The SmarK Rant for WCW Worldwide – 11.09.91

The SmarK Rant for WCW Worldwide – 11.09.91

OK, so it turns out that Richard Land did in fact have a copy of this show, so the lost media has been found and I might as well review it because I really want to see that main event.

Taped from Montgomery, AL

Your host is Tony Schiavone

Arachnaman v. Sgt. Buddy Lee Parker

If Parker believed in law and order he would serve Archnaman with a cease and desist for copying Marvel’s IP. Our spider-themed hero takes Parker down with a snapmare and a sunset flip for two. Rolling cradle gets two. He works the arm, but Parker slugs away in the corner, so Arachnaman hits a bodypress out of the corner for two and goes up with a flying headbutt. And an abdominal stretch rollup finishes at 2:00. They should have sent this gimmick FAR FROM HOME and then left him there.

Meanwhile, PN News talks about a potential match with Big Van Vader, claiming to be as scary as Vader. Well in a way, I guess.

Rick Steiner v. Jim Davis

Oh man I bet this guy hates Mondays and loves lasagna. Steiner takes him down and rides him on the mat before hitting a german suplex and slugging him down. Meanwhile we learn that RICK RUDE is challenging Sting for the US title at the Clash of Champions, while Rick hurks Davis up and slams him into the corner before hitting the overhead suplex off the middle rope for the pin at 1:55.

At this point there’s a Steve Austin TV title defense against Jimmy Garvin, but technical issues mean we only get the finish, with Austin pinning a distracted Garvin with a back suplex to retain.

WRESTLING NEWS NETWORK! WITH GORDON SOLIE! SPONSORED BY MILK!

We take a look at last week’s show, where Rick Steiner has an impromptu match with Lex Luger and pins him with a belly to belly, setting up their title match at the Clash. And we get a promo from Harley Race, who promises that now it’s personal and Lex is taking Rick out.

Barry Windham & Dustin Rhodes v. Rip Rogers & Jim Boss

Funny how they spent weeks building up Windham & Simmons as a tag team, and then they never had a tag match together on TV and now it’s Windham & Rhodes as the team and getting the title shot. So Tony explains how Barry got his hand slammed in the door at Halloween Havoc and he’s wrestling here against doctor’s orders because these shows are all taped way out of order and they have to make up narratives in post-production. Dustin works the arm on Rogers and Windham comes in with an elbow off the middle rope and a hiptoss out of the corner. Interestingly, Tony brings up Barry’s father Blackjack Mulligan, which is one of the only times I can ever recall them making that connection in WCW. Over to Boss and Dustin works his arm. So it’s back to THE RIPSTER and Dustin dominates him as well as we continue to have technical issues with the sound, which probably explains why no one else had this episode. Back to Boss for more armbars from Dustin. And Windham comes in with a bulldog to finish at 5:19. Way too long for a squash like this.

The Enforcers join Tony, talking about Barry Windham & Ron Simmons even though we just got Barry Windham & Dustin Rhodes as the team in the previous segment. Larry notes that being the champions is like your ex-wife and new boyfriend got into a car wreck and DIED, as Tony tries not to crack.

SUBMIT OR SURRENDER: Sting v. Cactus Jack

Sting was the US champion at this point but I presume this is non-title. Despite being a huge star he had some of the most forgettable US title reigns ever. Jack immediately attacks and they brawl on the floor, with Jack beating on Sting with his new garbage can friend until Sting suplexes him onto the can in response. Back in the ring, Sting beats on him with the can and puts the can on his head before dropping an elbow on it, which is a spot years ahead of its time. Sting to the top for a flying splash on the trapped Cactus and he slugs away in the corner before hitting a clothesline, but he tries a leapfrog and Jack headbutts him “right in the mid-section” according to Tony. Nothing “mid” about that section. Jack puts the boots to him and chokes him out on the ropes while Tony speculates that Jack had a plate put in his head at some point. Well we know he’s had a lot of plates put in a lot of his body so that checks out. Jack with a clothesline and he continues choking Sting out and tosses him out to the floor before stealing a chair from a fan in the front row and beating on him with that. They fight up the aisle and back to the ring, where Jack necks him on the top rope and follows with a clothesline. Jack still has no submission moves, so he goes to a chinlock and then puts him down with a headbutt and legdrop. But then Sting tosses him over the top and follows with a dive, before suplexing him on the floor. Back in, Stinger splash misses, but Jack necks him on the top rope and Sting bumps to the floor again off that. Jack hits him with a backbreaker in the aisle and follows with a sick Cactus elbow off the apron, making sure to clear the area with the mats because he’s the original Sicko. He graciously offers Sting the chance to quit, but Sting doesn’t do that sort of thing, so Jack grabs a chair and then accidentally hits himself in the face with it. So Sting dropkicks him off the apron, and Jack makes sure to take the sickest bump possible off that, and Sting puts him in the Scorpion Deathlock on the floor and submits him at 12:40. Well this one justified the whole gimmick, as Jack was living his best life in 1991. ****1/2

NEXT WEEK: Well I already reviewed it so you know what’s coming up.

Wait, so is the WCW Top Ten dead now? What am I gonna do with my life without it?

NEXT TIME: Clash 17 redo! This time I’m serious!