The SmarK Rant for WWF Superstars – 09.17.94

The SmarK Rant for WWF Superstars – 09.17.94

Originally written 08.15.25

You know this is the end of a TV taping cycle because Well Dunn is in the main event. Strap in.

Scott’s Nerd Life Update:

The beta version of MacOS Tahoe is growing on me after some hiccups with my initial installation on my 2020 Macbook Pro. The computer got REALLY hot when using Chrome and watching videos in particular. Probably because mine is the last Intel chip version supported. But I wiped the laptop and did a fresh installation and that’s improved things 10 times over. I’m up to Beta 3 now as of this afternoon and I haven’t noticed any other issues and it’s definitely worked through whatever heating troubles it had. Definitely not something to play around with if you’re a casual user who freaks out about potentially losing all your data because of a whoopsie, but I have all my stuff backed up six ways from Sunday over multiple computers so I’m less concerned.

Taped from Portland, ME, on 08.17.94

Your hosts are Vince McMahon & Jerry Lawler

Well Dunn v. The Bushwhackers

Well Dunn doesn’t even get an entrance, the poor bastards. Well beats on Butch in the corner but misses a blind charge and it’s already BONZO GONZO, which results in Well Dunn getting their asses bitten. Thankfully they regroup and double-team Luke to take over, as Well hits him with legdrops off a Dunn drop toehold. Well drops an elbow for two and Dunn slugs away in the corner. Well goes up with a flying elbow for two and they do more double-teaming while Butch somehow gets himself tied up in the bottom rope and the ref has to help him escape. Well Dunn with the double bulldog on Luke for two, but Butch makes the save and Dunn tosses him. But then Well slams Luke and Butch pushes them over in mid-move, putting Luke on top for the pin at 5:15. This was kind of weird, with the Whackers basically selling for the entire match and not even getting a comeback before the fluke win.

Last week: Ted Dibiase challenges anyone in the WWF to face Bam Bam Bigelow, and that brings out Adam Bomb.

Jeff Jarrett v. Phil Apollo

Vince discusses the upcoming JJ album, “Ain’t I Great”, and feels like a more appropriate title would be “I’m Trying But This Is Like My First Endeavour or Something”. Because otherwise where do you go from “Ain’t I Great?” It’s true, the sophomore jinx is a very real thing in music. They say you have your whole life to put out your first album and then six months to put our your second one. JJ takes Apollo down while the announcers go on this whole thing about how MTV apparently PLAYS MUSIC?! I don’t know what fever dream they’re living in. Also kudos to Jerry for working in the classic “What happens when you play country music backwards” gag. Apollo misses a blind charge and Jarrett works the leg and quickly finishes with the figure-four at 1:53. Lawler on the subject of the unimpressed guest ring announcer here: “What’s her hobby, stepping on rakes?” Ouch.

Undertaker v. Tony Devito

Taker quickly hits the ropewalk and then throttles him and tosses him over the top rope, and then back in for the tombstone to finish at 2:15.

Meanwhile, a women goes to confession and it turns out that the priest is watching wrestling on the other side. Oh that wacky New Generation!

KWANG v. Scott Taylor

Kwang with the back kick and he blows green mist in excitement, but Scotty makes the comeback. He tries a sunset flip but Kwang dramatically hits him with a martial arts blow and some chops to block it. Kwang works him over in the corner and follows with a hiptoss, but he misses a blind charge and Taylor tries another comeback, before Kwang puts him away with a leg lariat at 2:35.

The Heartbreak Hotel with special guest Tatanka. I’m not clear on when this would have been taped exactly, since the taping for this show was before Summerslam, and also before Shawn & Diesel were tag team champions. But here they have the belts and Tatanka is a heel with Ted Dibiase. Now they did do a Superstars taping on August 31 for the October shows, so maybe they taped it there? Once again, I should point out that Tatanka in a business suit (like he’s wearing here!) was the play as a heel. Evil casino-owning Native American is a slam dunk bad guy character (see: Yellowstone, Banshee, or my personal favorite, Longmire) and they could have pulled it off.

Thurman “Sparky” Plugg v. Iron Mike Sharpe

HIS FRIENDS CALL HIM SPARKY. No that’s silly, bitter Bob doesn’t have friends. Meanwhile, Abe Knuckleball Schwartz is still on strike. Lawler: “He’s a great pitcher and a great catcher!” Sharpe works the arm and beats on Plugg with the forearm guard, but he misses a blind charge and ol’ Thurman goes up with the flying bodypress to finish at 2:24.

Mr. Bob Backlund v. Tony Roy

Thankfully Finkel introduces Bob with the proper respect, addressing him as “Mister”. Mr. Backlund offers a handshake and Roy refuses it, so Bob is gonna have to teach him a lesson in sportsmanship. Roy tries for a takedown and Bob SCHOOLS him on the mat and then slams him and then blocks a monkey flip attempt by PROCURING THE CHICKEN WING at 3:00. Hopefully Tony thinks about proper respect next time he’s in the ring with a former WWF champion.

NEXT WEEK: The British Bulldog returns! Shawn Michaels & Diesel! Adam Bomb! Tatanka! Yokozuna!

Well this one was everything I was expecting and less.