champions

(Not a new post, as I did this one while going through the entire run of Clash shows last year after they got added to the Network.  But since we’re at that point, might as well post it again.)  The SmarK Rant for Clash of the Champions XXXIII (August 1996) Dedicated to the memory of Mark “OfficerFarva” Haas.  (I will also just add that I was going through my inbox tonight to continue my quest of cleaning out stuff that no longer applies or is too dated to answer, and I was saddened to have to archive a bunch of stuff from Mark, because he always had really good discussion material to add but I just couldn’t get to all of it.)  Live from Denver, CO Your hosts are Tony Schiavone & Bobby Heenan Into the nWo era now, shortly after Hogan won the title at Hog Wild, and it’s an entirely different promotion from the last Clash we saw. Hall and Nash are here, Hogan is a heel, Luger is 100% babyface and so are the Four Horsemen. Cruiserweight title: Rey Mysterio v. Dean Malenko Ever notice that Rey and Dean’s music are basically the same thing? Malenko attacks before the bell with a suplex and dumps Rey, but he slides back in and hits Dean with the rana off the apron. Back in, they trade acrobatics and Rey gets a moonsault for two and kicks Dean to the floor. Back in, Dean drops him on the top rope via a powerbomb to take over, and goes to a chinlock. We take a break to shill the official Hog Wild denim jacket (only $89.95!) and return with Dean flinging Rey around the ring until Rey flips into a rollup for two. Rey used to be so fun before all the steroids. Dean goes to the legbar and then launches him into a faceplant for two. Rey tosses Dean and follows with a somersault dive, then moonsaults off the railing in a spot that could have went horribly for him. Back in, springboard dropkick gets two. Rey reverses a tilt-a-whirl for two. West Coast Pop gets two. They fight on top and Dean gets the SUPER EXPLODING GUTBUSTER for the pin, but Rey’s foot is on the ropes. The ref rings the bell, but then takes it back and Rey rolls him up for the pin at 14:20 to retain. This is the time when the cruiserweight division launched into the stratosphere. ***3/4 GLACIER is coming, muthafucka! Keeping in mind this is August 1996 and he didn’t even show up on TV until, what, mid-97? VK Wallstreet v. Hacksaw Jim Duggan The VK Wallstreet gimmick was of course another oh-so-subtle dig at Vince McMahon and his mainstream aspirations. We all know who got the last laugh on that one. Wallstreet immediately makes the mistake of pointing to his head to indicate intelligence, resulting in Duggan beating on him in the corner. Wallstreet bails and gets a cheapshot to take over, and goes to the chinlock. Duggan fights out with a slam and tapes up the fist, but VKM rolls him up and grabs the tights at 3:46. ½* Meanwhile, the Nasty Boys are upset at getting passed over for title shots and people talking shit about them. Well, they can rest easy knowing Sags would soon get forced into early retirement anyway. Konnan v. Ultimo Dragon This could be ugly. Konnan slugs him down and wraps him up in a cloverleaf, but Dragon dropkicks him to the floor and Sonny Onoo gets some kicks in. Back in, Dragon with a moonsault into a cradle for two. German suplex gets two, but Konnan rolls him over and pulls the tights at 3:00 to finish. What agent let them do the same finish two matches in a row? * Meanwhile, Scott Norton attacks Ice Train to break up a Compuserve chat. He’s the ultimate internet troll! Meng v. Randy Savage Macho appears to be a no-show due to nWo beatdown, so Meng wins by forfeit. They show replays to emphasize the point, and Hogan’s chairshots didn’t improve any after WWF mercilessly mocked him on the Billionaire Ted skits. So with that out of the way, Mean Gene interviews the new improved Dungeon of Doom (Sullivan, the Faces of Fear, Hugh Morrus) and Kevin points out that he was trying to destroy Hogan all long and thus should be thanked by everyone. Oh, and then the Leprechaun runs around ringside (not to be confused with Hornswoggle) because WCW. Madusa v. Bull Nakano At least Bull had little worry about getting fired for doing coke in WCW. They practically gave it out at the door. Madusa misses a dropkick and gets tossed around the ring by the hair, but then gets greedy and beats on her with nunchuks. Somehow the ref misses this and the match continues. Madusa comes back with a bad bodypress, but Nakano sits on her for two. Bull goes up and Madusa dropkicks her to the floor and follows with a dive on Onoo. Onoo tries a kick to retaliate, but hits Nakano and Madusa rolls her up for the pin at 2:30. Really, three rollup finishes in a row? *1/2 Meanwhile, Ric Flair and his harem are ready for Hogan’s nonsense. Flair gets a great play off Hogan’s previous promo about how Hogan beat up his best friend by noting that he can’t beat up his own best friend, and neither can Hogan. Diamond Dallas Page v. Eddie Guerrero Last run for heel DDP before the nWo started courting him to lead to his face turn. Eddie gets a headscissors into a dropkick, but charges and hits the post to allow DDP to take over. Gutbuster and tilt-a-whirl slam gets two. Eddie fights back and hits the springboard senton for two, but Page powerbombs him for two. They fight to the top and Eddie shoves him off and finishes with a frog splash at 4:20 to win DDP’s Battlebowl ring. DDP offers a handshake, but then turns on him with a pair of Diamond Cutters to spoil Eddie’s glorious moment. ** Meanwhile, Hogan notes that Flair will be known in the ratings as the stupid little man who couldn’t get the job done. That would be some pretty specific quarter hour information. GLACIER is still kicking stuff! ROADHOUSE! Chris Benoit v. The Giant Very morbid on the Horsemen side, as Benoit and both his valets are gone. Giant was rapidly improving at this point, but this was a quick dropkick and chokeslam at 0:25. It is insinuated that Woman accidentally cost him the match, but I don’t think that went anywhere. This whole period is a blur for me, so I forget if she ended up turning on the Horsemen. WCW Tag titles: Harlem Heat v. The Steiner Brothers v. Sting & Lex Luger Luger gets beat up in the Heat corner but returns fire on Stevie Ray, then Rick Steiner lays both guys out with clotheslines and bulldogs Stevie for two. The Heat takes over on Rick and we take a break. Back with Rick powerslamming booker, but Sting tags himself in and hits a flying chop on Booker for two. Sting with a press slam for two. We get a shockingly boring heat segment with Luger pounding on Rick and nothing of note going on, until Scott comes in with a belly to belly on Lex and it’s a six-way donnybrook. In this commotion, Hall and Nash join us while Scott hits the frankensteiner on Booker, and Nick Patrick calls for the DQ in the middle of his count to screw the Steiners over at 13:00. So I guess it’s a no-contest? Who do you disqualify in a three-way match? *1/2 Nick Patrick gives an interview with Mean Gene afterwards, explaining his actions and sounding like Kenny Powers. WCW World title: Hulk Hogan v. Ric Flair So in the bizarre after-effect of Hogan’s heel turn, people are now cheering him again since the act was so incredibly hot and thus fresh again. Flair works a headlock and they trade taunts, but Hulk goes to work on the arm and Flair fights back with chops. More stalling from Hulk and they do a test of strength before Flair gets tossed out now. Geez, they’ve wrestled each other a zillion times, you’d think they could get something going here. Hogan slugs away in the ring, but Flair suplexes him and Hogan hulks up. The crowd goes nuts for this, so thankfully Hogan phased it out pretty quickly. Legdrop misses and Flair gets the figure-four, so Hogan throws the ref down and the Outsiders run in for the DQ at 8:04. Pretty brutal. * The Pulse Bunch of short, bad matches and TERRIBLE finishes here. Strong recommendation to avoid.

There was a time when the Clash of Champions was an event. The pinnacle of non-PPV happenings, it was a bridge between extended PPV lulls, and a means to kick off hot new feuds.

Of course, that was then, and this is now. The Clash of Champions is more of a hindrance than a necessity, with WCW simply filling out their obligations to the TBS timeslot. This one, in particular, was amongst the least promoted affairs I can ever remember, with Scott Hall vs Lex Luger vaguely mentioned on last night’s Nitro, and apparently Benoit and Sullivan will brawl as well, though it’s unlikely to top what we saw last night. Oh, speaking of, AWArulz was able to locate a solid copy of the wonderfully violent and uncomfortable match that I believed had no Internet presence at all. Enjoy!

We are LIVE from Milwaukee, Wisconsin – home of the CRUSHER! He is not mentioned by TONY SCHIAVONE, DUSTY RHODES, or “SOBER” BOBBY HEENAN. They ARE talking in depth about the “Domestic Dispute” that is Benoit and Sullivan. Oh boy.

DEAN MALENKO vs. THE ULTIMATE DRAGON (with Sonny Onoo) (for the WCW world cruiserweight title)

This is a return from last night, but if you don’t remember it, I don’t blame you since they were given about 6 seconds and no ring entrances. MIKE TENAY’s Cruiserweight Sniffing Dogs begin barking uncontrollably, causing Iron Mike to come tripping over himself and face planting into the announce table to call this one. Mike, I love the passion, but Dusty’s fine on his own, I promise. Sure, he might call the occasional plancha a “jumparoo”, and a spinning heel kick might be confused with a “didja see that Toneh?” But the man’s a veteran, he is not to be trifled with by these young (old) Internet lucha-nerds. In fact, he immediately shows why I offer my undying support, by talking about Dragon’s manager “Sonny Bono”. Dusty, I got you babe. Dragon works a leg-lock as we take our first commercial break.

Malenko’s showing a little fire when we get back, accentuated with a standing brainbuster for 2. Dragon responds by kicking him around like a European football. After a quick powder, Malenko leaps back into this with a backdrop suplex, and grapevines the leg. Dusty speculates this might be a setup to the Cloverleaf. He might be on to something, because Malenko moves to a half crab. Dragon kicks Malenko in the face repeatedly, but that doesn’t work so he uses the road more travelled by simply grabbing the rope. Malenko thinks that’s cool, and drops him with a single leg atomic drop. Dragon throws a couple of shots, so Deano dumps him to the floor and stomps the leg which is draped over the top of the guardrail. Back in, he goes for a Figure Four, but he can’t fully hook it. Upon release, Dragon hits a spinning heel kick and heads upstairs, but Malenko’s barely rattled and cuts him off. A superplex draws a HUGE pop, and a victory roll gets 2! Dragon tries one of his powerful kicks, but Malenko blocks and goes for a powerbomb – except Dragon rolls through and gets 2!! A dropkick sends Malenko to the floor, and he’s right behind with a … well, Malenko sidesteps but Dragon lands on his feet and whips Dean to the guardrail. Asai moonsault is right behind, and Sonny, sensing victory, portrays a desperate stereotype. Back in, a suplex sets up a moonsault, but Malenko kicks out at 2. I think everyone thought that was it. Dean is placed on the top, and a super Frankensteiner is on point. Dragon Suplex is attempted, but Malenko escapes and goes for the Cloverleaf. Dragon escapes quickly, but he takes a tigerbomb! Sonny gets involved, so Malenko decks him, turns back, and applies the Cloverleaf in the centre of the ring! With nowhere to go, Dragon taps and we have a NEW Cruiserweight champion at 13:06! He’s your first ever 3-time champion, which makes sense since he’s also the only 2-time champion. Good match, but Dragon’s lack of selling the body-parts is starting to get to me. When he missed the dive and landed on his feet on the floor, his legs should have buckled and put Malenko back in charge, but like Starrcade, he simply ignored all the work involved with getting them to that point. ***

MIKE ENOS vs. SCOTTY RIGGS

I’m sorry, say what? I didn’t agree to this on my Clash of Champions. The Clash should be used for only the biggest stars. Take for example my personal favorite event, Clash 7, where we were treated to the likes of Ranger Ross, Norman the Lunatic, AND the Ding Dongs. Riggs wins with a forearm smash at 2:27. Riggs promises to bring Marcus Bagwell his “heart and soul” at this weekend’s PPV. Scotty, as a man who endured many a heart break in my late teens and early 20’s, listen to me: the biggest favor you can do yourself is to let it go. Bringing Bagwell your heart is only going to lead to further pain. It’s time you went out and mingled, tried out some new friends, see what works. You might be surprised. This is why Tinder was created. And tequila. DUD

“MEAN” GENE OKERLUND takes us to a break in the action, introducing ARN ANDERSON, CHRIS BENOIT, WOMAN, MONGO MCMICHAEL, and DEBRA MCMICHAEL. Gene says he spied them in a high end Chicago restaurant conducting business, and wants the scoop. The fans, on the other hand, make it clear that they want Flair. Benoit calls himself a wolverine, who takes what he wants when he wants. He’s already taken Kevin Sullivan’s wife, and now he wants his career. Mongo, to no surprise, draws the most heat since they’re in Wisconsin. He calls them a bunch of Limburger Losers. Ease up, Steven. Debra takes over, which gets Benoit, Woman, and Arn to take off in irritation. As soon as they leave, she starts talking smack about Woman.

KONAN, MR. JL, and LA PARKA vs. CHRIS JERICHO, SUPER CALO, and CHAVO GUERRERO JR.

What kind of acid trip did the bookers take before putting THIS combo together? Mike Tenay starts screaming about Lucha-Libre, but only 3 of these guys are from Mexico; assuming we are still on the story that Konan is to Mexico what Hulk Hogan is to America, and NOT that he lives in a cave with Kevin Sullivan, Jimmy Hart, Maxx, Hugh Morrus, and the Faces of Fear. Have JL and Parka taken the abandoned rooms of Bubba and Giant? I’m going to assume that Konan moved in to the Giant’s room, because there’s little doubt in my mind he had the penthouse. Leprechaun slept on a rock, so unless they’re prepared to offer a spot to Mascarita Sagrada (who was last seen crooning with Todd Pettengill on Another Channel), he’s very unlikely to be replaced. And, let’s face it, a wrestling skeleton WOULD make a fine addition to the Dungeon. On the other team, somehow Chris Jericho has been paired with a couple of guys I don’t remember ever having him maintain any kind of previous relationship with. I would at LEAST appreciate some sort of backstage segment where they cross paths, and Jericho compliments Calo on his immovable hat. Unless, of course Calo isn’t in fact a Mexican, but a Canadian Store Mannequin named Jeff who reverts to his plastic state of matter when the hat is removed from his head. Let’s not be quick to rule it out; I’ve never seen Calo without some sort of headgear. And THAT would make sense, because Jericho is also Canadian, and possibly met him during a shopping trip. Calo IS wearing a toque tonight, lending further credence to my Canadian theory. Anyway, everyone here dove on each other before Jericho eventually pinned JL with a Super Frankensteiner at 5:29. **

HARLEM HEAT (with Sista Sherri) vs. JOE GOMEZ and THE RENEGADE

WCW cuts the entrances out of this one, which is both the first match to lack entrances tonight, but ALSO the first with black wrestlers (DNA tests on Scotty Riggs pending). Sonny, take notes. I’d be hard pressed to find another Clash with so many pointless jobber matches. Honestly, I could paste this lineup as a Worldwide card, and you’d have no reason to doubt me. Booker hits an axekick, howls at the moon, but misses a guillotine on Gomez. Renegade gets the hot tag, and is immediately dropped with a clothesline. Heat Seeker finishes for the former champs at 3:44. I’m thinking the only way Renegade has a shot of ever winning again is if he decides to start shooting, but he’d probably only wind up hurting himself. 1/2*

MASAHIRO CHONO vs. ALEX WRIGHT

They booked this show 48 minutes ago, didn’t they? Did only 30 wrestlers show up tonight, leaving them with virtually no options? Can we expect to see Gambler make his Clash debut? Please? NICK PATRICK takes his spot as the designated referee, complete with the nWo shirt because any hopes at subtlety are long out the window at this point. A spinning heel kick gets about a 14 count in real time, but only 1 and a half from Patrick. A small package yields the same. The fans are ready to revolt, not because they give a damn about Wright or anything, but because it’s been 6 months of this now with absolutely no comeuppance from WCW. They have no recourse, and the results are never in doubt, which is getting aggravating from a viewer standpoint. Wright finally has enough and kicks Patrick in the knee, but he refuses to call a DQ since Chono hits a superkick and scores the pin at 4:29. ENOUGH. -***

EDDIE GUERRERO vs. SCOTT NORTON

Nick Patrick stays in the ring, just in case you had any hope of watching anything entertaining tonight. This is Bischoff’s problem on the whole; once he sees something that he thinks is BRILLIANT, he’ll beat it into the ground. And, despite the fact that this Patrick nonsense is already getting under my skin, it’s only going to get worse. Expect large mood fluctuations. Eddie doesn’t manage to make a whole lot happen, because Norton no-sells virtually everything. Tony applauds the nWo’s acquisition of Norton, because he might have been one of the WCW guys to stand tall against them. A standing vertical suplex sees Eddie just get dropped with no effort, and a powerslam has Norton screaming about “NWO STYLE!” No, nWo style would have featured 40 run ins, and 3 minutes of Bischoff vigorously masturbating. Eddie plays possum while Norton decides to go up top for like the first time ever, and Eddie cuts him off with uppercuts. A super rana takes the man down, but Norton dodges a senton bomb. Norton throws a shoulerblock spear that accidentally takes out both Guerrero and Patrick, and DIAMOND DALLAS PAGE sneaks in from the crowd to drop Norton with a Diamond Cutter and a HUGE pop! Frog Splash forces Patrick’s hand, because Norton is simply NOT kicking out, and Eddie scores the pin at 6:39. All my previous complaints still stand; one anomaly does not make up for the other 100 matches we need to endure to get there. *

THE GIANT calls Hogan a “four legged feline”. … oh.

