The SmarK Rant for WWF in Boston – 03.08.86

The SmarK Rant for WWF in Boston – 03.08.86

Originally written 08.26.25

This one is being hyped on the episodes of Championship Wrestling I’m currently reviewing and the main event sounds like a match I’d want to see, so once again thanks to Richard Land and the Fish & Chips archives! He’s currently running a 50% off Premium deal for subscribers to the standard archive, and it’s 100% worth every penny and then some.

Taped from Boston, MA

Your hosts are Gorilla Monsoon & Lord Alfred Hayes

Rene Goulet v. Superfly Afi

Oh man this is gonna be ugly for Afi because the Boston crowd is NOT gonna buy into the Snuka-lite act. Gorilla and Alfred do a funny bit on Goulet developing his Scorpion Clawhold and the technique behind it, and then brush it off with “On the other hand he hasn’t won a match with it in something like six months anyway.” Goulet slugs away in the corner and Afi slips away from and takes him down with a headlock and then goes to work on that. Sunset flip gets two and he goes back to the headlock and holds it, HOLDS IT, until Goulet puts him down with a knee to the gut. The crowd is kind of bored with the match already but isn’t actively turning on Afi like I was waiting to see. Boston, you let me down again. Also your baseball team sucks. Goulet with a clothesline for two and he unleashes the SCORPION CLAWHOLD, but Afi gets his arm up on the third drop. He fights up, but misses a blind charge and Goulet goes right back to the SCORPION CLAWHOLD again. Gorilla: “Why do guys put their names on the back of their tights? In case they leave them in the locker room or something?” I dunno, maybe ask everyone in AEW. Afi somehow fights out of the SCORPION CLAWHOLD and they collide for a double down, but Afi makes the comeback. Atomic drop and Afi backdrops him into a headbutt for two. High cross gets two. Afi slugs away in the corner and finishes with a flying bodypress at 11:07. Nothing wrong with it, just a normal opener. **

Ted Arcidi v. Barry O

Fun fact of the day: Barry Orton went to Hollywood after retiring from wrestling, and changed his name to “Barrymore Barlow” for his acting career. Arcidi chases him around and Barry catches him on the way into the ring and beats on him in the corner. Ted fires back with forearms and tries a bearhug, but Barry thumbs the eye, so Arcidi hits him with a clothesline and then goes back to the bearhug to finish at 3:12. Barry did what he could with him. ½*

Meanwhile, Gorilla introduces us to a newcomer named Jake The Snake Roberts, who was fresh off becoming a main eventer in Mid-South. Funny how that timing worked out.

Jake Roberts v. Jose Luis Rivera

Jake quickly hits him with a knee to the gut and follows with a gutbuster before going to a chinlock on the mat. Rivera fights out of it, but Jake elbows him down again for two. Jake goes back to the chinlock and slams Rivera to cut off his comeback attempt, but Rivera goes to work on the arm and gets a high cross for two. Jake retreats to the corner and suckers him into a short arm clothesline, and then hits him with the kneelift and goes to a sleeper. Jose makes a comeback and slugs away, so Jake slides out and runs away, and then catches Rivera with the DDT to finish at 10:42. Match didn’t have a lot of heat, but the finish got over HUGE. * And then he debuts the snake gimmick, but the ref won’t let him use it.

Donna Christanello & Judy Martin v. The Crush Gals (Chigusa Nagayo & Lioness Asuka)

Nagayo takes Donna down with a hammerlock and Judy comes in and hides in the ropes. Asuka throws kicks at her and goes to the arm before chasing her to the floor with more kicks. Back in, Christanello puts the boots to Asuka, so it’s over to Nagayo. The Moolah team is obviously trying to work a very different style than the AJW girls here. Nagayo hits Martin with a karate chop to the midsection and the heels retreat to the floor. Back in, the heels double-team Nagayo in the corner and choke her out, cutting off the tag until Asuka finally gets the hot tag and runs wild with a slam for two. Nagayo comes in with a flying elbow and puts Martin into a Scorpion Deathlock, but Judy makes the ropes. Asuka comes in with a flying clothesline, but Martin hits her on the way down and goes to work again. But then the Crush Gals double-team her in the corner and drop elbows in rapid fire. Over to Donna, but the Gals double dropkick her and Asuka gets a crazy Giant Swing to finish at 15:35. Once they were allowed to start working a normal speed instead of Moolah Speed, it got really good. ***

Meanwhile, Gorilla chats with former champion Tito Santana before his rematch tonight.

