The SmarK Rant for WWE Vault presents the Best of WCW Saturday Night – July 1996

The SmarK Rant for WWE Vault presents the Best of WCW Saturday Night – July 1996

Originally written 07.09.26

I really enjoyed the May 96 compilation posted by the WCW Vault, so let’s hit the July installment of his hyper-specific series crafted just for nerds like me!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MhKHJyBzsOE

Dirty Dick Slater, Mean Mike Enos & VK Wallstreet v. Sting, Lex Luger & Randy Savage

Yup, it’s a warmup match for the Bash at the Beach babyface team, the night before the PPV. Macho puts Wallstreet down with a clothesline as Tony and Dusty question who the “third man” is going to be. I was reading in the Observer that it was 100% guaranteed to be Mabel. Enos comes in and puts the boots to Luger in the corner, but Lex hits him with a clothesline and it’s over to Slater. I believe Slater and Enos were “Rough and Ready” as they went with the most generic team name possible. Slater slugs Macho down and the heels trap him in the corner for a bit and double-team him, but he quickly fights off Dirty Dick and Sting hits the Stinger splash for two. It’s BREAKING LOOSE IN TULSA and Sting goes up and finishes Slater with a flying bodypress at 3:22. Hopefully they can put that decade-long beef to rest now. *

Cruiserweight title: Rey Mysterio v. Psychosis

This is a rematch from Bash at the Beach as we’re already past that show now. Rey takes him down with a wristlock and they trade off that, with Rey doing the acrobatics to escape before hitting a dropkick. Psi drops him on the top rope and we get an inset from Dean Malenko and he’s as electrifying as ever. Psi goes to the top and Rey dropkicks him to the floor and follows with a dive, and back in with a springboard sunset flip for two. Psi cuts him off with a clothesline and goes to a chinlock as this TV studio audience crowd has no idea what they’re getting here. Rey comes back with a tilt a whirl backbreaker and follows with a standing moonsault for two. Psi manages to hit Rey in the belly welly, if you will, but Rey takes him to the top rope with a rana for the pin at 5:00. This was a pretty watered down version of their matches. **

Randy Savage v. Maxx

Maxx is the former bodyguard for DDP, Maxx Muscle, left adrift with no body to guard. Max flexes imposingly at Randy, but Macho runs him into the corner and chokes him out on the mat before tossing him outside. This guy is so immobile that he can barely fall out of the ring properly. Back in the ring, Savage quickly slams him and hits a pair of flying elbows, but then goes for a third one and a gaggle of referees charge in to prevent him from winning this wrestling match with a wrestling move because it’s too dangerous. So it’s a DQ win for Maxx at 3:00. Really really bad, as Savage didn’t even bother doing his usual “sell for the hell and then make the comeback” formula because Maxx was so useless.

Kevin Sullivan, Hugh Morrus, Meng & The Barbarian v. Chad Brock, Prince Iaukea, The Gambler and someone else

The Gambler quickly gets beat up by the Faces of Fear and has some great facials to show his terror, and then Iaukea gets dragged in and beaten down. Barbarian casually smashes him with a clothesline while the mysterious Leprechaun runs around the ring to the amusement of Dusty and then takes off again. Meng hits Brock with a piledriver in the meantime and Barbarian drops an elbow for one and follows with a pumphandle slam while Dusty just keeps going on and on about the Leprechaun. Sullivan hangs Brock in the Tree of Woe and Morrus moonsaults him for the pin at 3:00.

World tag team title: Harlem Heat v. The Public Enemy

Poor PE don’t even get an entrance here, or if they did, the Vault edited it out. We are in the thick of the Col. Parker and Sherri romance angle here. Stevie beats on Johnny in the corner to start and drops an elbow for two. Over to Rocco and they double-team Stevie with a legsweep for two. Over to Booker and he works on Rock’s arm, but Rocco moonsaults off the ropes for two and goes to the chinlock. Rocco tries some kind of cross-armbreaker and that barely even looks like a wristlock, but then he tries a monkey flip and Booker kind of falls forward onto him, looking like he’s knocked loopy or something. So we’re back to Stevie, but he charges and misses, and Rocco rolls him up for two. Back to Booker with a sidekick for two and he goes to the chinlock. Booker with a sideslam, but he misses an elbow and so Stevie comes in and gets two instead. What is going on with Booker here? Is he concussed or something? Grunge decides to come in and brawl while the managers take the ref, and Stevie uses the cane on Rocco for the pin at 7:00 to retain. Really bad, as Booker was on another planet here for whatever reason. DUD

