The SmarK Rant for AEW Dynamite – 05.01.24

The SmarK Rant for AEW Dynamite – 05.01.24

Live from Winnipeg, MB. I chose not to attend this year, by the way.

Your hosts are Taz, Tony Schiavone & Excalibur

Tony Khan joins us from Jacksonville, still wearing his neck brace like a trooper. Sadly the signal is interrupted by someone unknown, which leaves Matthew & Nicholas Jackson in charge of the show due to Iron Clad Contracts (with a founder’s clause). Luckily they have assembled a new show opening, featuring much more of the Elite than before.

Swerve Strickland joins us to start, and he’s already throwing shade at the EVPs. What’s what they call a Career Limiting Move in the corporate world. Swerve doesn’t know who he’s facing, so he invites whoever it is to come join him. But then the Bucks interrupt, offended by his badmouthing (see what I said?) so they send out Christian Cage as the first challenger. Christian teases us with a promo, but then just hits Swerve with the microphone and beats him down before hitting the Killswitch on the belt. Christian brings up Swerve’s attack on Nick Wayne at the gym and losing at All In last year and then rips out a piece of his hair. Boy this really came off flat. Christian is a TV challenger at this point, not a PPV one. Hopefully they have something bigger on the undercard to carry things.

Meanwhile, the House of Black is playing coy about who is challenging Copeland tonight.

TNT title: Adam Copeland v. Buddy Matthews

Copeland grabs a headlock to start and Buddy reverses to his own and then takes Copeland to the floor with a headscissors. Back in the ring, Adam tosses him and then follows with a dive as we take a break. This crowd sounds like they’re taking a break too. Back with Copeland trying a shoulderblock from the apron, but Buddy counters him with a draping DDT for the double down. Buddy chokes him out on the ropes and goes to a lengthy chinlock, but Adam fights out and they head to the top rope before taking a bump to the floor on either side. Back in the ring, they collide on a spear attempt for another double down and we take another break as medics take a look at Buddy. Back with Buddy coming back with a powerbomb for two. Back to the top and they fight for the superplex, but Copeland brings him down with a DDT for two. He sets up for the spear, but Buddy counters with kicks for two and goes to a crossface, but Copeland rolls him over for two. Another spear is countered with a knee strike, but Copeland spears him and pins him at 21:30 to retain. This one took a while to get going, to say the least. Not sure why the crowd was so incredibly dead for it, either. **1/2. Afterwards, Adam grabs a pair of chairs and prepares to finish Buddy off. So Malakai comes out to stop him, but then tells Copeland to go ahead and do it, before the lights go out and they vanish mysteriously.

Samoa Joe v. Isiah Kassidy

I kind of wish they’d make up their minds with either calling him “Zay” or “Isiah Kassidy” on a consistent basis. Also this is brought to you by Flair’s energy drink, which is thankfully not available here in Canada. Kassidy disrespects Joe’s towel to start, which probably won’t end well for him, and Joe throws him into the air for a faceplant and slugs away in the corner to send Zay running. Joe bails to the floor and Zay tries a dive, and of course Joe just steps aside and Zay lands flat on his ass. Every time I know it’s coming and I still howl. Back in, the crowd is not betting on Zay, and he tries a monkey flip and instead gets Muscle Busted and pinned at 3:23. This wasn’t quite the Serpentico squash but it was way up there for entertainment value.

Meanwhile, Skye Blue challenges Willow for the TBS title on Rampage tonight.

Orange Cassidy joins us in the aftermath of his best friends imploding. Orange reveals that Chuck Taylor’s career is over, but Trent interrupts to tease a brawl, before Don Callis breaks things up and haul off Orange.

Meanwhile, the EVPs give up their TV time to the Scapegoat, who knew that a sacrifice had to be made.

