The SmarK Rant for WWF Prime Time Wrestling – 02.06.89

The SmarK Rant for Prime Time Wrestling – 02.06.89

New on THE VAULT, it’s an episode of PTW which is already on the Network, but can now be shared for everyone because these guys are awesome and seem to love the business more than the people in charge of monetizing the footage worldwide.

Your hosts are Gorilla Monsoon & Bobby Heenan, who are doing the show in an Old West saloon this week. Seems that Bobby is obligated to act in a Western for the USA Network as a part of the show, and he’s not particularly happy about it.

Last week: A group of bandidos blows up the old fort, although Bobby takes most of the brunt of it! A pair of cowboys get into a street fight while Bobby tries to direct them and gets himself fired and thrown off the set. But then he buys his way back in with the director and Gorilla tricks him into taking a stunt bump out of the saloon. Turns out he was NOT tightening up the bulletproof vest and was in fact hooking him up to a hoist. Classic stuff to start the show!

The Red Rooster v. Dangerous Danny Davis

From an LA Sports Arena show, with Rod Trongard on commentary with Superstar Billy Graham in a hellish team. Danny immediately makes the mistake of pointing to his head to indicate intelligence, so Rooster slugs him out of the ring and Davis hides in various parts of the ropes. Yeah obviously we’re well past the sell by date for the Danny Davis character at this point. Finally after 2 minutes of running away, Davis pokes the Rooster in the beak and slugs away on him. Rooster comes back with a backdrop and drops an elbow on him after doing his weird chicken-neck routine to show how fired up he is. Whichever agent told him that was a good idea had to be ribbing the poor guy. Rooster goes to work on the arm while Trongard talks about Rooster is making rookie mistakes, despite Taylor being in the sport for like a decade by that point. Davis gets a chinlock, but Rooster gets a sunrise flip for two and a small package for two. Rooster makes the comeback and he’s crowing with excitement and drops the elbow on Danny for two. Davis runs him into the corner but charges and runs into a drumstick, and the flying chicken wing finishes at 6:51. Not very egg-citing. ½*

Back at the saloon, Gorilla promises a new role for Bobby in the movie, honest this time.

UPDATE! WITH MEAN GENE!

Gene talks about the Battle for the Crown between Race and Haku, which is apparently courtesy of Coliseum Video. UM EXCUSE ME MR.OKERLUND but that match was CUT from the Coliseum Video of the show so this is clearly false advertising. So we pick it up with Haku missing a diving headbutt, and then Race misses his own while Bobby does a non-committal cheering session for whoever he’s supporting here, but Haku ducks a charge and hits Race with the superkick for the pin and the crown. Afterwards, Bobby clarifies that he wanted Haku to win all along and had absolute faith in him.

Coming April 2: WRESTLEMANIA V! I was 100% down at the time but now I mostly hate the show despite having reviewed it a million times.

Big Bossman v. Rick Allen

From Superstars. Bossman puts Allen down with a clothesline and chokes him out, then tries for a pin with one boot, which gets two. I’m gonna need Bossman to work on the arm for a bit because I’ve got a big finish in mind. Sadly he does not, spiking him with a Bossman slam at 2:17. Dammit. But wait! He handcuffs Allen to the ropes and beats on him afterwards, which no doubt necessitated amputating the arm in order to get him free. And then he retired from wrestling and became a drummer. Whew, OK, I can get to sleep at night now, otherwise that one was gonna be hanging over me.

Back at the saloon, Gorilla spends quality time with the local drunkard. No, not Sunny, she wasn’t around yet.

EVENT CENTER! WITH SEAN MOONEY!

We have no events to promote here, so instead we hear from the Powers of Pain, who have been training with Mr. Fuji and thus are ready to challenge for the tag team titles. Also we hear from Jim Duggan, who loves America and no doubt fully supports the completely sane and well thought out plan to annex Greenland in the name of freedom.

Back at the saloon, the Brain gets taken away to learn his script for the next part in the movie.

Rick Martel v. Mr. Perfect

We are in Hamilton for this one, the city and not the audience of the musical, and Martel is back from “injury” leading up to his heel turn at WM5. Obviously these two crossed paths many times in the AWA so this should be good. They trade hiptoss takedowns to start and Perfect gets a fireman’s carry and demands better competition, so Martel throws an elbow to rattle him. Perfect tries another attack in the corner, but Martel gets all fired up and counters him before chasing him out of the ring. I know Martel was an effective heel as the Model but man he was such a great babyface too. Back in the ring, they criss-cross and Martel takes him down with an armdrag and goes to work on that as we take a break. Back with Martel dodging a blind charge, but Hennig hits him with a back suplex to take over and Martel bails to the floor. Perfect gets some shots out there and back in for some Axe-like elbows on the apron and a slingshot under the ropes. But then Martel makes the comeback and backdrops Perfect out of the corner, and the bell rings at 9:15 aired, which is apparently a time limit draw. Interesting math there. Disappointing but decent. **1/4

Back at the saloon, Bobby has ONE JOB, which winds up being the guy to stand by the window waiting for the posse. And then he gets put through the window by a chairshot. After the break, Gorilla chastises him for going through the window when the script didn’t call for it.