10 Exciting Winners have been Randomly Selected to attend Superbrawl! And, because you’re not paying for this show (not that this would stop them), Tony takes the time to slowly read them off one at a time as opposed to have an intern call them at home. I don’t want to suggest that this is in fact rigged, but I find it unlikely that 10 different states had winning entrants. Arkansas has like a quarter of an electoral vote, but somehow they’ve got enough firepower to have someone on their way to Superbrawl? This is the most suspicious I’ve felt about a lottery since the Pittsburgh Penguins, on the verge of bankruptcy, miraculously landed Sidney Crosby.

KEVIN SULLIVAN (with Jimmy Hart) vs. CHRIS BENOIT (with Woman) (in a Falls Count Anywhere match)

The intensity is turned down a little tonight, as both guys are able to get through complete entrances without a single punch being thrown. Sullivan calls for Benoit to start on the floor, and Chris obliges. Right through the crowd they go immediately, throwing stiff potato shots at each other as they wade through the ocean of bodies. Through the concession area and into the bathroom, and Benoit is thrown face first through the paper towel dispenser. He lies in front of the row of urinals, and Sullivan smashes Benoit’s head with the dispenser. Jesus!!! Benoit feeds it right back with a trashcan that flies errantly into Jimmy Hart! The referee makes his counts with one foot in the urinal; there simply isn’t enough Purell for this! Chris is thrown head first into the vent, and these guys are taking all shots full tilt. Back into the arena, both guys drenched in urinal from the filthy ass gents who can’t control their stream, Benoit is thrown down about 30 rows of stairs!! He usually does them about 5 at a time, but tonight … good LORD. In the ring, Sullivan’s in control and looks to win his second in a row. Chris is tied to the tree of woe, and the running knee connects with Benoit’s kidneys. The double stomp is on point, but Benoit kicks out! I think he might be the first guy to escape that move. Hart loses his shit, and starts screaming bloody murder at the referee, allowing Woman to enter and wallop Sullivan in the head with a wooden chair! Benoit, breathless, rolls over and gets the pin at 5:12! As if enough damage hasn’t been done to the old man, Benoit grabs the chair again and SHATTERS it over Sullivan’s head! These guys are stupid ridiculous; and while the template remains the same every single time, you can’t deny their drive to kill each other, be it with violence, or a bad case of CMV. ****


THE AMAZING FRENCH CANADIANS (with Colonel Robert Parker) vs. THE STEINER BROTHERS

Parker’s donned his Colonel Klink gear tonight, and vows to show the world what Canadians are made of. Please, a real French Canadian would have already chain-smoked their way through a half-pack of MacDonalds. The boys try to sing the anthem, but Steinerized cuts them off because there’s no respect for la Belle Province in ‘Murica. Won’t WCW be sorry when they try and seek sponsorship from Jean Coutu. The voices of THE OUTSIDERS take over the arena and taunt the Steiners; vowing to finish them if the “Molson Canadians” in the ring don’t do it tonight. This is Scott’s return to the ring after an extended injury, and he’s developed a leather fetish during his off-time. Tony applauds the new look … hmmmmmmm. Tony has about 3 months to decide if he wants to become the face of celebrity homosexuality; or Ellen’s gonna beat him to it. Choices abound. While Tony mulls it over, we take a commercial break.

In our time away, the Canadians took over the offense while Tony took a vow of personal silence. The Quebec Crash looks to finish, but Rick rolls away and Ouellette sells hard. Rougeau punches Scotty in the face to prevent a tag, but that gives Rick the time he needs to get to his feet and hit a running clothesline. Scott gets the tag, and he’s got the beats for anything French. Noggin knocker sends Rougeau out, and Ouellette gets launched with an overhead belly to belly. Rougeau grabs the hybrid flag but misses his swing and Scott punches him in the face. A cradle DDT delivered from off the shoulders of Rick is enough to get the pin (and probably kill the big man!), and the Steiners win at 4:12. **

SCOTT HALL (with Kevin Nash and Syxx) vs. LEX LUGER

Dusty hilariously freaks out during Luger’s fireworks, because he thinks he’s caught on fire from errant sparks. Dusty is of course mistaken, as Tony’s the only flaming in the announce booth. Luger takes a toothpick to the eyes, but before Hall can even chuckle, Luger’s locked up with him and has him shoved to his ass. HEAR HIM ROAR! Hall hits a backdrop suplex to turn it around, and he happily wipes his hands of this mess, missing the fact that Luger’s already back on his feet and screaming again. Hall hits a top rope bulldog for 2, but it’s enough to stop Lex’s adrenaline rush. Hall throws a series of shoulderblocks, but Luger stops that with a short-armed clothesline. Hall comes right back with a chokeslam, but misses the follow up elbowdrop. Luger pounds away, so Hall pulls him by the tights to launch Lex to the outside. Nash is there, and runs Luger over like a Diesel tanker. Back in, Hall maintains control, and Nash gives an assist by distracting the referee, which allows Syxx to clothesline Luger. Hall tries a pin with his feet on the ropes, but only gets 2. Hall chokes Lex in the ropes, so when the referee reads him the riot act, Nash rushes in and punches Luger in the face. A fallaway slam gets 2, so Nash tries to intimidate the referee to make him count faster. Hall locks on the abdominal stretch, and uses the ropes to increase the leverage. He’s eventually caught, and Luger hiptosses him off. Lex tries to follow up with an elbowdrop, but Hall rolls away and drops Luger with a discus punch. Luger slides outside the ring, and that catches Hall off guard – giving Lex the chance to sweep out his legs and crotch him against the ring post! Luger re-enters with a slingshot dropkick (!), and hits a quartet of atomic drops! Running clothesline has the fans amped, but a poke to the eyes from Hall stops their momentum. Luger wins them right back with a powerslam, and he decides it’s time for the Rack! He disposes of Nash and Syxx who try to interfere, puts it on … but Nash comes back in! Luger drops the hold, and hits a running clothesline on Kevin. Nash takes a pounding, but now Hall’s back on top. Syxx jumps off the top with an early version of the Curb Stomp, and the referee finally calls for the DQ at 10:34. **

Nash nails a big boot, but THE STEINERS rush the ring and go right after the tag-team champs. All 6 guys brawl back and forth, and it leads to Team WCW standing tall as the nWo retreat. Luger REALLY should be fighting for the World title, I have no idea why he’s continued to be ignored in the war against Hogan. Will the nWo finally lose a battle at their own PPV this Saturday? Don’t bank on it – but join me for it anyway.

March 22, 2003

From the Murphy Rec Center in Philadelphia, PA

Your hosts are Ray Murrow and Chris Levy

We see a clip that is sent in from backstage at the 3/15 Zero One show as Corino is in the shower and dares Christopher Daniels to cast the first stone.

Jody Fleisch interrupts the Special K rave to let them know that he has a match with Low Ki tonight and does not want to get his ass kicked as he denies their offer of drugs. Mikey Whipwreck is partying with Special K wearing a sombrero and demands the DJ play some rock n’ roll instead of techno and the rock music disturbs the other members of Special K.

Christopher Daniels is with Xavier and Alison Danger. Daniels has the FWA Heavyweight Championship over his shoulder and tells Doug Williams that he beat him at “Glory by Honor” then again two weeks ago as he won the belt. Daniels challenges Williams tonight for the #1 Contender’s Trophy and the FWA Title and if Daniels wins, he can also be allowed to shake hands in RoH again. Xavier tells Samoa Joe since Low Ki beat Joe and he beat Ki, he will beat Joe tonight and retain his title. At the end, Daniels asks Xavier if he is sure that he is ready for his match and Xavier says that he is indeed ready.

Matt Stryker vs. BJ Whitmer vs. Alex Arion vs. Dixie w/ Hijinx & Lit

Stryker and Whitmer start off the match by working the arm then they take it to the mat. Solid action from these two. They end in a standoff after a reversal sequence that draws an applause from the crowd. Whitmer tags Dixie, who pokes Stryker in the chest. Stryker works the arm then takes Dixie down with an European Uppercut. Dixie catches Stryker with a few armdrags and a leg lariat but Stryker blocks a monkey flip and tosses Dixie halfway across the ring. Arion tags and suplexes Dixie for a nearfall. Leg drop gets two. Backbreaker gets two. Whitmer makes a blind tag and holds up Arion but gets dropkicked by accident. Arion puts Whitmer in an armbar then Whitmer fights back but Stryker makes the blind tag. Arion clotheslines Stryker then hits a dropkick and a super kick. Stryker fights back and gets nearfalls with a powerslam and a backbreaker. Whitmer tags and targets the back of Arion. Dixie tags and tries to work the arm but Arion fights back. Both men collide when they attempt cross body blocks and are down on the mat. Both men tag as Stryker and Whitmer trade chops then knock the other guys off of the apron. They slug it out until Stryker hits a Death Valley Driver. Dixie breaks up the pin then hits Stryker with the Kryptonite Krunch neckbreaker and Arion makes the save and hits a Splash Mountain. Stryker slams down Arion then puts Arion in an ankle lock but Dixie breaks that up with a botched top rope hurricarana. Whitmer comes in then hits Dixie with the Exploder 98 for the win (11:26) **1/4.

Thoughts: Average match that was really only interesting when Whitmer and Stryker faced off. Arion was bland even by RoH standards and his ring work was decent but that was all. Whitmer by far had the most potential out of these guys.


Quiet Storm & Spanish Announce Team vs. Izzy & Deranged & Angel Dust w/ Mikey Whipwreck

Special K attacks their opponents from behind after they were distracted by Whipwreck to set up this match. Storm hits Deranged with the Spinal shock then Jose beats on Angel Dust and heads up top for an elbow drop. Izzy distracts the ref and Whipwreck slams Jose throat first against the guardrail. Storm & the SAT’s hit a contrived but cool looking triple-team move on Izzy that gets a standing ovation. Then, the SAT’s nearly break the neck of Angel Dust with a top rope move. Fuck, that was dangerous. Special K takes control of the match and are kicking Storm in the back. The SAT’s clean house as Deranged takes a crazy bump to the floor. Back in the ring, Jose hits Deranged with rolling brainbusters but Angel Dust breaks that up. Storm comes in and hits Angel Dust with the Storm Cradle Driver but Izzy makes the save. Joel then hits Izzy with six straight powerbombs. Brian XL and Hydro run up on the apron and put the sombrero on the ref’s head to distract him as Whipwreck hits all of his former students with the Whippersnapper as Angel Dust covers for the win (6:24) *3/4. After the match, Slugger comes in and hits Quiet Storm with the Bodybag then a second black guy in a suit with glasses comes in the ring and they have a staredown, with the other guy noticeably bigger.


Thoughts: Short match that had a few cool moves. The staredown at the end was the most interesting thing that took place here.


Ronnie from Atlas Security and Gabe Sapolsky order Homicide’s friends from last week (Julius Smokes & Louie Ramos) to calm down.

Dunn & Marcos vs. Backseat Boys

Acid comes down to the ring and has some ugly chicks put dollar bills down his pants. The Backseat Boys outsmart their opponents then hit them with stereo dropkicks. Dunn & Marcos fight back after mocking the Backseat Boys but that doesn’t last long as the Boys fight back. The crowd is really digging the Backseat Boys here. Outside the ring, Dunn hits Kashmere with a delayed vertical suplex while Acid is taking care of Marcos in the ring. Dunn comes in and they double team Acid. Dunn gets two with a top rope elbow drop and they celebrate as they are in control. Marcos gets dumped to the floor as the Boys hit Dunn with the Dream Sequence. Marcos flies in but gets caught and dumped with an H-Bomb. The Backseat Boys use some more double-team moves then Marcos blocks the T Gimmick as they rollup the Boys for two. Dunn gets knocked down then the Boys hit Marcos with the T Gimmick onto Dunn for the win (5:19) **. After the match, Acid gets on the mic and says that they are the best team in the world. Solid mic work from Acid here and its a shame that drugs ruined him before he got a shot in TNA or WWE. The Boys head backstage then encounter Da Hit Squad who say that he have to go through them first.

Thoughts: Not bad and a good showcase for the Backseat Boys, who definitely had potential. Dunn & Marcos where solid RoH-level jobbers, actually.


FWA Heavyweight Championship & RoH #1 Contender’s Match
Doug Williams vs. Christopher Daniels w/ Alison Danger

The winner of this match gets a title shot on the April 26th show. Match starts with a shoving match then they trade rollups as Daniels ducks outside as the crowd applauds. Back inside, Williams takes control and works the arm. Daniels escapes and grabs a headlock that Williams eventually counters with a back suplex. Williams targets the neck with all sorts of strikes and holds. Daniels comes back and hits a gutbuster then a slam. Daniels hits a slingshot elbow drop that gets two. Daniels is targeting the ribs then sends him to the floor with a leg lariat. They have an exchange on the floor but Daniels sends Williams into the post then once again targets the ribs of Williams. Daniels slaps Williams in the face a few times but misses a charge in the corner. Williams hits a high knee but gets caught with a knee to the ribs as Daniels covers for two then goes back on offense. Williams comes back with another high knee then rolls through a top rope double stomp and after a reversal sequence, murders Daniels with a lariat as both men are down. They battle for a bit then Williams hits a tornado DDT but takes a long time to make the cover and only gets two. Williams misses a charge and Daniels hits him with a STO then calls for a moonsault but Williams takes him down and puts him in a crossface. Daniels fights out then hits the Best Moonsault Ever but Williams is able to kick out at two. They trade chops and slaps until Daniels catches Williams with an Uranage then puts Williams in the Koji Clutch. Williams escapes then they reverse each others finishers. Williams puts Daniels in a swinging Cobra Clutch then hits Daniels on the back of the neck with a top rope knee drop for two. Daniels fights back and goes for the Angels Wings but that gets blocked and Williams ducks a swing and is able to hit Daniels with the Chaos Theory for the win (19:12) ****.

