WWF SmackDown Rewind: 11.18.99 – “The Funeral of Big Show’s Father”

Well, for those of us who are keeping up with the SmackDown archives on Peacock in the United States, we prepare to join the rest of the world with the content leaving in a few weeks along with the NXT PLE archives. I imagine we won’t get the full decades-long run of the show anywhere else, so it’s a new era. Don’t worry, there are still many ways to find SmackDown. They aren’t nearly as convenient, but we’ll be okay.

Previously on SmackDown: DX defeat a mega team of faces when Vince McMahon again accidentally hits a good guy with a chair, Mankind explores the adult entertainment of Philadelphia after winning the World Tag Team Titles with Al Snow, and Big Boss Man again escapes the Big Show.

Fireworks! Signs! We’re taped and at the Baltimore Arena in Baltimore, Maryland. The audio mix is all off, but Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler welcome us to the show somewhere underneath the booming theme song. Tony Chimel is on the mic for ring announcements.

D-Generation X (WWF Champion Triple H, X-Pac, and WWF World Tag Team Champions Road Dogg & Mr. Ass) starts us off. The New Age Outlaws ended the short reign of Al Snow & Mankind on Raw, grabbing their fifth set of tag titles together and the eighth for the Ass Man. Triple H says they are on top of WWF again. We go back to footage of Raw with DX holding down and assaulting a woman we’re told is Stephanie McMahon in the locker room as a way to upset the McMahon men. Back live, Dogg pulls out the dress the woman was wearing and Triple H says, “That thing all gooey?” Ew. HHH tells us it wasn’t really Stephanie but a drama student from Philly who portrayed the role and she was a great actress. Billy tells us it wasn’t acting and he punctured one of her lungs. What a guy. HHH says he doesn’t make mistakes and he’ll go through Rock, Austin or even Vince to walk out of Survivor Series with his championship because he is that damn good.

WWF Chairman Vince McMahon joins us for a rebuttal. He says he could walk down to the ring and fire all four men or he could go back and come back with help and leave them a mess. He’s not doing that though, he is going to have fun as guest referee at Survivor Series instead. Tonight in that very ring, we’ll have an eight-man Survivor Series elimination match with DX against Shane, Test, Kane and The Rock. No, it’s not a rerun from last week… we’ve replaced Stone Cold with Test! Stone Cold will be the guest enforcer tonight. DX give us anger as Vince leaves and HHH hopes Vince looks at Stephanie’s smile “because she’s thinking about exactly what DX could do to her in the sack.” Test runs out and is stomped down, as a man running into four men might expect. McMahon comes back and they toss Test out to him, Test busted open.

Tonight, Arnold Schwarzenegger will be here! We also have exclusive footage of the funeral of Big Show’s father, and you will not believe what you’re going to see, says Cole.

Here’s a vignette on Olympic Gold Medalist Kurt Angle who knows you have to have a little something extra to win Olympic gold. He’ll debut this Sunday at Survivor Series.

Vince, Pat Patterson and Gerald Brisco are in the parking lot waiting for Arnold, Pat saying he is late as if Vince didn’t show up 35 minutes into the show last week.

Edge (with Christian) vs Hardcore Holly (with Crash Holly)

“You Think You Know Me” is still a great theme. Friends, I think a few of you need to be told that Bob Holly is not the man running that Twitter account. Crash accidentally knocks Hardcore in the head with his scale. The Hollys are set to team with Too Cool against E&C and the Hardy Boyz on Survivor Series. Hardcore starts out on top of Edge. Edge runs into a suplex by Hardcore. Hardcore leaps off the top into Edge’s boots. Holly runs into a back body drop and a Perfect Plex for a two count. Edge hits a tornado DDT for a two count, Hardcore ends the rally with his dropkick. Holly is knocked down and feels a superplex, but rolls Edge into a pin.

Hardcore Holly pins Edge. It was fine for the three minutes it had, at least.

