The SmarK Rant for WWE Monday Night RAW – 05.20.02

The SmarK Rant for WWE Monday Night RAW – 05.20.02

So as mentioned yesterday, I wanted to do the missing 2002 RAW episodes, which I was unable to review back in 2002 due to being in Las Vegas on vacation that week. And since I just got back from Vegas this week, here in 2025, it seems like a good time to finally review them.

As for the trip, it was tons of fun, mostly because last time I literally went down there with $100 US in cash and whatever meager amount was in my bank account from working a part time job early mornings with no other source of income. I literally don’t know how I actually afforded an apartment and food for the longest time, although to be fair my first apartment in Edmonton only cost me $350/month. Anyway, we left the kid at home, probably with some kind of guardian, I dunno, I’m not a details guy. We stayed in the Excalibur, which was kind of a dump in a lot of ways but had hella comfortable beds so there is that. First day there we didn’t really have much planned aside from tickets to Michael Jackson One late in the evening. Flying in was fine and honestly despite all the horror stories we breezed through Customs without issue, but we had to leave the house at 3am for the flight so it was immediate nap time when we got checked in. And I do love that I can pay another $20 and check in early at 11:00am. If there’s one thing Vegas loves, it’s upcharging you, but in this case it was totally worth it. My poor wife nearly got taken in by one of the time-share scammers when we hit the casino floor, because they’re relentless and look like they’re hotel employees. We ended up wandering the Strip for a bit and learning to navigate the monorail between the MGM hotels, and goddamn it was hot out.

We hit the Coca-Cola store (somehow spending $200 on shit there!) and the M&Ms store and discovered the wonderful ABC store for some reasonably cheap essentials. And I also learned that Cody Rhodes is on the bottles of lemonade that are so plentiful in Las Vegas! Seriously, you can get lemonade in bottles or in fountains EVERYWHERE and it blew our minds for some reason. It’s actually fairly hard to find in Saskatchewan at least. The MJ show was AWESOME, well worth the ridiculous price of the tickets but seriously one of the loudest shows I’ve ever been to. My watch informed me several times that levels were over 95 decibels, and I’ve been to a LOT of concerts over the years and rarely have it get that loud. The gift shop was tempting in that they had several picture disc versions of vinyl that I wanted, mainly Bad, but $70 US? FUCK NO.

Unfortunately we discovered after the show that it’s actually very tricky to find a place that will deliver pizza to your hotel room without you having to physically go down the 13 floors to pick it up in the lobby, and WHY EVEN AM I ON VACATION if I’ve gotta leave the room? So instead we had the closest thing to room service available, which was Dick’s Last Resort, and was shockingly good for what is basically a dive bar in the lobby of the Excalibur.

Main things I learned on day one: Las Vegas is EXPENSIVE and America is still struggling to figure debit cards in the same way that Canada already did. More later, for now, on with RAW!

Oh damn, this was the episode that starts with the tribute to the British Bulldog, who had died that day.

Live from Memphis, TN. I believe this would be the first “WWE” episode of RAW, would it not? They sure make sure to say “WWE” a lot at any rate.

Your hosts are Jim Ross & Jerry Lawler

Rob Van Dam is immediately attacked and destroyed by Undertaker, who won the WWE title from Hulk Hogan at Judgment Day the night before but is in a terrible mood for whatever reason. So RVD gets busted open on the post and Taker drops the stairs on him. And that leads to him cutting a promo about how he’s going to kick the ass of anyone who doesn’t want to get out of the way when he wants to talk. So apparently the #1 rule of the company is that you have to respect the Undertaker. Given how much of a drudge this era was, I’m not surprised. So he declares Hulkamania to be DEAD, rest in peace, and he’s heard rumors that Hogan is announcing his retirement on Smackdown. And this continues dragging on as Undertaker demands respect OR ELSE and has very little to actually say here as champion. So RVD fights off the refs and heads into the ring, hopefully to respect the Undertaker because other it’ll probably go badly for him, but in fact Rob attacks him and thus disrespects the Undertaker, until the horde of refs pull him off.

