WWF SmackDown! Rewind: 12.09.99 – “Four Masked Vinces”

Previously on the SmackDown Rewind: Stephanie McMahon has the blues about her surprise wedding on Raw and the road to Armageddon continues.

Pyro! We’re at the Fleet Center in Boston, Massachusetts with a sold-out crowd, Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler on commentary, and Tony Chimel with the mic.

WWF World Tag Team Champion Road Dogg vs Chris Jericho

We start out with the Dogg going through his spiel. Jericho has some words about Chyna, making thumb jokes. He tells Dogg this is a warm-up match and he’s facing another tattooed, long-haired effeminate loser of a wrestler. That brings us the music of WWF Intercontinental Champion Chyna, who takes a chair next to Lawler for some commentary. Dogg and Jericho trade blows before Jericho gets the lead and Road Dogg powders out. Cole explains that WWF officials have declared that DX members can’t interfere in DX matches tonight. Jericho blows a kiss at Chyna and walks into a dropkick. Jericho nails a Lionsault and gets the pin despite Road Dogg’s leg being clearly on the rope. Chyna points that out to referee Tim White who waves off the result. Dogg grabs Jericho for the pump handle and goes for the pin, Jericho getting his foot on the rope and Chyna shoving it off.

Road Dogg pins Chris Jericho. I liked this a lot. The match itself was fine and the foot stuff added to it (Tony Atlas did not write this sentence).

We have a locker room full of McMahons. Shane McMahon answers the door to find Test, who gives Linda McMahon a kiss, Vince McMahon a handshake and asks to talk alone with Stephanie McMahon. The non-Stephanie McMahons leave.

After a break, we’re still with Test and Stephanie. Test thinks it is best to call the engagement off for now and Stephanie tearfully gives him the ring back. “I’m so sorry, I never meant for it to be this way.” Test says he’ll always care for her and goes for a kiss, but X-Pac pops in and wonders why he is trying to kiss his best friend’s wife.

Kurt Angle & Steve Blackman vs The Dudley Boyz (Bubba Ray & D-Von Dudley)

Kurt suggests that if this town follows the three I’s, they could win a World Series. It would take them another five years, but they’d get there. Speaking of which, celebrities! They love SmackDown! Nomar Garciaparra of the Boston Red Sox is sitting at ringside.

Kurt does some traditional wrestling moves with D-Von and then kneels to allow D-Von the chance to do the same, D-Von kicking instead. Blackman tags in as does Bubba, who runs right into a spinning heel kick from Blackman. Angle and Blackman show good teamwork and keep working over Bubba. The Dudleys get the diving headbutt on Angle and D-Von can only get a two count off of it. Continued great teamwork by Angle and Blackman that leads to Angle taking Bubba with a belly-to-belly from the second rope. Blackman tags himself in and is shoved into Angle, turning around into the 3D. Angle grabs a mic after the match and says he is still undefeated and that was Blackman’s loss, hitting Blackman with the Angle Slam. They’ll face each other at Armageddon.

Bubba Ray Dudley pins Steve Blackman, The Dudleys defeat Angle & Blackman. This was a sneaky great tag team match. Angle continues to excel, Blackman was a great matchup with him, and the Dudleys brought it too. Hop on Peacock and watch this one.

Kevin Kelly tells us about this Sunday’s four-corners evening gown match for the WWF Women’s Title and takes us back to Raw, where the fourth contender is introduced as Miss Kitty. He’ll have an exclusive scoop with Kitty soon and gives us the creepy eyebrows. Thanks, Kevin.

WWF European Championship: WWF European Champion British Bulldog vs Christian

We learn that Edge sprained his left knee last week on SmackDown, so Christian, Christian, at last you’re on your own. Bulldog is also on his own as the Mean Street Posse are not with him this week. As he walks the ramp, a mysterious orange light glows across the building and a logo appears on the tron before disappearing. Ah, probably nothing.

Bulldog and Christian do some nice back and forth before Bulldog presses Christian across the ring. Bulldog scoops Christian up into an extended vertical suplex. Christian grabs Bulldog and hits the Unprettier but the Mean Street Posse are here for the DQ. Val Venis and D’Lo Brown run out for the save because they are Bulldog’s opponents on Sunday.

Christian defeats British Bulldog by disqualification, British Bulldog retains his title. This was a good little match. Especially with the triple threat for Sunday already announced, you had to see the Posse interruption (or some sort of interruption) coming.

Kevin is with Miss Kitty, who is in an evening gown. She knows she’s going to win and Kevin continues to be a perv, asking what she’s going to wear and snickering. “After this Sunday, they’re not going to call me Miss Kitty any more, they’ll call me the Kat.” Kevin snickers and says, “Yeah, right” and advises her to wear underwear. She rips Kelly’s shirt. Good. He was being a creep. The passage of time will help us learn that Kevin Kelly should have been beaten up more.

Let’s look back at Raw where Big Boss Man visits the mother of the Big Show, making her admit that Big Show was illegitimate.

Big Boss Man & Prince Albert vs The Hardy Boyz (Matt & Jeff Hardy with Terri)

Boss Man grabs a mic. “Who’s your daddy, punk?” Tonight, WWF SmackDown is brought to you by the WWF Slam Clam, WWF The Music Vol. 4 at Coconuts, Record Town and Camelot Music, and Resident Evil 3. I had the Slam Cam and it sucked but was wonderful. Cole gets news that the Big Show is here. “Uh oh,” whimpers Lawler. We see Show in his WWF long-sleeved shirt walking as the Hardys double team Albert. The crowd roars as Big Show slides into the ring and we have a DQ. Show attacks and chases Boss Man and Albert to the parking lot, ducking into a van and speeding off.

