The SmarK Rant for AEW Dynamite – 04.09.25

The SmarK Rant for AEW Dynamite – 04.09.25

Thanks to everyone who sent in supportive words over the past couple of days. I couldn’t really answer very many but it’s greatly appreciated. Oddly, reviewing Wrestlemania 4 helped a lot. Some people had the suggestion of redoing Clash 1, but we didn’t get TBS in Canada until 1991 so there’s not really any sentimental attachment to that show for me, to be honest.

Anyway, I’ve had a couple of days off work to process things, play some Luigi’s Mansion 2 and watch Looney Tunes, and I’m doing OK now, so we carry on.

Live from Baltimore, MD

Your hosts are Excalibur, Tony Schiavone & Taz

Meanwhile, Jon Moxley and the Death Riders complain about how the roster is supposed to be SOOOOOO talented but none of them can get their shit together and beat him. Also he’s not really sure what the Young Bucks are up to and he doesn’t like it.

Jon Moxley v. Katsuyori Shibata

Shibata tries for a takedown and they work on the mat until Mox retreats to the ropes. So Shibata fires off a chop and they get into trading those until Shibata takes him down with an STO and goes to an abdominal stretch. Mox puts him down with a clothesline to block a dropkick, and a lariat only gets one. He tries a piledriver, but Shibata pops up and hits him with a PK before going to a chinlock. Mox reverses to his own choke and that’s all at 5:37. This was an OK opener. **1/4

Afterwards, the Bucks join us and Moxley bails, as the Bucks explain that they screwed Swerve over because they knew that Hangman Page wanted Swerve to lose, and they wanted to help. Matt offers TEAM SYNERGY between themselves and the Death Riders if they work together, after making their “elevator pitch” at the PPV. But instead, Kenny Omega answers and tells a story about a high school friend with two yappy little dogs who shit on the floor and stunk up the house. Which of course is the Young Bucks. Kenny reveals that the shredded documents were for “the receipt for the chair in your master bedroom facing the bed”. Young Cucks? Huge if true. Kenny gets some more good verbal shots on them, but before they can fight, Okada makes a save and Swerve chases him away, but then Pac attacks and we take a break.

Pac v. Swerve Strickland

Joined after the break with them brawling on the floor, as Swerve runs him into the stairs and then blocks a handspring back in the ring and powerbombs him into the corner. Pac bails to the floor with an apparent foot issue. Back in, Pac limps around, so Swerve superkicks him and goes up to finish with the Swerve Stomp at 3:30. Yeah I’m assuming something went really bad and they had to go home FAST. Didn’t even see what went wrong, just a freak injury I guess.

Meanwhile, the competitors in tonight’s $400,000 tag team match discuss what they’re gonna do with the money. Apparently Speedball is gonna buy some shoes.

Meanwhile, Harley Cameron annoys her new best friend Mercedes Mone.

Meanwhile, Hangman Page freaks out on Renee and goes to find Swerve, but has to settle for threatening Nana instead. Nana tries to apologize for the whole home invasion thing, but Page doesn’t want to hear it.

$400,000 Explosive 8 Man: Ricochet, Action Andretti, Lio Rush & The Beast Mortos v. Speedball Mike Bailey, Will Ospreay, Kevin Knight & Mark Briscoe

Is this $400K deal some kind of inside joke I’m missing? Seems weirdly random. Ricochet runs away from Bailey to start and lets Mortos have a try, and Speedball takes him down with a rana right away. Over to Ospreay and he gets attacked by the CRU in the corner, but everyone comes in for a Mexican American standoff and they all slug it out. The babyfaces clear the ring and we get various dives and take a break. And they literally did the “WE’LL BE RIGHT BACK!” meme with Ricochet! That had to be intentional. Back with Mortos hitting a lungblower on Bailey, and Ricochet comes in with a leaping double stomp on him as well. Everyone trades big moves, leading to Ricochet hitting a death valley driver on Bailey for two, and poor Mortos takes a double crane kick from Briscoe and Bailey and then Knight hits him with a frog splash for two. And then Ospreay adds the Hidden Blade and pins him at 11:29. Bailey can buy shoes now! Just a goofy party match. ***

Meanwhile, at Dynasty, RATED FTR EXPLODES and COPE gets a career ending neck injury for like the fourth time. Tony Schiavone is DISAPPOINTED in FTR.