Ravishing Rick Rude v. Brutus Beefcake

Back at the LA Arena for this one. Actually the ring announcer sounds like the same guy who ended up being the ECW ring announcer in the TNN era. This is one of those feuds that seems like it should have been a bigger deal, given how easily it would write itself. A pair of narcissists clashing, with one of them obsessed with cutting the carefully-permed coif of the other? That’s MONEY. They trade poses and Brutus chases him out of the ring while the announcers namedrop poor Nelson Swegler, who was a director in the days before Bucky Beaver and frequently ended up being the butt of jokes. They fight with the test of strength and Barber wins that one, and then he slugs away in the corner but Rude hits him with an atomic drop to take over. Hey, Rude is supposed to be the guy TAKING the atomic drops, not GIVING him! The dynamic here is all messed up. Rude slugs away as Trongard proceeds through three different pronunciations of “Marella” in reference to the referee. They do a wild slugfest and Beefcake gets the atomic drop this time, and all is right with the world again. Rude takes 10 shots to the turnbuckle and bails to the apron, so Beefcake drags him back by the hair and applies the sleeper. Rude falls into the ropes to break and lands on the floor in a typically entertaining bump, so Barber tosses him back in and tries a sunset flip, allowing Rude to grab the ropes for the pin at 8:28, still selling the atomic drop in victory. So sore loser Beefcake hits him with the high knee and Rude wisely escapes before he can get the haircut. This whole thing was wildly entertaining and they meshed perfectly. ***1/4

Back at the saloon, Bobby keeps protesting that his part was changed between the script and shooting. He was supposed to be the hero of the movie and kiss the girl!

Big John Studd, winner of the Royal Rumble, joins us and has words for Akeem. Now there’s a feud that can headline high schools around the country.

The Brother Love Show, with special guest Jake Roberts. Brother Love reveals that Andre the Giant no longer fears snakes. But Jake accuses Love of associating with serpents, which Love strongly denies. Brother Love, no. Bruce Prichard, 100% yes.

Back at the saloon, we take another look at Bobby going through the window, which Gorilla puts over as a great bump…and then buries Bobby for taking it against the script. So the director comes in for a confrontation with Bobby, and it turns into a gunfight, as Bobby makes him dance and Gorilla gets the guy to safety.

So back from the break, Bobby has taken over directing of the movie now. He reassigns all the parts, which I’m sure will be fine.

Sam Houston v. Barry Horowitz

Back at the LA Arena, joined in progress with Barry in control and he puts Sam on the floor with a slingshot under the ropes. Sam fights his way back in and Barry slugs him down, but Sam tries the bulldog and they botch that spot, so Barry covers with a legdrop for two. Horowitz with a double arm suplex and kneedrop for two. Houston reverses a suplex and gets two from that, but Barry pokes him in the eyes and takes him down with a Boston crab, bracing himself in the corner like Stan Hansen. Horowitz celebrates an apparent submission, but it’s only in his mind, so Houston fights back and hits the bulldog to finish at 6:00 aired. Surprisingly decent match actually. **1/2

Back at the movie set, Bobby manages to alienate and/or fire most of the crew and cast. He dubs one cowboy “Hopalong Horowitz” the Jewish cowboy, and then has an Indian chief sit on the sidewalk holding a cigar, while calling him “Strongbow”. Gorilla finally stops by to point out what a lousy job that Bobby has done with hosting the show thus far, which is fair.

Intercontinental title: Ultimate Warrior v. King Haku

Back at the LA Arena for the main event, and come to think of it Haku’s a guy that they could have rebuilt and given a run at Warrior when he was WWF champion. Would have been something different at least. Warrior quickly dominates and hits him with an atomic drop to send him into the corner before beating on him with chops, but a blind charge misses and Haku slugs away to take over. Haku with the TONGAN DEATH MASSAGE, really working out the tension in Warrior’s shoulders, but Warrior fights back and rams Haku’s head into the turnbuckles. But of course, Haku shrugs it off and hits an atomic drop to take over as we take a break. Back with Haku putting him down with chops and a shoulderbreaker for two, and then it’s back to the TONGAN TRAP SQUEEZE, but Warrior slams out of it, and then misses the big splash. Haku puts the boots to him and chokes him out, but Warrior powers up again, and this time it’s Haku who misses the big splash. This allows Warrior to make his big comeback with the shoulderblocks, and he hits a suplex and the big splash for the pin at 7:55 to retain. This was…good? Haku’s a pro who knew exactly what to do with the maniac and it mostly worked. **3/4.

And we wrap it up on the movie set, as Bobby demands a huge explosion for the finale, but the stunt director can’t hear him properly and it ends up going very badly for Bobby.

A classic episode with some actual darn good wrestling on it, too! That LA Arena show seems like it might be worth seeking out, actually.