The SmarK Rant for WWE Smackdown – 08.29.02
Taped from Uncasville, CT. This is the usual Vince weirdness where they never say the name of the city and only refer to the Mohegan Sun Casino whenever they’re there.
Your hosts are Michael Cole & Tazz
Stephanie McMahon joins us after announcing on RAW that the Undisputed championship is now EXCLUSIVE to this show. And since HHH doesn’t work Thursdays, he’s #1 contender of NOTHING and they’re going to have their own tournament to crown their own #1 contender, with hookers, and blackjack! In fact, forget the tournament. And the blackjack.
#1 Contender tournament round one: Edge v. Eddie Guerrero
So we begin with this one, as Eddie attacks and Edge fights him off and bulldogs him for two. Eddie hides behind the ref and gets a cheapshot to take over. Eddie puts the boots to him and blocks a charge with a back elbow, and a suplex gets two. So Eddie takes him down with an armbar and cranks on that, then dropkicks the knee, but Edge suplexes him to the floor and follows with a double axehandle from the top to the floor. Back in, Eddie brings him in with a superplex for two. Edge fights back with a powerbomb and both guys are out and doing the All Japan sell at 4:00 into the match, but Edge makes the comeback. Edge-O-Matic gets two. Edge beats on him in the corner, so Eddie bails and retrieves some chairs, tricking Edge into grabbing one while he sets up the other one in the corner. So the ref grabs the one chair and Edge tries to spear Eddie, but he runs headfirst into the backup chair and Eddie finishes with the frog splash at 7:51. There seems to be a future in this lying and cheating and stealing strategy for Eddie. Good opener. ***.
Meanwhile, Matt Hardy finds Stephanie backstage before stopping to listen to the gigantic crowd reaction for himself, because they love him in Mohegan Sun. He’s ready to compete in the tournament, but Steph announces that Rikishi is next for Eddie. So I guess it’s less of a tournament than it is a gauntlet.
John Cena v. Reverend D-Von
So last week, Batista seemed to break away from D-Von for good this time. Cena attacks and gets a bulldog, but D-Von rolls to the ropes and catches him with a neckbreaker out of the corner. D-Von with a snap suplex and he drops an elbow for two. Powerslam gets two. This leads to Tazz to explain the success of Brock Lesnar: “He comes out, he hits you with moves, and he covers you.” Hold on, I’m taking notes. Cena makes the comeback with a shoulderblock for two and an atomic drop that was pretty ugly, but D-Von recovers with a back elbow of his own. D-Von goes up and misses a diving headbutt and Cena SHOOTS THE HALF but screws it up and that only gets two. D-Von with the atomic drop and a reverse suplex to finish at 3:55 and this was not pretty. 1/2*. This was a baffling booking decision at the time, because D-Von wasn’t beating anyone at this point and he went over Cena cleanly in the midst of the big “rookie” push for Cena. Afterwards, Batista hits the ring and destroys D-Von with his new powerbomb before debuting his new music.
Meanwhile, we pose the question of who’s that jumping out the sky before answering our own question by listening further to the song.
Rey Mysterio v. Rico
Rey dumps Rico over the top as Billy & Chuck run away and won’t catch him, so Rey dives and hits them with his own dive. This prompts the ref to send Billy & Chuck for some reason, even though they literally did nothing wrong. Back in the ring, Rey with his “leg scissors” on Rico, but Rico gets a dragon sleeper and turns it into a sit out powerslam. Rico with some triple suplexes into a delayed falcon arrow, so delayed they should call it WWF No Mercy on N64. See that joke would have KILLED at the time. Rey tries a springboard on Rico, but he catches Rey and gets a snap powerslam, once again showing that’s ridiculous how they ruined him in every way. Rico with a moonsault that misses and Rey comes back with the bulldog for two. Rey takes him into the post with a headscissors and hits a double jump moonsault for two. Rico cuts him off with a backbreaker and tries his spinkick, but Rey ducks that and hits the 619 and West Coast Pop to finish at 5:30. Rico must have been chomping at the bit to get to work with Rey and actually do a MATCH for once because he went out there and flung himself all over the ring to put Rey over. This was pretty great for a 5:00 TV match. ***1/2
Meanwhile, Hardcore Holly bitches at Stephanie about not being in the tournament, and Dawn Marie cuts him off because Steph has an important phone call. That just makes grumpy Bob even grumpier.
Meanwhile, WWE goes to New York to Smackdown Your Vote, which is the most weirdly generic campaign possible that somehow got all twisted into trying to get Linda elected into office later on.
Meanwhile, Matt Hardy dares to cut off Stephanie’s super-important phone call, so she punishes him with a non-title match against Brock Lesnar TONIGHT. He’s fine with that.
Meanwhile, Rikishi declares that he’s going to give Brock a “piece of the ‘Kish”, which has Eddie Guerrero laughing hysterically at how lame his catchphrase is. But also he’s feeling very disrespected at being overlooked.
