Earthquake vs. Yokozuna in a SUMO MATCH (and other Dream Matches!)

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! Today I have a pair of brand-new additions from the WWE Vault on YouTube! First is a FAT MAN STAND-OFF as Earthquake returns to the WWF in 1994 to feud with Yokozuna, taking him on in a Sumo Match on WWF RAW! Come see the rules of sumo be used with a pro wrestling cadence! Next up is a dark match for SABU, as he enters 1993 WWF territory to take on Scott Taylor in front of a crowd that’s entirely unfamiliar with him!

Next up is a tribute to another recently-deceased wrestler, as Steve “Mongo” McMichael faces Louie Spicolli on WCW Saturday Night! Then a WCW Nitro match featuring Chris Kanyon’s Mortis up against the deceptively-stocky Silver King!

SUMO MATCH:
EARTHQUAKE (aka Kototenzan) vs. YOKOZUNA (w/ Mr. Fuji & James E. Cornette):
(WWF RAW, May 16th 1994)
* ohhhhhhhhhhh yes- one of the biggest ever FAT MAN STAND-OFFS! I remember this one! So Earthquake & Yokozuna were having an issue at the time- Yoko is recently dethroned as WWF Champion and they needed some angles for him to work, and Quake had come back somewhat recently (squashing Adam Bomb in seconds at WrestleMania X, where Yoko lost the belt), and their squabbles led to a SUMO MATCH. The story I’ve heard is that John Tenta, being a legitimate sumo (reaching the Makushita division, which, as everyone knows, is the third highest division in rank, despite being only a newcomer to the sport- he quit early due to the physical toll on his body, never having lost a match). Yokozuna’s in his typical red outfit at this point (as tragically, they’ve eschewed the typical sumo “mawashi only” approach), while Tenta actually has a GREEN version of Yoko’s “sumo outfit”, with a dark green pair of shorts with a similar black mawashi over it. They’re in a typical WWF ring, but the ropes have been removed (Finkel says “obviously” while Macho Man goes “NO KIDDING!”. Macho Man on commentary is at his cocainey best, proclaiming “I can’t wait! Or maybe I CAN!!” and responding to McMahon’s comment of Yoko’s “girth” with “I know another word for GIRTH, Vince!” and then saying absolutely nothing as a follow-up.

As always, the ceremony is very important to sumo, though sadly Tenta’s shiko are a bit jerky due to being out of practice- even the biggest rikishi are expected to lift their legs higher and with more flow than THAT. Vince mistakes them putting their hands on the ring as the start, but it’s just part of the ceremony (Yokozuna seems to be following Tenta’s lead, here). Vince, classically, is all about Earthquake’s sumo name, but doesn’t understand what it means (Heavenly Mountain Harp). They stare each other down repeatedly while Vince & Savage try to fill space with stuff, but this is again a real part of the thing- staring each other down to intimidate one’s opponent. Tenta’s sweating INSANELY hard and Yoko keeps backing away to bow and throw more salt, but finally starts slapping his chest to build himself up. But finally, after several minutes of build, they hunch over, build themselves up, and… FAT GUY NO-SOLD SHOULDERBLOCKS! Yokozuna wobbles, but dodges Tenta’s charge and grabs him from behind with a maemitsu grip (aka the front of the mawashi).

Quake is standing riiiiiiiiight at the edge of the ring apron, but Yoko is obviously not really pushing him lest he ACTUALLY go out, and Quake is able to spin around him for his own maemitsu! But Yokozuna is able to do a headbutt from that position to spring Tenta back. They clash belly to belly with a doubleYotsu-zumō grip (both guys with both hands on each other’s mawashi). Yoko’s mawashi is being pulled up from the force of Quake’s grip, but he manages to push his opponent back a few steps (Quake turning to check the apron’s distance). But Earthquake is able to push himself forwards a bit as the crowd (which has been in “random yelling” mode and not really into it) finally starts rhythmically clapping to increase Earthquake’s sumo might. Earthquake finally just pushes Yokozuna’s hand off his mawashi, but they swap over and under-arm grips a couple times, and now each has an arm under on one side, and over on the other. Yoko again has Earthquake up against the apron, but suddenly they turn around and Yokozuna TRIES A THROW! But his throw is wide! They’re just too sweaty (psychology~~)! Yoko can only weakly rest his arms over Tenta’s shoulders for a moment before trying again, going so wide he stumbles back, allowing Tenta to fire off a DOUBLE-PALM STRIKE and Yokozuna goes down! Huuuuuuuuuuuuuge flat-back bump by the big man as he tumbles to the floor after hitting the mat, and Earthquake wins! And the fans, who were quiet and on the fence before, actually react! Earthquake pumps his fist with joy and Yoko has “lost face” according to Vince. Quake celebrates alongside Savage and we’re out.

