The SmarK Rant for WWF Superstars – 01.24.87

The SmarK Rant for WWF Superstars – 01.24.87

Originally written 08.11.26

Taped from East Rutherford, NJ on 01.05.87

Your hosts are Vince McMahon, Jesse Ventura & Bruno Sammartino

Paul Orndorff v. Paul Roma

Yes, it’s the clash of future WCW World tag team champions! Orndorff is still using Hogan’s music, but after the cage match on SNME the feud had pretty much fizzled out for good. Roma dropkicks him to the floor and Wonderful confers with Bobby, although obviously behind the scenes Bobby was moving onto a new project. No wonder Orndorff had such an inferiority complex. Back in the ring, Roma goes to work on the arm and takes him down with a hammerlock, but Wonderful stomps him down in the corner and Vince demands that he be disqualified. Man they were teasing the debut of that bullshit “kicking too much ass” finish 30 years in advance, I guess. Piledriver finishes at 2:31.

UPDATE! WITH MEAN GENE OKERLUND!

This week Gene discusses who the biggest in wrestling is, and the discussion seems to be between King Kong Bundy and Kamala, and we get some clips of both guys, and we get a promo from Bundy, teasing a program that never went anywhere outside of a few house show matches.

Back from the break and referees are helping Paul Roma out of the ring after his devastating piledriver loss, so Steve Lombardi comes out and tosses him out of the ring.

Koko B. Ware v. Steve Lombardi

Lombardi continues his aggression by attacking Koko in the corner as well and gets a backbreaker for two. He chokes away on the ropes. Swinging neckbreaker gets two. Steve stomps away on the ropes, but he goes up and misses an elbow, allowing Koko to make the comeback and it’s a BAAAAAAAAAACK BODYDROP out of the corner for two. Powerslam gets two. Neckbreaker gets two. Rude Awakening and he follows with a clothesline for two. And Koko goes to the top and finishes with the missile dropkick at 3:33. Nice little match here, actually, and that standing neckbreaker looked VICIOUS.

Meanwhile, Steve Lombardi cuts a promo on Paul Roma afterwards, setting up every opening match in every arena in every country for the next year and a half.

Magnificent Muraco & Cowboy Bob Orton v. The Can-Am Connection

Big brawl to start and wouldn’t you know, it’s DANNY DAVIS as the referee. Orton trades with Martel, but Martel hits him with armdrags and a rana for two. Orton tries a bodypress out of the corner and Martel slams him to counter while we get an inset from Fuji promising that the Can-Ams are young and good-looking now but after the match they’ll be old and ugly. I dunno, Martel is still a pretty handsome guy even today. Zenk comes in and gets double-teamed by the heels thanks to shoddy refereeing. He comes back with a flying headscissors, but Davis turns his back on the heels and they clobber Zenk and go to work on him again before dropping him on the top rope. They dump Martel and go back to double-teaming Zenk with no oversight from Davis at all and then hit a double slam. Finally Martel trips up Muraco from the floor and comes in for a brawl, and Davis disqualifies both teams at 4:00. Subtlety was completely out the window with the Danny Davis gimmick by this point, but of course the ultimate payoff was coming very soon.

Meanwhile, Outback Jack is still stuck in Australia despite his constant claims of coming to the WWF.

Randy Savage v. Tom Sharpe

Savage is in a mood this week, dropping the axehandle on Sharpe outside and then tossing him into the front row and back into the ring again. And the big elbow finishes at 0:40. Jesse declares that Savage might be his favorite wrestler. I concur.

Piper’s Pit with special guest Jack Tunney again. So this week, Tunney has another special trophy, this time awarded to Andre the Giant for being undefeated over the past 20 years. So Andre comes out and he’s only got one thing to say, but GUESS WHO has to come out and steal his spotlight before he can even talk? HULK FUCKING HOGAN. So Hulk does the promo and Andre walks off in annoyance. Hulk calls him “just being modest” but I think there’s more going on there.

Meanwhile, Honky Tonk Man and Colonel Jimmy tour restaurants and plan their own.

The Hart Foundation v. Scott McGee & Tony Garea

Danny Davis is the referee again, and he gives a little pat of assurance to Bret Hart before the match. Maybe Bret should have asked him to be the referee in Montreal. The history of wrestling would be drastically different. The Harts double-team Garea in the corner, but McGee gets a tag and runs wild for a bit until Bret catches him with a backbreaker to cut him off. Bret slingshots Anvil in with a splash for two, and the Hart Attack finishes at 2:35. Vince declares it a fast count. Like it even would have made a difference.

WRESTLEMANIA III IS COMING!

Danny Spivey, Mike Rotundo & Blackjack Mulligan v. The Gladiator, Jimmy Jack Funk & Outlaw Ron Bass

I forgot that Bass debuted this early. Funk & Bass would have been a pretty decent tag team, although given those names you’d think they’d be more musically inclined. Bass beats on Rotundo and hits him with a boot to the gut, getting some shine and then an inset promo on top of it. So the program was apparently going to be Bass v. Mulligan, but Blackjack was gone from TV soon after and pretty much only did house shows until he left. And we never even got the match with Bass! Meanwhile Jesse declares that he’s going to be on Piper’s Pit next week and he KNOWS SOMETHING. Rotundo with a sunset flip on Funk for two, but the heels keep hauling him back to the corner and triple-teaming him, and Vince can’t even blame Danny Davis for this one. Rotundo finally comes back with a dropkick on Jimmy Jack and brings in Blackjack, and he immediately pins Funk with the back elbow at 3:40. This was a giant mess but Bass looked pretty impressive.

NEXT WEEK: King Harley Race! The Rougeaus! Jake Roberts! Greg Valentine v. Haku! Tito Santana & Pedro Morales v. Iron Shiek & Nikolai Volkoff!