What the World Was Reading: WWF Magazine Review – October 1999

The first magazine drawn is the October 1999 issue of WWF Magazine.  This was during the time when Vince Russo was
still editing the publication and this was one of his last projects for the
company.  Our cover wrestler for this month
was Hardcore Holly, in the midst of his Super Heavyweight gimmick:

This cover was pretty unique because it is the only one
that I can recall that actually folds out for another page.  This may also be the only time that Viscera
was ever on the cover of the magazine. 
The magazine concept is also flawed in real life, as Kane is actually
about 6’7”, as is the Undertaker, and the Big Show is really about 6’10.”  This cover makes it seem like all three men
are 7’ and over.  I am not sure of
Viscera’s legit height.  Obsessed with
Wrestling tells me he’s 6’6”, but he’s destroying that barrier on the cover.

The letters to the editor section is what leads off the
magazine and, as can be expected, it is full of laughs.  First, Jessie Bowman of Lebanon Junction,
Kentucky demands that Mick Foley get his own section in the magazine and that
she is just going to renew her subscription just to see more!  “Steve” from Minneapolis complains about
Billy Gunn’s attitude, but not his push, so he is barking up the wrong
tree.  Lauren Danek, location unknown, is
mad because the magazine did not feature Val Venis and the Godfather as future
tag team champions in its August issue. 
One fan, a guy named Dann Cunningham, challenges an August article that claimed
that Prince Albert – the future Tensai – has a Bachelor’s degree.  WWF
Magazine does its own form of a burn by picturing Albert with his diploma:

Albert proceeds to let Mr. Cunningham know that his
“picture speaks louder than words” and reminds him that “If you can grab it,
pierce it!”  Wiser words have never been
spoken.  A female fan criticizes an
August article about women in business since the article implied that women need
to use their sexuality to get ahead.  The
response given is that Debra uses sexual charms to her advantage and “If your
boss-to-be [in an interview] screams ‘We want PUPPIES!’ – you know that Debra
got to him first!”  Seriously?  What boss does that in an interview?  Probably this guy:

By the way, how much was WWF Magazine during this time? 
Well, according to a subscription card that I still had in the magazine,
you could get two years of it for $35 and one year for $19.97.

One of my favorite parts of the magazine was the “Rookies
to Legends” section, which usually broke down a new act.  Very few of the acts profiled became legends,
such as our profiled stars this month: 
The Mean Street Posse.

You know, Shane McMahon’s buddies from the “mean streets”
of Greenwich – Rodney, Pete Gas, and Joey Abs. 
The article tells us that they helped Shane McMahon beat down punks in
the streets and in the classroom.  It
then chronicles their federation exploits and you can clearly tell this was
during the Russo era as they were kicked out of the company after losing to Pat
Patterson and Gerald Brisco and yet e-emerged when Shane took control of the
company “for a short time.”  These guys
never quite lived up to the hype, as they were supposed to bring their “money,
power, and brute force” to bear in the WWF.

During this time, WWF
Magazine was also rotating Vic Venom’s “The Bite” column out to a guest
superstar.  Venom was Vince Russo’s alter
ego and was his impression of Dave Meltzer within the pages of the
magazine.  Our guest this month is
Stephanie McMahon, who recounts her troubled relationship with Shane.  She tells us of Shane ripping up her stuffed
animals – one of which was a stuffed giant pink animal named Big Dog – how he
called her a slut when she wore makeup at school, and how he sent the Mean
Street Posse after her when she went to a party.  Unfortunately, we do not get any stories of
Shane mixing it up with Randy Savage. 
But beyond that, we get a photograph that you will not be seeing on the
WWE Network anytime soon!

As Scott conducts the David Crockett Memorial Tag Team
Tournament, the next major piece is fitting as we get a profile of the
Undertaker-Big Show tag team.  Their
name?  The Brothers Grim.  Yes, that is the name writer Bill Banks
assigns to this team.  At least they are
better than the Grimm Twins, the repackaged Blu Twins that graced our screen in 1996!

We are informed that Kane is a target of the so-called
Brothers Grim because “he cost the Big Show his destiny as the 1999 King of the
Ring.”  So before Alberto del Rio was
proclaiming his long last search of destiny, reminiscent of Ponce de Leon’s
quest for the Fountain of Youth, the Big Show was complaining about his.  It predicts that the Undertaker will
eventually turn on Big Show to become WWF champion yet again, a puzzling
conclusion when the Big Show had already turned three times in 1999 up to this
point.  Of course, Mr. Banks hedges his
bets by saying that Big Show may one day challenge the Undertaker for the title,
a match that would have sent posters here running for the ticket offices
immediately!

One of our feature articles this month is on Chyna’s
relationship with Triple H.  This
magazine is the gift that keeps on giving. 
This article will probably never see the light of day out of Titan
Towers ever again as it blatantly states that “Without her [Chyna’s] support
Triple H might have failed in his bid to earn a top spot in the business.”  According to Banks, the Chyna-Triple H
relationship is much like another political power couple:

Great parallel, that is if Bill, after he cheated on
Hillary, tossed her to the curb and Hillary went into the adult film
industry.  On second thought, let’s not
think about that.  More hilarity ensues
in the article as it questions whether Triple H could “swallow his pride” and
give Chyna credit for helping him win the title.  Even more, it asks “If Triple H were to
monopolize the spotlight and keep all the glory for himself, how would his female
counterpart react?”  Shoot comments…

We even get a photograph of Teddy Long, serving as a
referee at the time, pleading in vain with Shane McMahon to book a tag team
match!