Actually not bad! I mean, they do what they can with the sumo rules and try to have a pro wrestling style “changing momentum” match out of it, so what can you do? Real sumo matches are quite short and full of incredible force from the get-go, as both guys go all-out (it’s too fierce for their NOT to be a quick winner; a prolonged match would be too exhausting and cause tons of injuries anyways), so this one had to do the Royal Rumble style “Lazy Lean” at points to act like they were pushing even though it’s pretty obvious they weren’t really leaning on one another or their foot positioning would be different. BUT they were still working enough to sweat buckets and show effort. So we get the monentum shifts of Earthquake twice getting near the apron before turning it around, then the final drama of Yoko repeatedly trying throws (I thought he was going for ipponzoei shoulder throws, but he seems to grip the mawashi first before thrusting his arm up, but he slides his grip off Tenta’s arm each time). Then the finish is a crowd-pleaser and kind of makes sense with the psychology- Yokozuna tries too big a move against a pro, and it leaves him off-balance enough to be knocked down. A “legit” win for Tenta, but not one that kills Yokozuna’s credibility since all that happened was he got knocked down.

The fallout from this was… uneventful. A million stories have come about from various sources about why, but this was Earthquake’s last televised WWF match- he quit and went to WCW shortly after for the infamous “Avalanche/Shark” run. I remember reading that he balked at doing jobs to Yokozuna around the horn and quit, but now the story is that he was unhappy about financials at this stage of the WWF (no kidding) and just chased the money in WCW, helped in by Hulk Hogan, with whom he had a friendly relationship. Earthquake was written out of a King of the Ring Qualifying match against Owen Hart via Yoko Banzai Dropping him before the bout and left the WWF, his old tag partner TYPHOON coming back in to “avenge him”. Typhoon was only too happy to do a bunch of jobs for monies and they had a bit of a thing during the summer.

Rating: ** (hard to measure against other sumo bouts or other FAT MAN STAND-OFFS as it has different rules from both, but a pretty dramatic rendition of pro wrestling “rules” in a worked sumo match)

SABU vs. SCOTT TAYLOR:
(WWF RAW Dark Match, Poughkeepsie, New York, Oct. 18th 1993)
* haha, so like right after Sabu died, here comes the WWE Vault posting a Dark Match he had! With Scotty 2 Hotty, no less! Taylor had been the “jobber du jour” of the company for a while by this point, and was well-liked enough to stick around well into the Attitude Era, get repackaged as a Light Heavyweight and pal of heel Brian Christopher, then both actually got PUSHES! This match is so “Dark” that Taylor hits the ring at the exact same time the ref does. Sabu does a huge slide into the ring like normal, briefly prays, and then does his “Dart at the guy’s legs” thing going back to the early ’90s, Taylor not really selling this with the “WTF?” startling of other wrestlers. Taylor’s in long white tights; Sabu’s in pink pants.

Taylor plays keepaway for a bit, frustrating Sabu, who finally ankle-picks him a couple times and they trade leg stuff as the crowd clearly has NO idea who the hell Sabu is. So much for Poughkeepsie’s reputation as a place where they have their finger on the pulse of culture. Sabu punches free from a lazy leglock and starts humping Taylor while he’s being choked on the ropes, which is a choice. Taylor also doesn’t get flung back like you’re supposed to when Sabu pulls the ropes back on him, kinda just collapsing down. Probably isn’t used to that spot. Sabu realizes something is needed, so slams him and hits his slingshot legdrop for two, which gets some applause. Sabu holds a front facelock a while so he can give instructions, doing his “land on his feet from a backdrop” spot into a savate kick for another half-decent reaction, putting him on the floor for a somersault pescado! Sabu nearly slips, but then fires off an Asai Moonsault to really surprise people. People jump up like “WHAT THE–?!” in shock, especially as he mostly misses and nails the guardrail. The fans actually clap for him now, as both are slow to recover, but Taylor catches him with a back body drop and some “slap his own hand” punches, pumping himself up like Jim Powers, then hits a rolling double-leg slam to the back, but gets crotched up top. Sabu hits the Super Frankensteiner (a big move in 1993!), doing the dreaded “oh wait…” repositioning of the leg beforehand so Taylor can take the bump. Sabu gets off at one (he doesn’t pull him up at “1”, he just… arbitrarily gets off) and tries to hit his rope-assisted Jumbing Bomb Angels armdrag, but Scott has NO idea how the fuck to take that so Sabu just kinda stops after his flip and grabs him for a forwards roll. The Rope-Flip Moonsault finishes at (4:28). Well, people clap!

