The SmarK Rant for WWF Superstars and Stripes Forever – 03.17.91

The SmarK Rant for WWF Superstars and Stripes Forever – 03.17.91

Originally written 05.05.26

Yeah you all knew I was gonna cave and review this one. It’s one week before Wrestlemania with a special on the USA Network, one of the last I haven’t reviewed yet.

Taped from Pensacola, FL on 03.11.91

Your hosts are Vince McMahon & Bobby Heenan

Mr. Perfect v. Shawn Michaels

This is a non-title match, because who could imagine tag team specialist Shawn Michaels ever challenging for a prestigious singles title like this? As an added indignity, they spell his name “Sean Michaels” on the graphic. OUCH. Perfect goes for the arm and Shawn puts him down with a forearm. So Perfect wants to MIX IT UP FISTICUFFS STYLE and Shawn wins that battle, prompting Perfect to bail to the floor and think it over. So Shawn dives over the top with a tope con hilo and they brawl out there, but Perfect drops him on the railing in a dramatic bump as obviously they’ve decided to see who can take the craziest bump on national TV here. Marty comes down to check on his partner as we take a break. Back with Perfect hitting him with a dropkick for two. Perfect sends him into the corner for a Flair Flip as Shawn flings himself around the ring, and Perfect slugs away on him while Shawn does a dramatic sell and then bumps to the floor off a kneelift. Back in the ring, Perfect with the necksnap for two, but Shawn catches him with his head down and Perfect goes FLYING off that. Perfect with the sleeper and Vince declares the match OVER, but Shawn somehow powers out of it and escapes with a jawbreaker. So Perfect gives him the world’s most dramatic kneelift and Shawn does a flip sell off that, but Marty goes over and slaps Perfect from the floor, prompting Bobby Heenan to leave commentary and help his man. Perfect sends Marty into the post to get rid of him and goes back to beating on Shawn in the corner, but Shawn yanks him down and crotches him on the post, and Perfect starts taking ragdoll bumps all over the ring as Shawn gets two from that. Shawn with the superkick for two. Shawn goes up and Perfect brings him down for the Perfectplex, but Bossman runs in for the DQ at 13:11 and Mr. Perfect runs away. This was a tremendously entertaining match as they were both determined to out-bump each other. ***1/2.

And then on the way out, Bossman bumps into ANDRE THE GIANT, who offers a handshake in a moment that sadly didn’t really go anywhere.

Contract Signing:

It’s the official signing for Ultimate Warrior and Randy Savage’s career ending match, after a quick recap video of their issues. Macho is pretty sure that no one is going to stop the Kingdom of the Madness and he signs the contract (and so does Sherri for some reason) and then he offers Warrior one more chance to pull out of the match so he doesn’t have to lose his career. Warrior notes that he’s already shattered any chance of Savage ever becoming WWF champion ever again (about that…) and then he signs the contract and flips the table over for good measure. But then this brings out the Undertaker for an unadvertised cameo appearance, and he stares Warrior down to set up the post-WM feud. So that kind of gives away the result, unfortunately.

The British Bulldog v. Jim Corbett

Bulldog overpowers him to start and puts him down with a clothesline, but Corbett tries a full nelson and Bulldog easily reverses it. Corbett makes the ropes, so Bulldog yanks him out and drops him in an old school Bulldogs spot, and then hits the delayed suplex. Powerslam finishes at 1:31.

Meanwhile, we take a look at the history between Jake Roberts and Rick Martel, leading up to the blindfold match at Wrestlemania.

Blindfold match: Rick Martel v. Koko B. Ware

I had no idea this was a thing that happened. So this is a warmup for the gimmick match, which is a neat idea. Koko actually attacks before the masks can go on, hitting Martel with dropkicks and chasing him to the floor in lawless manner. That’s just poor sportsmanship! Finally the referees settle him down while Bobby demonstates how to “speak Braille” in a punchline that’s so stupid I had to laugh. Martel waits for Koko to be blindfolded, and then attacks him and beats him down as a receipt for the earlier attack. Bobby is HOWLING with laughter because Koko thinks Martel has the hood over his face as well and doesn’t realize he’s cheating. Martel runs Koko into the post and sends him back into the ring to actually start the proper match with the hoods, although Koko is in the bad way now. And Martel quickly finds him laying on the mat in pain and finishes him off with the Boston crab right away at 4:20. Wasn’t really any match here.

