The SmarK Rant for NWA Worldwide – 07.19.86

The SmarK Rant for NWA Worldwide – 07.19.86

Taped from Columbia, SC on 07.17.86

Your hosts are Tony Schiavone & Jim Cornette

BREAKING NEWS: Magnum TA is down 3-0 to Nikita Koloff in their series, and so he needs (hang on, let me get my calculator) FOUR WINS to regain his US title and put those dirty commies in their place.

Ole & Arn Anderson v. Denny Brown & Italian Stallion

Denny takes Arn down with a hiptoss and AA bails. Back in, Ole beats on Brown in the corner and then Arn comes in and slugs away as well. Over to the Stallion and he gets some shine, but Arn tosses him to cut off that comeback. Ole works the arm and Arn adds the gourdbuster to finish at 3:46. Pretty lethargic squash for the Horsemen.

LAST WEEK: Warlord takes on the Midnight Express by himself and is doing pretty well until Big Bubba nails him with a roll of quarters, and back at the studio, Jim Cornette does a promo on Dusty Rhodes and how he picked the wrong bodyguard to mess with.

Magnum TA joins us, and by god he’s impressed with how tough Baby Doll actually is.

GREAT AMERICAN BASH UPDATE!

Let us take you to footage of Baby Doll chasing Jim Cornette around the ring and then slugging him to knock him out. And then we get another Magnum promo, and he’s not moping around despite being down 3-0. And the thought of Koloff as US champion makes him WANNA PUKE RIGHT HERE ON TV. Vince might be interested in a character based on him if he did that.

Tully Blanchard v. Mark Fleming

Tully controls with a hammerlock on the mat and goes to a chinlock, but Fleming makes a comeback and dropkicks Tully to the floor. Back in, Tully works another chinlock and slugs him down, and then finishes with the slingshot suplex and a taped fist punch at 4:47, mimicking Ronnie Garvin’s Hands of Stone pose while making the pin. What a dick.

The Rock N Roll Express v. Gene Ligon & Vernon Deaton

Ligon gets double-teamed and quickly gives way for Deaton, who gets pinned with the double dropkick at 1:05. Deaton took a spectacular bump off that, seemingly levitating into the air off it.

Ric Flair joins us, and he’s still the World champion and looking like only he can.

Ronnie Garvin v. Randy Mulkey

Garvin quickly headbutts him down and bounces him off the mat with a pair of slams. Mulkey gets a leap frog and then makes the mistake of pointing to head to indicate intelligence, at which point Ron punches his lights out at 1:00. Garvin had some hilarious finishes in his squashes.

Dusty Rhodes joins Tony, and he might not have the best body, but his heart is bigger than Flair’s. Well at least we know that’s not caused by steroids.

Jimmy Garvin v. George South

Jimmy takes South down with an armdrag while Cornette continues the running gag of claiming that he had to step away when the babyfaces are doing their promos, although Tony points out that next week Dusty has promised to be interviewed by by Cornette. Garvin drops South on the top rope and puts the boots to him, and a gut wrench gets two. Garvin slugs him down again and finishes with the brainbuster at 2:22. He didn’t even take off his sparkly pants this time!

Manny Fernandez & Jimmy Valiant join us to discuss bald headed geeks and who will be bald and geeky, and the answer in this case is going to be Paul Jones. Manny trying desperately not to crack while Jimmy does his unhinged promo is tremendous.

The Andersons join Cornette and Arn explains that the Horsemen are one unit who are there to protect Flair’s title, and the Rock N Roll Express are two individuals, even if they are a great team. Setting up something farther down the line there.

Dusty Rhodes & Magnum TA v. Mike Simiani & Bill Mulkey

Mulkey goes after TA in the corner and immediately gets backdropped. Cornette: “Look at the big fat head on Baby Doll, she’s blocking the whole screen!” Dream drops the elbow and pins Mulkey at 0:50.

Gorgeous Jimmy Garvin joins us, pointing out that “Magnum PI” and his friend Shamu the Whale are out here crying and whining about whatever and he wanted to run out and teach them a lesson, but Precious held him back and had him tied up. America’s Team really dodged a bullet there.

Shaska Whatley & Teijho Khan & The Barbarian v. Todd Champion, Rocky King & Rocky Kernodle

Powerslam from T-Joe finishes Rocky at 0:30.

The Midnight Express joins Cornette to end the show, as Jim invites Condrey to tell the fans everything about himself that everyone wanted to know but was afraid to ask. But then he clarifies that it’s none of our business and we don’t have time for it anyway because he needs to rant about Baby Doll for a while. And he clarifies that the quarters last week were from the fans throwing quarters into the ring to finance a can of gasoline so that Warlord could burn his tights and boots in the ring and never come back to professional wrestling again because he’s so terrible. HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. Savage!

And another Bash-o-Riffic episode wraps up.

Well, we didn’t get the Mama Cornette appearance promised by Cornette last week, sadly, so we’ll continue to never know what she looks like.