The SmarK Rant for Lucha Underground S01E37 – “Pen-Ultima Lucha”

The SmarK Rant for Lucha Underground – S01E37

“Pen-Ultima Lucha”

Taped from the Aztec Temple

Your hosts are Matt Striker & Vampiro

Meanwhile, Big Ryck meets up with Dario Cueto, because Dario is disappointed at the lack of performance from him so far.  “You’ve been blinded by money” he notes.  Rick:  “Blinded?”  Dario:  Sorry.  Poor choice of words.”  LOL.  So Dario offers Rick even more money to do some dirty work for him tonight, and now they’re seeing EYE TO EYE.  Ho ho, eyepatch humor.  I love that this show is so deeply unserious about itself while putting on the façade of a big melodrama.

Johnny Mundo v. Texano

Mundo hides in the ropes and catches Texano with a cheapshot in the corner, and then ties him up and hits him in the knee.  Texano with a dropkick and he rolls into a head kick for two.  Mudno fights back and Teaano superkicks him, but Johnny trips him up and hits a draping neckbreaker off the apron.  Texano fights to the apron and Mundo sends him flying into the railing, and back in the ring for a PK that gets two. Mundo with a chinlock and he beats on Johnny with chops and monkey flips him out of the corner for two. Texano with a leg lariat for two, but he misses a charge and Johnny elevates him onto the top rope via the crotch and that gets two.  Johnny reverses a powerbomb into a legsweep, but he misses the moonsault and Texano puts him down with an enzuigiri.  And of course, Cisco and Cortez run in and attack Texano for the DQ at 6:00 because you know neither one of these guys is doing a job before Ultima Lucha.  Good all action match before that, though.  ***.   Alberto quickly makes the save for Texano and him as a babyface is so icky.

Meanwhile, Hernandez meets up with Dario, and gets booked against Drago at Ultima Lucha.  And since the fans hate Hernandez so much, he’s putting fans all around the ring and giving them leather straps that they can whip both guys with.  Hernandez promises to murder anyone who tries to whip him, and Dario is INTO IT.  He just loves violence, you guys.

The Mack v. Brian Cage

Cage hits Willie with a backbreaker and whips him into the corner for a lariat, but Mack gets a fluke sunset flip for the pin at 0:52.  Cage of course doesn’t deal with this loss very well and they get into a huge brawl afterwards, with Cage throwing around security geeks before heading up the stairs with Mack.  And of course, an impressed Dario Cueto comes out of his office and books them for ULTIMA LUCHA in a falls count anywhere match so that the show can kick off as violently as possible!  Also, he announces the Gift of the Gods title, which is comprised of the seven medallions, and it’s a Money in the Bank deal but you have to give Dario a week to promote the title match because he likes to make money.  So Dario brings out Jack Evans, Aerostar, Cuerno, Bengala, Sexy Star and Big Ryck, who have six of the seven medallions.  And they place the medallions on the belt with a little magnetic “click” for each one, leaving one space on the belt free.  Since Fenix had a medallion but he got killed by Mil Muertes, tonight we have a battle royal to replace his spot.  But that brings out Fenix, who has apparently recovered from being dead, so Dario sticks him in the battle royal to earn his medallion back.

Aztec Medallion Battle Royal: 

We’ve got Fenix and various midcarders here, and the final two have to fight and it’s pinfall or submission to win.  Famous B quickly dumps Argenis and Ricky Mandel.  But first he uses a Pedigree and Matt declares “It works every Monday night!”  Killshot dumps Daivari to the apron but not out, So Killshot goes up to the top like a moron, and SWERVE, gets pushed off and out of the match by Daivari.  Daivari throws Vinny Massaro out, and Mascarita Sagrada monkey-flips Superfly off the apron and out, but lands on the floor himself.  Famous B gets sent out by the other three, and we’re down the final two.

Fenix v. Marty the Moth

Marty beats on Fenix with elbows for two. Vamp:  “Anyone who has a pair of butterflies on his trunks is cool with me.”  Matt:  “Those are moths.”  Fenix tries a springboard and Marty catches and slams him, but Fenix bails to the floor and Marty teases a dive before sarcastically flapping his moth wings.  Back in the ring, Fenix makes a comeback and flips into a wristlock takedown before sending Marty to the floor and following with a dive.  Back in the ring, Marty tries a tilt a whirl slam, but Fenix reverses into a rollup and pins him to win the medallion (again) at 7:20.  *1/2.  And then Fenix puts the medallion into the belt as an angry Dario watches and presumably plots something violent.

Prince Puma, joins us in advance of Ultima Lucha, but before he can speak for the first time ever, Mil Muertes interrupts and the Disciples of Death hit the ring and attack. Puma fights them off alone, so Mil hits the ring and Puma lays him out as well and hits the 630 splash to end the show.

NEXT WEEK:  ULTIMA LUCHA PART ONE!

Definitely a “setting the table” episode before the big show, but it did a good job of hyping the PPV-level action starting next time as the season peaks.