Vince and the stooges greet a limo, Arnold Schwarzenegger stepping out and offering a hug to McMahon. He is now the biggest star to appear on SmackDown, pushing Cindy Margolis to #2 and the other stars of Shasta McNasty to the bottom of the list.

We see Big Show helping his grieving mother out of a limo. Lawler tells us we can’t believe what we’re going to see.

The Godfather & D’Lo Brown vs The Dudley Boyz (D-Von & Bubba Ray Dudley)

Godfather & D’Lo team with the Headbangers at Survivor Series to battle the Dudleys and The Acolytes in an elimination match. The Dudleys start the brawl. Bubba Ray hits a piledriver on D’Lo and draws the Godfather in for distraction, giving D-Von a chance to hit the flying headbutt. D’Lo lands a Sky High for a two count as D-Von knocks Godfather off the apron. Godfather eventually gets the hot tag and tries for the Ho Train, running into a pounce by Bubba Ray instead. Well, Willow’s pounce is cuter. The women distract Tim White, giving the Dudleys the chance to hit the 3D.

D-Von Dudley pins D’Lo Brown, The Dudley Boyz defeat Brown & Godfather. This was probably the best Dudleys match thus far on SmackDown, which isn’t saying a lot, but I enjoyed it.

DX are complaining in the locker room and wondering what they can do to get under Vince’s skin tonight.

Back at the funeral, the pallbearers carry the casket of Big Show’s father to the gravesite.

And now, the WWF Rewind, brought to you by Spyro 2: Ripto’s Rage Rewind. Val Venis distracts Mankind, giving the Outlaws a chance to win the tag titles.

WWF European Championship: WWF European Champion British Bulldog vs Val Venis (with Pete Gas, Joey Abs & Rodney)

Val teams with Mark Henry, Gangrel and Steve Blackman in an elimination match against the Bulldog and the Posse at Survivor Series in what is certainly a collection of eight individuals. Val says it is sad that Al’s doll was ripped off the shelves of Walmart and that Al treats women like objects (“that’s my gimmick, I treat women like objects”). Val attacks Bulldog, Bulldog superplexes Venis. The Posse attack Venis on the outside, tossing him back in before coming into the ring to further attack. Steve Blackman, Gangrel and Mark Henry come in to save the man they hadn’t really done much with before this point.

British Bulldog and Val Venis fight to a no contest. Nothing to this and there’s not much reason for these fellas to be together, but here we are.

Arnold Schwarzenegger meets The Rock backstage. Rock suggests it will be the “End of Days” for his opponents at Survivor Series and Arnold says he smells what Rock is cooking.

We revisit Big Show’s poetry on Raw before we go to the funeral of Big Show’s father. Show is giving heartfelt words when we hear Big Boss Man’s voice booming. Up pulls a Blues Brothers-style car with a hilariously large megaphone on top, Big Boss Man saying that nobody is bringing back Big Show’s father. Show leaps on the car but falls off as Big Boss Man speeds off. As the mourners check on Show, Big Boss Man locks a chain around the casket and says Big Show’s father always wanted to be a drag queen so he’s going to make him one right now. Boss Man speeds off, dragging the casket behind his car. Show leaps onto the casket, surfing on it a bit before falling off and rolling over. End scene.

Hilarious then, hilarious now. After commercials, we replay the funeral scene as Cole and Lawler talk about how sadistic Boss Man is.

WWF Hardcore Championship: WWF Hardcore Champion Big Boss Man vs Faarooq

Big Boss Man apologizes for being late as he was at a funeral and the fans chant “asshole.” “Your chances of beating me are about as stiff as your dad.” Faarooq has a mic of his own and threatens to shove the Hardcore Title up Boss Man’s ass. We almost went a whole show without a threat of something being shoved up an ass. They brawl to the outside. Faarooq pulls the padding off the barricade and runs Boss Man into it. He finds a chair and climbs the announce table, jumping onto Boss Man with it and getting a two count. Faarooq smacks Boss Man with the steel steps. He runs at Boss Man with the steps, Boss Man boots him backwards. Boss Man grabs the cabling and is run into the ring post. Faarooq hangs Boss Man over the top rope – “hanging may be too good for the Big Boss Man,” says Michael Cole – and Prince Albert appears to spray something in Faarooq’s face. Boss Man hits Faarooq with the steps and gets the pin. Bradshaw runs out with a huge (and kind of gross) chair shot to Albert’s noggin.

