The SmarK Rant for NWA Worldwide – 02.22.86

The SmarK Rant for NWA Worldwide – 02.22.86

Originally written 03.12.86

Taped somewhere around 02.18.86 in NC, not sure which show to be honest.

Your hosts are Tony Schiavone & David Crockett

We get a montage of Nikita destroying geeks before the credits, including last week’s INCREDIBLE double Jeffers destruction. ALL FOR YOU, MAGNUM TA! Man he seems angry. If I was TA I’d just give him what he wants. Appeasement generally works wonders in diplomacy.

Also tonight it’s the debut of a new team no one has ever heard of before, called THE RISKY BUSINESS BOYS, and they’ll face the Horsemen in the main event.

Paul Jones and the Baron join us to start, and no one needs to wonder where he’s getting the $10,000 for the Ballbearing’s challenge to Ron Bass, trust me bro, he’s good for it. He’ll sell some crypto or whatever, don’t worry about it.

Magnum TA v. Mike Simiani

Backdrop and dropkick sets up the belly to belly to finish at 0:20.

Dusty Rhodes and Baby Doll join us and he’s tired of all the ballyhoo going around with the Horsemen. Amazingly, Dusty wants to talk about SOMEONE ELSE?!? Yes, he’s concerned about the Rock n Roll Express losing the tag team titles, and so he’s lending them his personal manager cage to hang Jim Cornette over the ring for the rematch. Ah, I knew he’d tie it back to himself.

Ivan Koloff v. Denny Brown

Nikita, as promised, is no longer wrestling on TV at all until Magnum gives him, how you say, US title match, so he’s just hanging out at ringside in his street clothes. Denny works the arm, but Ivan tosses him to the floor. Back in, Denny ducks the sickle, but Ivan hits him with a stungun to finish at 2:20. Last week they had Denny going toe-to-toe with Arn Anderson in the main event and this week he’s suddenly just doing a 2 minute job to a midcarder. And he’s still the World Junior champion!

The Russians join David, and they’re wondering where these Road Warriors have vanished to, perhaps because they’re afraid of a double chain match. Also, a reminder, Magnum TA is a coward who fears Nikita Koloff because he refuses to accept the challenge of the Kremlin and sign the contract. Nikita rants in “Russian” and then transitions to English to threaten Magnum again. Koloff was an underrated promo guy in the sense that he had a whole character arc of going from zero English to being fluent by 1992. Most people wouldn’t build in that detail.

Jimmy Valiant v. Tony Zane

You know it goes. Elbow and elbow at 0:10.

Tully Blanchard & JJ Dillon join us next, and JJ is amazed by Dusty playing Santa Claus and giving out shark cages like it’s Christmas. Not sure what Dusty Rhodes and Santa Claus would have in common. Anyway, JJ has heard a rumor that Dusty is preparing to pass the National title to Tully, but he doesn’t want it that way and they’re coming to take it. THREE WEEKS LEFT. TICK TOCK, DUSTY.

Ric Flair joins us for a historic interview with David Crockett, because this is where he opens up the robe for the first time to reveal the BIG GOLD BELT. Actually it debuted at Battle of the Belts II, another show I want to review, but this was the debut that meant something. Flair talks about the women who love him, and he thinks Baby Doll has some nerve to call herself a good looking woman.

Gorgeous Jimmy Garvin and Precious also debut here, as Tony interviews them in the ring and Garvin immediately looks like a giant star. Garvin reveals the bombshell truth: Magnum TA was a male dancer in San Francisco andhe’s the only one with the guts to speak about it. Also he can’t find anyone to wrestle him. This brings out Tully and JJ for some hugs, and Garvin instrusts the fans to extinguish their cigarettes because it ruins his hair’s natural smell, and also stop chanting for “Rusty” or whatever his name is.

Tully Blanchard v. David Dillinger

Tully takes him down and drops an elbow, and then finishes with the slingshot suplex at 0:25.

The Rock n Roll Express join us, and they’ve got Dusty’s special shark cage for Cornette. Was Dusty using that cage to catch his weekly allotment of chum? Ricky notes that Rock N Roll is here to stay, and then walks away. I’m getting mixed signals here.

The Midnight Express v. Italian Stallion & Rocky King

Stallion takes Bobby down with armdrags and King comes in with some shots on Dennis, but that flurry of offense ends quickly. Bobby puts him down with a back elbow and goes up with a flying elbow, but Cornette tells him to pick the guy up. Tommy Young: “DON’T TELL HIM THAT!” Dennis with a brainbuster to finish at 2:30.

Rock N Roll Express v. George South & Gene Ligon

Ligon takes a double elbow and the double dropkick finishes at 0:35.

Magnum TA joins David and now he needs a new belt to keep up with Flair, I bet. TA defends the title alone, and fights alone, unless he’s a tag team match with Dusty or getting help from Ron Garvin. But other than that.

Arn Anderson & Ric Flair v. The Risky Business Boys

In this case, it’s Dusty Rhodes and Ron Garvin. They’re using what sounds like a live version of “Old Time Rock N Roll” as their theme. Oh god now I’m picturing Dusty sliding across the floor in his tightie whities…

Excuse me….

*BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEARGH!*

Oh god, think calming thoughts. Ian Riccaboni rapping. Fish & Chips archives.

OK I’m better now.

They didn’t even bother with masks! Garvin pulverises Flair with chops and chases him to the floor, and then Dusty runs wild with elbows on the heels. Back to Garvin and Flair tries winning a chop battle with him, and that goes about as badly as you’d imagine. Dusty drags him out and posts the knee, but Arn hits Garvin with a knee from the apron and the Horsemen take over. For literally a minute, then Dusty gets the hot tag and destroys everyone himself. Figure-four on Flair, but Arn saves, so Garvin comes in while the ref escorts him out, knocks Flair out with the HANDS OF STONE, and Dusty pins Flair at 6:15. That’s 1-0 for the Risky Business Boys I guess. Man Flair got a brand new belt and he’s already doing jobs! BURIED. He’s cooked, as the kids say. Why can’t they just let him cook? And then Dusty and Garvin have a big celebration like they just won the tag team titles, which at least makes it seem like a big deal.

Hot crowd and a hot show this week. More big debuts soon to come as well!