Ted Dibiase joins Rowdy Roddy Piper for a special interview, and Piper points out that Dibiase has been a lot stinkier lately now that he doesn’t have anyone to wipe the cow shit off his boots and clean the toe jam out of his feet. So Dibiase calls Piper a woman because he wears a skirt and runs his big mouth before he knows what he’s saying. And now he’s led Virgil right into Dibiase’s trap at Wrestlemania. And then Dibiase runs down Virgil and tells us how stupid and useless Virgil is, which allows Piper to reveal that Virgil was listening all along. Fun segment with Piper doing a great job of selling it all.

Greg Valentine v. Scott Allen

This jobber actually has two of my names. He joins original Green Lantern Alan Scott and Bryan Adams’ guitarist Keith Scott in that club. Hammer hits him with a hiptoss and chops him out of the ring, and then hammers on his neck with elbows and follows with a gutbuster. Allen actually comes back with his own clubbing forearms, but Hammer hits him with a kneecrusher and sweeps the leg to set up the figure-four at 2:51.

Hulk Hogan v. General Adnan

This is a scouting mission for the General, apparently, and he attacks Hulk and rakes the back and eyes. But then Hulk boots him and hits him with the Axe Bomber before Sarge runs in for the DQ at 1:00. I actually thought Slaughter in the khakis was a much better look than his standard military tights and freshened his look up a lot. And of course, Slaughter lays out Hulk and beats on the back before putting him in the camel clutch while the useless refs try to pull him off.

THIS WEEK IN 1991 COMMERCIALS: Holy shit, we actually get a commercial for the movie Career Opportunities, complete with THE MEME. IYKYK.

Meanwhile, we hear from Slaughter and Adnan and learn about immortal slime and pukeamaniacs.

Meanwhile, we take a look back at the tag team battle royale from Superstars. Yup, the whole match. And then after the break, we hear from the Nasty Boys.

Bret Hart v. Brian Knobs

Bobby clarifies that he’s not anti-American, he’s just anti-Hogan. These days I’m both. Bret hits Knobs with a pair of hiptosses and then an atomic drop and clothesline to put him on the floor. Bret slingshots him back in the ring, and follows with a bodypress before slugging away on him and chasing him back to the floor again. Anvil tosses Knobs back in and Bret goes to work on the arm, prompting a fight between Anvil and Sags on the floor. But Bret gets distracted by that and Knobs levels him with a clothesline to the backto take over. Bret took a really nice bump off that. Back in the ring, Knobs beats him down and works him over in the corner. Knobs misses a blind charge but continues stomping on Bret with generic offense. Bret makes a comeback with a legsweep for two and a snap suplex for two. Backbreaker and he goes up with the middle rope elbow as Sags attacks Neidhart and lays him out on the floor, and then trips up Bret. Knobs with a piledriver for two off that. But then Anvil yanks Sags out of the way while he’s on the apron, and Bret hits Knobs with a hooking clothesline and pins him at 9:14. Bret managed to carry the limited Knobs to a pretty damn solid match here. ***

Hulk Hogan joins Mean Gene for a special interview about the Adnan match.

Undertaker v. Tugboat

So I guess they DID pay off the mini feud they had going on via inset promo on Superstars. Taker attacks in the corner and quickly hits him with a corner clothesline, but he misses a charge and Tugboat tries a slam, which Taker reverses. Taker with the leaping clothesline and he chokes Tugboat down. Tugboat tries another slam and Taker falls on top for two and then chokes him out on the ropes. Taker drops a knee on him, which you don’t see him do very much, but an elbow misses and Tugboat makes the comeback with a powerslam. Taker just pops up and goes to the top rope, and ropewalks like the Spoiler into an elbowdrop to finish at 3:28. Pretty bad but Undertaker looked awesome here. *

And we finish with a video package about Sgt. Slaughter and his issues with the immortal slime, Hulk Hogan.

This was a pretty good hype show, actually! One of the better ones they did, with a pair of good matches and lots of good angle development.