Thoughts: Excellent match. Some fine technical wrestling was on display here too. The downfall of the Prophecy continues.


CW Anderson, Samoa Joe, and Simply Luscious head down to the ring. Ramos & Smokes are yelling at them from behind the guardrail and Smokes ends up pulling down his pants and mooning Anderson. Security then orders them out then Jack Victory makes an appearance and beats them up as Rob Feinstein comes out with the announcers mention how Victory is not associated wit RoH. Homicide and Da Hit Squad run out and brawls with Anderson then they have a six-man tag match.

CW Anderson & Samoa Joe & Jack Victory vs. Homicide & Da Hit Squad

Everyone is brawling outside as the match starts. Mack and Joe are in the ring as Joe hammers away. Mack comes back with a clothesline but Joe takes him down with an enziguiri. Mafia and Joe have an exchange of strikes that ends with Mafia hitting a German suplex. Anderson comes in and Mafia clotheslines him down but Victory punches him from the apron. Homicide beats on Anderson then Joe comes in and hits him. Da Hit Squad beat on Joe. Anderson eventually hits Mafia with a spinebuster then Joe flies outside and hits Mafia with a tope. In the ring, Homicide and Anderson are going at it as this match is way too unfocused. Luscious is raking the eyes of Da Hit Squad then drags Becky Bayless from behind the guardrail and roughs her up. In the ring, Homicide takes Luscious and hits her with the Cop Killer but Anderson sneaks up from behind and hits a shoulder breaker then puts him in an armbar. The announcers let us know that the rest of the wrestlers in the match are brawling backstage but Victory comes back with a garbage can and Anderson sends Homicide through that as the ref rules the match a DQ (7:09) 3/4*. Ramos, Smokes and some other thugs, one of which has a machete, run out and clear the ring. They help Homicide to the back and leave as Smokes is flipping out.

Thoughts: Bad match. Everything felt unfocused as there was just too much going on. This was a set-up for a match at the next show though.


Gary Michael Cappetta is with Doug Williams, who promises that the next time he is in the U.S. he will take the RoH Championship.

Mase & Hotstuff Hernandez vs. Carnage Crew

Mase lets us know that Buff E couldn’t make it tonight because his “ass hurts too much.” Hernandez comes to the ring wearing a feathered boa. Hernandez starts the match by destroying the Carnage Crew with power moves. Loc hits Mase with a German suplex then yells about “faggots” then the Carnage Crew use double team moves on Mase. DeVito gets hit with a Thesz Press as Mase grinds his crotch on DeVito’s face. Hernandez yells at the ref and puts him in the corner but the Carnage Crew hit him from behind. Hernandez pops back up and ends up hitting them with a double DDT. He then rallies behind Mase as he makes the tag and runs wild on the Carnage Crew. He hits DeVito with the Dominator then catches Loc and hits a spiral bomb. He dumps the Carnage Crew then flies out over the top rope with a suicide dive that has the crowd going nuts. DeVito puts Hernandez on the guardrail with a spinebuster then hits him with a chair. In the ring, the Carnage Crew corner Mase and hit him with the spike piledriver for the win (6:29) *1/2. After the match, Buff E runs in and makes the save for Mase.

Thoughts: Hernandez really looked impressive here. He also stood out among everyone else on the roster due to his massive physique. The fans were really starting to dig him by the end too.


RoH Tag Team Title Match
AJ Styles & Amazing Red w/ Alexis Laree vs. Briscoe Brothers

Red and Jay work a nice back-and-forth sequence to start. Mark tags and works a bit with Red until AJ tags and ground Mark. These two work an impressive reversal sequence that ends with AJ hitting a release German suplex. Mark comes in and Red super kicks him as AJ hits Mark with a German then they take out the Briscoe’s with Stereo somersault planchas. Back in, Mark catches AJ with an overhead throw then the Briscoe’s double team AJ for a bit. AJ comes back and hits a gutbuster/backbreaker combo then hits Mark with a Death Valley Driver. Red tags and hits Mark with a flying elbow drop for two. He boots Mark in the face but gets caught by Jay with a springboard missile dropkick after he made a blind tag. Red hits Jay with the Brain Damage but that only gets two. AJ tags and hits a delayed brainbuster for two. AJ hits all sorts of crazy moves on Mark but is unable to put him away. Jay then catches AJ with a powerbomb and they go back and forth until Jay cuts off AJ on the top rope. Jay goes for the super Ace Crusher but AJ turns it into a back suplex in midair as both men are down. Red tags and dropkicks Jay to the floor then hits Mark with the Red Star Press after a Mafia Kick but that only gets two. Jay attacks Red from the apron as Mark knocks Red down with a lariat. Jay tags and slams Red before applying a chinlock. Red runs into a boot to the face then Jay knocks AJ off the apron as the Briscoes neutralize Red. Jay turns Red inside out with a clothesline then Mark distracts the ref so he does not see Red make the tag as the Briscoes continue to beat on Red. Finally, Red fights back and takes down both Briscoes before making the tag. AJ runs wild on the Briscoes. AJ and Jay have a battle of chops then Red and Mark go for Shining Wizards at the same time and collide. Jay clotheslines AJ to the floor then blocks a Code Red attempt with a DDT but AJ is able to make the save. He hits the Briscoes with an inverted DDT/ Guillotine combo that gets two. Jay and AJ counter each others finishers until Jay hits a Falcon Arrow. Red makes the save then cuts off Jay on top with a spin kick and heads up and hits a Super Code Red but Mark makes the save just in time. Mark is up top but gets cut off by AJ ,who then alley-oops Red and that gets turned into a hurricarana and AJ ends up catching Mark off of that and hits the Styles Clash for the win (16:43) ****1/2. Man, that was an awesome finish.

Thoughts: Phenomenal match and a legit MOTYC candidate. Definitely try to seek this match out. The Briscoe’s first match as a team in RoH was a great one.


Jody Fleisch vs. Low Ki

This match is taking place as Ki wants to teach respect to everyone in Special K. Ki takes Flesich down and works him over, mixing in the occasional strike. The crowd is really into Ki here. Ki no-sells a kick then they work a fast-paced reversal sequence that ends in a standoff. Impressive stuff. Ki takes Flesich over with a side headlock. They battle over a test of strength then Ki goes down and locks Flesich’s arms while his legs are wrapped around his head in a unique submission hold. Flesich comes back with an inverted hurricarana then a springboard dropkick. Ki is outside as the fans are going nuts for him then he hits Ki with a springboard Shooting Star Press that got a lot of height. Back inside, Fleisch gets two with a split-legged moonsault. Flesich kicks Ki in the neck then hammers away and taunts him with slaps. Ki comes back and hits a springboard kick in an awesome sequence and that gets two. He chops Fleisch in the corner then gets two with a double underhook suplex with a bridge. Flesich hits a spinning heel kick then gets two with a corkscrew body press. He tries the 720 DDT but Ki catches and puts him down then Fleisch locks on an armbar. Ki lifts him up and hits Fleisch with a Krush Rush then follows that with a rolling Koppu Kick. Ki hits Fleisch with a barrage of kicks as the crowd is loving this match. Ki beats on Fleisch but misses the Tidal Crush and gets hit with a German Suplex. Ki stretches out Fleisch, who just barely makes the ropes. They trade chops and that ends Ki hitting a Yakuza kick. Fleisch comes back with an enziguiri after a disjointed sequence as both men are down. Fleisch gets two with a victory roll but Ki powerbombs him after that and gets two with a bridge. Ki blocks a tilt-a-whirl headscissors attempt by sending Fleisch into the corner. He sets Fleisch on the top rope then eventually takes him off with a Tidal Crush that has Fleisch fall to the floor. Fleisch fits back from the air then hits a springboard Shooting Star piledriver that sounds a lot better than it looked. Ki rolls ourside as Fleisch brings him back in and covers but is only able to get two. Fleisch prepares for the 720 DDT but Ki is unable to get to his feet. Fleisch drags Ki to the corner and softens him up. Fleisch gets up top and brings Ki with him but Ki fights back. He kicks Fleisch a few times then hits him with a Super Ki Krusher that definitely warrants the “holy shit” chant from the crowd. It looked like they were going to fall off before the move too. Ki eventually covers and gets the win (19:35) ***3/4

Thoughts: Very good match that would have been better if not for Fleisch’s sloppiness as a worker. He had some rough spots here but this was still a good effort on his part. The finish was insane.




Backstage, the Special K dance party is going on strong as Fleisch limps back. They drip some drugs on his tongue and that wakes Fleisch right up and he starts dancing.

CM Punk and Ace Steel are in the ring. Punk runs down the crowd and does a damn fine job at that. e mocks the crowd as he does not wake up hungover next to disgusting women or work for a boss that he hates then runs the crowd down for going to church on Sunday’s and praying to a god that does not exist. Raven and Colt Cabana then come out as Raven cracks a joke about Punk waking up at the Neverland Ranch then basically runs down Punk for being an indy scrub. Punk finishes by saying he has beaten Raven at his game once and he will embarrass him again then tells Cabana he should be ashamed at himself for wrestling against his trainer (Steel).

Raven’s Rules Match
CM Punk & Ace Steel vs. Raven & Colt Cabana


Raven and Punk continue on the mic after the bell rings. Everyone keeps tagging out as Punk tries to avoid Raven. Steel and Raven start off as Raven works the arm. Raven tosses Steel down then beats him with a trashcan lid. Cabana tags but Steel knocks him down. Punk tags and catches Cabana with a leg lariat for two. He then chokes out Cabana in the corner but misses a charge. Cabana comes back with a running double knee strike then tags Raven but Punk runs outside. Raven chases him around but Steel hits him with a chair then sends him into the guardrail with a Russian leg sweep. Back inside, Punk hammers away on Raven in the corner. Suplex gets two. Punk puts on an Indian Death Lock variation as the announcers hype the next show. Raven makes it to the ropes but Punk sends him into the corner. He sets up a chair in the middle of the ring but Raven reverses an Irish whip and sends Punk into the chair with a drop toehold. Cabana tags and cleans house. Punk breaks up a pin attempt with a dropkick then Cabana clotheslines him to the floor. Punk is able to trip up Cabana then Raven and Steel brawl on the floor. Raven then whacks Punk in the back with a chair and Cabana hits Punk with the Colt 45 but Steel is just able to break up the pin. Punk hits a backbreaker that gets two then drags Cabana in the corner and tags Steel as they hit a double-team move that gets two. Cabana tries to fight out of the corner but Punk rakes his eyes. Punk & Steel continue to neutralize Cabana. Punk and Cabana botch a spot in which Cabana was supposed to catch Punk coming off of the top rope then Cabana slams him down and tags Raven, who cleans house with a trashcan. Punk gets drilled with a trashcan in midair then Steel flies into Punk on the outside after getting caught with a drop toehold. Raven takes them both out with a tope and Cabana tops that off with a moonsault then screams as he clutches his knee. In the ring, Steel breaks up a Raven Effect attempt with a missile dropkick. Steel and Punk have the 2-1 advantage as Cabana is still on the floor. They set him up on the table but he rolls off as Punk crashes through with an elbow drop then Raven hits Steel with the Raven Effect for the win (15:53) **1/2.

Thoughts: Decent match that dragged at points but it was the post match angle that was the most memorable.




After the match, Raven demands that Punk shake his hand but he slides out of the ring. Raven then hits Steel with another Raven Effect. Punk then yells at Cabana for not saving his trainer then attacks Raven from inside. Cabana them comes in and sqaures off against Punk but then stomps on Raven instead as the crowd boos. Cabana then tells Punk that he is about Raven being a has-been washup as he also tells them that Steel & Punk are what he knows.

Backstage, Homicide alerts us that they will be a Bunkhouse Match “Texas Style” at the next show. Julius Smokes comes in and cuts another crazy promo. Low Ki walks in and is disgusted as Homicide for bringing the streets into RoH.

Ring of Honor Championship Match
Samoa Joe vs. Xavier (Champion) w/ Simply Luscious & Christopher Daniels


Before the match, Michael Shane sneakes up from behind and drills Daniels with a super kick as CW Anderson takes Danger away as Corino’s guys have “cast the first stone”. Joe knocks down a distracted Xavier then beats on him in the corner as the announcers play up how Xavier suffered a concussion at the last show. Joe no-sells some chops then continues to beat on Xavier. Joe boots Xavier down as he tried to skin the cat then sets up a chair outside the ring and seats Xavier down before hitting him with a running Yakuza kick. Joe continues to attack Xavier in the ring. Xavier comes back with a Lung Blower then targets the neck of Joe. Overhead suplex gets two. Joe rolls outside after getting dropkicked then Xavier flies out with a tope that he turns into a swinging DDT. Back inside, Xavier goes back to attacking the neck before applying a chinlock. Ki puts on another submission move on Joe after hitting a suplex as Levy lets us know that Homicide is bringing in Dusty Rhodes as his partner for the Bunkhouse Match. Joe fights back and chops down Xavier. They have a chop exchange until Joe turns him inside out with a clothesline. Joe then hits Xavier with Rolling suplexes but Xavier is able to knee Joe in the head in midair after a suplex attempt. Xavier hits the X-Breaker then goes up top for the 450 splash but Joe gets his knees up as both men are down. Joe hits Xavier with an enziguiri then kills him with several knee strikes before applying the Coquina Clutch. The crowd goes nuts as Xavier passed out and Joe wins the title (11: 54) **1/2. After the match, Joe clutches the belt while on his knees then celebrates for a bit as he heads back to the locker room.

Thoughts: Another decent match as the unimpressive titlte reign of Xavier has finally ended. He was not a good choice as the champion.




Backstage, Raven talks about Punk and how he has a lack of balls but is impressed in his ability to put together a group together. Still, he doesnt mind how many beatings he has to take as long as he hits him with the Raven Effect then warns Punk to look over his shoulder as he will be hiding out in the weeds.

We get a video that was sent in the day after this show with Christopher Daniels talking about how it was the worst week for the Prophecy as they lost all of their titles. He says that Xavier will be out due to another concussion then turns attention to Corino and his group and lets then know that he is going to go for Joe’s title and that Morgan will be back as they challenge for the Tag Team titles. He also warns them that the Prophecy might be getting a new member and vows that the Prohpecy will be stronger than ever.

Corino sends in another promo as he reads on the internet about Homicide giving Simply Luscious the Cop Killer and that he will be back to RoH looking for him.

Final Thoughts: The big news here was the tile change as Joe is a more credible champion. But this was a very good show with some excellent matches. They are also building up feuds as the matches have more meaning to them instead of some random guys thrown together, which was still happening but not as much lately. The promotion is starting to get some momentum too. I’d recommend this show.

