The SmarK Rant for WWF Championship Wrestling – 03.01.86

The SmarK Rant for WWF Championship Wrestling – 03.01.86

Originally written 09.07.25

Damn, now the Vault is posting Rock N Wrestling to YouTube, which is weird because it was only up on the Network for a day before it was pulled permanently. Weird.

Taped from Poughkeepsie, NY, on 02.18.86. According to the taping notes, this may have included a dark match tryout for Bam Bam Bigelow!

Your hosts are Vince McMahon & Bruno Sammartino

Ricky Steamboat & King Tonga v. AJ Petruzzi & Terry Gibbs

The geeks attack to start and quickly get their clocks cleaned by Tonga, who hits Gibbs with a bodypress for two. Petruzzi tries a headbutt and that’s pretty stupid of him, and he gets caught in the ropes and tied up for some reason. Over to Steamboat for a double chop while Bruno relates a story about the airline losing his luggage and leaving him to wrestle a match barefoot one time. He did not enjoy it. Dragon to the top with the flying bodypress to finish at 3:00.

UPDATE! WITH LORD ALFRED HAYES!

Alfred talks about how Boxing Bob Orton has pulverized all his opponents so far (although it was actually only one person) and Alfred promises we’ll see the outcome of his fight with Mr. T on Saturday Night’s Main Event.

Tito Santana v. Joe Mirto

Tito is now the former Intercontinental champion since running into MACHO MADNESS, OH YEAH, and he slugs away on Mirto to put him down. Tito works the arm while Vince brings up Tito’s former tag team title reign with Ivan Putski, and that’s kind of out of character for him at this time. Tito works an anklelock until Mirto makes the ropes, but Tito puts the boots to the leg and finishes with the figure-four at 3:13. I think he transitions to the flying forearm permanently sometime around here.

The British Bulldogs v. Barry O & The Gladiator

Of course, “many people will see the Bulldogs later this weekend” but no mention of where it’s airing. The Kid gets a sunset flip on Barry to start, so it’s over to the Gladiator and he takes Davey down with a headlock. Davey backdrops him to set up a delayed suplex, and then Kid gets the exact opposite with a snap suplex. Davey with a sleeper on Gladiator and he powerslams him and then presses Kid over his head and drops him on the Gladiator for the pin at 2:44. No wonder I loved these guys as a kid.

Big John Studd & King Kong Bundy v. Steve Gatorwolf & Michael Saxon

Saxon is wearing a very MJ-coded sparkly jacket and does a little dance during his introduction, obviously trying to remind us of Michael Jackson. Gatorwolf also did, but in the worst way. Studd drops an elbow on Gatorwolf and Bundy hits him with a back elbow, so it’s over to Saxon. That reminds me, whatever happened to that Santana Jackson guy who was all over the social medias for a while with his viral videos? He barely even made it to 15 minutes of fame. Bundy with the Avalanche on Saxon and then he adds another splash for the FIVE COUNT at 2:37.

Piper’s Pit with special guest King Kong Bundy. Roddy notes that there’s been a pandemic sweeping the country, and it’s from people watching Hulk Hogan on TV and vomiting! Now there’s a man who’s done his research. Glad someone is speaking the truth. But Bundy has done the world a service and sent Hogan to the hospital, breaking his ribs and thus preventing good people from having to see him on TV any longer. Weird that they talked about this before airing SNME.

Meanwhile, Mean Gene takes us back to Phoenix, which is where the SNME was taped. We get his interview with Mr. T during the training session. If you haven’t seen the video of Mr. T’s daughter going around, it’s pretty funny and worth a watch. The story about Hogan doing coke in the hotel room after Wrestlemania is really funny. So we get exciting still photos of the T v. Orton boxing match from SNME, which hasn’t happened yet in this timeline, so that’s kind of weird. Also we get still photos of the Hogan v. Muraco match that led to King Kong Bundy attacking and squashing the orange gaslighting son of a bitch, breaking his ribs and setting up Wrestlemania 2.

Terry Funk & Hoss Funk v. Nelson Veilleux & SD Jones

So “Dory Funk Jr” only lasted for a week and now he’s got his WWF name. Everyone tags out and we end up with Hoss taking Nelson down with a headlock to start. So SD comes in and Terry wants no part of him and lets Hoss back in again. So SD does some dancing and brings Veilleux back in, as Hoss hits a butterfly suplex but misses a blind charge. So SD gets a hot tag and actually gets a comeback, whipping Terry into the corner for a Flair Flip to pay off the match-long storyline about Terry being afraid of Jones. The Funks regroup on the floor and Terry finally agrees to face SD, promptly losing a slugfest, but he puts Jones in a sleeper and SD fights out of that. But it’s back to Veilleux, and Terry promptly drops him with a backdrop driver. Veilleux misses a charge on Hoss, and Hoss puts him away with a Texas Cloverleaf at 5:37. The wacky storyline with Terry being scared of SD Jones meant this one went harder than it needed to, but Terry obviously wanted to put Jones over in some way and he succeeded.

NEXT WEEK: The results of the Slammies! Paul Orndorff! Midgets! The Hart Foundation! And Wrestlemania 2! Geez, about time.