The Hurt Syndicate joins us to celebrate their tag title defense, but MJF joins in and declares that now he’s part of the Syndicate, he can cut the line and win the World title back. But unfortunately Shelton is a thumbs down, so Max is out.

Meanwhile, Megan Bayne and Penelope Ford promise more pain and suffering for Toni Storm.

Owen Hart tournament quarterfinal: Thunder Rosa v. Kris Statlander

Toni Storm joins us on commentary and has the announcers dying right away. They didn’t stand a chance. Statlander with a dropkick out of the corner and Thunder fires back with a dropkick on the ropes, putting her on the floor for a seated senton. Toni points out that “no one has kicked out of her big package” to date. We take a break and return with them trading forearms while Toni advocates for kids trying this at home. Excalibur: “I can’t underwrite that message”. And then “Last time I wrestled Miss Statlander she dropped me on my head and I lost three inches. And then I saw Mr. Schiavone and I got it right back.” She’s a menace. Anyway I guess there’s a match going on or something. Thunder with a destroyer for two after some sloppy reversals. Seated dropkick gets two. But then Statlander quickly hits Saturday Night Fever and pins her at 9:14 to advance. *1/2

Meanwhile, Don Callis announces that injuries have forced him to accept applications for the Family. Bank account numbers are needed.

Meanwhile, the Undisputed Kingdom are ready for their new era in AEW. So now they’re the Paragon apparently. Good, get rid of that loser name once and for all.

TV Time with Chris Jericho and special guests the Learning Tree, as Jericho is disappointed that they didn’t win the tag team titles, but Big Bill is sick of being a punching bag. But Jericho isn’t angry, just disappointed, and he takes his disappointment out on his poor innocent TV. And then he leaves, which the crowd isn’t really broken up about. I believe he was told to “go suck on a maple leaf”, which might be some new trend on the Tick Tocks that all the youths are doing, I dunno, but it sounds unpleasant.

Meanwhile, the Hurt Syndicate still wants no part of MJF, but Maxwell confronts MVP and learns that he needs to sell himself to them better.

Meanwhile, Chris Jericho smashes some more stuff up and drives off. I can assure you that there are few things less interesting to me than yet another Chris Jericho storyline.

Wheeler Yuta & Claudio Castagnoli v. Samoa Joe & Hook

Joe and Yuta trade wristlocks to start, and Joe comes in and beats on him with a suplex and chops. Over to Hook, but he gets stomped by Claudio on the apron and we take a break. Back with Yuta holding a chinlock on Hook, and he hits a slam for two. Hook fights back with a suplex on Claudio into the corner, but the Death Riders cut off the tag and Claudio smashes him with a running forearm and double-team with Yuta for two. That looked like a three to me. They brawl on the floor regardless and Hook gets the choke on Yuta, but Moxley runs interference and Yuta escapes, only for Shibata to take out Mox and allow Hook to reapply the choke and finish Yuta at 10:00. I’m assuming Mox was playing the role of Pac there. **1/2. Afterwards, Claudio hits a nasty looking Neutralizer on Hook, onto a chair (with Taz just sitting there watching on commentary!) and Joe has a very angry challenge for the Trios titles in response. Yeah I wouldn’t want Joe mad at me like that.

I thought this was a fun show that flew by, but not a particularly indispensable one this week. But they don’t all have to be.

Next week: I probably wouldn’t wanna be Eric Bischoff. Moreso than usual.