The SmarK Rant for WWE Night of Champions 2014 Live from Nashville, TN Your hosts are Michael Cole, JBL & Jerry Lawler WWE tag team titles: The Usos v. Goldust & Stardust What is with the weird font for the graphics tonight? Jey slugs Goldust down to start, and Jimmy beats on Stardust with a low dropkick for two and a stungun. Jey gets caught in the corner, however, and double-teamed while the announce team debates whether the Cosmic Key is the tag titles or not. It’s a METAPHOR, morons. Jey slugs back on Goldust and Jimmy comes back in while Cole gets into a stupid argument with JBL over the semantics of which tag title that the APA held. They fight on the floor and Goldust gets powerslam out there, which gets two in the ring. Stardust goes all feral and stomps away, and Goldust hits the chinlock before hitting a spinebuster for two. Stardust with a facelock and he counters a samoan drop into a neckbreaker for two. Why is the ref wearing medical gloves out there? Was someone bleeding off camera or something? Stardust with another chinlock, but he charges and hits the post and it’s hot tag Jey. He throws kicks on Stardust and goes after the leg, while Jimmy hits Goldust with a dive. Jey with a cross body for two. Samoan drop sets up the running butt splash, but Stardust hits the Crossroads for two. He ties Jey in the ropes and we get the GLOVE SLAP, but Jey rolls him up for two. Then it gets crazy with Goldust and Jey both hitting dives to the floor. Back in, Jey with a flying splash that hits knees, and we have new tag team champions at 12:55. Good for them, they deserve another run with them. After all the stuff about Jey’s bad knee before the match, it factored exactly zero into the match. It didn’t really get past second gear until just before the finish, but it was solid tag action. *** Meanwhile, Dolph Ziggler and his stunt double drink some Mountain Dew. Did you know they’re sponsoring the show? News to me. US title: Sheamus v. Cesaro But first, the announcers would like you to know that you’re an idiot for paying $55 for this, basically coming out and saying as much. That’s an interesting marketing strategy: “Say, you know how you paid all that money for this show? Well, you should have paid $10 instead. Jerk.” They have a nice little battle on the mat to start and then the fisticuffs begin. Sheamus with a knee to the gut and Regal Roll for two, and Sheamus drops knees but gets necksnapped. Cesaro with a double axehandle off the top and they tumble to the floor and throw down out there. Back in with a Sheamus shoulderblock for two and he goes up, but Cesaro forearms him to the floor. Back in, kneedrop gets two and Cesaro tries a sleeper, but Sheamus slugs out of it, so Cesaro puts him down with a backdrop suplex. Sheamus fires back with forearms, but Cesaro clotheslines him for two. Cesaro with a pair of forearms in the corner, but Sheamus hits him with a pair of backbreakers for two. Sheamus with the forearms on the apron, but Cesaro catches the arm and then boots him in the head to break. They fight on the top and Sheamus flips him down for two. Brogue Kick misses and Cesaro hits the Swiss Death forearm for two. Sheamus fights out of a suplex and hits a tilt a whirl slam for two. Sheamus hulks up, but misses another Brogue and Cesaro hits a butterfly powerbomb for two. Neutralizer is reversed by Sheamus, but Cesaro ducks the Brogue and hits an Angle Slam for two. Cesaro slaps him around and the fistfight is on, but Sheamus demands to be punched in the face even harder. Cesaro obliges, but walks into a Brogue Kick at 13:03. See, that’s all we want out of these two, 15 minutes of hitting each other as hard as they can. And what a great finish, as they just kept hitting each other harder and harder until one man went down. ***1/2 Although I didn’t really like that they had Cesaro play concussed while Lawler was like “Ha ha, he doesn’t know where he is!” I think we’re at the point where they shouldn’t joke about that sort of stuff. Meanwhile, Big Show motivates Mark Henry and promises to have his back, so you can probably guess what’s happening there. Intercontinental title: Dolph Ziggler v. The Miz Florida Georgia Line join us on commentary for some reason, and they reveal that they’re going to do “the honor the troops thing there in December.” That’s my favorite event of the year! I loved last year’s Honor The Troops Thing There In December! Almost as much as Summerfest. And then Michael Cole plugs Slam City, describing the premise in robotic fashion. The show is funny because we say so. We’re off to a great start in this match. Dolph gets a Thesz Press for two as the announcers continue interviewing the band and basically ignore the match. Miz puts him down with a big boot for two and goes to the chinlock while the inane banter on commentary just kills the match dead. Dolph slugs back and hits a clothesline out of the corner, and a neckbreaker sets up the fameasser. Miz blocks it, but Dolph gets a sunset flip for two. They end up on the floor and Sandow trips up Dolph, which prompts a brawl with R-Truth. Sandow goes after the band and gets beat up, which is the stupidest thing of the show so far, and Ziggler boots Miz for two. So the stunt doubles run away and Miz gets the figure-four, but Dolph makes the ropes. Fameasser gets two. Sandow returns for the distraction, however, and Miz rolls him up for the pin and the title at 9:25. Yay, a distraction finish on PPV. *1/2 This program is ridiculously pointless and the commentary was obnoxious as hell. Meanwhile, Roman Reigns suffers a hernia and is not here tonight. Seth Rollins is out to accept Roman Reigns’ forfeit loss, following the customary 10 count. The crowd is already ahead of the curve and chants for Ambrose, even before Rollins issues an open challenge to anyone in the locker room. Seth Rollins v. Dean Ambrose Not really a match per se as Ambrose charges out and they get into a huge brawl before HHH gets security to pull them apart. Dean escapes and continues pummeling Rollins down to the ring again, but security jumps him again and this time they tie him up and haul him off. So for the second time on PPV, we get screwed out of a match between these two. Although you’ll note that the Authority is actively screwing with Ambrose and holding him down, and he’s getting over bigger than Reigns now because the fans actually have something to connect with him. Mark Henry v. Rusev Henry chases him out of the ring a few times, but Rusev runs him into the stairs to take over. Back in the ring, Rusev with corner splashes and he goes to work on the ribs and grabs a hold on the mat. That goes on for a while and Rusev tries the camel clutch, but Henry fights out FOR AMERICA and hits the World’s Strongest Slam. Rusev bails to escape and they make faces at each other, but Rusev boots him down and finishes with the Accolade at 8:20. This show is rapidly going downhill. This was no miraculously good Jack Swagger match. ½* They really need to put a title on Rusev to give his run some actual stakes. Michael Cole notes that Hell in a Cell is coming up next month, and they can promise that at least one of the matches will be a Hell in a Cell match. Whew, that’s a relief. Chris Jericho v. Randy Orton They slug it out in the corner to start and Jericho clotheslines him to the floor and follows with a baseball slide. More lameness from the announcers as they try to quote Jericho’s insult of Orton where he accuses Orton of being on “Total Jackass”, but apparently “ass” is too hardcore for them and awkwardly pull back and go “double crooked letters” instead. Like, REALLY? It’s 2014, I think it’s OK to say ass now. They fight on the top and Orton brings him down with a superplex for two. Orton tosses him and beats on him outside to take over. Orton suplexes him onto the announce table and back in for two off that. This nearly costs them their DIET MOUNTAIN DEW, but luckily they save it. All the performers are disposable and interchangeable, but if the Diet Dew gravy train ever sails, the company is dead. Jericho fights back with chops and this crowd just does not give a shit, but Orton gets a powerslam for two. Jericho to the top with a double axehandle, but the Lionsault misses and Orton gets the backbreaker. Jericho blocks the RKO and hits the Lionsault for two, but Orton escapes the Walls. Jericho hits the post and Orton sets up the punt, but Jericho rolls him up for two and gets the Walls. Orton can’t make the ropes, so he powers out instead and dumps Jericho to set up the draping DDT. RKO is countered with the Codebreaker for two. Jericho goes up and shows some fire again, but lands in the same old RKO at 16:18. The camera angle made it obvious that Jericho wasn’t going to hit anything from the direction he was going. Usual Orton match with the usual Orton finish, but Jericho managed to pull the crowd into it at the end. *** Divas title: Paige v. AJ Lee v. Nikki Bella Brie Bella gives one of the worst promos I’ve ever heard before the match, delivering the line “Karma and my sister are both a bitch” like it was some kind of Shakespearean bon mot where the fans were hanging on her words. Nikki catches AJ in a sleeper while the crowd chants for CM Punk, but really that’s insulting to think Punk would waste his return on this show. Get a clue, Nashville. Paige saves AJ, but Nikki puts her into an armbar that would break her arm if real but is largely ignored here. Nikki gets tossed and AJ goes after Paige with a high kick for two, but goes up and gets shoved off by Nikki for two. And now Paige mysteriously disappears for a bit. More nonsense with Paige and AJ as Paige wants a creepy hug, but then beats her down while yelling about AJ not loving her for two. I guess now Paige is supposed to be a lesbian stalker or something? Nikki dumps Paige and lays out AJ for two. A vicious..uh..bodyslam gets two. Another one is reversed into the Black Widow, but Paige breaks it up and gets two on both. AJ goes up and we get a Tower of Doom spot, complete with the camera catching AJ and Paige conversing about the timing. Nikki gets a Torture rack on Paige for two, but AJ saves and tosses her, then hooks the Black Widow on Paige for the title at 8:47. This was needlessly long, to say the least. So I guess this feud must continue for another three months. ½* Nikki was beyond useless here, but at least she didn’t get the title, I guess. I would ask what the point of putting the title back on Paige for a month was, but really who cares? WWE World title: Brock Lesnar v. John Cena Brock immediately attacks, but Cena hits the FU for one. Brock catches him with a kimura, but Cena gets to the ropes. Brock starts with the suplexes again and goes to work on Cena’s arm and back to the kimura, but Cena makes the ropes again. Another suplex gets two. Brock uses rolling suplexes for one and pounds Cena down for two, but Cena fights back and gets dropped with a clothesline. Brock goes back to the arm and throws another suplex for two. Cena again fails to give up, but Lesnar beats him down in the corner. Cena fights back again, so Brock suplexes him again. More punishment in the corner and the gloves are literally off, but Cena catches him with an FU for two. STF, but Brock counters into the kimura and Cena powers out of that. Another FU and STF, but Brock makes the ropes and Seth Rollins runs in for the DQ at 14:19. He manages to curb stomp Brock and cashes in, but Cena chases him off and apparently it doesn’t count. Match wasn’t as special as last month’s, lacking the drama and feeling more like “How are they going to get themselves out of delivering a finish here?” but it was still pretty good. ***1/4 But really, a DQ finish in a PPV main event and we don’t even get the cash in? Come on. The Pulse Weak spots aside, it was a solid show for the $9.99, although I can’t imagine PPV providers will be thrilled with WWE mocking the fans who bought the show. Cesaro v. Sheamus was clearly the standout here and the first two matches plus the main event were enough for an easy thumbs up these days. Had they delivered Rollins v. Ambrose in the classic brawl we’re all waiting for, it would have been a home run show, though.

Here is the card:

Brock Lesnar vs. John Cena for the WWE Title

Chris Jericho vs. Randy Orton

Sheamus vs. Cesaro for the U.S. Title

Dolph Ziggler vs. Miz for the Intercontinental Title

Usos vs. Goldust & Stardust for the Tag Team Titles

Paige vs. Nikki Bella vs. AJ Lee for the Diva’s Title

Mark Henry vs. Rusev

????? vs. Seth Rollins (The Big Show was Rollins’ surprise opponent at last night’s house show so it might end up being him)

Also, click inside and hit refresh for up to the minute match results and analysis that will be on top of the page.

Goldust & Stardust vs. The Usos for the WWE Tag Team Championships

Goldust & Stardust won the titles after Cody rolled up Jey and held the tights after getting his knees up on a splash attempt. This match felt more like a house show match than a PPV match to be honest. They got a lot of time and most of it was back and forth with the exception being a heat sequence on Jimmy. The announcers obnoxiously tried to get over the terms “cosmic twins” and cosmic key” throughout the match. The crowd actually cheered Stardust when he tagged and its clear the heel turn of the Rhodes Brothers is not working. I don’t think the fans want to boo them (12:47) **1/4

Cesaro vs. Sheamus for the WWE U.S. Championship


Sheamus retains with a Brogue Kick. Match started off with a dead crowd until about halfway through when Cesaro destroyed Sheamus with an European Uppercut. After that, these two beat the tar out of each other and working some incredibly crisp and fast-paced sequences until the finish. Cesaro, in defeat, still looked great in this match with his moveset. He is so underutilized right now that it isnt even funny. (13:06) ***1/2.

Backstage, the Big Show gives Mark Henry a patriotic pep talk.

Country Band Florida Georgia line join the announcers booth.

Miz w/ Damien Sandow vs. Dolph Ziggler w/ R Truth for the WWE Intercontinental Championship


The focus of this was on the commentary with the announcers talking with Florida Georgia Line, who eventually beat up Sandow, and hyping up their appearance on this year’s “Tribute to the Troops.” It was actually hard to focus on the match with the excruciatingly bad commentary but the match itself was subpar and worse than usual between these two. The finish came when Ziggler super kicked Sandow off of the apron but Miz used a reverse rollup and grabbed a handful of tights to get the win and the belt. This is the second title tonight that has changed hands with a heel grabbing tights on a rollup (9:25) *1/2.

We are shown footage about Roman Reigns’ surgery including quotes from Reigns himself along with his doctor.

Seth Rollins is in the ring. He runs down Reigns and calls him out for not being a real man. He orders the ref to count to ten then raise his hand in victory. Rollins then issues an open challenge when a cab is shown pulling up to the arena backstage and the crowd pops when it turns out to be Dean Ambrose. We do not get a match but rather Ambrose beating the piss out of Rollins around the arena. The Authority and a mix of agents and security run out and eventually stop Ambrose when HHH tosses them a zip tie as they carry Ambrose to the back. Seems like they are going with Ambrose/Rollins and Hell in a Cell and that is a good choice and would mean more than a match without build on this show.

Mark Henry vs. Rusev w/ Lana


Lillian Garcia sang the National Anthem before the match and did a mighty fine job plus it pumped up the crowd…….until about 30 seconds into the match. Slow and lumbering match, which was expected to be honest. Rusev got the win with the Accolade after he failed to put away Rusev after hitting the World’s Strongest Slam. JBL kept pushing on commentary that Henry let down America and they might go with that angle for him because this feud seems over. At least it should be over after the heel wins cleanly (8:23) *1/2.

Randy Orton vs. Chris Jericho


Orton got the win with an RKO in midair. The finished was way too telegraphed. Jericho wrestled his best match in this run. They got the crowd into it as the match had no build but these two are capable vets so it should not be too surprising. No idea where they go with Orton after this. (14:50) ***1/4

AJ Lee vs. Nikki Bella vs. Paige for the WWE Diva’s Championship


AJ won the belt after making Paige tap to the Black Widow. The match itself was fine but there was little heat. I give credit to Nikki as she did a better than expected job as a heel in the match. Plus, she took a crazy back bump to the floor. Sadly, the AJ/Paige feud looks to continuing (8:22) **.

