The SmarK Rant for World Championship Wrestling – 04.06.85 (Debut episode!)

The SmarK Rant for World Championship Wrestling – 04.06.85

Originally written 04.29.26

I’m gonna start going through and posting all the World Championship Wrestling rants I did from WWE 24/7 to fill I the archives and give everyone some bonus material, but it occurred to me that I never actually went back and reviewed the very first episode of Jim Crockett’s version of World Championship Wrestling! So here we go, one week after Vince McMahon’s abomination of a show got kicked off TBS for good. This was the first episode shown on WWE 24/7 as well, but I didn’t subscribe to that channel until a couple of months after it launched so I didn’t start the rants until June 85.

Taped from Atlanta, GA

Your hosts are Tony Schiavone & David Crockett

Ivan & Nikita Koloff v. George South & Greg Stone

Interestingly, the audience lighting in Techwood is way darker to start than it would become later. The Koloffs beat on South in the corner and it’s over to Stone, and he gets choked out by Nephew Nikita in various ways. Nikita then takes him down with the Russian Hammer and chokes him out even more, and it’s back to Uncle Ivan for a kneedrop and backdrop. Nikita lets South come in again and promptly finishes him with the Sickle at 3:50. Nikita was very limited at this point, to say the least, but he was an impressive specimen who looked like a star.

Ric Flair joins us, as he apologizes for not being in Atlanta as much as the city deserves, since they’re so starved for real men.

Jimmy Valiant v. Mark Hill

Jimmy actually toys with his food for a while this time, working the arm and tossing him to the floor while yelling for Paul Jones. To the floor and he runs Hill into the post, and back in with a slam for two before picking him up. He slugs Hill down and gets two off that, still obsessed with Paul Jones. Well hopefully he can let that go. Elbow and elbow combo finish at 2:15, with Tommy Young doing his awesome count where he slides out of the ring and counts onto the apron.

Tully Blanchard v. Sam Houston

Tully has Baby Doll in his corner, but we know she’s actually got eyes for the skinny jobber getting his ass kicked here. Meanwhile Dusty Rhodes joins us on commentary, somehow being even more annoying than David Crockett. Houston gets a dropkick but Tully takes him down and works a hammerlock on the mat. Houston fights up from that, so Tully backslides him for two and tosses him to the floor. Back in, Houston makes his comeback but runs into a boot in the corner. Tully hangs him in the Tree of Woe and rolls him up for two, but Houston tries to make a comeback and doesn’t really know what to do with himself. So Tully smacks him down and hits him with a backbreaker for two. Sam fights back again, but Tully catapults him under the bottom rope and finishes with the slingshot suplex at 5:00.

Dusty Rhodes joins us and he wants the World Six-Man titles currently held by the Russians, and also he thinks Baby Doll is not a Perfect 10, but rather a ZERO and he expects fans to chant that.

Superstar Billy Graham v. Rocky King

Graham, thankfully not doing karate at this point, beats on Rocky with various stuff and puts him down with a back elbow. Graham puts him down with a big boot and stomps away on him while Tony notes that he has declared himself “Kung Fu champion of the world”. I don’t think that’s a real thing. He puts King in a body vice and then drops him on the top turnbuckle, which looked more awkward than painful, and he finishes with the UNBREAKABLE FULL NELSON at 3:35. Wow, so it’s like a 2.5 hour superhero movie with a stupid twist at the end?

Meanwhile, we take a look at Magnum TA, the hottest wrestler in the business according to Tony and David, and he’s riding motorcycles, picking up hot chicks, and winning lots of matches! Surprisingly the use of “Born to be Wild” has even survived this WWE 24/7 edit of the episode.

Michael Hayes joins us and I didn’t even know he was in the territory at this point. As usual, he’s looking for Ric Flair, and he’s naughty and not teasing! It always blows my mind but Hayes had just turned 26 years old a week earlier. Freebird life is hard!

Ric Flair v. Gene Ligon

Flair takes Gene down and they trade hammerlocks on the mat, but Flair chops him in the corner and hits him with a butterfly suplex for two. Ric takes him down with a headlock, but Ligon fights back out of the corner and they get some crossed signals on a corner backdrop spot. So Flair chops him down, suplexes him, and NOW WE GO TO SCHOOL with the figure-four at 4:00.

Jimmy Valiant joins us and he loves all his ladies! Also he wonders what exactly a Nature Boy is.

Meanwhile, on Worldwide, National tag team champions Ole Anderson & Thunderbolt Patterson are having some personal issues and trying to work them out. Patterson feels worried that Ole is using too many roughhouse tactics while trying to mentor this Arn Anderson kid and he doesn’t like to see it. But Ole feels like Thunderbolt and Dusty have been a weight on his back and he’s tired of carrying them around the territory. And next time Thunderbolt sees him, he’d suggest maybe watching out. What a cold-ass promo from Ole this was.

