riders try for the beatdown, but in this case Powerhouse Hobbs hits the ring first and they murder Claudio a bit more to end the show. ***

Damn good show this week, with a hot Detroit crowd and another cool location. Felt like a good mix of storyline advancement and good in-ring stuff this time.