The SmarK Rant for WWF Superstars – 06.15.91

The SmarK Rant for WWF Superstars – 06.15.91

Originally written 08.16.26

Taped from Tucson, AZ on 05.28.91

Your hosts are Vince McMahon, Roddy Piper & Randy Savage. The gag this week is Father’s Day, and Roddy gets a tie from “one of his Jamaican children”. Randy suggests putting him in a headlock instead.

Bret Hart v. Louie Spicoli

Thankfully Bret is back to his usual gear after a bizarre flirtation with wild colors on the last episode he worked. Bret hits Louie with an atomic drop and beats on him with forearms in the corner. Backbreaker and middle rope elbow follow, and he adds the snap suplex and finishes with the Sharpshooter at 2:40. A fairly lethargic squash for Bret, actually.

UPDATE! WITH MEAN GENE OKERLUND!

We take another look at Earthquake taking out Andre’s knee two weeks back, and then we take a look at Andre walking out for another show with a cane, and Andre does a promo on Quake.

SID JUSTICE is coming! With creepy music.

Ted Dibiase v. Larry Luden

Randy clarifies that Sherri never ripped his pants off in the same way that she does for Dibiase. But then Vince stirs the pot and brings up rumors that Savage and Liz might be more than just friends? Could Savage be ready to pop the question? Savage’s official stance: NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. Dibiase tosses Luden and beats on him out there, and back in with a clothesline and fistdrop. Powerslam sets up the Million Dollar Dream to finish at 2:05.

TONIGHT! THE FIRST EVER WBF CHAMPIONSHIP ON PAY PER VIEW! Apparently bodybuilding will be redefined! So whatever the definition of bodybuilding that you know is, FORGET IT.

The Mountie v. Stephan Deleon

Mountie runs him into the turnbuckles with the passive control technique, and we get an inset from Bossman, who calls him “Canadian Mountie” for some reason. Mountie slaps the geek around and hits him with a dropkick before taking him down with the chokeslam for the pin at 1:53.

Meanwhile, we hear from Texas Tornado and Power & Glory about Sid Justice, and they both think that he’s gonna be on their side.

Hacksaw Jim Duggan v. The Black Knight

Duggan slugs the Knight down and chases him to the floor with a clothesline. Back in, the Knight catches him with a cheapshot and gets some offense, but Duggan clotheslines him again and finishes with the three point stance at 2:10. Vince meanwhile goes on a whole run about the Knight’s terrible breath and how breathing on Duggan would have ended the match.

The Funeral Parlor with special guest Mr. Perfect. And yes, in one of the most ill-conceived creative changes ever, Perfect announces that he’s replaced Bobby Heenan with Coach John Tolos. Bobby is apparently leaving managing to become a full time announcer, although a very notable jump would bring him back to managing soon enough. Coach does an idiotic promo where he talks through his whistle and claims to have turned down coaching the New York Giants. OK then. Major downgrade.

The Nasty Boys & Earthquake v. The Bushwhackers & Tugboat

Vince wants us to know that Quake is a NATURAL DISASTER and says it a couple of times before he’s even finished his entrance. Knobs slugs away on Luke in the corner, but Luke hits him with a clothesline and brings in Butch, while Tugboat notably avoids the tag. Butch gets beat up a bit but comes back with a kneelift on Sags, and then he goes for the tag and Tugboat again conveniently turns his back to play to the crowd. So he gets tagged in anyway for a showdown with Quake, but Tugboat turns around and tags out to Luke instead. So the heels beat on him and the Nasties drop a double elbow for two, and Quake gets the powerslam for two. It’s BREAKING LOOSE IN TULSA, but Tugboat turns on his team and splashes Luke, setting up Quake’s butt splash to finish at 4:34. And so Tugboat turns heel, the first big turn on TV in a quite a while actually.

Col. Mustafa v. Matt Burns

Mustafa loads up the boots and puts Burns down with that, and then adds a backdrop suplex before finishing with the camel clutch at 1:30.

NEXT WEEK: The British Bulldog! The debut of the Beverly Brothers! The Undertaker!

Don’t forget to order the WBF Championship TONIGHT!