Big Boss Man pins Faarooq to retain the WWF Hardcore Title. It was short like everything else but it was entertaining. The little fire Faarooq had at the beginning was especially fun.

Kevin Kelly has found WWF Intercontinental Champion Chyna and Miss Kitty. Chyna chalks Chris Jericho’s problems up to “Vachyna Envy.” She promises to give Jericho an equal-opportunity ass kicking at Survivor Series.

During the break, Chris Jericho breaks a vase over Chyna’s head and shoves Kitty down. Hed rags Chyna over a table and dumps tampons on her. Not the tampons. We return to find Chyna busted open and being checked on by EMTs.

Chris Jericho joins us in-arena with a mic on stage. He says the attack was a warning and it hurt him more than it hurt her. He says she’s only here because she’s great for PR. “Even a woman can win a championship!” If she doesn’t hand over the Intercontinental Title at Survivor Series, he will end her career and prove that he is a man, therefore he is better than her, smarter than her and much sexier than her.

Test is being cleaned up by medics and talking to Shane McMahon, The Rock and Kane. Rock says Test’s broken nose doesn’t matter.

Grandmaster Sexay (with Scotty 2 Hotty) vs Jeff Hardy (with Matt Hardy and Terri Runnels)

Tonight, SmackDown is brought to you by Crispy M&M’s, WWF The Music Vol. 4 at Circuit City, and Western Union Money Transfer. Cole tells us Survivor Series has ten matches which feels like a lot with four elimination matches on the card. Jeff hits a Senton over the top onto Sexay before tossing him back in. Sexay works over Jeff in the corner as we continue to hype up “End of Days.” Jeff low blows Sexay and gets a rana for a two. Scotty tries and fails to knock Hardy down, Jeff crossbodies onto Sexay. Terri is distracting the ref which doesn’t help Jeff get the pinfall he’s trying to get. Scotty distracts the ref and Sexay tosses Matt into Jeff, hitting a facebuster and getting the pin.

Grandmaster Sexay pins Jeff Hardy. This was actually pretty good for a short SmackDown match.

Arnold meets Stone Cold Steve Austin, telling him he is looking forward to watching him open a can of whoop ass. Steve suggests that Arnold open a can of whoop ass on Satan in “End of Days.” Steve, I think filming has already wrapped.

Celebrities! They love SmackDown! The Baltimore Ravens (well, three of them) are at ringside.

WWF Chairman Vince McMahon is introduced and struts out with a version of the WWF Title on a blue strap. Vince introduces the future WWE Hall of Famer Arnold Schwarzenegger to a good pop as we see DX watching backstage and doing bad Arnold impressions. Arnold tells us, “I’m here to pump you up.” Vince awards him the championship as the “undisputed box office champion of the world.” Arnold holds it upside down and thanks Vince and the fans. The fans chant for Arnold. “Go and see The End of Days,” yells Arnold before raising his belt.

Backstage, Triple H wonders who Arnold ever beat and is mad that he busted his ass all his life for a belt while Arnold was just handed a replica. Well, at least Triple H will never be in a position where is handing out replica championships to celebrities.

After a break, DX wait for Arnold to walk through a door. Instead a random man does and gets attacked. They realize it isn’t Arnold and decide to continue the attack.