Does anyone remember these toys?  I never owned one of these because I did not
get the appeal.  Who wants action figures
that sweat?  Maybe Vince will reintroduce
this idea based on Big E’s alleged sweating problem:

The next piece, entitled “The Christian Spirit,”
describes Christian’s career with the Brood up to this point.  It heralds Christian as the spiritual force
behind the group, while Edge is the intellectual and Gangrel is the physical.  It says his spirituality reflects a higher
being who does not have a name and posits that he might heal the recent rift
between Edge and Gangrel that split the Brood apart.  However, it says that his negotiating
position might be compromised because – get this – Christian has become a sex
symbol and Gangrel is jealous!  The piece
becomes quasi-homoerotic in stating that “There is nothing sexier, more
desirous, more compellingly delicious than a man of mystery.”

Or one could say that nothing is sexier than this month’s
pin up calendar.  I remember my mother prohibiting
these in the house:

The feature piece of the month is about “Big Shot”
Hardcore Holly’s cult following among WWF fans, especially those of the
Internet variety.  You see, these fans
have been campaigning for him on wwf.com, but this is awful because it is
forcing Holly to take unnecessary risks! 
Everything in this magazine has some kind of parallel, so this one says
that he is going to end up like Napoleon at Waterloo, who was too confident in
his abilities and lost everything. 
Shockingly, they even reference Holly’s prior gimmick as a stock car
driver.  Holly also had a
quasi-partnership with the Big Show during this period that I do not remember
very much.  This is the most rationally
written piece yet in the article, probably because it came from Kevin Kelly.  And who knew these articles could be
educational?  Waterloo?

Next, we get the results from Fully Loaded 1999.  WWF
Magazine was always late with the pay-per-view results, typically by two
months, so you have a magazine from October giving a summary of events that
took place from a pay-per-view that is a distant memory by this point.  The pay-per-view recaps used to be my favorite
feature, but over time the writing staff put little effort into talking about
the play-by-play of a match.  For
example:

Back in 1995, the magazine would have given a page of
coverage for each of these matches. 
Instead, we get a mere two paragraphs about the Edge-Jeff Jarrett
Intercontinental title match and the “Acolytes Rules Match” between the Hardy
Boyz, the reigning champions at the time, and Michael Hayes and the Acolytes.

This month’s “Private Eye” feature, which followed a WWF
superstar outside of the ring, covers Steve Austin’s weekends with the Philadelphia
Phillies and New York Mets.  Austin threw
out the first pitch in a Subway Series Game between the Yankees and the Mets in
July.  Evidently, Austin was a good luck
charm as three teams he threw the opening pitch for that year – the Phillies,
Mets, and Royals – all won their respective home games.  The article credits Austin with giving some
pointers to Mets pinch hitter Matt Franco, who drove in the winning run in a
“dramatic” 9-8 victory.

My other favorite column was always “The Informer,” which
provided gossip, rumors, and legitimate backstage news about the company.  This month’s section includes Paul Bearer in
makeup and a wig, a legitimately horrifying sight:

The article blasts Internet fans for saying that Billy
Gunn was not main event material after winning the King of the Ring.  It promises that Gunn will prove “BEYOND A
SHADOW OF A DOUBT that he is a main event man.” 
Sadly, this is where the lag time between the magazine and reality
worked against the Informer, as Gunn had been promptly and soundly dispatched
by the Rock when this issue hit newsstands. 
And why is Paul Bearer in a wig? 
Well, evidently the Godfather taught he and Prince Albert all about
being a ho and how “pimpin’ ain’t easy!”

The magazine ends with fans writing their favorite
superstars and asking them questions. 
Road Dogg says that his toughest opponent is an attorney, because you
see he and X-Pac were in an angle in the summer of 1999 where they fought
Chyna, Triple H, and Billy Gunn over the rights to the D-Generation X
name.  A feud about trademarks!  The Rock makes fun of a fan named Terrence
before telling him that he will not waste his time disclosing where he buys his
clothes because Terrence cannot afford them. 
The Rock recommends that Terrence “Stick to the Fruit of the Looms and
work your way up…!”  And lastly,
Christian rebuffs a fan request to divulge his idea of a perfect woman with a
bunch of cryptic language that makes little sense.  For example, he says that in his “world
‘love’ and ‘hate’ are both four-letter words that cause pain…They only serve to
feed the inner demons that consume [him].” 
Deep stuff.

And so ends the October 1999 issue of WWF magazine.  The next magazine drawn from the box is the
first issue I ever owned:  the June 1995
edition of WWF magazine.  Inside are the
recap of WrestleMania XI, the reunited partnership of Diesel and Shawn
Michaels, and some whacky 1995 goodness!