The SmarK Rant for WWF Superstars – 12.13.86

The SmarK Rant for WWF Superstars – 12.13.86

Originally written 06.27.26

Taped from South Bend, IN on 11.19.86

Your hosts are Vince McMahon, Bruno Sammartino & Jesse Ventura

Tito Santana, Hillbilly Jim & Pedro Morales v. Moondog Spot, The Raider & Barry O

Jim sends Spot into the corner with a big boot. Over to Barry, but Tito takes him down with a flying headscisors and then Pedro rolls up Gladiator and pins him at 1:30.

UPDATE! WITH MEAN GENE OKERLUND!

Although Ricky Steamboat is currently unable to talk, don’t worry, Macho Man can do all the talking for the both of them. Also he teaches Ricky some sign language, including the throat slash gesture to represent him ever trying to come back and wrestle again.

Adrian Adonis v. Mario Mancini

Adonis beats on him in the corner and then yanks him up by the trunks and finishes with the sleeper at 1:05. And he sticks a flower in the guy’s mouth, which Vince calls “the ultimate in humiliation”. Well he’d be the expert on that.

Meanwhile, we hear from Outback Jack yet again. He still has no worries.

The Can-Am Connection v. Jimmy Jack Funk & Iron Mike Sharpe

Martel takes Funk out of the corner with a hiptoss and follows with a rana for two before dropkicking him to the floor. Over to Sharpe, but the Can-Ams take him down with a double monkey flip. Jimmy Jack drops fists on Zenk’s face, but it’s back to Martel and he’s a house of fire! It’s BONZO GONZO, but the Can-Ams collide and Sharpe beats on Zenk. But then the Can-Ams regroup and Zenk powerslams him and slingshots Martel in with a big splash for the pin at 4:00. This was a nice little tag match on TV!

Meanwhile, Blackjack Mulligan shows off his new bull, which cost him $1000 but at least it doesn’t snore at night like his girlfriend Sarah Joe did.

Kamala v. Jack Kruger

Kruger stupidly attacks from behind and gets destroyed as a result. Kamala with a back kick and big splash for one, and then he goes up and finishes with a flying splash at 0:35. He got his ass kicked so badly he might as well retire and become a referee.

Piper’s Pit with special guest Butch Reed. Piper loves his natural hairstyle, especially the way he “dyed his roots black”. So then they talk about all the women hanging off Reed, and Piper brings out “Suzette the Federette” and asks if she really wants to “love and molest” Reed in the ring? And Suzette laughs at the idea and then leaves in Piper’s arms instead.

Meanwhile, we get a musical tribute to the fans, via Wang Chung.

Meanwhile, we interview Steamboat’s doctor, who warns that if Ricky ever gets hit in the throat again, it will be very very bad. But other than that he’s on the mend.

Meanwhile, Jesse Ventura talks with Bobby Heenan and expresses his frustration at not being able to get information out of corrupt old Jack Tunney. Bobby admits that Andre was reinstated, and then puts over Andre’s numerous talents and agrees that he should be back in wrestling. Jesse is like “WTAF?”

Jake Roberts v. Dick Slater

Certainly not the first meeting for these two. Jake retreats to the ropes and Slater tries to yank him out, but Danny Davis prevents it. Slater goes for the leg again and Jake hides in the ropes to escape. Slater keeps going for the leg until Jake finally boots him out of the ring. Dick comes back in with his top rope elbow for the apparent clean pin at 3:14, but then Danny changes his mind and declares the foot was on the ropes. Jake goes after him with the snake and Slater gets all frustrated and tosses Davis out of the ring, resulting in a DQ instead.

Also of note, Finkel has a voiceover hyping up a Meadowlands card for the beginning of 87, featuring a main event of Hulk Hogan & Andre v. Randy Savage & Honky Tonk Man! As it turned out, that was actually a Superstars taping, with Andre having to be swapped out because of things that would happen later. And THAT match made it onto a couple of DVDs.

Next week: Muraco & Orton v. The Islanders! Butch Reed! The Killer Bees!