The SmarK Rant for AEW Dynamite – 01.15.25

The SmarK Rant for AEW Dynamite – 01.15.25

“MAXIMUM CARNAGE”

Live from Cincinnati, OH. Love the smaller theater setting, very cool.

Your hosts are Excalibur, Tony Schiavone & TAZ!

Brian Cage v. Kenny Omega

Kenny slugs away in the corner and we get a unique view with the hard camera pointing right at the announce table at ringside. He tries a piledriver and Cage backdrops out of that and then does some reps with Kenny and slams him out of that. Cage misses a blind charge and Kenny sends him to the floor with a rana and tries the Terminator dive, but Archer breaks it up and Cage levels Kenny with a lariat to take over. Cage beats on him outside and presses him onto the announce desk, right on the diverticulitis! And then Callis gets some shots in and we take a break. Back with Cage powerbombing Kenny from the ramp and back into the ring, and an F5 gets two. Kenny fights back, but misses a moonsault and again lands on the diverticulited abdomen, as Cage gets two. Cage tries going to the top rope, allowing Kenny to come back with a powerbomb and knee strike for two. Cage dodges the V Trigger and escapes the dragon suplex, but Omega hits a V-Trigger on the second try and the One Winged Angel finishes at 10:00. This was…fine. Not exactly a stellar return opponent for Kenny and it pretty much lived up to my expectations. **3/4. The Callis Family tries the beatdown afterwards, but Will Ospreay makes the save and they clear the ring together. But then that brings out Takeshita and he wants a piece of Kenny as well, putting the heels on top. Can poor Kenny feud with ANYONE besides Don Callis at some point? It’s literally been years now.

Meanwhile, it’s a New York Minute with Chris Jericho, as he guarantees that he’ll be on the same page as the Death Riders for Collision, and gets a SICK BURN on Cash Wheeler. It’s too sick, I can’t even reprint it here because I don’t want to hurt his feelings any further than Jericho already did.

Ricochet joins us to a warm Cincy welcome and has trouble starting his promo, but then Swerve’s music hits and Prince Nana shows up with a chair and lays him out from behind. So Ricochet runs away via the street exit and presumably calls an Uber or whatever.

Meanwhile, we get a Day in the Life of Mone, as she does talk shows and shows off her four belts.

The Hurt Syndicate v. Private Party & Mark Briscoe

So this would be MVP’s AEW debut in the ring. Big brawl to start and MVP starts in the ring with Briscoe, and Briscoe puts him down with REDNECK KUNG FU for two. MVP boots him down and tosses him to allow the Syndicate to assault him outside and we take a break. Back with MVP getting two in the ring. MVP with a fisherman’s suplex for two. Zay finally gets tagged into the match and hits a crossbody on Shelton for two, and the Party hits the heels with double dropkicks to clear the ring. Briscoe follows with a dive, and Quen hits Benjamin with a flatliner that left me confused about who was supposed to be taking the bump. Quen gets two off that regardless. But then Lashley cuts them off and destroys Zay with the spear, allowing Shelton to superkick Quen and pin him at 9:00. They pretty much squashed these guys outside of a couple of spots from Briscoe. Match was nothing special but it sets up the Hurt Syndicate getting a title shot so it’s fine. **

Meanwhile, Rated FTR do a video package where they stress how they’re all best friends. Man FTR really needs to turn on him soon and twist the knife.

Jeff Jarrett joins us, but MJF interrupts and calls Jeff “the last you see before your favorite pro wrestling promotion dies.” So he offers to do us a favor and send JJ back to rehab where he belongs, and then he’ll generously have his way with Karen and then ship her back to Tennessee. Jarrett laughs off the stupid insults and notes that he’s done all of Max’s schtick first and better. And speaking of which, Max’s mom was a call girl who made his father pay for it even on the night she got knocked up. So then Max goes back to the “you daddy bought you a company” well and bitches about how he lost the World title and then plays the Owen Hart card and claims Jeff is just riding the coattails of his dead best friend, and that prompts a brawl to end this ENDLESS segment. And then MJF takes a shot at Karen and runs away. This one desperately needed the Dave Chappelle “Wrap it Up” button because no one was asking for them to talk to each other for like 14 minutes or whatever it was. I kind of wish Max had just gone to WWE and been done with it, because at this point his whole routine just sounds bored every time he makes some “outrageous” fourth-wall breaking comment and then waits for the audience to go “Oooo, he’s so bad for saying that thing on TV!” I know he desperately wants to be a heel but the people don’t want to boo him and he’s got nothing new to say as a heel and so you get…this.

