The SmarK Rant for AEW Dynamite – 01.03.24

The SmarK Rant for AEW Dynamite – 01.03.24

Holy cow, 2024. Time flies.

The Worlds End rant is now written and goes live on Friday morning on the blog, for the many of you who were asking. I wanted to get it done before watching Dynamite and luckily I had today off.

Last Saturday: Samoa Joe does a hell of a victory promo, declaring that he turned everyone against MJF and then came into his backyard and took the title because he’s no scumbag, he’s a heartless son of a bitch and now the AEW World champion.

Live from Newark, New Jersey

Your hosts are Excalibur, Tony Schiavone & Taz

The Undisputed Kingdom joins us to start, complete with new music and graphics. Adam Cole is now identified as “The Devil” on his graphic, and he denies being the bad guy in this situation, since MJF was the one who was such an asshole for years. And now he’s gone and never coming back! And hey, MJF would have done the same thing first, so he was just beating him to the punch. You know, I’m glad to see that Adam finally has a real best friend in Roddy. Also Wardlow is going after the World title, and when he wins it, he’s going to forfeit it to Adam. But then this brings out Jay White, who is still upset about getting jumped months ago, and now he’s not alone anymore, which brings out the Gunns for a brawl. And then the Acclaimed makes the unlikely save, but Bullet Club wants no part of scissoring at the moment.

AEW International title: Orange Cassidy v. Dante Martin

They trade takedowns to start and Orange works a headlock on the mat, but Dante goes after the arm. Orange goes for the pockets and Dante counters him and they trade flips before Dante gets a backslide for two. Cradle gets two. Orange bails to think it over and comes back with a tope and finally gets to put his hands in the pockets after sending Dante into the railing. Dante fires back with a suplex on the floor and we take a break. Back with Dante making a comeback in the ring and hitting a tope to the floor, and back in with a springboard bodypress for two as they pick up the pace a bit. So they exchange hellacious kicks and then Orange stomps a mudhole in the corner and spikes him with the DDT for two. Orange goes to the top and comes down with another DDT, and that gets two. Orange tries a rana and Dante hits him with a GTS for two. Dante goes up and Orange rolls away from him, so Dante walks the ropes and hits a flying splash for two. Orange with a crucifix for two, but Dante reverses into his own cradle for two, and Orange finishes with the Orange Punch at 13:35. This was too much schtick for me. **1/2. This brings out the rest of Top Flight and they all share a handshake, but Private Party returns, rebranded as Zay and Quen. Apparently all the tag teams are now PUT ON NOTICE. Good to know. Why would Orange Cassidy be put on notice, though? He’s not even part of an actual tag team, he’s just part of a loose conglomeration of weirdos. I mean, good to see Private Party back I guess but we’ve already got a million teams running around with nothing to do.

Meanwhile, Toni Storm isn’t interested in watching wrestling in NEW JERSEY. Can you imagine?

Meanwhile, House of Black accepts the challenge of FTR.

Meanwhile, Swerve Strickland doesn’t think Daniel Garcia can handle his Big Pressure. And after he dispatches Garcia, he’s going after Samoa Joe!

Mariah May v. Queen Aminata

Mariah slugs her down right away and then puts her down with a shotgun dropkick for two. Another dropkick in the ropes puts Aminata on the floor and we take a break. Back with May trying a handstand rana in the corner, but Aminata fights back with a running knee and some forearems in the corner. But May catches her with a slingblade and finishes with a slam out of a fireman’s carry at 6:40. Wasn’t like a super impressive debut or anything. **. And then May complains about having to debut in New Jersey, which brings out Deonna Purrazzo fresh from leaving TNA. And she’s coming for Toni Storm. That’s a good pickup to hopefully rebuild the women’s division.

Christian Cage joins us and he wants to thank everyone involved in his victory on the PPV, namely Mother Wayne, Nick Wayne…and himself. No one else. Also Adam Copeland goes to the back of the line, no more title shots. And he’s going to be champion until he decides to hand it over to his son Nick Wayne.

