Worldwide
Rants

The SmarK Rant for WCW Worldwide – 10.12.91

By Scott Keith on 18 August 2026

The SmarK Rant for WCW Worldwide – 10.12.91

Originally written 08.17.26

Taped from somewhere, sometime in 1991.

Your hosts are Tony Schiavone & Magnum TA

The Patriots v. Rip Rogers & Paul Lee

So the Patriots have won the US tag team titles from Freebirds since last week’s show. Champion throws Rogers around the ring and then Chip slingshots Lee into the ring and hits him with a flying shoulderblock. Champion finishes with a back elbow at 2:05.

My brothers and sisters, I stand before you today because the Lord has placed something very specific upon my heart.

The WCW Top 10.

Now, I know what you’re thinking. ‘Pastor, what does the WCW Top 10 have to do with my walk with God?’

EVERYTHING.

Because when I opened my Bible this morning, the Lord didn’t give me ten commandments. He gave me ten rankings.

And He told me, ‘Son, somebody needs to know who’s number one.’

I don’t know why He chose me. I don’t know why He chose wrestling. But I am obedient.

And that is why, beginning today, we are launching the WCW Top 10 Faith Partnership Program.

For a seed of just $19.91, you will receive a blessed copy of this week’s rankings, personally prayed over by our ministry staff.

For $49.91, we will place your name on our Prayer Wall of Rankings.

And for a truly sacrificial gift of $99.91, we will reveal to you the secret spiritual meaning behind #7.

I cannot tell you who #7 is.

But God knows.

And if you give tonight, He may tell you too.

Now I want every person in this sanctuary who has ever believed they were destined to be number one to stand to their feet.

That’s right.

STAND.

Because God did not create you to be #10.

He created you to be ranked.

And now, as ordained, it’s the WCW TOP 10!

  1. Sting
  2. Ron Simmons
  3. Barry Windham
  4. El Gigante
  5. Stunning Steve Austin
  6. Dustin Rhodes
  7. Cactus Jack
  8. Johnny B. Badd
  9. Diamond Studd
  10. Beautiful Bobby

OK so I guess I could tell you who #7 was.

WRESTLING NEWS NETWORK! WITH GORDON SOLIE!

BREAKING NEWS: Scott Steiner’s triceps! No, actually he’s returning in the Chamber of Horrors match at Halloween Havoc. But although they want the World tag team titles, there’s another team called the FREEBIRDS who also want the tag team titles, which you would think was setting up a match at Halloween Havoc, but it totally wasn’t. So we follow the continuing adventures of Missy Hyatt and Paul E. (not to be confused with Paul Lee from earlier) as this time they’re in LA to find the Chamber of Horrors and it’s another dead end, which leads to Paul donning a monster mask and scaring her.

PN News v. Tony Mello

Despite claiming to have a flow that’s funky and fresh, he tries to rhyme “Cash” with “Ass” and I can’t abide that. Also, we get an inset from AXL ROTTEN, who apparently was in WCW in 1991? News hits Mello with a belly to belly and finishes with the Broken Record at 1:00.

Larry Zbyszko v. Jimmy Garvin

Garvin takes out Arn with a dropkick and beats on Larry in the corner before hitting him with a knee to the gut. Larry dodges another dropkick and slams him to take over, as I guess the Freebirds are fully babyface now. Garvin slugs away on Larry in the corner and drops a knee for two. But then Arn distracts the ref, hits Garvin with a cheapshot, and Larry pins him with a belly to back suplex at 2:20. Nothing to this match but Garvin was pretty fired up at least.

Meanwhile, we get comments from Lex Luger, who thinks Ron Simmons is stupid for taking the match at Havoc, and now his career will be over as a result.

Terrence Taylor & Thomas Rich v. Brian Pillman & Mike Graham

Poor Mike, stuck back in the ring as a cost-cutting measure. Pillman does the double headscissor spot on the York Foundation to chase them to the floor, where Alexandra has an actual laptop now. With an LCD screen and everything! But can you play DOOM on it? Back in the ring, Pillman hits Rich with a hiptoss and dropkick to chase him back to the corner and it’s over to the babyface juggernaut that is Mike Graham. Mike slams Rich and gets the figure-four, but Taylor breaks it up and Thomas takes over with a neckbreaker. Taylor with a jawbreaker, but it’s hot tag Pillman and it’s BONZO GONZO! They collide and Pillman hits Rich with a bodypress and pins him at 3:53. Just a simple little tag match.

Meanwhile, VAN HAMMER is coming soon!

World TV title: Steve Austin v. Steve of the Young Pistols

Armstrong works a headlock and Austin escapes with a hairpull as Tony and Magnum have some “Steve” confusion. They trade hammerlocks and Armstrong rolls him up for two, but Austin clotheslines him for two and goes to a chinlock. Armstrong fights out and goes to the top for a bodypress, but Lady Blossom takes the ref, and Austin runs Armstrong into his own manager, clotheslines him on the ropes, and pins him with his feet on the ropes and a handful of tights to retain at 4:45. That finish was a MESS.

Meanwhile, we take a special look at Ron Simmons in advance of Halloween Havoc.

Rick Steiner v. Lou Fabiano

Rick hurks him up into a powerslam and follows with a clothesline before twisting Fabiano up and then taking him to the top for an overhead belly to belly to finish at 1:21.

NEXT WEEK: Dustin Rhodes v. Mr. Hughes!