#1 contender tournament round two: Eddie Guerrero v. Rikishi
Rikishi quickly goes for the Stinkface, but Eddie hits him in the knee and they fight to the floor, where Eddie runs him into the stairs. Back in, Eddie works on the knee some more and chokes him out on the ropes, but Rikishi slugs back and then misses a butt drop. Eddie gets two off that. Eddie bends on the leg to continue working on it, but Rikishi chops out of that and Eddie goes back to the knee again. Eddie misses a blind charge and Rikishi comes back with a spinebuster and corner splash before finishing with a superkick at 4:00. This was no es bueno and they never got on the same page *. This brings out Benoit and he hits Rikishi with an impressive backdrop suplex to lay him out, and Eddie adds a frog splash before Benoit crossfaces him for good measure. Edge makes the save to continue his feud with Benoit and Eddie.
Meanwhile, Stephanie screeches at Benoit because he lost the Intercontinental title to “RAW” at Summerslam and she punishes him by booking him against Rikishi. Benoit is fine with that. How do we know when the tournament is over? It’s just been Stephanie randomly naming people on a whim thus far.
Tajiri v. Shannon Moore
Shannon works the arm and flips into an armdrag for two, but Tajiri drops him on the top rope and then hangs him in the corner and puts the boots to him. That gets two. Tajiri continues working him over, but Moore makes a comeback with a neckbreaker for two and a rana gets two. Tajiri with a bridging german suplex for two. This prompts a brawl between Hurricane and Noble on the floor, and Moore rolls up Tajiri for the pin at 6:27. Pushing Shannon Moore was a dead end and this match was a snooze. *1/2.
#1 contender tournament round three: Rikishi v. Chris Benoit
Rikishi is still injured from the last match, and Benoit beats him down in the corner immediately until Rikishi puts him down with a samoan drop. But he hurts his own shoulder in the process, and Benoit crossfaces him in the middle and of course Rikishi makes the ropes to escape after barely selling it. So Benoit hauls him back to the middle and crossfaces him again and this time he taps at 2:22. Nothing to this one. DUD.
Meanwhile, Kurt Angle announces that he’s facing Chris Benoit for the #1 contender spot in the final match of the tournament.
Meanwhile, Matt Hardy declares that from now on it’s the MATTITUDE Era.
Brock Lesnar v. Matt Hardy
Matt attacks and Brock just wallops him in the corner and follows with a short clothesline. Matt with a rollup for two, but Brock tosses him with an overhead suplex and follows with a powerslam, but he charges and hits the floor. Matt tries a dive and Brock catches him, but Matt escapes and makes the comeback in the ring. Twist of Fate is casually blocked by Brock and the F5 finishes at 3:10. Well better luck next time. Fun squash. **. And then Brock decides to head back and powerbomb Matt a few times for old time’s sake.
Meanwhile, Dawn Marie delivers a signed contract to Stephanie, so now the main event is a triple threat with a defector from RAW.
#1 contender finals: Chris Benoit v. Kurt Angle v. Undertaker
Gee wonder who’s doing the job HERE? Benoit and Angle double-team Taker in the corner, but he fights them both off with clotheslines before somehow crotching himself on the top rope. Angle and Benoit dump him and Angle hits Benoit with the rolling germans, before Benoit switches and hits his own version. Angle rolls him into the anklelock and Benoit makes the ropes, so Angle puts the boots to him and slugs away. Benoit gets another release german, dropping Angle on his damn head, but Taker saves and beats Benoit down in the corner. Snake Eyes and big boot gets two. Taker with the Last Ride, but Angle clips Taker to break it up and then takes the ref while Benoit nails Taker with a chairshot for two. Angle saves, so Taker throws him out of the ring, and Benoit hits Taker with a german suplex. But Taker ain’t feeling it and no-sells it, chokeslamming Benoit for two. Angle with the anklelock on Taker, but he quickly escapes that as well, so Benoit crossfaces Taker. There’s some weird dark irony to Benoit crossfacing the Undertaker I suppose. So while Benoit holds the crossface, Angle puts Undertaker in an anklelock, so Benoit releases and crossfaces Angle instead. Angle reverses that into the anklelock. Benoit makes the ropes and Angle pulls him back, but Taker rolls up Angle for two. Angle charges Benoit and gets dumped to the floor, so Taker hits Benoit with the Last Ride and pins him to win the title shot at 8:45. This was like 2/3rds of a really great match with Benoit and Angle and Undertaker kind of wandering in and out to no-sell them and then win. ***. Despite Stephanie’s hiring spree on screen, Dave noted in the Observer at the time that they were pretty thin on top stars at this point, which is why they had to resort to Brock v. Undertaker as the first big program post-Summerslam.
Ugh, I did not care for this episode, which unfortunately ends their hot streak with kind of a thud this week. Hopefully we get into the tag team title tournament soon, because that’s where it really picks up again as I recall. I didn’t have any interest in the Undertaker feud back then and seeing it playing out again now makes me even less interested.