Arn Anderson v. Manny Fernandez

Arn, still fresh into the territory, is still rocking his sweet fedora, and Ole joins us on commentary to put the young man over. At this point Ole claims to be brothers with Arn, although Tony is like “Uh, you mean your father and his father are brothers, right?” Yeah they never really figured that exact relationship out. They trade headlocks and Arn gives him some cheapshots on the ropes, so Bull takes him down and works the leg. We take a break and return with Arn now working on the arm, like a true Anderson, and Manny misses a blind charge, allowing Arn to cut off his comeback and go back to the arm. Ole keeps yelling at Arn to STAY ON THE ARM, but Manny backdrops him to escape. Ole screams at Arn to STAY ON THE ARM again as there’s kind of an interesting character arc with Ole playing out, and he’s clearly sick of playing babyface despite his begrudging friendship with Thunderbolt and Dusty. He sees himself in Arn Anderson and that’s who he wants to be again. Manny makes the comeback and hits the forearm, but Ole helps Arn get his foot on the ropes and the Andersons pull Manny to the floor and absolutely massacre him out there like old times. Thunderbolt comes down to talk sense into Ole, but Arn just WAFFLES him from behind and starts beating on him while Ole is torn and trying to decide what to do. So he goes in and picks family, holding Thunderbolt so Arn can smash him, and then jumping off the top rope onto Patterson’s leg himself to solidify his heel turn for real. Oh man this was so awesome.

The Russians join Tony and Ivan Koloff thinks this Ole Anderson deal is HILARIOUS, laughing about how Ole has rid himself of Patterson and all his garbage.

Ric Flair joins us with a bevy of women, just because he can.

Mangum TA v. Paul Barnett

Belly to belly finishes at 0:10.

Meanwhile, Tully Blanchard gets a video package showing how fancy and rich he is, complete with an REO SPEEDWAGON soundtrack. And he turns down a perfectly good woman throwing herself at him, because he needs a Perfect 10, who turns out to be Baby Doll.

The Barbarian v. Joshua Stroud

Josh tries a bodypress and gets caught and slammed, and Barbarian sends him to the floor and slams him out there as well. And the diving headbutt finishes at 2:45.

Dusty Rhodes joins us and Ole Anderson has shown his true colors, and the line is drawn!

Tully Blanchard and Baby Doll join Tony, and he lets us know that Dusty Rhodes is all talk. And he wants the NWA TV title back from Dusty Rhodes, because they need ridiculous amounts of money to support their lifestyle and only the TV title can provide it.

Buddy Landel v. David Dellinger

Budro gets a pair of slams, but Dellinger tries a rollup, so Buddy elbows him down and puts the boots to him. Buddy with an armbar on the mat and he talks trash about Ric Flair to the amusement of JJ Dillon. Tony notes that many fans might compare Nature Boys, but that’s unfair because Flair is actually incomparable. So don’t you even DARE to compare them! Buddy keeps working the arm on the mat, and then drops the elbow and finishes with a figure-four at 5:14. JJ and his goofy tuxedo looks like he’s trying to be Bobby Heenan at this point, rather than the serious businessman he turned into by 86.

Black Bart and JJ Dillon join us, and he announces that he’s acquired Cowboy Ron Bass while on a tour of Kuwait.

Black Bart v. Ron Rossi

Bart beats on his daggum guy in the daggum corner and then drops him on the top rope. Bart slams him and drops a fist on him, yelling out SHAH and YAAAH and SHOOOOOO-HAH with every move. Bart with a chinlock and he’s still vocalizing even while doing that. Bart chokes him out on the ropes, before throwing him out of the ring and actually breaking the middle rope in the process! Good thing the show is almost over. Back in, he drops a leg to finish at 4:08.

Ole and Arn Anderson join Tony, as Arn dubs himself “Double A” and expresses his pride with Ole and announces that a dynasty has been rekindled! And now he comes the Wrestling Crew to beat up some babyfaces. Tony brings up the National tag team titles, but Ole insists that the belts belong to him because he carried Thunderbolt Patterson the whole time.

Meanwhile, we get a video package about Jimmy Valiant, set to “Life’s Been Good”, which is absolutely the wrong song for what they’re trying to portray Jimmy as. Although “I can’t complain but sometimes I still do” is still a baller lyric.

Back at the studio, Tony and David continue filling time because the ring is wrecked and we can’t finish the advertised Pez Whatley and Buzz Tyler matches. So they throw to a promo from Dusty Rhodes and wrap it up.

Goddman that Ole Anderson heel turn was great. Tremendous start to the new version of the show.