John Cena vs. Brock Lesnar w/ Paul Heyman for the WWE Championship


Lesnar retained the belt with a DQ finish. Rollins ran in and hit Cena with his MiTB briefcase after Cena hit Lesnar with a 4th AA. A lot more even than their SummerSlam match. Not a fan of the finish as this show has been hyped as a one-match show with this rematch heavily hyped and promoted. And as a main event, especially someone like Brock who works a limited schedule, a rematch isnt always in the works. I think they go with Cena vs. Rollins at the next PPV based off of Cena’s facial expressions at the end as he acted like this was his last chance against Brock. But they actually have a few ways to go at Hell in a Cell so that could be good. In hindsight, this finish could look a lot better if they book strongly going forward (14:50) ***

Here we go!  Your card:

* WWE Championship: Brock Lesnar vs. John Cena
* Intercontinental Championship: Dolph Ziggler vs. The Miz
* United States Championship: Sheamus vs. Cesaro
* Tag Team Championships: The Usos vs. The Brotherhood
* Divas Championship: Paige vs. AJ vs. Nikki

Also:

Seth Rollins vs. Roman Reigns
Chris Jericho vs. Randy Orton
Mark Henry vs. Rusev

Okay, folks — swing away all you want, but keep it clean as always!

This has nothing to do with the WWE

Before the show, Bayless is with the Administration and the Job Mob. He said that he relied on a friend to get them out of jail after Vinson and pulled some strings of his own so they could all be here tonight. Bayless then tells them to remember the plan and that everything will come together as long as that happens.

The leader of the Midcard Mafia leads his teammates to the ring as a huge six-man donnybrook breaks out!  Magoonie is all over Zanatude as Curry takes down Murph, who cost him the B+ championship at BoD Summerfest!  CPY and Chartock tumble out of the ring, and Magoonie with a dropkick sends Zana out onto them!  Curry’s on the top rope and ready, and all three men are bowled over with a battering ram!  Magoonie celebrates, but that allows Big Dirty Murph to hit a big dirty low blow onto Magoonie and take over.  Zana tags in and goes all SSW on Magoonie, slamming his head into the corner and working the neck.  In comes Chartock with kicks to the head, and he and Murph tag in and out quickly, keeping Magoonie isolated.  Chartock chokes Magoonie in the corner before bringing in Zanatude one more time.  Zana waits for Chartock to slam Magoonie before bouncing off the ropes and dropping a big knee on Magoonie.  “Stay down, Belmont!” he yells before covering, but Magoonie’s shoulder is up at two.  Chartock is tagged back in, and the duo give a double suplex to Magoonie.  Chartock gets two out of that.  Murph tags back in, and Magoonie is sent into the corner — and Chartock gets an avalanche!  Murph avalanches both of them, crushing Magoonie.  It looks like it’s time to end this, and Zanatude goes up top as Magoonie is up on Murph’s shoulders… but no!  Magoonie slugs Zanatude out of midair!  He gets a Victory Roll on Murph, who kicks out, but Magoonie flies in with a double dropkick to Zana and Murph!  Zanatude looks to tag Chartock in, but the chaos lasts too long and there’s the big tag to CPY!  He’s going nuts with right hands on Chartock before throwing him into the corner… and it’s a Stinger Splash!  Zanatude goes flying off the apron from a clothesline!  DDT to Chartock, the cover… Murph saves!  Murph picks Chartock up and slams him to the mat before going to the second rope… but Curry springboards up with a Frankensteiner!  It’s a pier-six brawl again as the referee loses control of everything.  Chartock and Murph bail, and now Curry races the ropes and flies over the top onto the entire Job Mob!  Chartock’s legal, and Curry throws him back in… but the referee asks him to get to the corner!  CPY is ready, but Chartock has something in his hands — and he clobbers CPY with it!  He throws whatever it was to the corner and covers as the ref turns around… not like this!  1!  2!  3!!!  The Job Mob have stolen one!  Curry is furious and gets back in the ring with a chair, swinging like a maniac, and the Mob disperses… except for Murph!  This is for Summerfest!  STORM WARNING ON THE CHAIR!  That’s for his regular partner Kyle Warne!  Meanwhile, Magoonie looks at the foreign object in the corner… it’s the keys to his Toyota Yaris.  Irony!!!

BoD Tag Team Championship Gauntlet Match

Midcard Mafia vs. Trunk Barlow & Slip Karstens

Tag Team Champions, the Upper Midcard Express, are watching from ringside. The MCM start off against the ex-Spam Bots. Barlow charges at Piers but misses and Piers catches him with a backbreaker. Piers tags Ferrari and they hit a double gutbuster. Karstens runs in and eats a double super kick. Ferrari takes Barlow on his shoulders and Piers climbs up top and hits a DDT as that gets the pin. One down, nine to go.

Midcard Mafia vs. Rockstar Gary & #1 Fan

Gary and Ferrari go at it briefly to start. #1 Fan grabs Ferrari from the apron as Gary hammers away. #1 fan tags and he hits an elbow drop. #1 fan misses a second attempt and Ferrari tags out. Piers springboards in with a clothesline then takes Gary off of the apron with a dropkick. Piers tags Ferrari and he hits #1 fan with a tombstone piledriver as Piers prevents Gary from breaking up the pin as the MCM score another pinfall.

Midcard Mafia vs. Bill Ray & Average Joe Everyman

Joe & Ray attack the MCM from behind. They put the boots to the MCM outside of the ring. Back inside, Ray gets two with a sitout powerbomb on Piers.  Ray tags Joe and they use a few double-team moves as the MCM are showing a bit of fatigue here. Joe chokes out Piers as the UMX are throwing popcorn into their mouths while holding on to their helmets. Piers fights back but Ray kicks him down from the apron and the ref is dealing with Ferrari as his partner is getting double-teamed. Piers rolls away from a splash and makes the tag to Ferrari, who runs wild. He backdrops a charging Ray to the floor then picks up Joe and hits a tombstone before tagging Piers, who flies off the top with a frog splash for the pin.

Midcard Mafia vs. WWF1987 & Bobby

Bobby and WWF1987 are taking it to the MCM who are definitely slowing down. Bobby is the true shooter of the BoD and stretches out Ferrari with the Rings of Saturn. Bobby tags WWF1987 who hammers away on Ferrari in the corner. Bobby rings his signature cowbell that he modeled after Jimmy Jack Funk on the apron as Piers rallies his partner from the apron as the UMX look on in approval. Ferrari is taking a beating as Bobby has him in a butterfly lock. WWF1987 tags and goes up top and hits a double axe handle and covers but only gets two. WWF1987 sends Ferrari into the corner but misses a charge as both men are down. Ferrari crawls over to make a tag but Bobby runs over and knocks Piers off of the apron. WWF1987 gets up but Ferrari catches him in a small package and that gets two. WWF1987 gets up but Ferrari takes him down and makes the tag! Piers runs wild on this newly formed team. Bobby grabs the cowbell and swing it at Piers but he ducks and it whacks WWF1987. Piers knocks down Bobby then Piers picks up WWF1987 and hits the Falcon Arrow for the pin. The UMX are starting to look a bit worried here.

Midcard Mafia vs. Paul Meekin & White Thunder

Meekin grabs the mic and starts to rap:

Yo, Otters
I am the big bruiser
Left the BoD
Because I am sick of you losers

Ebert would never write you
Ya illiterate pricks
Maybe you can understand this
Y’all can suck my…………

And Piers dropkicks Meekin into Thunder as he spills out. The MCM take Meekin and hit him with a double clothesline then Piers hits him with a frog splash for the pin.

Midcard Mafia vs. Dancin’ Devin Harris & Lil’ James

Harris grabs the mic:

“Me an my partner were thinking and since the GM and UMX are not giving the MCM a fair shot, we won’t play fair either. C’mon James, lets get FUN-KAY!!!!!!!!!!!

The bell rings and James & Harris start dancing outside of the ring. They are intentionally getting counted out as the UMX are livid. The bell sounds as the MCM move one step closer to the belts. SOMEBODY CALL MAMA HARRIS AND LET HER KNOW HER SON DID A GOOD DEED PRIOR TO GITTIN’ FUN-KAY!!!!!!!!

Midcard Mafia vs. THE RIPSHIT KILLERS

Uh oh, THE RIPSHIT KILLERS ARE OUT AND UNLEASHED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
THE YETAAAAY and ARRRRGH THE BARBARIAN are looking as crazy as ever. They go after the MCM but they duck the attack and come back with dropkicks. ARRRRGH charges but the MCM catch him with a double hiptoss but they then eat a double clothesline from THE YETAAAAY. The MCM are down and hurt as ARRRRGH gets revenge with a flying shoulder tackle on Piers. THE YETAAAAY runs in and goes for a big boot but accidentally hits his partner and Piers uses a reverse rollup for the win!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Just two teams left for the MCM!!!!

Midcard Mafia vs. Curtzerker

Oh man, what a tough, tough draw. The HUSS section is in full force tonight. Williams and Piers start off the match. Williams pushes Piers in the corner as theberzerker screams HUSS!!! HUSS!!!! HUSS!!! as the HUSS section chants along with him. Williams takes down Piers then tags theberzerker, who screams “HUSS” into the face of Piers. Fatigue is starting to set in with the MCM as theberzerker has Piers in a chinlock. Curtzerker is using quick tags to isolate Piers as Ferrari tries to rally his partner. theberzerker chops Piers hard in the corner as he HUSSES in his face. Williams tags and puts on a high angle single leg crab that bends Piers in half. Piers is in trouble as Williams nails him with a crucifix bomb for two. theberzerker tags and goes up top. Oh my! He leaps but Piers dropkicks him in midair as both men are down. Ferrari is stomping on the apron as the crowd is getting behind Piers, who somersaults over and makes the tag! Ferrari clotheslines theberzerker then hits him with a slam. He starts swinging and hammering away on Curtzerker as he is a one-man wrecking crew. Piers starts to get up but from behind, kbjone whacks him on the knee with his helmet then kicks him down! Ferrari then picks up Williams for the tombstone and hits it for the win! However, he looks over and sees his partner clutching his knee. They now have a shot at the belts.

Midcard Mafia vs. Upper Midcard Express

The UMX run in and attack Ferrari from behind. Petuka then chop blocks Piers, who flies off of the apron. Back in the ring, kbjone is beating on Ferrari. Tag to Petuka and the UMX are hammering on Ferrari in the corner. Piers tries to climb back on the apron but kbjone runs over and takes him off with a baseball slide. The UMX’s strategy is too beat on Ferrari and constantly attack the injured knee of Piers. The UMX hit a double slingshot suplex and cover but that only gets two. kbjone yells at the ref to count faster as Petuka chokes out Ferrari on the apron. The UMX stay on the attack as Piers is barely able to stand. kbjone is up top and comes off with a knee drop but Ferrari gets his foot on the ropes during the pin attempt. Ferrari is struggling mightily here as the UMX are fresh and dominant because of the way this match was arraigned by our no good GM. Petuka tags and oh my god he is setting up for the Petuka Bazooka. THE PETUKA BAZOOKA. Petuka picks him up but Ferrari slips out. He ducks a clothesline and comes back with a super kick as both men are down. Ferrari can try to tag but his partner might have less of a chance than he does. kbjone runs in and pulls Ferrari back as the ref orders him on the apron. Petuka gets up and drops an elbow but Ferrari rolls away. He tries to make the tag as Piers is on the apron clutching onto his knee. Petuka tags then shoves Ferrari into Piers, who this time twists around and makes the tag. Petuka laughs as Piers clutches his knee. He moves closer and tries to kick his leg but Piers dodges the attack and chops Petuka. Piers slingshots in and hits a clothesline. Piers is in agony as kbjone runs in but Piers rolls away from him. kbjone charges but Piers pulls down the ropes and he flies outside. Petuka gets up and Piers hits a back suplex and he is climbing up top. kbjone runs over to push Piers off but Ferrari spears him through the ropes and they both fall to the floor. Piers is up top and he flies and hits the frog splash!!!!!! COVER HIM. COVER HIM. Piers is crawling over to Petuka and goes to make the cover one……….two………………..thr…………..no!!!!!!! That’s GM Bayless and he just yanked out the referee. OH COME ON. The referee now signals for the bell as the MCM win by disqualification. The MCM were robbed by this evil GM.

Solid B+ Championship

HartKiller09 vs. Joedust

Hartkiller hands his glasses to a fan in the front row before entering the ring, but Joedust cuts him off and lands knees to the side of the head.  He backs Hartkiller into the corner, ready to land shot after shot to the sternum with flush kicks.  Hartkiller goes for the ride, but he catches Joe charging in with a back elbow!  Hartkiller begins his methodical work on Joedust’s back, holding a prolonged bow-and-arrow and the ever-dangerous R1 Circle X Lock.  Joe is able to get to his feet and throws Hartkiller into the corner, but his back has no strength left in it and he can barely stand.  PROBLEM!  Hartkiller pounces with a fantastic DDT, and it’s time for the Five Moves of Doom!  Suplex!  Backbreaker!  Russian legsweep!  He goes up for the elbowdrop, but Joe meets him there and begins firing off headbutts… and it’s a superplex by Joedust!  He pulls himself up, hoping to land a Heluva Kick in the corner, but Hartkiller moves and Joedust is all tangled in the top rope!  Hartkiller grabs Joe by the head and delivers a Randy Orton inverted draping DDT to Joe!  VINTAGE HARTKILLER!  Wait, is it vintage if neither he nor anyone has done it before?  Hartkiller’s back to the top because he isn’t done with his five moves… and there’s the elbowdrop!  He grabs the legs and is ready for the Sharpshooter… but Joedust shoves him into the corner!  Joedust is up and lifts up Hartkiller… he wants the Brainbuster… no!  Hartkiller slides down the back and gets a German suplex.  Joedust lands hard on his neck and seems disoriented, and Hartkiller goes for the Sharpshooter!  He’s got it!  Joedust is near the ropes, but he can’t quite reach them.  One more burst and he’ll be there… but Hartkiller drags him to the center of the ring!  That’s it, Joedust taps out!  Hartkiller is still the B+ champion.  Hartkiller gets his hand raised in victory, then takes the microphone and, with disdain at the challenger who won thanks to Zanatude’s interference, claims that the challenge Joe provided was only a 4 out of 10 anyway.  What a show of disrespect!

Coffee Pot on a Poll Match

Aric Johnson vs. Mar Solo

After months of coffee deprivation, Mar Solo will have his last chance at coffee as if he fails, he will permanently switch to Sanka. Johnson attacks Solo before the bell with a partially frozen bag of croissants from Tim Horton’s. Johnson tosses Solo to the floor then sends him into the guardrail. Solo gets thrown over the announcer’s desk as he is dangerously close to hitting 3-time ATA Award Winner and A+ Timekeeper, Mister E Mahn. Johnson rolls Solo back inside and climbs up top. He goes for a double axe handle but Solo catches him with a punch to the midsection. Solo fights back and hits a suplex. Solo drops an elbow then tries to climb the poll for that sweet pot of unscalded java! Johnson comes back and yanks down Solo. Johnson sends Solo in the corner but eats boot on a charge. Solo comes back with a flying forearm. Solo chops Johnson in the corner before slamming him down. Solo goes to the top rope and connects with a leg drop. Solo can almost taste the coffee now as he heads up the pole but Johnson cuts him off again. Johnson takes control of the match as he chokes out Solo against the ropes. Johnson sends Solo to the floor and now he climbs the pole. Solo looks up and uses everything he has to get up and prevent Johnson from making him a Sanka drinker for the rest of his life. Solo gets up and he starts to climb and grabs Johnson’s leg. He pulls himself up and goes underneath Johnson, who is clinging on to the pole. Solo powers up and now has Johnson sitting atop his shoulders and then takes him off with an electric chair drop!!!!!! Both men are on the mat as the crowd is going insane. All Solo has to do is get up and climb that pole. Solo pulls himself by using the ropes. He slowly heads over to the pole and climbs. Johnson is getting up and he crawls over to the pole and slowly climbs. Johnson grabs the foot of Solo and tries to yank him off but Solo boots him off with his other foot. Johnson splats on the mat as the crowd is going nuts. Solo climbs and climbs and he reaches the coffee pot!!!!! MAR SOLO CAN NOW DRINK COFFEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Solo grabs the pot with both hands and looks at it as we see flashbacks of him reciting slam poetry about being deprived off coffee and the unstable being trapped inside of his head. Solo picks up the pot and drinks it. Uh, that is hot coffee that he is chugging like water. That might burn but victory is ointment for that ailment as Solo just downed a pot of java and he seems very excited. Very, very excited. Solo is now doing a victory lap around the ring at a lot faster pace than you would expect. Mama Solo, put on a pot of coffee because your son can drink it again!!!!!

