The SmarK Rant for Coliseum Video presents WrestleFest ’94

The SmarK Rant for Coliseum Video presents WrestleFest 94

Originally written 11.30.25

I can’t believe that the Vault posted this one today and didn’t even advertise the ENTIRE REASON FOR THE TAPE. Ain’t nobody here for that Shawn-Razor match.

https://youtu.be/Y-PKTZ8cSG0?si=4SYPIo7sqZmsPw0r

And yeah I did this one before as a part of the original Coliseum rants but that was forever ago.

Hosted by Macho Man Randy Savage and his giant closet of outfits. FASHION TIPS, YEAH!

Randy Savage v. Rick Martel

We’ve got Gorilla and Stan Lane on commentary, one of my least favorite combinations. I like both guys but they both really need to come out of their shell and develop some self-confidence. This is a dark match from a WWF Superstars taping, and Macho has a “WWF Mania” themed jacket for whatever reason. Savage gets an armdrag and Martel is immediately claiming hair-pulling, and we get some stalling as Martel has a quick workout to mess with Macho. And indeed he attacks Savage on the way into the ring and does more hot-dogging, but Macho clotheslines him to the floor. Back in, Macho runs him into the corner and grabs a headlock, but Martel escapes that, so Macho backslides him for two and clotheslines him out of the ring again. Finally Martel tosses him over the top rope, and you don’t have to ask Macho twice to do that, and the Model takes over. Suplex back into the ring gets two. Martel runs him into the corner a few times and goes to a rear chinlock, but Savage comes back with a sunset flip for two while the crowd of kids goes crazy for him. Savage with a small package for two. Martel with a backbreaker, but Macho runs him to the floor with a high knee and follows with a double axehandle to the floor for two. Martel misses a blind charge and Macho slams him and goes up with the flying elbow to finish at 9:18. I just don’t understand Vince’s obsession with putting Savage out to pasture in 1994. He was a literal superhero to kids and the biggest babyface in the company, who would do charity work and would have served as an ambassador for years to come. He just wanted to do midcard matches where he made younger heels look great and they wouldn’t even let him do that. He could have been World champion again! And he didn’t even want to be! It still makes me so mad that he was treated that way. Vince forced him to go to WCW and then spent years burying him afterwards for doing it. Fuck Vince. Macho Man forever. ***1/4

Macho’s Fashion Tip: IRS needs to have his white shirt pressed and cleaned.

WWF World tag team title: 1-2-3 Kid & Marty Jannetty v. The Headshrinkers

Early in 1994 of course, since Air America only held the titles for a couple of weeks before dropping them back to the Quebecers. Also I know I’ve mentioned this before but I literally always forget this title reign was a thing that happened. Marty takes Samu down with a monkey flip, and then Samu tries his own and Marty stomps him to counter. Over to the Kid, but Fatu beats him down and powerslams him for two. Kid dropkicks him, however, and Fatu bails to the floor, so Kid hits him with a crazy somersault dive to the floor. Back in the ring, Marty goes after the arm and then superkicks Fatu for two after a failed faceplant, but then he turns around and walks into a clothesline for the 360 sell. That was an awesome sequence. Samu beats on Marty and they choke him out in the corner and put him down with a double headbutt. To the floor for some abuse out there, but Marty fights back and rams Samu into the stairs. So of course, he no-sells that and pops up with a superkick to put Marty down again. Back in the ring, Fatu with a series of backbreakers and it gets two. Marty fights up and Fatu just puts him right back down with a superkick and it’s a double down. Hot tag Kid and he takes Samu to the floor with a headscissors and PANDEMONIUM HAS BROKEN LOOSE. Marty dives onto Fatu on the floor while Kid kicks on Samu in the ring, and hits him with the moonsault press and a leg lariat to put him on the floor. So then Afa runs in and Kid kicks his ass until Afa catches him with the samoan drop and puts Samu on top for the pin at 10:19 and the titles?! THE TIMELINE IS BREAKING! Marty McFly’s picture is fading! No wait, another ref comes in and reverses the decision, so the champs retain in a lame finish instead. Super hot match as this tape RULES so far. ****

Men on a Mission join us and rap. Macho’s take on them: “Sometimes they even make sense.” Well I mean, not here…

Undertaker v. Adam Bomb

Macho’s assessment of Undertaker’s fashion sense: Black is good. Wouldn’t want to tell him otherwise. Bomb slugs away in the corner and they take it to the floor, where Bomb sends him into the post. Kind of surprised that Adam Bomb never got booked as one of Undertaker’s monsters of the month, actually. He could have done a feud where he, I dunno, irradiated the urn or whatever and made Undertaker’s parents come back at radioactive zombies. Back in the ring, Taker fights back and chokeslams him for the pin at 2:38. Well that’s about the best we can hope for. *

Macho’s Fashion tip: Jeff Jarrett dresses flashy, but it seems like he might be COPYING THE MACHO MAN, YEAH.