WWF Intercontinental title: Randy Savage v. Tito Santana

You may remember the famous title change from the month before, and Savage has HEAT this month. If they’re smart they have Tito attack right away and do a crazy brawl. So Savage stalks around the ring and then immediately runs away at the bell while Danny Davis tries to convince Tito to calm down. Funny how Davis keeps getting assigned to these Tito title matches! Finally Tito chases Macho around the ring and catches him for a beating on the floor, tossing him into the front row and then back into the ring as the crowd goes nuts. Tito puts the boots to him and he’s A HOUSE OF FIRE as Savage goes flying over the top off an atomic drop. Tito thankfully keeps attacking and drops an elbow outside before sending him back in and literally kicking his butt to work on the leg. Savage gets a cheapshot and sends him to the floor to buy time before hitting him with a cheapshot from behind to take over. Back in the ring, Savage rakes the eyes and goes up with a double axehandle for two. Savage hits him with a running knee to the face for two and follows with the hooking clothesline for two. He slugs away in the corner and Tito takes him down with an atomic drop and beats him down to make a comeback. Tito with the flying forearm for two and he goes for the figure-four, but Savage runs away again. So they brawl on the floor and Tito hauls him in again while Savage desperately tries to get to the apron and find his favorite foreign object. But finally Tito has enough of Danny Davis trying to stop him, and shoves him away, and Savage wins by DQ at 7:26. Really fun match. ***1/4

Jim The Anvil Neidhart v. Scotty McGhee

Scotty gets a sunset flip for two, but Anvil sends him to the apron and beats on him out there and drops him on the railing. Back in the ring, Anvil drops McGhee with hairtosses while Gorilla puts over the boxing match at Wrestlemania 2. Apparently Piper is getting trained by the Mambo Number 5 guy? Scotty makes a quick comeback, but Anvil whips him into the corner and powerslams him for the duke at 6:00. Basic squash for the Anvil. *1/2

Corporal Kirchner v. Iron Mike Sharpe

I swear to BUDDHA that these 85-87 shows have given me more Corporal Kirchner matches than any one human being should have to endure for one lifetime. The Corporal gets a monkey flip out of the corner and Sharpe takes a clown bump out to the apron and into the front row off some kicks. Back in the ring, Iron Mike grabs a headlock while Gorilla claims that WM2 is the FIRST TIME IN PRO WRESTLING HISTORY that the World title is on the line in a steel cage. I don’t even know what to do with that one. Kirchner escapes the headlock and dropkicks Mike down. But then he splits the legs and threatens the big stomp, and threatens, and threatens, and just lets him go as the crowd boos. This is why he never became a star. Sharpe demands a test of strength as the announcers discuss Fred Adkins, who Alfred describes as a “g-narled old man”. Kirchner escapes the knucklelock and Sharpe puts him down with a clothesline and beats him down with chops before tossing him to the floor for a beating out there. Kirchner actually takes a nice bump into the wooden barricade, knocking it over as he lands in the front row. Back in, Kirchner tries a small package and gets two, but Sharpe loads up the forearm, so Kirchner catches it and uses Sharpe’s own forearm on him and pins him at 10:00. Seen that finish a few times but it’s good for a pop. **1/2