BoD Writer’s Championship

“Marvelous” Matt Perri w/ Miss Danielle vs. Stranger in the Alps

Perri won the #1 contender’s tournament to get this match. The “Paper Championship” sits near timekeeper extraordinaire Mister E Mahn. That man can keep time like nobody else! Match starts with Stranger working the arm. He backs Perri into the corner and breaks cleanly but Perri comes back with a slap. Stranger wipes his face then looks at points at Perri as he goes over and pummels on him. He hits a pair of corner clotheslines then backdrops Perri to the mat and works a surfboard. Stranger goes to bounce off the ropes but Miss Danielle grabs his leg and distracts him enough to let Perri attack him from behind. Perri places Stranger in the tree of woe and starts kicking him hard in the chest. Perri hits a backbreaker and now has Stranger in a Boston Crab. Stranger fights to the ropes as Perri barely breaks the five count. Perri uses clubbing forearms to the back of Stranger and has him hurting. All of the Little Strangers and elderly woman are getting behind Stranger as Perri continues his assault and Miss Danielle tells them to shut up. Perri charges in the corner but Stranger flattens him with a clothesline as both men are down. Perri gets up first but Stranger is punching him from his knees. They trade chops as Stranger wins that battle then Stranger knocks him down. Stranger uses a fist drop and measures him up for a roaring elbow. Stranger whips Perri against the ropes and catches him with a powerslam and now he signals for the Can Opener! Stranger sets him up but Miss Danielle runs in from behind and takes him down with a low blow for the DQ. Ouch!!!!!! Miss Danielle attacks Stranger with her shoe as Perri gets up and takes Stranger down with a double underhook DDT. Perri and Miss Danielle celebrate in the ring as White Coat Security is holding back all of the old ladies attempting to check on Stranger. I have a feeling this is not the last we will see of these two. 

In the luxury box, we see Biff Kensington III, who took it upon himself to buy half of them for himself and not use them incase any people of lower income sat near him. Biff is now lighting his cigar with a $100 bill as he kicks his feet up on the chair in front of him. What is Biff doing here tonight. 

And now, it is Welcome to the BoD with your host Abeyance and his partner, thebraziliankid!

Abeyance: Welcome to the BoD!

Crowd: Thank You!

Abeyance: How are you today!

Crowd: Good!

Abeyance: I am too!

Crowd: We know!

Abeyance: I do too!

Kid: So Do I!

Abeyance: Enough small talk because our guest has a #1 contender’s match tonight. Here is by BFF on the BoD, Parallax

Crowd: (50/50 reaction)

Abeyance: Welcome to the BoD!!!!

Parallax (Annoyed) Yeah, I get it. First off, I am not here by choice but rather because I was booked this way. And how about you two just sit back and let the adult do the talking (Crowd unhappy). As a matter of fact, if I had my way, you two would be banished to that ridiculous forum with that moron of a moderator because all three of you deserve each other. (Addressing the crowd) Stop groaning, you know it is true. You see, I have to face off against some part-timer legacy guy who would rather be elsewhere than here. I am the franchise player of the BoD, like it or not. And that is a fact, not just one of the many dumb opinions that pollute the BoD. And I have run off a lot better than what I have to face tonight and who I will defeat in the future. But for me, to be cast aside as an afterthought, is just not right and it is really just bullshit. Top 5 talent like myself doesnt grow on trees (points to Abeyance) and no, I do not include you in my top 5, one-word Willie. I am leaving but you all can remember this, after I toss whatever loser I have to run through to the curb, I’ll make damn sure I will stomp him into it right afterwards. And I hope it is you Cultstatus, I hope you win the title tonight, just so I can take it from you. Just so I can stomp you right into that curb and you can sit back and moderate that empty forum with these two morons (points at Kid & Abey then slams down the mic and leaves)

#1 Contenders Match

Parallax1978 vs. The Fuj

Parallax and Fuj circle each other as the match begins. Parallax backs Fuj into a corner and slaps him around, but that just makes Fuj mad. It’s a slugfest! Neither man backing down as they pound on each other, and the referee tries to separate them to get a proper match, but he’s helpless. Parallax gets a high kick on Fuj to take over. He begins using weardown holds to keep Fuj under his control, but Fuj elbows out and charges straight into a high kick! The cover… no, just 2. Parallax goes to the top rope, but Fuj catches him and hooks him up for an incredible superplex! Fuj is able to get up and he heads to the outside, clearing his head. Parallax is up and sees Fuj, and he’s ready to run for a big dive… but Fuj dodges and Parallax hits barricade! He was suckering him in! Fuj throws him back into the ring and goes up top, and it’s the falling headbutt! He covers, two, NO! Parallax is up! Fuj keeps firing away, but Parallax is running on pure adrenaline. Fuj goes for a big clothesline, but Parallax leaps up and gets a crucifix for two! He goes to the top, and Fuj again follows, but Parallax headbutts him into a daze. He doubles Fuj over, leaps over the top… it’s a sunset flip powerbomb! Fuj has to be out! Parallax isn’t done, though – he knows the Fuj is a tough bastard – and he goes to the mount to keep up the attack. He begins trash talking Fuj, who still has enough wherewithal to kick Parallax in the back of the head! Fuj gets up and charges, but it’s a double clothesline! Both men are down! As the count goes on, Cultstatus – who has the big match later tonight – appears at the ramp to observe who may be his first challenger if he wins. Parallax is up first, but Fuj has something in his hand… it’s salt! Salt goes into Parallax’s eyes! He’s partially blind! But he refuses to take time out and delivers a low blow… but Fuj pulls the ref in and the zebra takes the shot! Parallax still doesn’t know this – and he Curbstomps the referee! That ref may be dead! Parallax goes to cover the referee – he really thinks that’s Fuj! But there’s no count! He begins to clean out his eyes and sees the referee’s done for. Parallax charges Fuj and lands a Stinger Splash in the corner. He goes to the outside and looks for something… it’s a chair! He throws the chair into the ring, but someone jumps the barricade to stop him… it’s Paul Meekin! White Thunder is right behind him! Meekin steals the chair as Thunder grabs Parallax from behind. Meekin winds up… but Parallax ducks and Thunder gets it! Meekin checks on Thunder as Parallax comes off the ropes – Curbstomp to Meekin! He kicks both men out… but wait! Cultstatus is there with the chair! He clocks Parallax in the face! Parallax has been busted open! Cultstatus ducks out of the ring as the referee begins to stir. Fuj moves in and picks Parallax up – it’s the Fuji Vice! He’s got the Fuji Vice locked in! The referee slowly checks on Parallax, who is fading fast… and that’s the bell! The Fuj will be the next challenger for the BoD Heavyweight Championship, and he can thank Cultstatus for it! He backs up the aisle, a cruel grin on his face, and Meekin and Thunder follow – are those three in alliance? And what’s Parallax going to do when he wakes up?

Paycheck Match
Andy PG vs. Tommy Hall


Tommy is sporting a badass Tim Couch University of Kentucky throwback tonight. The winner here will  receive the loser’s paycheck tomorrow night on RAW. The rumor is that Tommy made the stipulations as he is in debt for all of the throwback jerseys he bought. Tommy also blames Andy for why he is not the BoD Writer’s Champion. Tommy goes after Andy but he ducked. Andy slides underneath the legs of Tommy then gets two with a reverse rollup. Tommy swing and misses then Andy takes him down with an enziguiri. Andy works the arm then Tommy reverses as they trade arm wringers. Tommy knees Andy then hammers away. Tommy hits Andy with a facebuster then works a chinlock. Tommy screams “that’s my paycheck” then breaks to do the make it rain taunt. Tommy pumps up his sneakers then climbs up top and delivers an elbow smash but that does not put Andy away. Tommy grapevines the leg and stretches out Andy as he yells about how he will get Andy’s paycheck. Tommy tries to make Andy tap but he will not submit. Andy manages to escape but Tommy runs over and drops a knee before taking control. Tommy gets frustrated as he takes Andy up top and climbs up for a superplex but Andy blocks the attempt. Andy punches away and grabs a front facelock. He then flips over Tommy and balances himself on top then takes Tommy down with a super reverse neckbreaker as both men are down! Holy shit, indeed. Andy struggles to get up  but does and picks up Tommy. He hits several knee smashes then whips Tommy into the corner. Andy charges and gets backdropped but lands on the apron. Andy catches Tommy with a forearm smash then goes for a slingshot attack  but it sends Tommy into the referee, who flies outside. Andy has Tommy for a DDT but that get reversed and Tommy uses a thumb to the eye to slow down Andy. Tommy takes Andy down with a shoulderblock and now reaches into his pants for his sock filled with his e-book coins. Um, that sock seems a bit light to me. Tommy takes out the sock and hits Andy but it has no effect because Tommy is very short on legitimate currency. He tosses the sock out of anger and all that falls out are two nickles and a token from Chuck E Cheese. Tommy goes over to make sure the referee is down and goes out to grab a chair. He looks to hit Andy but he ducks then they fight over the chair as it goes flying when they crash to the ground. These guys are brawling then take it back inside. Tommy catches Andy low just before the referee gets up. The ref is in the ring as Tommy sets Andy up for the Vader Bomb but Andy gets up and cuts him off. Tommy kicks him down then gets off the top rope. He attempts a clothesline but Andy ducks that then grabs his arm and puts him in a La Magistral Cradle and gets the win!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Tommy is shocked as he will be losing his paycheck tomorrow night. Andy celebrates the victory as Hall is yelling obscenities at him. 

GM Bayless vs. Jef Vinson

This match has been months in the making. Bayless has come out on the losing end opposite Vinson on three separate occasions. The Authority is absent from ringside but they are probably here somewhere. Vinson gets the best of Bayless after a series of holds then dope slaps him on the back of the head, pissing off the GM. Bayless charges but Vinson catches him with a drop toehold. Bayless charges again but Vinson leapfrogs him then catches the GM square in the face with a dropkick that gets two. Vinson takes the GM down again with an armdrag then with a hurricarana. Bayless ducks outside for a breather but as that happens Vinson sends him into the railing with a tope. Vinson hammers away on Bayless and tosses him over the guardrail. Vinson tries to suplex him back over but Bayless blocks the move by pushing the guardrail into Vinson. Bayless comes back over and slugs away at Vinson before ramming him into the post. Bayless gauges the eyes of Vinson as the referee is distracted by Assistant GM Justice Gray, who as come down to ringside. Bayless sends Vinson over the guardrail as we see Bill Ray & Rockstar Gary beat on Vinson before tossing him back over. The GM seemingly has devised a plan to have his Administration set up all over the arena. They toss Vinson back over as he is bleeding from the forehead. Bayless rolls Vinson back into the ring then applies a Dragon Sleeper. Bayless breaks to deliver clubbing forearms to the chest of Vinson. He then sets him up for a piledriver that he dedicates to Vinson’s “skank of a valet” but Vinson reverses that with a backdrop. Bayless is up first then tosses Vinson back to the floor as they almost hit the camera guy. Oh come on, that is not the camera crew, it is Corporate Custodian, Garth Holmberg and Average Joe Everyman and they are beating on Vinson as Bayless distracts the referee. Vinson is even more busted open than before as he gets rolled back inside. Bayless waits for Vinson to pull himself up then nails him with the Sweet Chin Music. This is it for Vinson, folks. Bayless covers but Vinson gets his foot on the ropes! Bayless is not happy as he drags Vinson near the turnbuckle and heads up top. Bayless goes for a splash but Vinson gets his knees up as both men are down. These two are fighting from their knees and start to get up with Vinson winning that as he uses everything he has left. Vinson hits the GM with a running knee strike in the corner that knocks him right down. Vinson is face-washing the GM as he is now busted open. Vinson picks up the GM and powerbombs him into the turnbuckle! Vinson covers but Justice Gray sneaks Bayless’ foot on the ropes. Vinson looks pissed and goes out after Gray and chases him around until Holmberg trips him with the camera cord. Bayless ducks outside and attacks Vinson with the ref distracted by a few members of the Administration. Bayless drags Vinson off of the ramp and takes a breather but looks worried. I think he is expecting something to happen. Bayless is increasingly worried as he now goes down and looks in horror as Gosh Hopkins & Nebb28 are passed out and bloodied. Bayless backs up but bumps into someone and it is…………..ARCHIE STACKHOUSE!!!!!!!!!! Bayless is mortified as Stackhouse has blood splattered all over his clothes. Stackhouse then pulls something out of his pocket and it is the pet rock! STACKHOUSE HAS THE PET ROCK!!!!! STACKHOUSE HAS THE PET ROCK!!!!! Stackhouse now walks after Bayless who is backpedaling his way to the ring. He traps Bayless against the ring apron as the rest of the Administration is afraid of him. From behind, Vinson heads down as Stackhouse steps aside and Vinson knocks the GM down with an uppercut. Stackhouse stares down the Administration as they are petrified then rolls Bayless back into the ring. Vinson is in now and he picks up the GM and hits the TKO and covers one….two……three!!!!!!! Vinson beats the GM again as his plan backfired. Archie Stackhouse came down from Riverdale and screwed the GM. Stackhouse now leaves through the crowd as they make sure to get out of his way. What is Stackhouse doing with the pet rock? What does he plan to do with the pet rock.

