The SmarK Rant for NWA-TNA PPV #11 – 08.28.02

The SmarK Rant for NWA-TNA PPV #11 – 08.28.02

Originally written 09.26.25

Back to these again because I’m wacky that way. It’s only been, what, five years since the last one? Anyway, things were really, really bad for the promotion at this point, with the Jarretts desperately cutting expenses and doing double tapings to save money while they waited for PPV payoffs that never came.

Taped from Nashville, TN

Your hosts are Mike Tenay & Don West

Meanwhile, Brian Lawler is about to reveal the BIG SECRET of what Jeff Jarrett did to him, but JJ attacks before he can spill it. Well darn.

Kid Kash v. The Amazing Red

They trade hammerlocks on the mat to start and Red flips out of that, leading to a stalemate. They trade armdrag takedowns and battle to another stalemate. Red sends him to the floor and follows with a dive, nearly overshooting and landing on the desk, so Kash chucks a chair at his face and then back in with a flying clothesline for two. Kash with a Boston crab and this version of the show edits out a break and we return with Red making a comeback with a spinkick for two. Kash with a flying clothesline for two. Kash with a powerbomb, but Red dropkicks him into the corner for two. Red goes up and Kash follows him up and brings him down with a press slam from the top rope in an amazing spot that probably couldn’t have been pulled off with anyone but Red taking the bump. That gets two. They slug it out and Red misses a charge, allowing Kash to hit a legdrop for two. Kash springboards up to the top rope and hits him with a crossbody for two. Kash misses a charge and Red goes up, but Kash brings him down with a Muscle Buster for the pin at 9:25. But Kash goes after Red afterwards, and the SATs hit the ring and destroy Kash before hitting him with the Spanish Fly. Red was a tad green and a total spot monkey, to say the least, but Kash is a high level worker who held it together and pulled a hell of a match out of him. ***

Meanwhile, Sonny Siaki threatens to slap Goldylocks around for being a wiseass, and declares himself bigger than life itself.

Sonny Siaki v. Monty Brown

Monty does an impassioned promo about Jeff Jarrett while some guy behind him holds up a sign that says “I Have a Penis”, and that kind of sums up the promotion at this point. They fight to the floor and Brown misses a charge and hits the railing, allowing Sonny to throw chops, but Brown fights back and they slug it out. Back in the ring, Monty gets two. Sideslam gets two. Some guy at ringside has a sign for Athena. Dude, she’s like 14 years old at that point! And she wasn’t even a wrestler yet! That’s a Chris Hansen situation waiting to happen. Brown with a suplex for two and he slugs Siaki down as Monty could be carried at this point but Siaki was not the guy to do it. Brown with a chinlock, but Siaki fights out and they collide for a double down. Siaki comes back, but Brown hits him with another suplex for another double down. Brown tries for the Alpha Bomb, but JJ comes out to ringside to distract him, and Siaki goes low and rolls him up for the pin at 10:00. * And then Brown completely no-sells the loss and brawls with Jarrett, rendering the whole thing pointless.

Meanwhile, Slash introduces his new friend, Kobain, who is doing a bad Raven imitation. This promotion so bush league.

The Backseat Boys v. Slash & Kobain v. The Hot Shots v. Chris Harris & James Storm