Meanwhile, Ishii now gets a title shot at Okada on Saturday. I was already watching the show this week, you don’t have to keep selling me on it!

Christian Cage v. Hook

Hook attacks before Christian can finish his entrance and they brawl on the floor, until Hook backdrops him into the ring and Christian offers a truce and a fatherly hug. So Hook suplexes him and beats on him in the corner, chasing Christian out of the ring again as we take a break. Back with Christian in control in the ring, but Hook dumps him to the floor and runs him into the stairs while we’ve suddenly acquired Kip Sabian and Nick Wayne at ringside. Christian dumps Hook onto the stairs, and back in with a frog splash for two. A second one gets two. Spear gets one. Hook comes back with a northern lights suplex out of the corner and that gets two. Fisherman’s suplex gets two. Hook tries the choke and Christian walks the ropes to escape, so Hook drops him in a very old school counter. But then Christian runs him into the post and takes out Shibata with an inverted DDT on the floor. Back in the ring, Christian escapes the choke again and then the Patriarchy runs in for the DQ at 11:20. Taz teases stepping in to prevent the beatdown, but then SAMOA JOE returns from the dead and kicks all their asses! Another big piece of star power back again, and one that’s been sorely missed. Match was good by Hook’s standards but never really took off. ***

Meanwhile, Dustin Rhodes has also had enough of MJF and he’s 100% behind Jeff Jarrett. Man they’re saying “shit” on this show a lot. It’s much more noticeable since they had starting cutting back last year.

Women’s Casino Gauntlet

We’ve got Kris Statlander at #1, and Jamie Hayter at #2, and Mariah May on commentary burying everyone. I thought the Grand Slam thing was a PPV, but I guess it’s basically just an episode of Collision. They trade clotheslines and neither one goes down, but Stat hits a falcon arrow. Megan Bayne is #3 at 1:56 and I guess she’s from Stardom. Megan goes after Statlander right away and gets a corner splash and flying clothesline to put her down and a falcon arrow for two. Hayter breaks that up and sends Bayne to the floor, as Julia Hart is #4 at 4:12. Hayter suplexes her on the ramp and we take a break. Back with Bayne left standing, as Willow Nightingale is #5 at 8:18. Willow and Stat double-team Bayne with a suplex and chop each other to bond again, but Willow pounces her as Toni Storm is #6 at 9:38. She rolls up Willow for two and throws snapmares on everyone, but Bayne cuts her off and tosses her onto the ramp. Willow runs wild and clears the ring again, and then Statlander hits her with a dive from the stage, leaving us with Julia v. Jamie again. HARLEY CAMERON is #7 at 12:00 and Mariah notes that they should leave her in Australia if she wins. Poor Harley doesn’t even get to run wild before Julia blinds her with mist, but Toni Storm gets the surprise upset win with a small package on Julia at 13:28. Well I think we all saw that one coming. I did appreciate that this was much shorter than the other gauntlets and showed that it could end at any time, but at the same time it had a few fun spots but wasn’t really anything special. Definitely the best match of the show so far though. ***1/4

AEW World title: Jon Moxley v. Powerhouse Hobbs

Mox slugs away in the corner, but Hobbs throws him with a suplex and they brawl to the floor and into the crowd. Back in the ring, Mox slugs away in the corner, but Hobbs bites the ear and we take a break. Back with Moxley bleeding from the ear as usual, but he comes back with a cutter for a double down. Hobbs makes a comeback and beats on Mox in the corner, setting up the World’s Strongest Slam for two. Hobbs with a swinging powerslam off the middle ropes, but Moxley counters into the armbar when he lands and Hobbs has to make the ropes. Hobbs bails to the ramp and Yuta hits him with the busaiku knee, but Hobbs hits Mox with the spinebuster and makes the comeback. Moxley with the choke, but now Shafir hits Hobbs with the case and that gets two. Paradigm Shift gets two. Mox with the choke after all that, and Hobbs is out at 13:10. And then we get our weekly Death Rider beatdown until Rated FTR makes the save and we’re done. Nobody was buying Hobbs as a serious challenger and honestly I don’t know what the point was. ***1/4

I wouldn’t say it was a bad show because it was a really funky and cool venue and Samoa Joe returned, but HOLY SHIT that MJF segment just completely derailed the show for me and I was kind of grumpy and taken out of the whole last hour as a result. I know certain people bitch every time certain other people use the word “pivot” about AEW but this MJF stuff is absolute death for the past few months and they desperately need to PIVOT and get rid of him for a while. Maybe even for good because clearly he has no interest in being there despite how much they stick him on TV.