And now, part three of Hoss and the Ice Cream Truck:

(Hoss is driving with the hillbilly Pump N’ Pantry Clerk. He pulls over at the Ben & Jerry’s distribution center. Hoss drives the truck through the gates and pulls up sideways underneath a window)


Hoss: CLIMB THROUGH THE WINDOW AND GET ME ICE CREAM. YOU BETTER FILL THIS TRUCK.
Hillbilly: But I cant carry all of that back through the window.
Hoss: YOU STUPID FUCK, ONCE YOU BREAK IN YOU GO THROUGH THE DOOR. AND IF YOU GET ME HEALTH FOOD,  I WILL KNOCK OUT THE TWO TEETH YOU HAVE LEFT. (Hoss then shoves the Hillbilly down as he climbs on top of the truck and breaks the window and climbs in but the alarm goes off. The Hillbilly comes back through the door a few minutes later with ice cream)
Hoss: (Looks at Strawberrry Cheesecake flavor) I SAID NO HEALTH FOOD (Throws it at the Hillbilly’s head then chokeslams him down as he hears sirens. Hoss hops in his truck and takes off as the two-toothed Hillbilly is unconscious. Hoss made sure to toss all of the non “health food” ice cream in his truck) 

C-List Championship Fatal Four-Way

DavidBanzaiSaldanoMontgomery vs. Biscuit! vs. Mikey Mike vs. Night81

DBSM goes straight for Biscuit, who cost him a chance at being champion entering the match, while Mikey and Night tangle. DBSM gets a hard whip on Biscuit, sending him into the other two in the opposite corner. With all three men dazed, DBSM charges with a spear to Biscuit, knocking all three men down! Mikey rolls out of the ring as DBSM grabs Biscuit for a suplex, but Mikey trips DBSM and Biscuit falls on top. Night’s on the top rope and drives the knee into Biscuit as the move ends! Night grabs DBSM, but this kicks off a series of reversals between two men who know each other so well. They wind up fighting over a backslide… and now Mikey returns and grabs Night for a DDT! DBSM is off-balance from the pull, so Mikey gets a German suplex – but Biscuit splashes both men! We’re getting nowhere fast. Mikey throws Biscuit into a corner, then tries to cover DBSM again, but now Night is ready and pulls him away. Night tosses Mikey out of the ring, then charges Biscuit… straight into a pair of knees! Big clothesline from Biscuit! But DBSM is ready and gets a big crossbody on Biscuit to flatten him! Mikey’s back in an drops an elbow on DBSM, then tries to steal the pin… but Night is back to break it up at 2. Night grabs Mikey and fires away repeatedly, backing him into the ropes… Cactus Clothesline sends them both out! Biscuit’s ready to follow, and he goes up top as the two fight on the outside… but DBSM has him from behind and it’s Splash Mountain on Biscuit! On the outside, Night tosses Mikey into the timekeeper’s area and charges… and the barricade gives way! Both men are out! Back in the ring, Biscuit is flat on his back as DBSM is on the middle rope… BANZAI DROP! One, two, THREE! WE HAVE A NEW C-LIST CHAMPION! DBSM takes the Gary Coleman title and celebrates in the ring… he has redemption, and it came at Biscuit’s hands! Mikey finally looks up and sees his belt is gone from him, and he wasn’t even pinned. THIS ISSUE IS NOT OVER! Mikey is furious, but DBSM doesn’t care as he celebrates all the way up the aisle.

BoD Heavyweight Championship Match

Cultstatus vs. Jobber


And here we are in a matchup of the inaugural BoD Mania main event. Cultstatus took the belt from Jobber last time and will he do the same again? Cult signals that he will be the champion as Jobber and the rest of the Job Mob laugh. They lockup and fight against the ropes until they finally break. Jobber ducks out and consults with the Job Mob as the crowd taunts him. Big Dirty Murph sparks up a joint as he yells back at the fans. Jobber heads back in as he locks up with Cult. Jobber catches Cult with a back elbow smash. Jobber charges but Cult picks him up and presses him over his head and tosses him outside at his stable!!!!!!!! Cult then challenges all of them to come inside of the ring. Jobber holds the back of his neck as he once again regroups before going back inside. Cult slingshots Jobber back in then drops an elbow that gets two. Cult gets up and tries a suplex but Jobber blocks it then backs Cult into the corner. These two trade chops then Zanatude grabs the leg of Cult and that allows Jobber to stun him with an European Uppercut. Jobber stays on the attack as he wears out the ex-champ with an abdominal stretch that he turns into a gutbuster. Jobber tosses Cult outside then yells at the ref as the Job Mob beat on Cult. They roll Cult back inside as Jobber covers but only gets two. Jobber picks up Cult and hits a backbreaker then repeats the move and covers but Cult still manages to kick out. Jobber heads up top and hits a missile dropkick and covers but that only gets two. Jobber beats on Cult in the corner then charges but eats boot. Cult shakes off the cobwebs and heads over to Jobber and fires away. He whips Jobber against the ropes and drops him with a big boot. Cult picks up Jobber and hits a piledriver! He covers but that only gets two. Cult picks up Jobber but Big Dirty Murph jumps up on the apron. Cult runs him off then Zanatude and Chartock step on opposing sides of the ring and that allows Jobber to get back up and drop Cult. Jobber picks up Cult but out come the Midcard Mafia as they run out and attack the Job Mob!!!!!!!!!! Piers is still limping but that will not prevent him from getting revenge on the Job Mob. The ref is paying attention to the brawl outside as Jobber has Cult up for the Razor’s Edge but Cult slips out. Jobber ducks a clothesline then they both collide and are down. The brawl outside is spilling into the stands as the ref yells at them to stop. But, out holding a chair comes a bandaged and still bloodied Parallax.That is the same chair Cult used on Jobber as the camera zooms in on the blood splatter than remains on that chair. He barely seems to know what he is doing and looks to be headed towards Cult, who is beating on Jobber. Parallax ducks behind the apron as Jobber reverses an Irish whip then Parallax holds the chair sideways and cracks Cult in the back of the leg. Cult is hunched over then Parallax gets up and whacks Cult in the head and Jobber sets him up and hits the Razor’s Edge for the win!!!!!!! Jobber retains his title. Jobber celebrates as Parallax staggers up the ramp. The Job Mob celebrate with Jobber as the shows ends. TUNE IN TOMORROW NIGHT TO BoD RAW AT 10:35 PM EST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Question of the day: In the history of Professional Wrestling – all promotions included (WCW, NWA, Mid-South, ECW, World Class, TNA, SMW, etc.) who do you consider the greatest all-time TV Champions? (If you are up to it, give me a top 4)

Yesterday’s QOTD: If Vince McMahon were to name a new General Manager of RAW (which at
some point, I am sure he will), who would be your first choice?

TheOriginalDonald had an interesting choice…..
“Jerry Jones”

As any Dallas Cowboys fan will tell you: sure road to mediocrity and failure. I can tell you this: Jerry Jones as RAW GM = the best scenario possible…..for TNA/Impact

“Hulk Hogan in a suit and a doo-rag”


fg76….call me crazy, but I think this one has a realistic shot at happening

“Abeyance”

**** no….didnt we do that with the computer?

Some of the more insightful responses…….

“If they have to have one, they should just do the Foley bit again, but
use someone like Edge or Punk in the role. They have to do their
entertainment bits…might as well be a GM making matches with jokes
thrown in.”

“Ernest Miller.”

IF THEY MUST have one, Foley or The Cat would be good in the role

“Jack Tunney. He’s not able to appear on WWE programming anymore, so
therefore he would never come out and cut a 10-20 minute promo, create
stupid stipulations midmatch, or do other things to generally piss off
the audience.”

“If they must find a reason to justify supporting Ric Flair, I wouldn’t
mind him as a GM if he played it seriously instead of dancing around
like a fool. But in the Jack Tunney role where he shows up to make
decisions/announcements and doesn’t have an agenda against anyone.”

If the WWE were really listening to their fans, sounds like they are over the whole heel authority commish role being a big factor (Can you imagine an NFL weekend where Roger Goodell was on the TV talking for more time than actual games were being played?)


I think Magoonie NOT Teddy Belmont summed it up nicely….

“I’m thinking nobody, no GM. Move HHH and Steph away from the authority
figure storyline. Then no authority figures. Maybe if there’s a big
decision to be made, trot Vince out to make the decision then leave
(kinda like Bret/Luger and Gorilla). Just go back to I hate you, you
hate me lets fight.”


The great referees/officials in any Combat sport work best….when they are not even noticed.

Live from Baton Rouge, LA

Rating: **

Rating: ½*

Rating: *1/2

Rating: **1/2

Rating: *

Rating: ***

For more information on me please visit http://rockstargary.com.

Live from St. Petersburg, FL

Rating: *

Rating: DUD

Rating: ***

Rating: ****1/2

Rating: **

Rating: **1/2

Rating: ****

For more information on me please visit http://rockstargary.com.

The SmarK Rant for Clash of the Champions I Turns out I haven’t actually done this show since 98ish, and that’s just ridiculous. So everyone should know the deal with this by now, as Jim Crockett decided to run a free TV special to fuck with Wrestlemania IV, and it worked spectacularly well, tanking the buyrate and making a star out of Sting. My wrestling friends in school were PUMPED about this show back in the day and we were crushed to find out that it was on TBS and thus we couldn’t see it on TV here in Canada. Also, thank god this is the original TV version and not the home video one. Live from Greensboro, NC Your hosts are Jim Ross, Tony Schiavone & Bob Caudle World TV title: Mike Rotundo v. Jimmy Garvin This is under amateur rules, which is a weird way to kick off a big show. A one-count wins and there’s rounds. Rotundo goes for a single-leg and pulls the tights to do so, but Garvin takes him down with a slam and Rotundo bails. Interesting tension here in that any cover basically ends it. Garvin works on a facelock and they threaten to exchange fisticuffs, but Teddy Long breaks them up. Rotundo gets a clothesline and goes for the cover, but Garvin rolls to his stomach as the round expires. Second round and Rotundo attacks and goes up (like they do in amateur wrestling), which allows Garvin to slam him off. Garvin with the brainbuster, but he goes after Kevin Sullivan and Rotundo rolls him up for the pin at 6:45 to retain. And then Precious kicks some serious ass, laying out Rick Steiner with a 2×4 and choking Sullivan down with a coat hanger. Nothing much to this. *1/2 Steve Williams returns from Japan to offer his support for Dusty Rhodes and challenge Ric Flair. So, uh, Dr. Death with a live mic, bad idea. US tag team titles: The Midnight Express v. The Fantastics Oh man, “Chase” has been expunged from the Midnights’ entrance! That’s criminal. Big brawl to start and Fulton goes crazy with a chair, taking out Eaton on the floor and then chasing the Express into another brawl outside. This time the Express gets the best of it, as Lane lays Fulton out with a chair and even Cornette is throwing shit around. JR notes that they’re not here “to listen to rock n roll music and look good”. Clearly. In the ring, the Fantastics toss them around, but finally the Express gets their shit together and takes out Rogers with a Total Elimination. That’s more like it. Superkick from Lane and Cornette blatantly holds up a table, as Eaton sends Rogers into it behind the ref’s back. Now THAT’S some spectacular cheating. Eaton with a powerslam and flying elbow and they pound on Rogers in the corner. Demolition-style flying knee from Eaton as the crowd is going batshit. I love that they don’t just do the standard “punch and kick in the corner” stuff for the heel offense here, it’s crazy double-teams and non-stop action. Lane tosses Rogers after a hope spot and Eaton slams him on the table, and he’s still moving so Eaton bulldogs him on the table as well. Back in, more awesome double-teaming, but Rogers lunges over for the hot tag…which the ref doesn’t see. And then Cornette leaps in and starts hitting him with the tennis racket to boot. He hits the wrong guy, however, and the Fantastics hit Eaton with the Rocket Launcher for the pin and the titles at 10:20? Nope, as in fact the ref had been thrown over the top rope and thus it’s a Dusty Finish instead. Crappy finish, but it at least built to the Fantastics winning the belts for real soon after. This was just crazy action from start to finish. ****1/4 Meanwhile, Jim Cornette does a comedy routine with Eddie Haskell. Gary Hart introduces us to Vince Russo’s twin brother Al Perez, who wants Dusty’s US title. Notice how the babyfaces make sure to support Dusty and the heels challenge Dusty? And now the top 10 seeds for the Crockett Cup, many of which ended up not happening due to re-booking stuff: 10. Ivan Koloff & Dick Murdoch 9. Sting & Ron Garvin 8. Varsity Club 7. Fantastics 6. Windham & Luger 5. Powers of Pain 4. Midnight Express 3. Road Warriors 2. Nikita & Dusty 1. Arn Anderson & Tully Blanchard Chicago Street Fight: Dusty Rhodes & The Road Warriors v. The Powers of Pain & Ivan Koloff The ropes are wrapped in barbed wire just for fun. Animal is wearing a hockey mask due to having a weight dropped on his face, so he’s rather upset. The babyfaces beat on the Powers and of course Dusty is the first one to bleed. The poor ref just stands around outside waiting for a pinfall, and Animal quickly finishes Barbarian with a powerslam. Just a big messy brawl, nothing to it. ½* Nikita Koloff is back and he’s high on SPORTS, not drugs. Also, Dusty Rhodes is his friend. NWA World tag team titles: Tully Blanchard & Arn Anderson v. Barry Windham & Lex Luger The Horsemen had been champions forever and teaming up Windham & Luger was the nuclear option to deal with the problem once and for all. It not only made it sweeter for fans when they succeeded, but made the Horsemen seems all the more terrible when they outsmarted everyone and got the belts back again. Ah, those were the days. Farewell to Luger’s music, by the way. Luger overpowers Tully to start, and clotheslines both champions. Powerslam for Tully and he racks him, but Arn kicks him in the knee and quickly goes to work on it. The Horsemen switch off on the knee, but Barry gets a quick tag and cleans house. Lariat for Tully and he drops the knee, and his own powerslam gets two. Sleeper and Tully rolls out to escape, but Barry just hangs on. Tully tries going up and gets slammed off, and Windham follows with an abdominal stretch, leaving him open for a DDT from AA. That gets two. The crowd is just insane for the faces, popping for everything. Spinebuster gets two and Arn does the knucklelock spot and lands on Windham’s knees, but brings Tully back in as he pounds away for two. Windham comes back with a bodypress for two and they collide, setting up the pinfall reversal spot. Windham reverses the bridge into a gutwrench suplex, but Anderson cuts off the tag and works on the arm. Windham fights out of it, but Arn takes him down again, and they butt heads. Back to Tully for the slingshot suplex, but that only gets two. Arn can’t cut off another tag, and Luger is HERE. Clotheslines for everyone and the crowd is just going crazy as Luger is no-selling everything. Tully trips him up, but Luger comes right back with a powerslam for Arn and it’s BONZO GONZO. JJ grabs a chair, but Luger rams Arn into it and the pop redefines the term “blowing the roof off the joint at 9:34, ****1/4 Not only some of the loudest sustained heat for any match you’ll ever hear, but one of the fasted-paced tag team matches you’ll ever see, as they just packed everything but the kitchen sink into a 10-minute match and threw it all there. Also highly recommended is the rematch where Windham turned on Luger and ripped the hearts out of fans everywhere: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JVk0NgwtwLI NWA World title: Ric Flair v. Sting So this is Sting’s first big shot at the title, with a 45-minute TV time limit and a panel of judges to make sure there’s a winner. Including Jason Hervey and Eddie Haskell, so you know they mean business. Sting grabs the headlock to start and powers Flair down off a wristlock. They do the test of strength and Flair opts to chop out of it, but Sting no-sells it and hiptosses him out of the ring. Back in, Sting controls with a hammerlock and they criss-cross into a press-slam from Sting. Sting takes him down with a flying headscissors into the hiptoss, and back to the headlock again. Flair fights up and hiptosses out of it, but Sting counters and goes right back to it again. Flair fights up and Sting hiptosses him and tries another dropkick, but Flair dodges him. Sting gets tossed but pops right back in and fires away in the corner, then right back to the headlock again. Flair chops out of it and they slug it out in the corner, and Sting gets another press slam, into the bearhug. Flair makes it to the corner to escape and Sting tries to follow with the Stinger splash, but misses and hits his arm on the post. Flair is all over him, tossing him and running him into the railing. Back in, Flair throws the chops and Sting goes down, so Flair hammers on the back. Kneedrop times two and Flair rips at the face just to be a bastard. He rakes the face on the ropes and fires more chops in the corner, and Sting ends up on the floor again. Flair sends him into the railing again and they head back in so Flair can chop him again. Sting gets fired up, though, and slugs Flair right out of the ring, but charges at Flair and hits the post. So the arm is hurt again and Flair goes to town back in the ring, but Sting pops up and slugs away in the corner. Clothesline gets two. Flair tries to make a run for it, but Sting suplexes him back in and into the Scorpion Deathlock. Flair quickly makes the ropes, so Sting takes Flair to the corner again and shrugs off a chop. He slugs Flair down for two, but Ric is in the ropes again. Sting hiptosses him and tries a clothesline, but Flair moves and Sting hits the floor again. Flair takes a breather, but Sting comes in with a high cross for two. Flair catches him with the kneecrusher, however, and starts pounding on the knee. Another kneecrusher and Sting bails to the floor. Back in, Flair pounds on the knee again and adds a backdrop suplex, and now we go to school! Flair uses the ropes to assist as usual, but Sting powers into the reversal. Flair is up first, however, and goes after the knee again, then sets up on the apron for a suplex. Crowd freaks out, but Sting suplexes him back in instead, only to miss a big splash. They fight for the abdominal stretch and Sting wins that, but Flair hiptosses out. Flair chops him down and goes up, but Sting slams him off for two. He pulls Flair into the corner and posts him, then gets his own figure-four. Flair escapes, so Sting stomps on the knee again and yanks him out of the corner to work on the leg again. Flair Flip and he hits the floor, but Sting follows and beats on him. Flair tries a sunset flip back in, but Sting slugs him down and rakes Flair’s face on the ropes. Sting fires away in the corner, then no-sells Flair’s atomic drop and clotheslines him for two. Stinger splash misses and Sting hits the floor in dramatic fashion. Back in, they slug it out and Flair goes down, but comes back with a sleeper, so Sting rams him into the turnbuckle to break. Flair tosses him in desperation, but Sting comes back in with a sunset flip, which Flair blocks for two. Young kicks him out of the ropes and Sting gets two. Flair begs off and Sting whips him out, but Flair comes in with a high cross, reversed by Sting for two. Sting no-sells all of Flair’s offense now, hammering him in the corner to set up the Stinger splash. Scorpion Deathlock with time running out, but Flair hangs on until the time limit at 45:00. The decision: Two judges for Flair, two for Sting, one for a draw. Silly booking aside, I definitely gave this one short shrift on the original rant, as the full match flows much better and you can see the storyline of young and hungry Sting fighting for his life but not knowing how to finish. Definitely a modern classic. ****1/2 The Pulse Are you KIDDING me? This is the one of the best wrestling shows in HISTORY, full stop, with three **** matches in a two-hour span. Yet another reason to justify the $10 for the Network.

