The SmarK Rant for WWF Summerslam Spectacular – 08.18.91

The SmarK Rant for WWF Summerslam Spectacular – 08.18.91

Apparently this is the last one of these I haven’t covered yet, so yay me!

Taped from Worcester, MA on 07.29.91

Your hosts are Vince McMahon & Bobby Heenan

Hawk v. Brian Knobs

Knobs walks around yelling at various crowd members for a while and then attacks, but Hawk slugs him down and out of the ring. Back in, Hawk beats on him with chops and beats on him in the corner, but Knobs runs him into the corner and Hawk bumps to the floor. So Knobs gives him a chairshot, which Vince notes is a preview of the “knock down drag out type of affair” we’re going to see at Summerslam. Actually that match was pretty tame, which is one of the problems it had. Knobs with a boston crab and Hawk powers out, which Vince sells like the greatest spot in wrestling history and cranks up the heat machine in post, and then Knobs goes to a rear chinlock for a while. Hawk makes the comeback with a powerslam and goes up with the flying clothesline, which finishes at 7:41. *

Meanwhile, Jake Roberts takes Ultimate Warrior on his final test, which is a room that contains a coffin in the darkness. So Jake tells him to go into the dark and find the answer, at which point Jake locks the door and turns on the light, revealing a floor full of snakes. Jake is like “Don’t worry, guy, I’ve got your back” and swears he’s telling the truth, at which point Warrior opens the coffin and gets attacked by a cobra. And Jake is like “Psyche, now you’re dead, LOL.” And then of course the big payoff, as Warrior crawls out of the room and we discover that Undertaker was behind the whole plan. Although it was obvious in hindsight where it was going, I was pretty shocked at the time that they’d turn Jake.

Bret Hart v. The Barbarian

Barbarian overpowers Bret to start and sends him to the floor with a shoulderblock, and then rams him into the post as we take a break. Back with Barbarian working Bret over in the corner and then sending him into the turnbuckles for the Bret Hart Bump while the Coach takes notes at ringside. Hopefully he’s filling out an employment application elsewhere because he’s about to need it. Barbarian puts Bret down with a clothesline to block a hiptoss while we get a weird green screen overlay to pretend Vince and Bobby are in the arena tonight for whatever reason. Barbarian with a suplex for two. To the bearhug, but Bret bites to escape that and goes up with a clothesline off the middle rope to make the comeback. Bret slugs away on him and the legsweep gets two. Middle rope elbow gets two. Barbarian boots him to the floor and slams him back into the ring, but Bret cradles for the pin at 11:10. Vince: “That man is a master technician! Although we didn’t see much of it in this particular match, but we’ll see it at Summerslam!” Really knows how to sell it there. This was the usual match between these two, with Bret taking a beating and then making the comeback to win. **

Sid Justice joins Mean Gene for a special interview as special guest referee here on this Summerslam special. “Big smile on his giant face!” notes Vince, really showing that he had his finger on the pulse of what people wanted from 7 foot tall monster Sid.

IRS v. Mark Thomas

Irwin beats him down and goes to the abdominal stretch, and then puts the boots to him and finishes with the Write Off at 1:30.

Meanwhile, we take a look at Randy Savage’s bachelor party from last week, which ends up with Bobby Heenan getting kidnapped by one of the Rosetti sisters, I’m assuming.

