The SmarK Rant for TNA Impact – 01.15.26

The SmarK Rant for TNA Impact – 01.15.26

So of course, all the kids are talking about TNA with their move to AMC in the US. They’re still on the same channel in Canada, Sportsnet 360, so I figured I’d give them a look. For reference, I have zero idea of anything going on right now and the last time I actively watched the product was 2021, when Kenny Omega was there doing the belt collector gimmick with Don Callis. I have a rough idea of the main guys but hopefully they do a good job of filling in new viewers on the main story points tonight.

(NOTE FROM FUTURE SCOTT: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!)

Live from Dallas, TX

Your hosts are Tom Hannifan & Matt Rehwoldt

AJ Styles joins us to start, putting over the AMC deal and leading the crowd in a TNA chant, and then we get the opening theme, and then we get ANOTHER introduction from the announcers.

The Hardys & Elijah v. Mustafa Ali & Order 4

Big brawl to start, which is annoying because I have no idea who the Order 4 guys are and they didn’t even do the ring introductions before the attack or explain what their deal is. The Hardyz clear the ring and we take a break. Back with the heels in control, but Elijah makes his own comeback and Jeff gets a hot tag and hits one of the geeks with a Twist of Fate. So Tasha Steelz comes in to intefere and gets taken out by Matt, who is looking old as FUCK here. And we get a big mess of a brawl that kind of meaders around the ring, before the Hardyz finish one of the geeks with the swanton bomb at 7:26. Well it certainly didn’t overstay its welcome. *1/2. The big guy for the heels lays out the Hardyz, but the Righteous make the save and then turn on the Hardyz and, uh, padlock Jeff’s ear to the corner. Well that’s gross.

Meanwhile, TNA World champion Frankie Kazarian (seriously? LOL!) discusses his upcoming title match with Santana, but AJ Styles interrupts and tensions rise.

Meanwhile, we get a video package giving a history of the X division (spoiler: There was no X division match on the show and nothing advertised for the PPV) and then we get an exciting rundown of the INTERNET INFLUENCERS in the house tonight and all the empty seats behind them. Oh that’s not a good look. Also we meet some “celebrities” of AMC shows in the front row, again with the empty side of the arena behind them. But Ryan Nemeth interrupts and somehow crotches himself on the railing and dramatically sells his nuts. That’s how I feel at this point in the show.

Santino Marella joins us, as they recap his daughter turning on him, and he can’t shake it off “like water from the duck”. So now he has an assistant to help him, who turns out to be Daria Rae, formerly known as Sonya Deville. And it’s another interview about how it’s a new era for the TNA company on AMC, and she immediately fires Santino, I think, and announces the signing of Elayna Black, the former Cora Jade. Black doesn’t even make it to the ring and they cut away and we never hear from her again. Holy shit it’s only the FIRST SHOW and already they’re doing feuding authority figures and WWE castoffs and we get to try to guess who makes the matches.

Meanwhile, AJ gives a peptalk to Mike Santana and then doesn’t show up again for the rest of the show.

TNA Knockouts tag team title: The Iinspiration v. the Elegance Brand

So this kicks off with an absolute trainwreck of a segment with washed up Perez Hilton doing a promo for the heels, and then we get some guy called Mr. Elegance who might be another wrestler, I dunno. He seems to be a knockoff of Val Venis best I can tell. They’re barely explaining who their “star” wrestlers are as it is, so no wonder this guy doesn’t even get an explanation. The joke appears to be that he was fat and now he’s hot after a makeover. We take a break right away and return with Jessie McKay making a comeback and suplexing one of the Elegance for two. Again, they don’t make any effort to actually IDENTIFY these people and explain the gimmick until minutes into the match. The Iinspiration double-teams the girl with an M on her ass, but Mr. Elegance takes the ref and distracts everyone as the match completely goes off the rails and M rolls up Cassie for the pin and the titles at 7:26. Apparently the one with C on her ass is Heather, but the one with M is M. So that makes sense. This was easily the worst match of the year thus far. -**

Meanwhile, Ariana Grace and her boyfriend are apparently behind NXT invading. THEY’RE NOT EXPLAINING ANY OF THIS STUFF. I don’t watch NXT!

