Minus-Star Match Reviews: The Undertaker vs. Kane – WWE Judgment Day 1998

What the hell are Kane and The Undertaker doing in a review involving matches that got NEGATIVE stars?

Well it turns out that wrestling’s most (in)famous match reviewer hated one of their matches that he rated less than a DUD. On paper that seems either impossible or a mistake: Kane (!) and The Undertaker (!!) one-on-one during the Attitude Era (!!!) with Stone Cold Steve Austin as the special guest referee (!!!!). How was it possible for them to have anything less than an exciting match together? Read on to find out.

The Story

Vince McMahon wanted to remove Austin from the title picture by any means necessary but Austin kept coming back no matter what. At some point McMahon decided to stack the deck against Austin as much as possible by having him feud with two of the most powerful forces in the company: the Brothers of Destruction, Kane and The Undertaker.

The brothers appeared to put their differences aside to wage war with Austin, but there’s was an uneasy peace. This led to Breakdown a month earlier which concluded with a triple threat match between Austin, The Undertaker, and Kane. The special stipulation for that match was that the two challengers couldn’t win by beating each other; only by pinning or submitting Austin could wither of them become champion. Naturally this convoluted story had a convoluted ending as Austin was pinned by both men at once, to which McMahon responded by taking the title away for the moment.

McMahon’s solution to this newfound problem was to add more complexity to it. At Judgment Day, The Undertaker would face Kane to crown a new champion. And to add even more insult to injury, McMahon made Austin the special guest referee and would thus have to award the title to one of these two men/monsters.

But would Austin be an unbiased official, or would he cause mayhem once again as he was wont to do?

The match

This match took place on October 18, 1998. It was rated -*1/2 by Dave Meltzer.

Kane and ‘Taker have a short stare-down and then shake hands, despite them turning on each other on the most recent episode of RAW. Austin is only the special guest referee but he comes out last and gets the biggest pop. He pantomimes some gestures to warn them not to pull hair or kick below the belt, which is something few people do nowadays what with all the cameras up front. Still, for the audience in the building having someone in the ring doing stuff like that helps them understand what’s going on, especially if they can’t see all that well or hear any commentary. Then Austin flips both of them off and orders the bell rung.

Undertaker attacks first with punches and then lands Old School without any resistance. Kane blocks a corner charges, launches ‘Taker into it, and lands punches of his own. Kane lands a powerslam as the crowd chants for Austin. Undertaker sits up, eats a clothesline, and then sits up again. More corner shots are blocked and Undertaker hits a clothesline of his own. He covers Kane but Austin does a super slow count and doesn’t even get a one-count. Undertaker gets in Austin’s face and turns around to another clothesline and this time Austin fast-counts Kane to get two.

Kane reverses an Irish whip and boots ‘Taker to the floor. The action spills to ringside and Undertaker smashes Kane into various metal objects. Austin grabs an electric cable and suggests ‘Taker use it but ‘Taker opts for a chair instead. ‘Taker swings but hits a ringpost. Kane lands a throat thrust and smashes ‘Taker into an announce table and then a different ringpost.

Back in the ring ‘Taker blocks a back body drop with a kick and lands a vertical suplex. Kane gets up before ‘Taker and lands yet another clothesline. ‘Taker sits up, gets shot to the ropes, and collides with Kane awkwardly. Another move off the ropes gets blocked and ‘Taker kicks Kane’s leg. Undertaker, a 300-pound wrestling zombie/demon/spirit entity, starts working Kane’s leg. He smashes Kane’s knee into the canvas and the side of the ring and applies another leglock. All of this leads to the crowd chanting…for Austin. Man this crowd just does not give a shit.

Kane frees himself and lands a sideWALK slam and a running elbow drop. Undertaker ducks a big boot and clips Kane’s bad knee. He applies a heel hook (?) and then switches to what looks to be a Terry Funk spinning toe hold. The legwork continues but the crowd still doesn’t care, especially since Kane isn’t really a babyface in this situation. ‘Taker ties Kane in the tree of woe and then switches to head-butts. The match slows down even further somehow as ‘Taker chokes Kane in a corner. One guy can be heard shouting “BORING” as Austin tries whatever he can to inject some animation into this match without getting physically involved. ‘Taker charges from one corner to another but Kane catches him, walks forward – legwork be damned – and hits a spinebuster.

Kane hits a clothesline and both men go down. Kane lands some corner strikes and goes for an Irish whip. But then he turns it around and whips ‘Taker back into that first corner…and into Austin. Then Kane chokeslams Austin. Wait, what? Kane chokes Austin while ‘Taker stomps on him, to which Lawler asks “how do you win?”