The Dragon, Texas Tornado & British Bulldog v. Pat Tanaka, Kato & Akio Sato

I didn’t even know that Sato was still employed in 1991. They could have been Freebirding that shit the whole time! Tanaka throws Steamboat out to start and Ricky skins the cat and backdrops him before going to the arm. Chris Hero and his “What are you gonna do, ARMDRAG ME?” burn lives rent free in my head 24/7. Over to the Bulldog and he dropkicks Kato, and Tornado goes to work on the arm. Vince notes that “Kato, Sato & Tanaka” sounds like an “Oriental law firm”. Maybe that’s where Katie Zacharias got her law degree? OK that’s about the only time I’ll mention her again before we all collectively forget about her forever, don’t worry. Dragon tries a piledriver on Kato, but Tanaka switches in and hits Ricky with the cane to take over. Kato brings him to the heel corner and they go to work on him. Dragon fights them off, but Kato puts him down with a superkick and then Tanaka backdrops him out to the apron. Kato with a chinlock and Ricky fights for the tag, but idiot babyface Kerry Von Erich is standing on the top rope cheering him on instead of BEING IN POSITION FOR THE TAG. The Express continues working on Dragon and Tanaka gets a crescent kick for two. Steamboat fights back with a neckbreaker, but Kato cuts off the tag again and goes to a chinlock as Steamboat really milks the heat with one last hope spot before making the hot tag to Bulldog. He runs wild and hits them all with press slams before powerslamming Kato for two. Another powerslam for Sato and he brings Dragon back in one more time, as he finishes Kato with the flying bodypress at 10:32. Stick Steamboat in there to sell for 10 minutes and it’s hard to lose. ***

WWF World title: Hulk Hogan v. Sgt. Slaughter

Weird that they’re doing the Wrestlemania rematch on free TV and not the PPV. Hulk beats on Sarge to start until he gets taken to the floor and attacked by the other heels to turn the tide. Back in the ring, we take a break while Sarge throws punches and return with him choking Hulk on the ropes. Slaughter with a chairshot behind the ref’s back and that gets two. Hulk has been busted open by the force of the chair on his back and then goes up and drops a knee on his back for two. Vince makes the comeback, but Adnan throws powder in Hulk’s face and the beatdown commences for the DQ at 6:46. ¼* Luckily Sid Justice makes the save because Warrior was unavailable. He was even no-showing making the save for his partner! No wonder he got fired.

Meanwhile, back on Superstars, Earthquake attacks Andre and takes out his knee, setting up the formation of the Natural Disasters.

The Natural Disasters v. Ray Garcia & Ross Greenberg

This match and the IRS match from earlier are actually from the 08/24/91 Superstars show that aired the week after this. Did they just not have enough to fill two hours of TV and needed to pad it out? Typhonn with the big splash on Garcia and Quake finishes with the butt splash at 2:12.

The Barber Shop with special guest Sensational Sherri, which oddly enough was taped the next night in Portland at the Wrestling Challenge taping. The whole wedding deal makes Sherri sick and she wants to puke all over Elizabeth and she’s pretty bitter. She vows to mess up he wedding, but Beefcake has arranged transportation for her and gives her a broom to ride.

SUMMERSLAM REPORT! WITH MEAN GENE!

Usual stuff here.

Virgil v. Ted Dibiase’s Mystery Man

Dibiase’s ringer is a masked man in the most generic outfit possible. He SMASHES Virgil to start and chokes him out on the ropes, really demolishing him here. Virgil goes to a hammerlock and comes back with pugilism, but the mystery man puts him down with a stungun to take over again. Vince has a hot take: Summerslam could be the best WWF PPV ever! Virgil fights out of a sleeper and makes the comeback, trying for the Million Dollar Dream, but Dibiase trips him up and the Mystery Man clotheslines him to the floor. Back in with a suplex, but he hits a splash and Virgil somehow pins him anyway at 4:55. I don’t even know what that finish was supposed to be. Was Virgil supposed to move and just forgot? *

Meanwhile, Mountie takes us on a tour of the New York jail system, previewing all the stuff that would end up happening to him.

And Vince & Bobby wrap things up with the hard sell on the show.

This wasn’t bad but would have been better served as a 90 minute show instead of two hours, because they just didn’t have enough material to fill that extra half hour and it felt stretched waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay out as a result. A decent preview of Summerslam with some neat matchups that you didn’t see elsewhere, but there’s really nothing here to recommend these days.