Well it… kinda suited its purposes: Seeing if Sabu can work “WWF Style” or work on TV. The answer of course is NO, for a few reasons. Taylor was a bit unsure of how to take this stuff, which would have DEFINITELY been an issue in 1993 had Sabu actually gotten the job, as he doesn’t sell the leg-pick or neck stuff exactly like he should have. Poor pre-match communication? It follows the typical cadence a match like this should have, but I will say that Sabu was a bit too sloppy and unsteady to be “WWF Ready” at this point. Like, Scott Taylor was one of the better jobbers in the company, and if he’s totally clueless what Sabu’s doing (the JB Angels armdrag spot was particularly bad) then what are the chances of Mo, Crush, Ray Apollo and Kwang of doing it right? Never mind that the worst thing you can do in a dark match is start showing off all the cool movez you know to the agents- they wanna see how you SELL and how you can time a match! That said, if Sabu had actually made it there, he’d probably have been talked about MUCH sooner doing all the “Japan Stuff” at this stage in the game (imagine him in a company alongside the Smoking Gunns & Money Inc.), never mind if they’d actually let him do table stuff.

Rating: *1/2 (perfectly okay squash, but not that great- some uncoordinated bits from a confused wrestler)

THIS FAT SACK OF CRAP!! He’s buried to me forever for this! He didn’t even HIDE THE NAME!! Etsuko Mita invented the Death Valley Bomb in a 1993 match against Suzuka Minami when Spicolli was just an indie jobber! Suddenly he shows up in ECW and it’s a “Death Valley Driver” and he “invented it”? Way to take credit for a woman’s work, Spicolli! She was winning titles while you weren’t even making TV! SHUT UP I AM CALM I KNOW IT’S NOT THAT HUGE A DEAL!

STEVE “MONGO” McMICHAEL vs. LOUIE SPICOLLI:
(WCW Saturday Night, Jan. 3rd 1998)
* So it’s come to Mongo (RIP Mongo!) vs. Spicolli! They couldn’t have had much overlap (especially since Spicolli wasn’t in WCW that long), but here they are in a C-show squash. Spicolli comes out in a shirt boasting of his invention of the Death Valley Driver, which is a) A DIRTY ROTTEN LIE and b) not like… that much of a thing to crow over. I mean it’s a nifty move and I wish it was still a big deal and not a “kick out at two” release move but “I INVENTED A MOVE!” is a weird thing for a job guy to boast about, haha. Mongo’s in his black striped shorts (I assume those are Bears colors) and Louie’s wearing the ECW T-Shirt of Shame and jeans, looking like he’s building the perfect Magic deck.

Dusty Rhodes puts over Mongo’s athletic acumen while pointing out that Spicolli has “gone to the pay windah” a couple of times as well. Louie dodges Mongo and hits some punches, but Steve is like “Wait, you suck” and stops selling, giving a beatdown (lol are those side-kicks?). A clothesline looks more like he just clocked Louie on the top of the head, and he hits a neckbreaker as the dudebros in the crowd chant “Goldberg!” at him (was this during their feud? *checks* ah, at the recent Starrcade ’97). Spicolli gouges the eyes and cheers himself on, not seeing Mongo recover and he hits the three-point stance for two low tackles, then finishes with the Mongo Spike (tombstone) at (1:57).

A very basic squash, Mongo never really being capable of more, but fine for what it was. Spicolli may be a NO GOOD DIRTY ROTTEN STINKING MOVE-THIEF, but he could fly around for a fat guy and maybe oversold a bit (overshooting Mongo on the sell-job of those tackles) but was otherwise fine.

Rating: 1/2* (perfectly acceptable squash- 2.5/5 on the Squash Scale)

MORTIS (w/ James Vandenberg & Wrath) vs. SILVER KING:
(WCW Nitro, 1997)
* Mortis’s run in WCW continues with an obvious win over Silver King! And hey- nifty chyron, with GREEN OUTLINES of the text for Mortis! Silver King is oddly in GREEN trunks, which seems like a faux pas against Mortis and his motif.

Silver King immediately impresses with a backflip off the top into a superkick for two, but he’s already established as a “never wins” jobber so no one gives a shit, lol. He hits an interesting slingshot roundhouse kick int he corner, but misses a moonsault, landing on his feet but getting roundhoused himself. Funny bit as he awkwardly misses another, then kinda shuffles off the ropes for a legdrop when Vandenberg trips SK. Mortis with a jackhammer for two, then messes about beating on him until Silver King gets a dropkick. Slingshot plancha to the floor and a LARIAT (?!) gets two, and Mortis seems to debut his future finisher as a counter, called a “reverse Russian legsweep” (well, it sort of is) by Mike Tenay. The Flatliner (then a Samoan drop off the second rope) gets the easy pin at (3:31). Perfectly okay match, but weird as puny Silver King is hitting strikes against a MUCH larger opponent as if there’s no size difference, but at least Mortis let him hit a bunch of his big stuff, not that the fans ever cared about it. Commentary was only talking about the nWo during the match. Vandenberg gets on the mic and calls out their PPV opponents, the Faces of Fear, leading to a donnybrook in the ring.