Meanwhile, Harley Cameron joins the Outcasts and she’s also a little bit crazy.

Konosuke Takeshita v. Darby Allin

Takeshita tosses him across the ring, but Darby keeps landing on his feet to frustrate him. So Takeshita gives him a backdrop and he comes down like he’s falling from Mt. Everest. Takeshita with the headlock, but Darby sends him to the floor and follows with a dive. And Takeshita just destroys him with a knee to block that. That looked awesome. So he takes Darby up the ramp and then gives him a rolling german suplex down to ringside as we take a break. Back with Darby hitting a tope into the railing, just cannonballing his ass right into Takeshita’s face, but Takeshita catches a Code Red attempt and piledrives him for two. Darby bails to the floor to escape a knee strike, and then dodges a running knee as Takeshita lands in the timekeeper area. So Darby hits him with a coffin drop to the floor and Takeshita beats the count at 9. Darby hits him with the Code Red on the way in, and that gets two. Takeshita gets the knees up to block the coffin drop and suplexes Darby again as Darby is taking some crazy bumps tonight. Darby with a fluke cradle for two and a crucifix for two. And then Takeshita levels him with a lariat and Don Callis gives him the signal to finish. Running boot in the corner follows and Takeshita takes him to the top for a german superplex and puts him out with the running knee at 13:00. YEAH. Time to reheat this man! This was an unexpected banger. ***3/4

Meanwhile, the Callis Family throws out the challenge for Sting and Darby next week.

Continental Crown Eliminator: Brian Cage v. Bryan Keith v. Trent Berreta v. El Hijo del Vikingo

Big brawl to start and Trent slugs it out with Bryan Keith and gets booted down. Vikingo comes in and takes Keith down with armdrags, but Cage throws him around. Trent cleans house and slugs away on Cage outside while Danhausen watches from the front row and we take a break. Back with Vikingo hitting Cage with a springboard dropkick and he goes up, but Keith brings him down and they all pile up for a suplex spot. Trent with a knee on Cage for two, but Vikingo saves with a 450 and everyone is out. Cage hits Trent with a powerbomb for two, but Danhausen runs in and curses Cage to save Trent. So Vikingo takes him to the floor and moonsaults him, while Keith runs wild and hits Trent with a diving headbutt for two. But then Trent finishes him with Strong Zero at 10:10 to earn the title shot on Collision. Kind of a weird messy style clash that didn’t really go anywhere. **1/4

Meanwhile, Daddy Magic tries to do an interview, but Hangman Page interrupts and he’s going to beat someone’s ass. And we never find out what Daddy Magic had to say!

Swerve Strickland v. Daniel Garcia

Swerve gets a rollup for two and Garcia blocks a sunset flip, but Swerve takes him down and Garcia tries to get him to come down to the mat as well. They fight over a submission on the mat and Swerve goes to the apron, so Garcia sends him to the floor, giving us a DANCE OFF between Nana and Garcia. They should have put that on PPV. Swerve breaks it up and hits Garcia with a death valley driver on the apron, THE HARDEST PART OF THE RING, and we take a break. Back with Swerve doing his own dancing, but Garcia hits him with a Saito suplex for two. Swerve cradles for two and hits him with a backbreaker and a capture suplex for two. They head to the floor and Garcia tries a Sharpshooter on the announce table, but then they both fall off and that reduces the impact somewhat. Back in the ring, Garcia with a superplex, but Swerve rolls through into his own suplex and both guys are out. Swerve hits him with the flatliner and the House Call kick and that gets two. And the Swerve Stomp gets two. Garcia with a crucifix for two, but the JML Driver finishes at 13:20. Good match to close out an average episode. ***1/2. And then Hangman Page tries to live up to his promise and hits the ring, looking for a fight, but gets pulled apart from Swerve as we wrap it up.

Just kind of an OK table-setting episode this week. Felt like the Kingdom stuff should have been a bigger deal after six months of buildup, though, and not having any Samoa Joe on the show aside from the cold open felt like an odd choice as well. But it was fine.