WWF Women’s Championship: WWF Women’s Champion Ivory vs Tori

Hey, there’s a Women’s Title here still. Ivory teams with Luna, Terri and Jacqueline against Fabulous Moolah, Mae Young, Tori and Debra in an eight-woman match so exciting that they didn’t make it an elimination tag match. Backstage, DX continue to look for Arnold. Ivory grabs a mic and says that if Tori can drag herself out from under her big red boyfriend, she wants to defend her belt. Tori runs out and Debra immediately starts her way down the aisle. Luna and Jaqueline follow as Tori tries for a pin. Ivory hits a facebuster as Fabulous Moolah and Mae Young walk slowly to the ring followed by Terri. Tori clotheslines Ivory over onto Mae and Moolah. “We want puppies,” chant the dog enthusiasts of Baltimore. They will learn to chant that around Mae one day. All the women brawl.

Ivory and Tori wrestle to a no contest; Ivory retains the WWF Women’s Title. You knew what was happening here.

DX tries another locker room and HHH is grabbed by Kane’s hand. DX brawl with Rock, Shane, Kane and Test.

And now, JVC Kaboom Box presents the JVC Kaboom of the Week: DX attack Rock on Raw.

Elimination Tag Team Match: D-Generation X (WWF Champion Triple H, WWF World Tag Team Champions Road Dogg & Mr. Ass and X-Pac) vs The Rock, Kane, Test and Shane McMahon

Arnold has joined the commentary team. Test does not enter with his team due to his broken nose. Stone Cold Steve Austin enters to be our “special enforcer,” grabbing a beer from the timekeeper’s area. The seven men start in a brawl as the fans chant for Rocky. X-Pac and Kane fight up the ramp as referee Earl Hebner has no control here. Steve taunts Triple H as Cole tells us that X-Pac and Kane have been eliminated by count out.

Dogg and HHH work over Shane. HHH hits Shane with the flying knee and Arnold is kind of fanboying on commentary in his own monotone way and it is kinda fun. Mr. Ass jackhammers Shane and Rock breaks the pin. Shane hits a big spear on Road Dogg and hammers him with right hands and a flying elbow. “Acrobatic, it’s amazing,” yells Arnold. The acrobatic Shane McMahon, ladies and gentlemen. DX work over Shane some more. McMahon tries for a comeback and walks into Dogg’s fists. Ass jumps in with a Fame Asser and Road Dogg gets the pin. Road Dogg pins Shane McMahon, Shane McMahon is eliminated.

We’re down to Rock vs DX at least until Test runs down the ramp. Ass smacks a chair across Test’s back. “It’s the dirtiest fight I’ve ever seen,” says Arnold. Hebner disqualifies Ass. Mr. Ass is disqualified and eliminated.

Dogg covers the downed Test, but Test gets his shoulder up. Dogg leaps into a big boot and Test gets the hot tag, Rock dropping both members of DX with punches and Arnold all into it. Rock hits a Rock Bottom on Road Dogg. The Rock pins Road Dogg, Road Dogg is eliminated.

Rock gets a swinging neck breaker for a two count on HHH. Test tags in and punches at Triple H until HHH low blows him. HHH shoves Rock out and punches Hebner. Austin comes at HHH with a chair and hits Rock instead. Arnold grabs a chair to hand to Stone Cold who knocks down Triple H. Test covers and Austin counts the pin.

Test pins Triple H. Triple H swings at Arnold, Arnold ducks and beats down Triple H. Austin joins in the beatdown before slugging HHH himself. “Arnold has terminated Triple H,” yells Cole. Austin and Arnold share beers in the ring – Austin chugging, Arnold taking a sip – to end the show.

That was a hell of a lot of fun, honestly. Arnold added a lot to it. He was clearly having the time of his life watching the match and he was game to get into it all at the end. The match itself wasn’t bad either.

This is probably, top to bottom, one of the best episodes of SmackDown to this point. The main event was good, the celebrity was game, the craziest funeral segment of all time happened, and most of the other little matches were good as well. I really enjoyed this one.

Next week: We leave Survivor Series with a surprise in the WWF Title scene, and the new champion defends his belt. We also have the in-ring SmackDown debut of Kurt Angle.