Kane goes to stomp Austin some more but ‘Taker kicks Kane’s weakened knee. Kane reverses an Irish whip, chokeslams ‘Taker, and goes to one knee. Out comes Paul Bearer with a chair. Bearer enters the ring and gestures to attack Undertaker, only to then attack Kane instead. Kane no-sells and backs Bearer into a corner but then turns around and Undertaker brains him with the chair. Undertaker covers Kane but Austin’s not counting him. ‘Taker stares him down and Austin tells him to go cover Kane, only to then turn him around and hit a Stunner. Austin follows with a chairshot to the head and sees that both men are immobile. So then Austin counts both men even though they’re not touching each other in any way. One, two, three! There’s the match!

Match result after 17:41: Double pin/no-contest; Steve Austin declared himself the winner (because, fuck you, that’s why)

Post-match, Austin asks Vince McMahon to face him in the ring. Impatient, Austin goes looking for Austin backstage, leading to a riveting look at WWE’s empty backstage area. Austin returns to the ring and both Undertaker and Kane have already left. Austin starts talking when a black screen pulls up to reveal a sky box with Vince inside. What, was he there the whole time but watching on monitors instead of through the windows?

Vince starts talking and the crowd starts calling him an asshole which Austin acknowledges. Vince retorts with “Stone Cold, screw you, you’re fired!” Vince repeats himself as some people start throwing garbage at him. Vince leaves and Austin threatens him saying “you ain’t seen the last of Stone Cold Steve Austin” and then he demands his music be played one last time so that he can have one last beer bash. For a guy that was just fired he certainly still has a lot of pull in the company, doesn’t he?

Review

This really sucked. It was slow, plodding, and stupid. These three wrestlers were dealt a bad hand with the match’s story and were stuck trying to make chicken salad out of chicken shit and could barely even muster any lettuce. This was proof that talented wrestlers, can be downright crippled if they’re stuck with a bad script or bad direction. Not even three of the most revered wrestlers in WWE history could salvage this mess, despite their best efforts.

The match went almost eighteen minutes and during that time nothing happened. The ‘wrestling’ was composed of punching, Irish whips and the odd power move here or there. It was supposed to be a WrestleMania rematch with the same sort of monster-versus-monster dynamic that made that WM match at least halfway watchable. But there was none of that here. It made no sense for Undertaker and Kane to shake hands and then start fighting, and then later for a truce to start and then end in the span of seconds like this was an out-of-season Royal Rumble match. When these guys did opt to tell a story, they focused on making the match as wild as possible, as if unpredictability for its own sake is some kind of barometer for success. But that overarching theme turned this into a lazy match that led to an apathetic audience. It was clear that the audience only wanted to see Austin and couldn’t give less of a shit about anyone else in the match even if they tried. But instead of recognizing that negative reaction and working around it, these guys plowed ahead with their scheduled match and did a whole lot of nothing. Undertaker’s extensive legwork segment, while sound on paper, failed in practice because Kane went straight for power moves and showed little effect soon afterwards. Austin, the centerpiece of the storyline and the match, stood around for long periods of time doing nothing. The few physical moments of his were barely built to, which created this ho-hum-oh-well pacing. And when it came time to end the match they went down the lazy direction with a nonsensical-but-still-good-because-its-an-unpredictable-swerve-bro surprise finish that led to less of a reaction as one might expect.

With a stupid finish to a match that looked and felt inconsequential from the opening bell, it’s no wonder the crowd barely reacted to anyone besides Austin. There was just no excitement here. Neither Undertaker nor Kane were babyface so the fans had no one to cheer for. That worsened things since WWE’s product at the time was story-heavy and so not having that face/heel dynamic was much more of a drawback for WWE than it would be in some other places. And because of this strange dynamic, the action didn’t lend itself to creating explosive reactions. And so the audience sat on their hands for most of the match and only popped when Austin did anything. One doesn’t need a clearer sign of a match’s failure than the audience only caring about the referee and not the people actually getting physical with each other.

Final Rating: DUD

This is still a bad match but nothing truly terrible aside from the dreadful finish that rightfully sends it to the dustbin of wrestling history. There wasn’t that much special here aside from the novelty of Undertaker working Kane’s leg somewhat scientifically in a match and story that didn’t require it. I can’t call this a bad match; there were no big botches and the actual moves were done fine. What really brings this match down are the slow pacing, incomprehensible move placement throughout the match, the strange decision to spend minutes on end on a legwork segment that led nowhere, and bad storytelling that made little use of Austin as the referee. But even with these flaws, this is more of a disappointing match than an outwardly bad one.

There are different lessons one could draw from this match but none are more important than this: WWE’s modus operandi for many years was to book shows with the mentality that “we have your money, now you get what we give you”. It’s an unappreciative mindset that showed how little the company really cared about their audience, even when they were still struggling to compete with WCW. Some people in top positions in that company thought that they could sell out venues with names alone and then put out whatever the hell they wanted, regardless of whether or not it made sense. And unfortunately, that mindset would sink its roots into the company for years to come. Whether WWE keeps that mentality going forward remains to be seen.

Thanks for reading.