The SmarK Rant for WWF Superstars – 12.06.86

The SmarK Rant for WWF Superstars – 12.06.86

Originally written 06.18.26

Taped from South Bend, IN on 11.18.86

Your hosts are Vince McMahon, Bruno Sammartino & Jesse Ventura

The Honky Tonk Man breaks into the intro to rant about the ugly babies and greasy fans, and he’s got a big surprise for us: COLONEL JIMMY HART! Talk about a perfect pairing.

Randy Savage v. SD Jones

Macho does an inset promo where he demands the WWF LINE ‘EM UP and he’ll knock ‘em all down and out of the business like he did with Ricky Steamboat. Vince and Jesse meanwhile feel like maybe Ricky’s career has come to an end and maybe he should just hang it up. Maybe he can open a gym in North Carolina. Bruno: “I think he’s disgusting.” Well that’s just, like, his opinion, man. SD gets a slam for two and Bruno GOES OFF on Macho Man, ranting about how he was trying to do his job but he wasn’t going to stand by while a piece of garbage like Macho tried to end the career of another man. Jones with a blind charge in the corner, but Savage hits him with the sling blade clothesline and drops the big elbow to finish at 2:07. The initial angle looked devastating, but the replay shows he didn’t even make contact with the elbow.

UPDATE! WITH MEAN GENE OKERLUND!

The subject this week is King Harley Race, who thinks his subjects should take a bath and that no one else will ever wear the crown. Today I learned that this gimmick was devised as a rib on Harley for taking the World title too seriously when he was champion.

Meanwhile, we meet Blackjack Mulligan again, as he teaches us about honey wagons, which are how farmers fertilize their crops. He promises to throw King Kong Bundy into the pile of cow chips and make him stinky. Strong words.

Koko B. Ware v. Bobby Colt

Colt was kind of a name for Al Tomko in Vancouver for a while and I remember him as a guy on those All Star Wrestling shows when I was a kid. Koko takes him down with a headlock and a snap suplex while Bruno continues to rant about Macho Man. Ghostbuster finishes at 2:00. And that’s actually the end of Colt’s career and I have no idea what happened to him after this match.

LAST WEEK: Adrian Adonis returns and gives Piper a taste of his own medicine, attacking him from behind and putting him out with the sleeper.

Adorable Adrian Adonis v. Paul Roma

Roma tries a full nelson and can’t get his arms around Adrian’s girth, so he dropkicks Adrian into the corner and follows with a monkey flip. But then he misses another dropkick and Adrian puts him out with the sleeper at 1:34. So this was a major change in Adonis’s style and finisher with his return, as he shifted to the prancing Gorgeous George routine completely and changed from the DDT to the sleeper. But then the end was near for him in the WWF anyway.

Meanwhile, in Australia, we once again meet Outback Jack, who still has nothing to say.

Hercules v. Jose Luis Rivera

Rivera gets a nice dropkick, but Herc cuts him off with a suplex and quickly finishes with the backbreaker at 0:55.

Piper’s Pit with special guest George Steele. Roddy claims that he got George a woman and he’s been friends with him as a result ever since. He also has a friend in JYD, who does what the kids call DABBING HIM UP to show solidarity and apparently this is a three-man unit now. God help us all.

Meanwhile, Mean Gene sits down with Bonnie Steamboat. She’s distraught, and angry.

Kamala v. Salvatore Bellomo

Kamala quickly squishes and squashes Sal and finishes with the big flying squish at 0:24.

Meanwhile, Jesse Ventura introduces us to corrupt old Jack Tunney, who clarifies that Andre is reinstated as a wrestler as of last week, with full privileges. Tunney notes that there was a hearing and it was completely bizarre, but he can’t talk about it. And Andre wasn’t even there! But Bobby Heenan was. Jesse is a tad frustrated with this lack of transparency. Oh this is going somewhere, baby.

The Dream Team & Dino Bravo v. The Rougeau Brothers & Billy Jack Haynes

Uh oh, we got Danny Davis in there. Bravo hits Jacques with a cheapshot in full view of the ref, allowing the Dream Team to take over right away. Dino with a sideslam and Beefcake gets the press slam into the backbreaker for two. Then they triple-team Jacques in the corner while Davis goes to talk with Raymond and gets him out of the ring, but Jacques comes back with an abdominal stretch on Brutus. So Bravo comes in and waffles Jacques and the match breaks down with a huge brawl until Danny rings the bell and disqualifies both teams. Hopefully no one from Montreal holds a grudge against Bravo for his cheating here.

NEXT WEEK: Uh, the show cuts out here, so I dunno.

We’re really getting into the thick of my childhood fandom now.