(Apparently this is up on the Network in some form, although you can only find it on computer.  HIGHLY DUBIOUS, BRAIN.  Anyway, assuming Stranger isn’t a big fat lying liar, here’s the original rant for it.) The SmarK Retro Rant for Clash of the Champions XXII: THUNDERCAGE! (Jan 13 / 1993) – This is another one of those shows that I could swear up and down on a stack of Bibles that I’ve already done, but don’t seem to have anything actually done for it. So here ya go, courtesy of reader David J. Mann. – Live from Milwaukee, WI. – Your hosts are Jim Ross & Jesse Ventura. – Opening match: Cactus Jack v. Johnny B. Badd. Badd is subbing for Erik Watts, who was “arrested” after his brawl with Arn Anderson at a gas station. Oh, shucks. Sadly, no prison rape resulted. Then, in an amazing turn of events, they actually put together a BACKSTORY for this match, since Badd & Jack were partners in the Lethal Lottery at Starrcade and broke up to end the match. Jack hammers out of a hammerlock to start and gets into a fistfight, which goes badly. He offers Badd a “bang bang” for his troubles. Jack hammers away again, but Badd leapfrogs him and rolls him up for two. Dropkick and Badd grabs an armbar, but Jack slugs out of it. Badd rams him into the turnbuckles, and Jack runs into a foot and gets punched down. Badd cradles for two. Elbow and Badd goes up and whiffs on the sunset flip from the top, which allows Jack to drop an elbow for the pin at 2:48, drawing a scary face pop. Kind of quick, to say the least. *1/2 – We get a video for 2 Cold Scorpio, who dances for some kids in a basketball court. I was hoping he’d advise them against doing drugs so I get a cheapshot in. – 2 Cold Scorpio v. Scotty Flamingo. If Scorpio hadn’t debuted in the redneck-centered promotion of the deep south, he might have ended up something special. Flamingo grabs a wristlock to start and Scorpio flips out of it and hiptosses him for one. Flamingo grabs a headlock and they do a lucha-esque sequence that ends with Flamingo bailing off a weak kick, and Scorpio follows with a dive off the apron. Back in, Flamingo kicks him down and dropkicks him out of the ring, and follows with a low-rent tope con hilo. Scott must have been feeling particularly frisky. Back in, it gets two, but Scorpio cradles for two. Flamingo stomps him down and gets a nice snap suplex for one. Choking follows and we hit the chinlock. They slug it out and Scorpio comes back with a hiptoss and a dropkick, and goes up with a twisting splash for two. Corner splash misses and Flamingo rolls him up for two and gets a lariat for two. Blind charge misses and Scorpio superkicks him into a legdrop and finishes with the 450 at 4:11. Good action here that was WAY ahead of its time. *** – Chris Benoit v. Brad Armstrong. This was Benoit’s WCW debut as a part of the roster, long before he meant anything. He made his official debut in the NWA tag tournament in a crazy match against Pillman & Liger, but that was intended as a one-shot deal. At this point, as far as WCW was concerned, he was just a promising junior heavyweight from Japan who survived Stu Hart’s Dungeon. They criss-cross off a headlock to start and Benoit dodges a dropkick and gets a straight foot to the gut to set up a powerbomb, which Armstrong counters and they do an insane stalemate sequence, leading to an armdrag from Brad. Yikes. Armstrong works the arm as Benoit tries to escape by kipping up, but Armstrong keeps him on the mat. Into a knucklelock, as Benoit bridges out of it in a spot he can’t do anymore due to his neck, and then Armstrong does the same thing, and suplexes Benoit into an armbar. He stays on the arm and Benoit reverses, and they work off that for a bit until Brad leverages him out of the ring. Back in, they again trade hammerlocks and Benoit tries the same strategy as Armstrong, but Brad goes back to the arm to counter. Benoit takes him down and goes for a crab, but Brad powers out, only to get pounded by Benoit. He suplexes him onto the top rope, putting him on the apron, and then hits him with a springboard clothesline to the floor ala Jericho’s dropkick. That woke up the crowd. Back in, Benoit gets the now-patented clothesline and snap suplex, for two. He starts chopping and headbutting, earning him the Jesse Ventura Seal of Approval ™. Brad fights back with a kneelife, but Benoit pounds him down again, and a backbreaker turns into a submission move. To the top, but Armstrong blocks him. Benoit casually shoves him down and tries the flying headbutt, but misses. Brad comes back with a neckbreaker and drops an elbow for two. Benoit KILLS HIM DEAD with a dragon suplex (full-nelson suplex) for the pin at 9:13. The seeds of awesome were there, all right. ***1/4 – We take a look at some SMW footage of the RNR winning the tag titles from the Heavenly Bodies, setting up the SMW guest appearance at Superbrawl III. – Jesse Ventura holds an arm-wrestling match between Vinnie Vegas & Tony Atlas, because Van Hammer is injured and thus unable to defend his “Strongest Arm” title. Nothing cooler than Kevin Nash in pink jogging pants. As if Nash would last three seconds in a legit arm-wrestling match with Atlas. This goes on forever, left-handed no less, and Vinnie wins a grueling contest to claim the vacant Strongest Arm title. He’s gassed, too. – And just to really amp up the brutal realism of the show, we get Vader’s “White Castle of Fear” video challenge to Sting for Superbrawl III. No midgets in this one, just Vader. – Video package details the US title tournament, which ended up with Dustin Rhodes going over Ricky Steamboat to win the belt. – The Wrecking Crew v. Tom Zenk & Johnny Gunn. The Crew was one of Animal’s brothers and another guy. Zenk grabs a headlock on Rage to start, and escapes a press-slam. He dodges Rage and goes up with a high cross for one, and dropkicks him out. The heels regroup, so Gunn nails them with a tope con hilo. Didn’t see that coming. Back in, Gunn dodges the heels and rolls up Rage for two. He gets caught in the corner, but armdrags Fury. Fury comes back with a clothesline. Backbreaker, but Gunn faceplants him and makes the tag to Zenk. Hiptoss and he pounds away, but Fury gets a gutwrench suplex and stomps him. Truly a technical classic. Sideslam brings in Rage, who gets a bad powerslam and Fury comes back in. Hew whips Zenk around, but comes off the second rope and gets superkicked as a result. Hot tag Gunn, and bodyslams abound. A real bad forearm and some double-noggin-knocker action follow, but Gunn gets cheapshotted and the Crew finish him with a double-team backbreaker at 6:05. Rage & Fury disappeared again after this, perhaps to seek anger management therapy. Ѕ* – Unified World tag title: Ricky Steamboat & Shane Douglas v. Steve Austin & Brian Pillman. Austin knees Steamboat and pounds away to start, but gets cradled for two. Rollover gets two. Criss-cross and Steamboat gets a bodyblock for two and it’s BONZO GONZO right away. The Blonds bail and regroup. Back in, Austin offers a handshake and then turns on Steamboat, allowing Pillman to come in and start chopping. Steamboat dodges him and gets a dropkick, and the faces pinball him into a Dragon armdrag. Douglas keeps on the arm, and they work it incessantly with cool quick tags. Pillman whips out of it and they criss-cross, but he hurts his knee. Well, better stop the match and call a stretcher. But IT’S A MIRACLE! Pillman slingshots in again, but Douglas powerslams him for two. Austin comes in to try, and Douglas immediately goes to the arm and works on it. Austin escapes, but Douglas goes back to it and brings Steamboat in for some more double-teaming. Steamboat gets the hammerlocked slam and tags back out, as Douglas gets a sunset flip for two. Austin reverses to a rollup for two, and they go into a pinfall reversal sequence that leads to Douglas getting a butt-butt off the second rope for two. Good stuff. Douglas & Steamboat double-team with a hiptoss and Steamboat slams Douglas onto Austin, then slams Pillman onto Austin. He goes back to the arm with a wristlock on Austin, but a quick cheapshot from Pillman allows Austin to slam Steamboat and put the heels in control. Pillman comes in and works the back with a whip into the corner and a slam for two. He suckers Shane in and then tosses Dragon out, which is TEXTBOOK NWA heel stuff. Austin adds a slam on the concrete while he’s out there. Pillman necksnaps him on the way in, but Steamboat fights back, so Austin kicks him in the back to allow Pillman to suplex him back in. That gets two. The Blonds work Steamboat over, and Pillman chops him down. I again wonder why Bischoff couldn’t let them become the Midnight Express of the 90s. Steamboat comes back with a sunset flip, but the ref was busy with Austin. Austin with a gutwrench and again suckers Douglas in, allowing more damage. Ricky fights back, but gets suplexed while crawling for a tag. Austin gets two. Man, you don’t have to ask Steamboat twice to play face-in-peril in a tag match. Austin goes to a body-vice, but Steamboat uses leverage to escape. Austin goes back to it because Steamboat doesn’t have the gas to capitalize, but Pillman tries Air Pillman and hits Austin by mistake. Steamboat gives both of them a flying chop, and finally makes the hot tag to Douglas after one last tease spot to really drive the fans into a frenzy. Douglas keeps it simple, slugging everyone down and dropkicking them, then moving to clotheslines. Belly to belly for Pillman, but Austin nails him off the top behind the ref’s back and then takes out Steamboat. That gets two. Steamboat brawls with Austin outside, and grabs a title belt, which he nails Douglas with for the DQ at 13:34, kicking off an epic feud that ended with the Blonds winning the titles after weeks of great matches. Great match, bad finish. ****1/4 – Thundercage: Dustin Rhodes & Sting v. Vader, Paul Orndorff & Barry Windham. Ron Simmons was eliminated by a pre-match attack from Vader in the previous segment. Rhodes backdrops Windham out of the corner to start and they slug it out, but Windham misses an elbow. Rhodes slugs away in the corner and gets a clothesline, bringing Sting in for a bulldog. Press slam and Windham brings Vader in for a go. Sting slugs him on the ropes, but Vader returns fire with mustard on it. Sting keeps punching and gets an atomic drop, and a DDT finally puts Vader down. Stinger splash and he keeps slugging away, and adds some for the other heels, too. Vader actually does a Flair Flip, but catches Sting with a shot to the head on a charge. He goes up with a flying clothesline and then adds a flying splash from the second rope, which misses. Sting kicks away and clotheslines him out, but Orndorff sneaks in with a german suplex to break up the jubilation. Orndorff comes in and stomps away, clotheslining Sting down and dropping an elbow. He drops an elbow on the lower abs, and Windham comes in with a shot off the top and slugs Sting down. Suplex gets two. Dustin gets suckered in and allows some double-teaming by the heels, and they continue working him over in the corner. Vader splash in the corner and a clubbing forearm put Sting down, and a press slam (with a shot on the way down) follows. That’s so cool. Windham sets up for a superplex , but Sting fights out and collapses to the mat. Hot tag to Rhodes is made, and he valiantly tries it 1-on-3, catching Windham with a lariat and slugging the other two down. Corner clothesline and he slugs away, but now Cactus Jack runs in with bolt-cutters to let himself in, and attacks the heels with his boot, laying them all out. I guess he’s your substitute for Simmons. Orndorff finally tosses him, leaving himself one-on-one with Rhodes, but a piledriver attempt is foiled by a boot to the head and Jack gets the pin at 11:22 to officially turn face. Match was going okay until the non-sensical finish. *** The Bottom Line: This was quite the great wrestling show that kind of snuck up on me. Much like the PPV it was hyping, Superbrawl III. The main event was rushed and disappointing due to substitutions and time limitations, but the tag title match is the usual amazing Blonds exhibition and Benoit’s WCW singles debut is already great stuff. Highly recommended.

We’re going back to the 80s again with the original WCW prime time
special. Starting in March of 1988, the NWA launched the Clash of the
Champions to mess with Wrestlemania IV. The idea worked so they decided
to keep things going and made more editions of the show. Over the
course of nearly ten years, thirty five Clash of the Champions specials
were produced with some of the best matches WCW ever had included.

In this new book, I go back and look at every single show, breaking each
one down match by match and segment by segment with detailed analysis
and a look through the history of the series.

The book is available from Amazon for just $3.99 and runs 354 pages on a
Kindle. If you don’t have a Kindle, there are free apps that you can
get to read it on your phone, laptop, iPad, or any other electronic
device you have. These can be found from Amazon here.

You can pick it up from Amazon here.

From the UK Amazon here.

From the Canadian Amazon here.

Or if you’re in another country with its own Amazon page, just search KB Clash and it should be the first thing that pops up.

Also you can still get any of my previous books on the WWE Championship,
Monday Night Raw from 1998 and 2001, Monday Nitro from 1995-96, In Your
House, Summerslam and Starrcade at my author’s page here.

I hope you enjoy it and thanks for checking it out.

KB