Minus-Star Match Reviews: Goldberg vs. Brock Lesnar – WWE WrestleMania XX

Twenty years ago Brock Lesnar and Goldberg were two of the biggest stars in wrestling. Everyone wanted to see them clash since they were so alike. And when they did…it was a disaster. An unbridled, unmitigated, unmistakable disaster. It was so bad that it soured fans’ opinions of both men for over a decade. And while their later matches in 2016 and 2017 turned things around for both of them, their first big clash shouldn’t’ve ever been so bad in the first place. But why did it suck? Read on to find out.

The Story

From the moment Goldberg made his long-waited WWE debut people were asking ‘when is he facing Lesnar?’. There was a simple reason for these two to face off: two monstrous powerhouses that threw people around clashing in the typical Vince McMahon ideal of irresistible force versus immovable object. Both men had explosive power. Both men moved deceptively quickly for their size. Both men were loved by fans for being the kinds of superstars they wished they could be.

But things were different behind the curtain. What was supposed to be a genuine dream match à la Rock versus Hogan was doomed from the start. Backstage rumors on both men’s departures got leaked which turned this dream into a nightmare. Goldberg’s departure had been hinted at and somewhat expected: he only signed a one-year contract and his time in WWE was underwhelming. He was believed to be unhappy with his creative and appeared to have problems with Triple H.

Lesnar’s departure, however, shocked many people. Fans didn’t know as much about him then as now and the wrestlers weren’t sharing every intimidate detail about their lives on a daily basis. So when news broke out the week before WrestleMania that he was leaving as well, his plans for a quiet departure blew up in his face.

Though WWE never outwardly admitted Lesnar’s departure until it happened, the rumors spread fast enough that the hardest of the hardcore that made the trip to WrestleMania would know about it. And since neither guy was going to be there come Monday, they decided that neither one was worth their time or their support.

The Match

This took place on March 14, 2004.

The crowd pops for the entrances but within seconds of the bell ringing any and all goodwill disappears. A loud “You Sold Out” chant begins and then they sing “nana na na, hey hey, goodbye”. Lots of standing around as both Lesnar and Goldberg cuss in the ring. Nothing happens for a long time so the crowd chants for Austin. The two wrestlers FINALLY lock-up as the crowd chants either “Goldberg”, “Boring”, or “Bullshit”. This lock-up/test of strength goes on forever and the crowd boos. A second lock-up leads to the same stalemate, at which point the crowd chants “this match sucks”. They’re not wrong.

Goldberg shoots Lesnar into the ropes and they do the immovable object shoulderblock spot to a torrent of boos. They reverse positions and Goldberg runs into Lesnar but neither man budges. They go nose-to-nose as the crowd chants “We Want Bret”. The third shoulderblock sends both men down. They take more time getting up and then Goldberg lifts Lesnar overhead and drops him into a spinebuster. Finally something interesting. Goldberg charges for a spear in a corner but Lesnar dodges so Goldberg hits the post.

Lesnar sends Goldberg into a post at which point the crowd chants “Goldberg sucks”. In the ring Lesnar hits a vertical suplex for two. He lands another suplex and then applies a standing crossface hold. The crowd pops momentarily for something happening in the crowd. IIRC there was some Hogan or Macho Man impersonator entertaining the fans so they were happy for a moment. Apparently that person gets ejected because the crowd chants “bullshit” which causes security to get more heat than the two guys competing here.

Anyways, Goldberg throws Lesnar off but Lesnar knocks him down with another shoulderblock. The crowd is completely dead as Goldberg escapes a chinlock. Lesnar lands a running clothesline for a two-count. Jim Ross calls this a “very pedestrian, mat-oriented contest” like that’s supposed to be some kind of compliment while the crowd chants “this match sucks” again. I think the impersonator comes back because the crowd starts chanting ‘Hogan’ as Goldberg reverses a corner whip and hits short-arm clotheslines. LOUD “Hogan” chants as Goldberg hits a spear for a two-count. Goldberg gets in Austin’s face to argue the count which gets a mild reaction. Goldberg turns around and eats an F-5 to the mildest and quickest pop I’ve ever heard in a Lesnar match. one, two, Goldberg kicks out, prompting more boos from the crowd that want this match to end.

It’s Lesnar’s turn to get in ref Austin’s face to almost no reaction. After that Lesnar goes for a spear but he misses as well. Goldberg capitalizes with a second spear and a Jackhammer, Goldberg pins and get the three-count. The crowd pops mildly, not because Goldberg won, but because the match is finally over.

Winner after 13:48: Goldberg

Post-match the crowd sings ‘nana na na, hey hey, goodbye’ again to Lesnar, who responds by flipping double birds directly into the camera and then to Austin. Austin responds with a Stunner which pops the crowd. Goldberg comes in to celebrate with Austin but then he too eats a Stunner. Austin serves as the referee and ends up the biggest and most important guy in the match…why does that sound familiar?

Review

This match was mind-bogglingly stupid. It was a complete disaster from start to finish. There was no reason for this to go as long as it did since most of the time both guys just stood there staring at each other as the crowd pelted them with insulting chants and singing. I’m sure the people who weren’t actively chanting or booing were quietly begging for SOMETHING to happen only for those hopes to fall on deaf ears. It was obvious that neither man was putting in any effort into this and they were just there to collect paychecks. It’s a shame that it took Goldberg and Lesnar twelve years to figure out that they could’ve had a three-minute demolition derby and the crowd would’ve been happy. But since they didn’t and allowed this match to go as originally intended it ends up being perhaps the biggest blemish on both men’s careers.

What surprises me the most about this is that there were plenty of opportunities for Vince McMahon or someone else backstage to call an audible and cut this match short. The man was said to be a notorious micromanager who treated WrestleMania as his flagship program yet he did nothing to stop this train wreck from continuing. By letting Goldberg and Lesnar stretch this match out he was basically daring the crowd to respond however they liked and they obliged. Even if viewers weren’t up to speed on rumors surrounding Goldberg or Lesnar and just wanted to watch the match itself they were disappointed. Both guys took about three minutes’ worth of actual movement and stretched it over almost fourteen. Both did the easiest moves imaginable. The first halfway interesting maneuver of any sort took place a good five minutes in. The crowd got so bored they cheered for someone in the audience because that was more exciting than this.

Final Rating: -**

Not even Stone Cold Steve Austin could salvage this disappointment. This wasn’t just a dream match ruined by news leaking out that both guys were leaving; it was also ruined by two guys that clearly didn’t want to leave WWE on a high note. Both men were miserable but didn’t grit their teeth one last time to give the audience something palatable to remember them by. Instead, this match remains on the shortlist for worst WrestleMania match of all time.

There have been worse wrestlers, worse ideas, and worse execution at the biggest show of the year, but few matches have disappointed as much as this one. To this day many wrestling fans remember Goldberg fondly and Lesnar is still admired in some circles. But on this night they gave the audience a very clear middle finger (and in Lesnar’s case, two) as they took their big paychecks and left.

Even if the rumors couldn’t be ignored these two could’ve left WWE on a high note; instead they left on an embarrassing one.

Thanks for reading.