Dump Matsumoto & Bull Nakano v. Velvet MacIntyre & Dawn Marie

Weird that they brought in both sides of the AJW feud and didn’t just book them against each other. The announcers make fun of the heel team’s looks and names while Gorilla points out that this is the first time he’s seen Velvet wrestling barefoot. Bull beats on Velvet and then Dump comes in and puts Dawn down with forearms while yelling at the fans. She no-sells a dropkick from Velvet and laughs it off like Vader and then takes Velvet down with hairmares and puts her down with a shoulderblock. Bull comes in and chokes Velvet out on the ropes, but Velvet gets a crossbody for two. Bull rams her face into the mat and then hauls Dawn Marie into the match. Dump walks on her in the corner while shrieking at the crowd, and slams her for two. Dump with a clothesline but Velvet manages to get a tag and she tries to run wild. But Dump just shrugs it all off, so Velvet goes after Bull instead, and Bull wallops her as well. Velvet finally comes out of the corner with a victory roll, however, and pins Nakano at 8:34. Doesn’t mean anything in the US but kind of surprising, because the Devils looked like STARS here, even if they were probably too far ahead of the game for 1986. This was DEFINITELY not a Moolah Match, as the babyfaces seemed to be letting the Japanese girls do whatever they wanted and it was tremendous. ***1/2

Ricky Steamboat v. Bret Hart

Oh yeah! Interestingly, the timing of “Sirius” is off and the PA system plays it through and right into “Eye in the Sky” instead. I’ve never heard that happen before. Bret attacks at the bell, but Steamboat fires back with chops and Bret retreats to the corner. Ricky takes him down and works the arm, then picks him up in a wristlock and slams him down to the mat. Steamboat with a hammerlock and he runs the arm into the corner and then takes him with another armdrag. Bret tries to block a hiptoss and Ricky flips out of that and goes into another armdrag to take him down and stay on the arm. Bret tries an atomic drop and Ricky flips out of that and takes him down again, but Bret finally gets a neckbreaker to take over. Bret with a shot to the gut and Steamboat bumps all the way to the floor off that. Bret suplexes him back into the ring for two and goes to the headlock, but Steamboat slugs out of that and then tries a slam and falls backwards. Bret tries a backbreaker and Steamboat flips out of that and slams Bret for a double down. Bret tosses him and slams him on the floor outside, and back in with a rare running powerslam for two. Bret with the backbreaker and middle rope elbow, but it misses and Steamboat makes the comeback. Running chop gets two. Back suplex gets two. Ricky beats on him in the corner and the ref gets in the way and gets bumped, and Bret hits the running clothesline for a visual pinfall on the Dragon! So he revives the ref and tries again, but Steamboat rolls through this time and gets the pin at 14:55. Man, poor Bret, he almost had the biggest singles win of his career there. This was GREAT and Dragon sold like crazy for the Hitman and gave him a ton of offense. ***3/4

Hulk Hogan & Junkyard Dog v. Terry Funk & Hoss Funk

The babyfaces of course attack before the bell as poor Terry goes bumping around the ring for them, and then they double-team Hoss while Terry has to grab his branding iron to protect himself. Terry misses a charge on the Dog and hits the post, and then makes the mistake of trying to headbutt JYD and knocks himself silly. So it’s over to Hoss and he criss-crosses with the Dog, but Dog just stops running and Hoss continues going back and forth. And then Terry comes in and ends up criss-crossing with his own brother before Dog takes them both out. Over to Hulk for the battle of male pattern baldness with Hoss, as Hulk has the exceedingly rare yellow trunks and white kneepads. The Funks try to use their brotherly double-teams, but Hulk outsmarts them and Terry throws a tantrum at ringside. And he gets tangled in the TV cables and sells for THEM, tripping and falling all over ringside. What an entertainer. Back in the ring, Hulk slams both Funks over and over and they retreat again and talk it over. Hulk finally comes over to confront them, so Terry hits him with a chair and then goes to the ribs with the branding iron to take over. 4D CHESS! So the Funks go to work on the ribs, but Hulk slugs back on Terry and it’s back to the Dog, who puts Terry down with a clothesline. But then he misses a headbutt and Hoss uppercuts him to take over again. Hoss with the forearms as Hayes notes that Hoss is “the more controlled one of the family” in the understatement of the year. Dog with a back suplex on Terry, and Terry tries ANOTHER headbutt on Dog and that goes badly for him as well. Hot tag Hogan, but the Funks quickly go to the ribs and Terry chokes him out with the wrist tape. But then Dog gets frustrated and goes after Jimmy Hart, and Terry Funk grabs the lasso for some retribution, and chokes Dog out with it until Hulk hits a clothesline and pins him at 11:35. Terry wasn’t even the legal man! What a miscarriage of justice! ***

A great Boston show, one of the better ones I’ve reviewed, in fact.