The Faces of Fear v. The American Males

Off the next week now, as Meng unleashes some clubbing foreaerms on Riggs to start and boots him out of the corner. So the Males double dropkick both Faces to clear the ring, at which point the Leprechaun makes another appearance and annoys Jimmy Hart before running off again. Bagwell gets a bodypress on Barbarian for two, but he also falls victim to a clubbing forearm. Riggs comes in with a flying forearm for two, but he goes up and gets crotched, allowing Barbarian to bring him down with an overhead suplex off the top. Meng powerbombs him for two and Barbarian adds his own powerbomb to set up a double headbutt from the FOF, but Bagwell breaks up the pin. Meng hits Riggs with a back suplex, but misses a senton and Bagwell gets the hot tag and hits Barbarian with a bodypress for two. Riggs protests to the ref, and that allows Barbarian to hit Bagwell with the KICK OF FEAR to finish at 6:30. Pretty decent little tag match. **1/2

Fire & Ice v. The Steiner Brothers

Norton beats on Scott to start, but misses a charge and gets tossed around with a suplex. Over to Rick and he’s also up for throwing Norton around, but Norton pokes Scott in the eye and tosses for a good bump to the floor. Back in the ring, Ice Train powerslams Scott to take over and beats on him with elbows, and then lets Rick tag in and puts him down with a slam and a big splash. But then he goes for the tag and Norton walks out on him, as the match suddenly comes to a halt and everyone yells at Norton. But then the Steiners decide to keep going and Rick clotheslines Train for two. And they finish him with the elevated bulldog at 3:08 as Norton leaves to join the New World Order. Well this was a huge disappointment after their crazy suplex-fests for the past couple of months before this, as it was basically just an angle.

Lord Steven Regal v. Disco Inferno

Disco’s dancing leaves Regal BEFUDDLED, as he doesn’t know how to process these bizarre gyrations. Now I wonder what Regal would think of Count Binface. Disco elbows him down and boogies in the corner, but Regal has had enough of this tomfooley and stomps him down while laying a good tongue-lashing on him and hopefully teaching him some manners. Disco with a back elbow for two, but Regal pokes him in the eye and hits him with a forearm in the face to take over. Regal with forearms to the gut in the corner, but Disco pokes him in the eye to make the comeback before backdropping him out of the corner. Regal suplexes him and adds a PK for the pin at 4:23. Best match of the show by far, especially since it ended with Disco getting kicked in the face and pinned. ***

The Nasty Boys v. Sting & Randy Savage

Dusty declares the Nasty Boys to be the KINGS OF CLUBBERING, although he’s probably not the most unbiased source. Saggs beats on Macho in the corner to start as Dusty desperately wants Tony to say “belly welly” but can’t convince him. Knobbs comes in and misses an elbow, and it’s over to Sting as he slams Knobbs before missing a big splash. And the Nasties do some CLUBBERING, THEY BE CLUBBERING! Sags with a backbreaker as Dusty shifts from crazy old man to normal commentator again, but Knobbs grabs the briefcase (which was brought by Savage) and hits Sting right in the belly welly for two. Sting fights back with a bulldog out of the corner and it’s hot tag Macho, and this time Sting grabs the briefcase and knocks out Knobbs, allowing Savage to drop the elbow for the pin at 3:33. And Mongo steals his briefcase back from Macho in the chaos. This was a pretty damn good TV match for 3 minutes long, too. **3/4.

Afterwards, Macho Man promises that Hulk Hogan won’t make it to Hog Wild because the next time he sees Hulk, he’s gonna hit him with a TIRE IRON, YEAH. And Sting promises to make the Outsiders into women, because they’re not real men.

The Steiner Brothers v. Rough & Ready

OK, now Slater and Enos have coalesced into a proper tag team, with matching gear, just in time to get destroyed by the Steiners. Enos drops Scott with a short clothesline and beats on him in the corner, but he charges and hits boot, allowing Scott to suplex him out of the corner. Over to Rick, but Enos hits him with a powerslam, so Rick pops up and powerslams him right back, chasing him out of the ring. Over to Slater while Sherri comes out to keep an eye on Col. Parker. Slater with a legsweep on Rick for two and he follows with a small package for two. Rick with a suplex and a powerslam for two, but Enos saves and they hit Rick with a double suplex for two. It’s BREAKING LOOSE IN TULSA and Slater gets sent to the floor, where Sherri gets involved and kisses Slater, and he’s so stunned that he runs into the ring and gets pinned by Rick at 4:10. Well this was pretty wacky. *1/2

WCW World title: The Giant v. The Booty Man

Only WCW would have two different disco dancing doofuses in two different unrelated spots on the card. They teased me with this match earlier in the show and if they didn’t give it to me here I would have declared this entire thing a failure and probably canceled my subscription to the channel. Giant misses an elbow in the corner and Booty slugs away and follows with the HI-NEY in the corner, but Giant just no-sells it and chokes him out. Booty tries a bodypress and Giant casually catches him and slams him, and finishes with JESUS H. CHOKESLAM at 2:00 to retain by the skin of his teeth. Now I can sleep at night having seen that match!

This was a SUPER fun hour of inessential WCW nonsense that flew by. I hope they keep pumping these out.