Kobain is a repackaged Flash Flanagan from OVW. Cassidy O’Reilly slugs it out with Cashmere, but then tags in Trent Acid, meaning the Backseat Boys have to wrestle each other due to the weird four corners rules. Also at the time I remember reading about Trent Acid online from his CZW stuff and I thought it sounded like a badass wrestling name and then I finally got to see him and it’s like “Oh, it’s a Hardy Boyz ripoff gimmick, yay”. Everyone suddenly starts brawling and the Backseats double-team Cassidy and then everyone pops up and does dives and they brawl on the floor to set up more dives. Chase Stevens tries a shooting star dive and can’t get enough rotation to get all the way around, but thankfully the pile catches him and prevents him from dying. And then Chase is like “Yah! Come on!” expecting a huge reaction from the crowd. OK buddy. Back in the ring, more tomfoolery and Slash finishes Cashmere with Slash & Burn at 4:20 to eliminate the Backseat Boys. Kobain with a flying knee on Chase for two. Chris Harris comes in for the first time and slugs away on Stevens, but he walks into a leg lariat and the Hot Shots double-team him with a dropkick for two. Cassidy with a Michinoku Driver, but he misses a Lionsault and Harris comes back with a clothesline. Back to Kobain, who dresses like a slightly nicer Brooklyn Brawler but he’s supposed to be playing a grunge slacker. But then he tags out to Storm and Storm hits Cassidy with a DDT for the pin at 8:00 to eliminate the Hot Shots. Slash hits Storm with a helicopter slam for two and then tosses Storm to set up a dive from Kobain. Back in the ring, the heels work Storm over while Brian Lee & Don Harris join us at ringside to complain about not being in the match. Chris Harris gets the hot tag and bulldogs Kobain for two. Storm superkicks Slash for two, but Slash blocks Storm’s DDT and hits him with a cutter for two. Harris with a spinning uranage to finish Slash at 12:52. This prompts Lee & Harris to attack, and then the Backseat Boys and Hot Shots all hit the ring and they brawl to set up the tag team title battle royal on September 18. This match was sloppy as FUCK and dragged a lot. **.

Meanwhile, more from Jeff Jarrett, as he threatens Bob Armstrong and whatever surprises and mystery children he has running around the show.

Miss TNA Crown: Bruce v. April Hunter

Hunter, a fitness model trying to break into wrestling, hits Bruce with an armdrag and sends him to the floor, but Bruce lays her out and suplexes her while this version of the show bleeps the crowd and their homophobic chants. Bruce with a couple of hairtosses and he springboards into a sunset flip for two, and then slams her by the hair again. Bruce with a powerbomb for the pin at 3:00. “That’s a position he doesn’t seem to find himself in very often, and he didn’t seem to care for it!” notes Tenay. This show is so embarrassing to watch. Allan Funk is a good enough worker to get something watchable out of Hunter at least, and I would classify this as “Way better than you’d think” **

Meanwhile, the Flying Elvises have trouble getting Jimmy Yang’s slang correct, and Sonny notes that saying prayers and taking vitamins gives you premature hair loss. HILARIOUS! SEE, HE’S MAKING FUN OF HULK HOGAN!

The SAT v. Jimmy Yang & Jorge Estrada

Jorge trades cradles with Joel and they battle to a stalemate, but the Elvii send the Maximos to the floor and follow with double moonsaults. Back in the ring, Estrada drops an elbow on Joel for two, but Joel goes up with a missile dropkick and it’s over to Jose. He gets a standing moonsault for two, but Jose goes up and Estrada takes him down with a neckbreaker for two. Over to Yang, who hits a legdrop for two. Yang with a neckbreaker for two. Estrada slugs away on the mat and that gets two. Yang with a facelock on Jose while Tenay keeps talking about how the SAT took a 17 hour Greyhound bus, both ways, from New York to Nashville for their tryout. But now they take PLANES! Yeah that just makes them sound like a pair of yokels, to be honest. Estrada goes up and Jose kicks him down, but Estrade takes him off the top with a neckbreaker. This apparently the “All Shook Up” because the writers are the laziest people possible. Joel finally gets a hot tag and the SAT double-teams Estrada and it’s BREAKING LOOSE IN TULSA. Estrada DDTs Joel and moonsaults him for two. Jose with a german suplex on Estrada for two. Yang with a flying leg attack in the corner, but now Siaki runs in and breaks up the Spanish Fly, setting up Yang Time on Joel. But then Joel totally no-sells it and goes up, only for Yang to bring him down with a slam for the pin at 14:20. This took forever to go anywhere. *1/2

Brian Lawler joins us for a talk with Goldylocks and complains about her showing cleavage and looking like a “two dollar whore”. Like Jerry Jarrett could afford whores that classy at this point. He’s trying to save money! So Lawler sends her packing and bitches about the fans. I thought he was supposed to be a babyface but I guess not. So he continues his coked up promo and tells JJ to get in the ring so he can reveal the big secret. But then Ron Killings interrupts and the announcers are like “He wasn’t even supposed to be here this week! He had a concussion!” Except they’ve literally been advertising Killings v. Lawler as an NWA World title match for the entire show. So Truth leaves and Lawler says the beef with Jarrett has “something to do with his girlfriend” and then points out that she’s sitting at ringside. “She’s hot!” yells some guy in response. But then he takes her out of the front row and brings her to the back. “What was THAT all about?” asks Mike Tenay, echoing the thoughts of anyone watching this nonsensical show. Also I guess there’s no NWA title match after all.