Meanwhile, Undertaker bursts into the office of President Co-Owner Flair, who makes a match for the title TONIGHT IN THIS VERY RING, but Taker is unsure of whether he wants that or not.

The Hardy Boyz v. Big Show & X-Pac

The heels are the current version of the nWo, for those keeping track. With Booker T accompanying them. Jeff takes X-Pac down with a headscissors while JR of course brings up “educated feet” and Matt comes in and gets two off that. Show slugs Matt down from the apron and then comes in with a powerslam to take over before beating on Matt with chops in the corner. Show tosses him around as Matt goes back to his enhancement geek days, and X-Pac gets the broncobuster. Back to Jeff and we get “smoke through a keyhole” from JR as he runs wild with Poetry in Motion, but Show just destroys both guys again. But then Booker decides to come in and accidentally takes out Show, while we get a run-in from Goldust in an Elvis costume, allowing Jeff to roll up X-Pac for the pin at 4:20. Match was nothing special and the finish was a complete shitshow. *

Meanwhile, Trish Stratus is working out in the back, but Paul Heyman stops by and puts the moves on her.

Meanwhile, the nWo argues about who the leader of the group should be, and Booker wants another shot at the Hardyz with Goldust as a partner to prove it should be him.

WWE Women’s title: Trish Stratus v. Jacqueline

Oh yeah! JR reminds us that RAW is live in Edmonton next week, which is why I didn’t review that one either. Because I was there! Don’t remember much about it other than girls shrieking at the Hardyz every time they did anything. Jackie gets a slam and goes to the armbar, and then SWEEPS THE LEG for two. Forearm shot gets two. Trish fights back with chops and a snap suplex gets two. Trish with a clothesline for two. Jackie misses a blind charge and the bulldog finishes for Trish at 2:28. Not embarrassing but just very basic. ½*. Afterwards, Paul Heyman returns with Brock Lesnar, demanding that Trish go on the date with him or be given as a prize to Brock. OK well THAT storyline aged like milk. Thankfully, virtuous defender of women, BUBBA DUDLEY, makes the save, kicking off his failed singles push where they tried to convince everyone that he was just as good as Dusty Rhodes.

Meanwhile, Tommy Dreamer goes for a haircut and eats some of it, then washes it down with barbicide. Yes “Tommy Dreamer eats weird stuff” was a real thing we had to endure in 2002.

Meanwhile, the doctor doesn’t think RVD should compete tonight, but Rob isn’t having any of that medical quackery! Well hopefully they at least prescribe him something to help with the pain.

Meanwhile, get the F out! I just loved the Ruthless Aggression documentary where they pretended that changing to WWE was 100% their own idea and done for the betterment of the company.

European title: William Regal v. Bubba Dudley

Regal slugs away to start, but Bubba backdrops him out of the corner and drops elbows on him for two. Maybe if he didn’t stop to dance he would have gotten three. Bubba gets distracted by Molly Holly, who was paired with Regal in a weird combination that didn’t work, and Regal puts the boots to him to take over. They collide for a double downBubba comes back with the Flip Flop and Fly, which is double insulting when they had the LITERAL SON OF DUSTY RHODES under contract, and he goes to get his own table, at which point Brock Lesnar runs in for the DQ at 2:47 and lays him out. And then Regal adds the POWER OF THE PUNCH to further lay him out, even moreso than Brock already did, just to I guess put even more sympathy heat on Bubba? Totally worthless. ½*

Ric Flair joins us to kick off the second hour as this show feels like it’s been 18 hours long as it is. So Flair brings out Steve Austin, in their desperate attempt to recreate Austin v. McMahon with these two guys, and Flair has decided to BENCH Steve Austin and remove him from competition on RAW. Crazy to think that we might have had to go through 2002 without Steve Austin in the ring! What are the chances of THAT ever happening? Luckily we’ll never have to find out, as Austin lays out Flair and AA with the stunner and presumably wins that argument. You know what would really punish Austin? If Flair booked him against that hot young newcomer, Brock Lesnar.

