The SmarK Rant for WWF Superstars – 11.01.86

The SmarK Rant for WWF Superstars – 11.01.86

Originally written 05.07.26

Taped from Syracuse, NY on 10.06.86

Your hosts are Vince McMahon & Jesse Ventura & Bruno Sammartino

Randy Savage v. Sivi Afi

Afi was rapidly falling down the ladder at this point, mostly existing as “guy who substitutes at house shows when other people no show”, which is certainly a good position to make regular money with. Randy takes him down while we get an inset from Billy Jerk Haynes, who claims to have Macho Man defeated with his full nelson a few weeks before. Yeah he says a lot of stupid shit though. Macho works a headlock on Afi, but Sivi comes back with a bodypress and dropkick for two. But then he misses a pump splash in the corner, and gets distracted on the floor, and Savage drops him on the railing to cut off any comeback attempt. Back in for the flying elbow to finish at 2:42.

UPDATE! WITH MEAN GENE OKERLUND!

This week we’re discussing Hogan’s nutritional regimen, which naturally means it’s time for the TNT segment with HULK’S PYTHON POWDER as he shows how to make smoothies. If they had showed that video at Vince’s trial they would have had a slam dunk conviction.

Junkyard Dog v. Moondog Rex

We get an inset from Paul Orndorff, setting up a house show series that I was actually super excited about seeing when I was 12 years old and bugging my dad to take me to the PNE Coliseum back in the day. I don’t remember specifically but I’m sure it wasn’t very good. Dog sends Rex into the corner with an atomic drop and headbutts him for two, but he misses a blind charge and Rex gets a bit of offense. But then JYD thumps him for the pin at 2:12. This was pretty awful even for the 2 minutes it lasted, with neither guy really selling anything. Rex even popped up after the powerslam. Rex was about to be repackaged anyway.

King Harley Race v. Jose Luis Rivera

Vince does clarify that Race won “several tournaments” in order to claim the title of King, so he’s not entirely full of shit. Rivera backdrops him, but misses a charge and lands on his head and Race takes over. Race drops a knee on his neck and follows with a delayed suplex and then finishes with the cradle suplex at 1:30.

Meanwhile, we get a tense contract signing between the Machines and Studd & Bundy.

The Honky Tonk Man v. Al Navarro

Honky is literally slapping hands at ringside trying to get his babyface act over and the crowd is DEAD silent. Honky does some dancing and tosses Al to the floor, drawing obvious boos, as Jesse points out that he’s not strictly obeying the rules. Yeah so Vince must have know what the deal was at this point and started adjusting. Back in the ring, Honky with a clothesline and he finishes with the debut of Shake Rattle & Roll at 1:35. Another complete disaster of a squash.

Meanwhile, George Steele visits a zoo and names animals. This was…something.

Kamala v. Don Driggers

We get an inset poem from Lanny Poffo (or “Randy Poffo” as Vince calls him by accident) and I feel like he wouldn’t open his big mouth if he was across the ring from Kamala. For a genius he sure talked a lot of shit about guys who kicked his ass. Kamala boots Driggers down and then runs around all four sides and splashes him for the pin at 0:41, drawing gasps from the crowd. Hogan had to be counting the money he was about to make with this guy.

Rowdy Roddy Piper v. Mr. Fuji

Fuji does an inset and claims to have an “Ace in the hole” for Piper, so he’s not worried. Well I can’t even imagine who that might be. Piper is still on crutches and acts like his leg is still injured, but then pulls off his bandage and reveals that he was full of shit. So Piper beats the stuffing out of Fuji while Danny Davis tries to stop him from doing it, and finally Fuji is able to get a cheapshot to take over. He uses some karate to put Piper down and goes to the top rope, but he misses a flying splash and Piper takes him down and continues beating him like a red headed stepchild. So this of course brings out Muraco and Orton as backup and Fuji is able to run away, so Piper offers up a free shot and evades Muraco. But then Orton hits from behind and takes out the knee, so Piper grabs the crutch and swings away, chasing the heels off as it’s a DQ of some kind at 3:30 or so. And then, PLOT TWIST, Danny Davis calls for the DQ on PIPER because he used the crutch, which is actually the first REAL bad call that you can point to leading up to his storyline. Also this Muraco & Orton deal was NO BUYS and made Piper look like a midcarder, and it was obvious that they needed Adonis back badly in order to sell it.

NEXT WEEK: The Killers Bees v. Sheik & Volkoff! Butch Reed! Sika!