Big Boss Man & Prince Albert defeat the Hardy Boyz by disqualification. We knew this wasn’t going anywhere the second we found out Show was here, but the Hardys getting all the offense was something.

Al Snow is walking with Head as we take a look back at the relationship between Snow and Mankind.

Al Snow (with Head) vs Mankind

So we’ve come to this. Snow attacks from behind to start, taking it outside and yelling that he loves Mankind as he smacks him on the announce table. Snow sets up a chair and catapults off of it right into Mankind’s elbow. Mankind helps Snow up and Snow knocks Mankind down. They brawl over the announce table and Snow chokes Mankind with electrical cords. Cole yells that Al has lost it as Snow grabs a chair and Mike Chioda grabs it from him. Mankind fights back finally and knees Snow in the corner. Mankind grabs for Mr. Socko but takes it back off, grabbing the chair and threatening to hit Snow with it. Snow punches Mankind right in the nuts and grabs the chair, smacking Mankind for the DQ. Snow continues the attack after the match.

Mankind defeats Al Snow by disqualification. I quite liked all of this business – Snow being obsessed, Mankind not wanting to wrestle, and the way we got to the end.

In the McMahon locker room, another door knock brings in Pat Patterson and Gerald Brisco. It’s time for the contract signing.

And now, the WWF Rewind presented by Mech Warrior 3. On Raw, Triple H tells Stephanie that if Vince wins their match, the wedding is annulled but if he wins, he gets a title shot.

The McMahon Family (WWF CEO Vince, Shane, Linda and Stephanie), Gerald Brisco and Pat Patterson head out in masse for our contract signing. Vince tells us that Triple H no longer being part of his family is like “cancer being cut out of my body.” Triple H comes out by himself and with a clipboard. HHH wants Vince to know these papers being signed guarantee him the WWF Championship, the opportunity to beat Vince’s ass worse than it has ever been beaten, and a lifetime of wedded bliss with Stephanie. HHH jokes with Vince that he can’t come within 50 feet of him due to the restraining order, so Vince needs to send his wife up to take the papers. Shane goes instead. “Shane’s not quite the guy I had in mind to smooch with.” Shane retrieves the contract and looks it over, seeing that Triple H hasn’t signed them. “Never sign first, Vince.” Vince signs and Shane takes them back, Triple H signing and smacking Shane in the head with the microphone, DX coming out to beat down Shane and Vince not able to come close enough for the save. HHH tosses Shane off the stage, who backflips through a table as only Shane can do. Really strong segment.

After the break, Shane is loaded on a stretcher and Shane makes Vince promise that Vince will take Triple H out.

X-Pac vs Test

The weird orange glow and logo flashes on the tron again. They should get that checked out. Test clotheslines X-Pac to the outside. Pac tosses Test into the stairs and Test barely makes the count back in. Test dodges a Bronco Buster. The reverse each other’s finishers before X-Pac hits a low blow, the X-Factor and pins Test.

X-Pac pins Test. Sheesh. This did NOTHING for Test. What a chump.

Vince checks on Shane and says HHH is going to pay tonight, leaving the room.

The Rock vs WWF World Tag Team Champion Mr. Ass

Finally, The Rock has come back to Boston. He calls attention to Nomar Garciaparra, now in a “Layeth the Smacketh Down” tee. After he beats Rock, he and Nomar are taking Billy to Fenway Park. They’re going to admire the Green Monster, go into the dugout, and select a bat. The Rock would like Nomar to shine it up real nice, take the splinters out, let The Rock put pine tar on it, stick it sideways and anally insert it into Billy’s ass. At least he took the splinters out? I’m not sure pine tar is a good lubricant.

Rock lays in the right hands on Ass and knocks him to ringside. Ass runs into a Samoan Drop for a two count. Ass reverses Rock into Earl Hebner and hits the Fame-Asser, Earl unable to count. Ass revives Earl for a two count and this time Rock whips Ass into Earl. Rock hits a spinebuster and the People’s Elbow. Earl counts and that’s it.

The Rock pins Mr. Ass. Short, two minutes and fun while it lasted. Rock & Sock battle the Outlaws on Sunday.

Linda McMahon is searching for Vince and finds the Stooges instead. They promise to find him.

And now the WWF Smack of the Night presented by Western Union Money Transfer: Shane is tossed off the stage earlier tonight.

Triple H vs Kane (with Tori)

HHH argues with Earl, shoving him and Earl shoving him back. HHH attacks Hebner and snaps his leg into the mat. Well, that isn’t nice. We have no referee, but the bell rings. A man in a referee shirt and a Vince McMahon mask struts out and Lawler notes this was Vince last time it happened. Vince slugs the ref and another Vince Ref struts out. It’s like Seth’s masked men. Kane works over Triple H before H hits the face buster. HHH clotheslines the second ref and kicks him out of the ring. A third masked Vince Ref slowly walks out as Kane hits a top rope clothesline on Kane. HHH DDTs Kane and climbs up top, jumping into a chokeslam. HHH crawls up the ramp and all three Vince Refs slowly back Triple H up the ramp, where he walks into another man in a Vince mask who hits him with a kendo stick. DX try for the save and get kendoed as well. Will it be Armageddon for Vince McMahon or Triple H? Find out, Sunday!

Next time on the SmackDown Rewind: Ah hell, I’ll do Armageddon. I’ve never seen it.