The SmarK Rant for WWF Championship Wrestling – 02.22.86

The SmarK Rant for WWF Championship Wrestling – 02.22.86

Originally written 08.24.25

Once again, an AEW PPV is TOO GODDAMN LONG for a Sunday night. So opening the Forbidden Door is gonna have to wait until tomorrow morning and we’ll go with a quick WWF review instead tonight. I know lots of people watch live and when they air so it’s fine for the morning viewer, but I’m not one of those people.

Taped from Poughkeepsie, NY, on 02.22.86

Your hosts are Vince McMahon & Jesse Ventura, as Bruno is “on vacation”. I’m sure there must be an angle coming up related to that because this is the third week of the taping and Bruno was on commentary for week one and two.

Pedro Morales, Danny Spivey & Corporal Kirchner v. Dave Barbie, Rusty Brooks & Les Thornton

Another appearance from the strange team of Spivey & Kirchner, as they seemed to be going for a “Made in the USA” deal with them here before switching Spivey to a permanent replacement for Barry Windham. Pedro takes Thornton down with a headlock and works on that. Over to Barbie and the Corporal gives him the world’s worst sideslam, literally dropping him in mid-move, and then repeats the spot to get a backbreaker this time. This guy is like a baby deer flailing around with no control of his limbs out there. Actually I feel like Barbie should have feuded with Sgt.Slaughter when he was repping GI Joe. Anyway Spivey finishes him with the bulldog at 3:16 as this trios team is ready to headline a high school gym near you! Also the segue music sounds like “Burning Heart” from Survivor, which is pretty awesome.

UPDATE! WITH LORD ALFRED HAYES!

The latest bombshell from Rowdy Roddy Piper is that Boxing Bob Orton is now destroying opponents, with coaching from Roddy.

Meanwhile, I get reminded of LJN Thumb Wrestlers, which literally allow you to stick your thumb up the ass of your favorite wrestler. Insert punchline here.

THE SLAMMYS! Live on MTV March 1.

The Magnificent Muraco v. Jeff Londos

The jobber is introduced as “Jim Londos” which HAS to be a rib on someone. The graphic lists him as “Jeff”, however. Muraco dedicates the piledriver upcoming to Jesse Ventura. Muraco beats the geek down and drops elbows on him, and then slingshots him under the bottom rope, and then finishes with the tombstone piledriver, as promised, at 2:00.

Paul Orndorff v. ???

No idea of the jobber but he’s got a mohawk. Probably not Hawk. He tries attacking Paul and gets thrown to the floor and slammed out there, and Paul beats on him in the ring. Piledriver, with some STANK on it, finishes at 2:00. Well this kid seems to have done something to annoy Paul. Was it Sean Royal, I wonder? He was coming into the business around this time and was about the same height and hairstyle. And then afterwards, Orndorff grabs a kid from ringside and hauls him into the ring for some shirtless posing. Hopefully they know each other otherwise that’s a lawsuit waiting to happen.

Adorable Adrian Adonis v. Paul Roma

Adonis has some nuclear heat for the new gimmick, you have to give him that. Adonis is announced at 279 pounds and there’s just no way. He was rapidly ballooning in weight. Roma gets a pair of hiptosses as Jesse notes that Adonis would win “Most Abs” in a bodybuilding contest. Vince: “I didn’t even know that was a category. But OK.” Speaking of abs, Roma looking like he does here makes it even more surprising it took so long for Vince to push him. Adrian drops Roma on the top rope and rakes the eyes, but Roma fights back until he misses a charge, at which point Adrian puts him away with a DDT at 2:44. Vince: “Look at those pecs! He’s looking like a 60EEE!” Highly dubious of those measurements as well.

Piper’s Pit with special guest Bozo the Orange Clown. Piper wants to know if Hulk has the guts to box Boxing Bob in a boxing match, but of course we know he doesn’t and instead he throws his supposed best friend Mr. T under the bus and signs him up for a beating from Boxing Bob in his place. Real big man there, champ.

Meanwhile, at the Boston Gardens earlier in the month, Tito Santana defends the IC title against Macho Man, as we’re joined with Tito working the leg after a ref bump. Tito with the figure-four, but Savage makes the ropes and bails to the apron. So Tito suplexes him back into the ring and tries the figure-four again, and this time Savage shoves him away and retreats to the apron again. And he finds the famous object in his tights, and WHAMMY, new champion in Boston. Of course Tito defended the title around the horn for another two weeks until it aired on this show, but that’s wrestling for you.

The Dream Team v. Jim Powers & Scotty McGhee

Valentine misses a charge and McGhee takes him down with an atomic drop, but then he makes the mistake of tagging Powers in and the Dream Team takes over. Brutus works the leg as Jesse calls Elvira “one of his girlfriends”. Back to McGhee and he goes toe to toe with the Hammer and hits him with an enzuigiri. Back to Powers and he gets a sunset flip on Greg for two, but Beefcake catches him from behind and powerslams him. Valentine finishes with the figure-four at 3:00. Vince isn’t impressed with their coordination this week.

One interesting note about the house show interview segment this week is that Terry Funk talks about him and his brother “coming from the NWA” where they conquered everyone and moving to the WWF for more challenge. Also they’re hyping the Boston Garden show with the rematch between Savage and Santana, plus The Funks v. Hogan & JYD in the main event, which sounds like a show I might have to track down.

Next week: Mr. T and the fallout from Saturday Night’s Main Event, which finally establishes a main event for Wrestlemania with a month to go before the show!