Rating: *1/2 (about what you’d expect from 3 minutes of Kanyon/Silver King- some awkward bits but mostly fine)

Gaze into the face of terror.

OVW SOUTHERN TAG TEAM TITLES:
THE DISCIPLES OF SYNN (Payne & Damien, w/ Synn) vs. THE MINNESOTA STRETCHING CREW (Brock Lesnar & Shelton Benjamin):
(WWF Dark Match, 5/15/2001)
* By request, here’s a 2001 match featuring the OVW Southern Tag Titles being defended in a WWF DARK MATCH- the Disciples of Synn against the Brock/Shelton duo. The DoS are one of nine million “Spooky Stables” that populated the indies and a few companies during this era. The Ministry of Darkness was but one- it was one of the easiest things possible to just slap some “scary” makeup on a guy and throw him into a stable to create insta-feuds. In this case, they’re managed by Synn, a middle-aged woman who later ends up married to Jim Cornette. Payne and Damien look HILARIOUS- obviously a pair of dudes who were never going to get hired in a Vince/Johnny Ace company, being short, doughy, shapeless guys. Probably good “Southern Stock” for Cornette’s OVW, able to feud with the guys the WWF WOULD want and stick around as they cycled through the promotion. Damien is Brian Logan, a guy with a bad haircut and his eyebrows shaved pointily, plus one of those beards you only saw circa 2001. The other is BJ Payne, who is bald and looks like an ECW guy. Because it’s 2001, they come down to Limp Bizkit. The MSC are in yellow, Brock with a singlet & Shelton shorts, and get a bit of a reaction, possibly because they are SWOLE and the fans recognize they’re looking at somebody who will be important. They also come down to Limp Bizkit.

Shelton knows to clap rhythmically before the match begins so the fans know he’s a babyface, and he kicks Damien down and does an armdrag, then the RVD “kick after he grabs the other leg” move to impress the fans (the lack of fake crowd noise really changes things). Over to Brock who hits a perfect elbowdrop, then catches Damien coming off the top effortlessly, hitting an overhead belly-to-belly. Payne runs in and gets gutwrenched, and the boys do a double-back elbow & Double Rock Bottom, a bit janky with their double-team timing and movements around the ring. Payne runs in with his Sky High powerbomb (thank you, Payne’s Fandom page) and they work over Shelton. Powerslam & beatdown by Payne, then an assisted clothesline & bulldog by Damien. Brock is caught on the apron not selling the match appropriately while Shelton & Damien have issues moving around each other- a janky bit sees Payne hit a DDT. I’m thinking he’s much better than Damien is. Synn adds some choking and Brock finally reacts like he should be, freaking out over it. Payne hits a regular & front suplex, then Damien a flying elbow for two. Brock saves after a whirling gutwrench suplex (!), but Shelton hits a DOUBLE sunset flip (sounds better than it looked) and rolls out to Brock, who cleans house and hits a big powerslam to Payne for two. Brock hits a sleeper of all things during a melee, but Synn tries to spray stuff at him, Brock stopping her and, because it’s the Attitude Era, BODYSLAMS her to the biggest reaction so far. Brock then sprays Payne instead, so Shelton can set him up for the SHOOTING STAR PRESS, hitting it like 2/3 the way across the ring for three (6:09). New OVW Tag Champions!

A pretty janky, short-ish match, especially for a tag title bout, but okay enough to showcase the guys a bit. They were having some issues with positioning, possibly because Shelton & Brock were so damn big and athletic compared to their opponents and weren’t used to “being moved”. Damien seemed pretty awful but Payne feels legit- hitting everything fine and obviously controlling the match’s flow AND hitting all of his team’s moves himself (Damien only does a weak flying elbow). Brock wasn’t that great as a corner guy, mostly sitting there not doing anything until it was his time to freak out, but the SSP was a big deal and got a lot of attention online at the time. The babyfaces kinda lacked that emotion you need- no real fire to them yet. They’d pick that up a bit later (well, Shelton always struggled a bit) but they didn’t really ACT like guys who were in the biggest match of their lives, and responded like it was just a regular win- not a title match.

Rating: *3/4 (perfectly okay, poor in parts but kinda got it worked out in the end)