FTW title: Chris Jericho v. Katsuyori Shibata

Jericho leaning into the smiling babyface thing kind of backfires on him here because the crowd cheers him over Shibata. They trade chops and Jericho hits a Lionsault that goes a bit awry, which gets two. So Jericho finds one of Hook’s trash can lids for a quick shot and then finds a BAG OF HOCKEY PUCKS. Shibata cuts him off and suplexes him right on the pucks, which is stupid but would actually hurt like a mother. Shibata with the chops and he’s just laying it in, which frankly Jericho deserves at this point for being such a dickbag. We take a break and return with Jericho getting the Walls, but Shibata takes him down with a figure-four. So Jericho throws a hockey puck at him to break and we get the spot where you beat on the trash can with a kendo stick. Shibata manages to make it look reasonably badass by using the can on Jericho while wearing it like he’s Solid Snake or something, and a corner dropkick gets two. So they each get a kendo stick and hit each other with those, before Shibata suplexes him with the stick, onto the pucks, and then retrieves a table. He sets it up like a man who has never set up a table in the corner of a wrestling ring before, and Jericho cuts him off and tries the Judas effect. Shibata counters with a sleeper, but Big Bill comes in and chokeslams Shibata through the table, which allows Jericho to retain at 15:31. Didn’t need the commercial break, as they pretty much peaked before that and the rest wasn’t necessarily, but it certainly overdelivered. ***

Meanwhile, Willow learns that Stokely is banned from ringside tonight. Stokely is OUTRAGED! “Aside from my own actions, what did I do to deserve this treatment?” He’s got a point.

Claudio Castagnoli v. Brian Cage

We get some MEATY MEN SLAPPING MEAT to start and Cage takes Claudio down and dropkicks him, but Claudio catches him in a backbreaker to put him down. Claudio with a double stomp and he slugs away in the corner, but he goes to the apron and Cage suplexes him back into the ring as we take a break. Back with Cage hitting a superkick and 619, and the lariat gets two. Claudio fires back with forearms in the corner and a superkick to put Cage in the ropes, and Claudio hits his own 619 and lariat for two. Cage with the powerbomb for two. Claudio with the pop-up forearm for two and the Giant Swing follows. Claudio with the Sharpshooter, and Cage taps at 9:51. Fun match to keep Claudio going. **1/2

Meanwhile, Rocky Romero can’t even choose sides in the civil war and he’s stepping away from them so he can become a champion in AEW. So he challenges Kyle O’Reilly for Rampage in order to accomplish that. I think you’re challenging the wrong fella for that goal.

Mariah May v. Serena Deeb

They fight for the wristlock to start and Deeb takes her down into the Paradise Lock and then kicks her in the ass to break it up. Blind charge misses and Mariah slugs away in the corner and takes her down with the headstand rana as we take a break. Back with Deeb hitting a neckbreaker in the ropes and then a swinging neckbreaker in the ring. May fights back, but Deeb hits her with a german suplex and lariat for two. Mariah comes back with a missile dropkick to set up the hip attack, which gets two. Knee strike gets two. They trade cradles for two and Deeb gets a backslide for two, and then counters another rana attempt into a half-crab. Toni tries some moral encouragement but then gives up and throws in the towel at 10:38 to prevent any potential knee injuries to her protégé. May continues to do too many jobs but they had a really good match out there. ***1/2

Meanwhile, Renee is concerned for Adam Copeland’s mental state, but he’s totally OK. Kyle offers his support, but Adam feels like Kyle might be eyeing up the TNT title in a nice subtle moment. Uh oh, someone’s about to go mad with power.

Kenny Omega joins us to talk about getting diagnosed with diverticulitis, and was basically told that he could take a shot to the gut and have his career ended at any time, unless he got cut open and operated on. So he stopped watching the show because it made him so angry not to be involved as the Best Bout Machine anymore. This brings out Kazuchika Okada, and Kenny wants a couple of months so they can have a rematch, but Okada declares himself the new Best Bout Machine, and Jack Perry attacks, and then Okada trips up Kenny to allow Perry a shot to the gut with a chair. That’s the gut Kenny was just talking about! Kenny makes it back to his knees, but the Bucks hit the ring and formalize Kenny’s firing with an EVP Trigger before FTR makes the save. How could this lead to anything but Blood & GUTS in a few months? This stuff writes itself.

We’ll hit up Rampage tomorrow.

This one didn’t have the highs of last week’s show, but certainly didn’t have the lows either, and it was mostly a consistently good show from start to finish with a bunch of good matches. I’m still not sold on Christian as the first guy whatsoever, but Adam Copeland as Gollum is an interesting twist in the story. And I’m sure the Shibata-Jericho match is gonna have some opinions formed around it.