Meanwhile, Indi Hartwell is doing a promo backstage, but the Elegance Crew interrupts.

Meanwhile, we celebrate the women. Not by having a good women’s MATCH or anything, that would be silly. Much better to just tell us about all the times the company had good women’s wrestlers on other shows.

Santino joins us again, apparenlty still in charge and not actually fired, to introduce Lei Ying Lee, the Knockouts champion. So at the PPV on Saturday she has an open challenge for reasons that aren’t really made clear, and that brings out Zaria and Sol Ruca from NXT. This show is such a bizarre mixture of TNA people who used to be WWE people but go by different names, and NXT people who used to know them in WWE but have to pretend they don’t anymore. So Ruca allows Zaria to get the title shot. OK then.

Meanwhile, we take a look at the TNA World title and some of the people who have held it.

The System joins us and they’re putting them over as the “franchise players” of the promotion and you’ve got Fandango playing a badass. OK then. Also apparently Dirty Curty is retiring and facing Eddie Edwards, his partner, at the PPV. I don’t know why, they never explained it. Why would you? That’s crazy talk.

Dixie Carter joins us to further remind us that WE’RE ON AMC, but Bully Ray interrupts and that goes nowhere.

TNA World title: Frankie Kazarian v. Mike Santana

So after spending two hours talking about the big inspirational story behind Santana challenging for the title, they don’t actually EXPLAIN THE GODDAMNED STORY and why I should care. The story appears to be “Santana used to be champion and then he lost it to Kazarian, who’s kind of a jerk about it.” I mean, OK, if that’s what you’re going with, fine. But that’s not really a compelling main event plot or anything. Frankie goes to procure the chickenwing early, but Santana fights him off and they battle to a stalemate. Kaz bails and Santana hits him with a dive, but Kazarian suplexes him on the floor and we take another break. Back with Kazarian hitting a backstabber for two as Bully Ray joins us on commmentary, but Santana makes a comeback and chops him in the corner. Rolling stunner gets two. They fight to the top and Mike hits a Spanish fly and Code Red for two. Cannonball in the corner hits knees and Kazarian hits him with Angel’s Wings for two. Kaz tries the chicken wing and Santana cradles him for two, but he tries a springboard and gets cut off with a cutter. Springboard legdrop gets two. So Kazarian grabs the belt but the ref confiscates it, and they slug it out and bump the ref. So Santana gets a visual pinfall, but Kazarian knocks him out with the belt and then hits him with a Deadeye on the apron. As Bully points out, the HARDEST PART OF THE RING. But it only gets two. Kazarian with a destroyer, but Santana pops up and his the spinning lariat, which gets the pin, but the ref decides it was supposed to be a kickout so we continue. So Santana hits it again and wins the title at 15:02. And then they’re gonna have a rematch already on the PPV this Saturday, so good thing we did this match, I guess! ***

Also AJ Styles never actually showed up again after spending the whole show putting over the main event and talking about how was gonna be there for Santana and watching Kazarian. Also Bully on commentary had no connection to the match and didn’t serve any purpose being there.

So that was…uh…quite the debut. This was your FIRST SHOW on a fairly major cable channel! You had a lot of people interested to see what would get thrown out there and THAT’S the show you produce? My main issue was that I don’t watch TNA and I don’t watch NXT, and you apparently had to be watching both of them for the past month in order for anything here to make the least bit of sense. They needed a home run and they just stood there at home plate hitting themselves in the nuts with the baseball bat. I actually felt kind of offended that I wasted two hours of my time on it because I was honestly ready to give them a chance and see what they were offering, and this is what they gave me as a new viewer. 3 matches in 2 hours for a show called “Total Nonstop Action” and a bunch of D-list celebrities in a half-filled arena. They couldn’t even decide if they were a nostalgia show celebrating their history, or a Russo-style reset of the status quo that blew everything up, or a PPV go home show continuing their big feuds. So they just kind of took every pitch from every producer and threw them all out there, and it felt like it.