The Hardy Boyz v. Goldust & Booker T

We’re joined by Raven on commentary, who is definitely more Johnny Polo tonight. Were they really understaffed at this point in 2002 or something? Why are we getting so many segments with the same guys? BookDust double-teams Matt, who fights back with a Side Effect on Goldust, but X-Pac and Big Show immediately comes out and trip up Goldust, allowing Matt to cradle him for the pin at 0:50. DUD

Meanwhile, at a karaoke bar in Memphis, someone is butchering Stevie Ray Vaughan, but Steve Austin shows up with Debra to drink some beer.

Back in the ring, as this nWo storyline apparently MUST CONTINUE, and all the losers are still hanging around the ring arguing about who should be leading this circus of jobbers. So Show offers to personally take Booker out of the group, but then Big Sexy interrupts, with freshly bleached hair, and Goldust slinks off like a cat. So Nash dresses them all down for being pathetic losers, which they are, and that somehow convinces them all to make up and reunite. This is awful TV. Also this was apparently the result of all kinds of nonsense backstage, with Nash and Waltman trying to hijack the script with Vince away on location, leading to the muddled mess of a storyline we got.

Meanwhile, back at the bar, Eddie Guerrero sends a drink to Debra, and Austin is not pleased about it.

Raven heads into the ring, bitching about how Jerry Lawler is a terrible commentator who only talks about puppies, and challenges Lawler to a match RIGHT NOW. But not actually right now, because he has to go get his gear on first so we can have another segment at the bar.

Meanwhile at the bar, Austin decides to try singing, but Eddie already has the microphone and tells Austin to step off and go drink with his WIFE. Oh my god I keep checking the timer on this show and it keeps not being over. We haven’t had a real match in like 45 minutes and this show is dragging so badly. So then Eddie sings some tremendously terrible karaoke. “Somebody get the hook. This is cruel and unusual punishment” notes JR. That’s how I feel about this whole show.

Raven v. Jerry Lawler

Hilariously, Raven changing into his “gear” was just him switching from one pair of pants to another pair of pants and then doing a ring entrance. Raven slams him and slugs away on the ropes, sending Jerry over the top to the floor. Raven promises JR that he’ll be sitting in the commentary position next week, which actually would have been an improvement at that point, but Lawler of course makes the comeback in the ring and dropkicks him before running him into all four turnbuckles. Lawler goes up and Raven bails to the floor and walks out on the match at 3:00. DUD

Meanwhile, yes this bar skit is still going on, and Austin wants to sing Margaritaville, and he is also terrible and probably legit drunk at this point. And this goes ON AND ON with no point and no payoff seemingly coming, and finally Eddie has had enough of Austin butchering George Strait (he did two songs, you see) and smashes a bottle on his head to get out of this.

WWE Undisputed title: Undertaker v. Rob Van Dam

This was of course set up by the attack in the opening segment, which now feels like it was three days ago. Rob attacks to start but the crowd has been completely killed off by this awful show and barely reacts. Rob with the flying kick for two and a spinkick gets two. They fight to the floor and Rob sends him into the railing. Back in the ring, Taker with a cheapshot to take over and he pounds away on the cut and puts the boots to Rob in the corner. Had they done an impromptu match deal after the hot opening segment this might have had a chance, but stretching it out over the whole show killed it dead. Taker slugs away and slams him, but misses an elbow and Rob comes back with seated dropkicks for two. Rob sends him into the corner and hits Rolling Thunder for an apparent pin at 6:27 to win the title, but Ric Flair rushes out and points out that Taker’s foot was on the rope, so the match MUST CONTINUE and Taker quickly powerbombs him and pins him to retain at 7:34 instead. I really hate this incarnation of the Undertaker. He was just insufferable and choking the title out with terrible matches week after week. ½*

No, this era doesn’t get any better with 23 years of perspective, I’m afraid.

Next week: RAW is live in Edmonton for a show where I’m in attendance! I hope to god it’s at least better than this one was.