Last week: Jeff Jarrett beats up the Bullet, but Bob Armstrong shocks us all by coming out at the same time. BUT IF HE’S…THEN WHO IS…OH MY HEAD! How could Bob Armstrong ever find someone who looks vaguely like him to put under the mask? What a conundrum!

Jeff Jarrett v. The Bullet

They immediately fight into the crowd and Jeff beats on him with a chair and bitches at Tenay about not getting an NWA World title shot yet. Into the ring, the Bullet makes a comeback and slugs him down before dropping a knee. Jarrett goes low and cuffs the Bullet to the ropes, but Bob Armstrong runs in and beats Jeff down before he can unmask anyone. The crowd already guessed the answer, by the way, catching on after the shaky leg kneedrop. So Jeff busts open 85 year old Bob with the chair, thus turning himself BABYFACE because this Bullet storyline is so stupid that even the Nashville crowd has turned on it. And security pulls them apart before Jeff can unmask the mysterious Bullet. The fact that this shit could be the low point of a show with Bruce v. April Hunter on it speaks volumes.

X Division title, triple ladder match: Low Ki v. AJ Styles v. Jerry Lynn

Remember when having THREE ladders at ringside for a ladder match was considered super extreme? Ki beats on Styles and hits him with a clothesline. Lynn slugs away on Ki and hits him with a tilt a whirl backbreaker before backdropping AJ and putting Ki into a bow and arrow. AJ breaks that up and puts the boots to Low-Ki, and then Lynn hits AJ with a delayed suplex, so delayed they should call it Jerry Jarrett’s PPV revenues, and Lynn puts AJ in a Liontamer off that. Low-Ki pounds on Lynn with kicks to break that up, hitting him pretty snug as the kids say. Ki sends AJ into the corner and follows with the koppo kick to put AJ on the floor. “Use the ladders!” requests the crowd in a pretty reasonable ask. They fight to the floor and FINALLY start using the ladders 7:00 into the match, as Lynn drops both guys onto a ladder and takes it into the ring before dropkicking it into AJ on the floor. Jerry makes the first climb, but Low-Ki kicks him off to save and then gets backdropped onto the ladder for his troubles. AJ tries a DDT off the ladder, but Lynn reverses him into a northern lights suplex into the ladder. Low-Ki takes Lynn into the ladder with a rana and everyone is down. AJ sets up the ladder and makes the climb, but Low-Kif follows him up and they both bump off there. Lynn makes the climb, but they shove him off and out of the ring. AJ with his springboard into the inverted DDT on Ki, but Lynn powerbombs Ki and everyone is out. All three ladders get setup, finally giving us triple ladders in this triple ladder match, and everyone fights on top. AJ takes a bump to the floor and Lynn brings Ki down with the piledriver off the ladder. But it was from about halfway down the ladder, not the top, and clearly really safe. And Lynn climbs up and climbs the belt at 20:00. I mean, for a TRIPLE LADDER MATCH, there wasn’t much in terms of actually using the ladders and they didn’t really do any of the ladder match psychology and mostly had the normal match you’d expect with some bumps into the ladder here and there. Kind of a letdown. ***1/4

So yeah, I dunno if that was one of the WORST of the early TNA PPVs, but it was certainly one of the most depressing, with a small crowd leftover for the “bonus” taping and a lot of sad matches and bad wrestling.

Next time: They go on hiatus for three weeks in order to save money, with a “Best of X” on Sep 4 and then no show on Sep 11, returning on Sep 18 to hopefully get their shit together.