The SmarK Rant for WCW Worldwide – 08.03.91

The SmarK Rant for WCW Worldwide – 08.03.91

Originally written 06.03.26

Oddly enough the July 27 episode of the show with Austin v. Simmons is missing from my collection and most collections out there, although MonsoonClassic has the Austin/Simmons and Taylor/Gibson matches available on YouTube as individual videos. So we’ll just skip ahead to the next one.

Taped from Tallahassee FL on 07.09.91 as we FINALLY have taping dates nailed down again.

Your hosts are Tony Schiavone & Magnum TA, who are now doing a green screen intro instead of the ringside one we’ve had for months now.

PN News v. Chris Sullivan

Sadly, PN News had to pull out of the Freedom 250 celebration this year. He said NO BABY NO BABY NO. Sullivan attacks, but News dropkicks him to the floor, and back in for a butt splash to block a sunset flip. News with a sideslam as you can see Sullivan lightly going up for him and basically doing the move to himself, and then he takes a 360 bump off a clothesline, just doing everything possible to make this guy look like a monster. News with a corner splash and belly to belly and that sets up the Rapmaster Splash to finish at 2:20, as poor Sullivan has to maneuver himself into position because News hit the suplex in the wrong direction and left him facing the wrong way. Good enhancement talent is really a hidden cheat code for a lot of bad wrestlers to look passable.

Meanwhile, Tony announces that the Steiners have been stripped of the World tag team titles, and a tournament has been set up to crown new champions. Oh also the US title is also vacant because Luger was stripped of that, and they’re also doing a tournament for that, at the end of August with a one night 11 man tournament in the Omni. What the fuck is an 11 man tournament?

Black Blood v. Kenny Kendall

Blood hits Kendall with a german suplex out of the corner and necks him on the top rope before dropping a knee on him. And he finishes with the alley oop onto the top rope and then the forearm off the top rope at 2:10.

And now it’s time for the WCW TOP 10!

10. Bobby Eaton

9. Dustin Rhodes

8. Johnny B Badd

7. Diamond Studd

6. El Gigante

5. Stunning Steve Austin

4. Ron Simmons

3. Sting

2. Nikita Koloff

1. Barry Windham

World champion: Lex Luger

IMPORTANT COVERAGE EXCLUSIONS

Thank you for submitting a claim regarding the catastrophic failure of your WCW Top 10 List. Following an inspection by our adjusters, we have determined that the damage falls under several exclusions outlined in your policy.

Coverage does not apply to losses arising from:

• Ric Flair unexpectedly leaving the premises while still considered a critical operating component.
• Repeated attempts to substitute Lex Luger for Ric Flair, whether successful or unsuccessful.
• Excessive strain caused by operating The Black Scorpion beyond manufacturer specifications.
• Damage resulting from installing multiple identical Steiner Brothers matches in a single season.
• Wear and tear associated with annual WarGames deployment.
• Power surges caused by El Gigante attempting to perform wrestling maneuvers.
• Failures occurring after exposure to PN News.
• Structural instability caused by the Dynamic Dudes remaining in inventory beyond their recommended shelf life.
• Any malfunction involving the Chamber of Horrors, including but not limited to electrocution, unintended comedy, or Abdullah the Butcher.
• Damage caused by flying motorcycles, exploding gift boxes, or Halloween-themed workplace accidents.
• Corrosion resulting from prolonged contact with the WCW Executive Committee.
• Failures attributed to the natural aging process of the Four Horsemen.

Our investigation found that your Top 10 suffered a total systems failure after management attempted to solve multiple existing problems by hiring Dusty Rhodes to book. Because this condition was both foreseeable and self-inflicted, the loss is classified as preventable deterioration rather than sudden accidental damage.

Accordingly, your claim has been denied.

Well shit.

Meanwhile, Alexandra York announces that she has sold Mr. Hughes to Lex Luger, and they’re adding a new member to the team to replace him. And it’s NOT Dustin Rhodes. And it’s not Robert Gibson. They should have turned Big Josh for that. Matt Borne could have 100% pulled off that shit as an evil accountant. Of course the real answer was stupider than we could have guessed.

Terrence Taylor & Richard Morton v. The Young Pistols

Tracy trades takedowns with Taylor and clears the ring with dropkicks, as Terry gets his feathers all ruffled and flies the coop. Back in the ring, the Pistols work on Taylor and Steve clotheslines him for two. So Taylor brings in Morton and he bails to the apron, but Steve slingshots him back into the ring and hits him with a flying shoulderblock to chase him out of the ring. Back in, Taylor with a gut wrench on Tracy and the Yorks take over, but Tracy wings Taylor with a kick and Steve gets the hot tag. We get stereo punches in the corner and stereo superkicks to set up the missile dropkick on Taylor, but the ref is an idiot and Morton is able to use advanced AI routines (ie, hit him with the computer) to take out Steve and put Taylor on top at 5:00. The Pistols are just COOKED.

Nikita Koloff v. Jackie Fulton

Jackie was getting ready to leave for SMW around this point so no wonder they were just using him for TV jobs now. We get an inset from Sting, who is STILL mad at Koloff, while Fulton goes to work on Nikita’s arm. Koloff slams out of that and puts him down with a shoulderblock while Magnum digs up years of resentment and buries Koloff on commentary, noting that he never ever actually trusted him. Ouch. Nikita with the Sickle to finish at 2:24. And then he puts Jackie into a cobra sleeper afterwards, working on some new moves I guess.

Magnum TA interviews the mysterious Yellow Dog, who announces a “Bring Back Brian Pillman” write-in campaign on behalf of his good friend. Also we’re going another bounty match later, and we meet The Enforcers of Larry Zbyszko and Arn Anderson, who will be going after that bounty tonight. That’s a pretty low key way to introduce a major new tag team.

The One Man Gang v. Big Josh

The original recording is all messed up here so the match gets skipped.

Meanwhile, we learn that next week the Hardliners face Rick Steiner and a MYSTERY PARTNER. Well that’s kind of a payoff to the Hardliner story I guess.

Bounty Match: The Enforcers v. Dustin Rhodes & Yellow Dog

Hilarious how easy it is to just stick Arn Anderson in a new tag team when he needs something to do, and IT ALWAYS WORKS. Arn immediately sends the Dog to the apron, but the Dog comes in with a flying bodypress for two. Dustin and Arn brawl on the floor and the babyfaces double-team Larry in the ring and chase him to the floor. “Zbyszko really wasting some time here” notes Tony. YOU DON’T SAY? Back in the ring, Larry does more complaining and then drops Dustin with a back suplex, so it’s back to the Dog, and Larry gets a cheapshot from the apron to take over. Larry goes for the mask and can’t get it, so he gives up and lets Arn comes back in again instead. Arn takes the Dog down and Larry adds a suplex for two and goes to work on the arm and then all of a sudden the tape cuts to the babyfaces getting announced as the winners. So this episode is all kinds of messed up I guess. Match seemed OK outside of all the encoding problems from the guy’s VCR/DVD deck. Hey man, I’ve been there, you don’t have to tell me about it. Also I guess the end was Arn getting rolled up when Brian Pillman appeared to distract him, which makes sense because the Yellow Dog was about a foot taller than usual here. A proper WCW payoff would have been Arn unmasking him and discovering that Barry Windham was the Yellow Dog all along.

Of all the episodes of Worldwide this year, this was certainly one of them.