The Hart Brothers v. The Steiner Brothers

So here we go, the one and only meeting of these two teams before the Harts self-destructed and the Steiners left for good. Scott and Bret trade takedowns and Scott goes for the leg with a toehold and they reverse off that until Bret gets a rollup for two. Bret with an armbar and it’s over to Owen. Rick wants to do some mat wrestling with him and they take it to the mat until Rick catches him with a powerslam. He misses an elbow, but then absolutely smokes Owen with a backdrop driver for two. So Owen hits a german suplex for two. Scott comes in and Owen hits him with a leg lariat for two. Northern lights suplex gets two. Jackknife cradles gets two and Scott does a scary bridge out of it and into a butterfly suplex for two. These guys had to be loving it. Back to Bret again and Rick takes him down with a top wristlock, hanging on through a slam from Bret and then taunting Owen while he works on the arm. Bret hits him with a knee RIGHT IN THE BREAD BASKET and then misses an elbow, allowing Rick to go back to the arm. Rick turns into a pinning combo for two, but Bret escapes with a dropkick and hits Rick with a DDT before going to a sleeper. Rick runs him into the corner to break, but Bret goes right back to it and Rick falls into the ropes this time on the second arm drop. Bret of course has until the count of five, but he refuses to break and Scott has to explain math to him to make him let go.

Bret with a snap suplex on Rick, but he goes up and lands on Rick’s boot, allowing Rick to hit the flying bulldog for two. Rick runs him into the corner for the Bret Hart Bump and that gets two. Over to Scott for a tilt a whirl slam and that gets two. Bret misses a blind charge and hits the post, sending him to the floor, but Scott tries to suplex him back in the ring and Bret reverses and suplexes Scott to the floor in a move you don’t see every day. Back in the ring, Owen comes in with a flying headbutt to the back, and that gets two. Gut wrench suplex gets two. Owen with an abdominal stretch and Gorilla immediately declares that it’s not going to work, and then Scott flips out of it anyway. But Owen gets a belly to belly for two. Harts go to work on Scott in their corner and Bret gets the legsweep for two. And then Bret finally goes heel and hits Scott with the knee from the apron, which pops me EVERY SINGLE TIME he does it. Rick gets the tag and he takes out his frustration on Owen with a backbreaker for two. Rick with a form of the tombstone for two. Scott with a dragon suplex for two. Rick with the Steinerline for two. Rick with the rear chinlock and it’s over to Scott for the MOTHERFUCKING STEINER SCREWDRIVER. HOLY SHIT I always forget about that one. Bret has to save there and the Harts bails to the floor to make sure Owen is still alive after that, but he manages to slingshot Scott to the floor and buy some time. Back to Bret and he runs wild with a clothesline on Scott for two and a middle rope elbow for two. Rick breaks up the Sharpshooter, so Owen switches in and tries his own, and Rick has to break that up as well. So the Steiners set up the flying bulldog, but Bret trips up Rick and Owen cradles Scott for two. It’s BREAKING LOOSE IN TULSA and Bret fights Rick on the floor, but Scott dives onto them and then Owen dives onto everyone and they’re all counted out at 24:55. Shut it down, we’re not topping this one. The Steiners were pretty miserable by the end of their run but watching the joy in Scott’s face at having Owen to hurl around the ring with reckless suplexes was glorious, and they took as good as they gave. It was flirting with perfection but needed an actual finish. ****1/2.

WWF title: Yokozuna v. Mr. Perfect

This is an odd pairing to say the least. We’re actually all the way back in May of 1993 for this one, just after Yoko won the title for the first time. Yoko misses a charge and Perfect slugs away and dodges an elbowdrop before dropkicking him to the floor. Back in, Perfect throws chops after crotching Yoko on the middle rope, but he misses a dropkick and Yoko clobbers him to take over. Yoko with the VULCAN NERVE PINCH and he beats on Perfect in the corner, sending him to the floor with a shot to the turnbuckle. Back in the ring, Perfect goes flying out of the corner, but dodges a charge and makes the comeback with a flying clothesline off the middle rope. But then Fuji grabs the leg and Yoko squishes Perfect in the corner and goes up with the butt drop to finish at 7:38. Well, Perfect was flailing all over the ring to make Yoko look like a killer and he served that purpose. *1/2

Intercontinental title: Shawn Michaels v. Razor Ramon

This is none of the famous matches between them, but rather a dark match from Wrestling Challenge back in September 1993. Oddly enough, shortly before Shawn vacated the title and Razor ended up getting it. Razor sends Pudgy Shawn into the corner, but Shawn slugs away and tries a sunset flip out of the corner. Razor slugs out of that and clotheslines Shawn to the floor, and the impact of Shawn hitting the floor makes my subwoofer rumble. Obviously the drug test he failed wasn’t for Ozempic. He’s carrying a lot of weight is what I’m getting at. Shawn tries a dropkick and Razor catches him and catapults him to the floor for another bump, but then Shawn sends him to the floor to even it up and runs him into the post. Back in the ring, Shawn works the back and drops a knee on him for two. Shawn with a chinlock, but Razor powers out and chokeslams Shawn for a double down. Razor gets two off that and slugs Shawn down, before whipping him into the corner for a Flair Flip. Diesel decides that it’s time to escort Shawn back to the dressing room and call it a night. But of course the referee declares that he MUST return to the ring, so Shawn hauls his fat ass back in with a moonsault press for two. Razor with a sack of shit slam for the pin, but Shawn is in the ropes and a second referee comes out and the MATCH MUST CONTINUE. Again. Shawn superkicks him for two and slugs away as this match is already well past its expiration date and they probably should have just done the walkout finish. Razor’s Edge gets two and Diesel finally just pulls Shawn out for the DQ at 13:13. This was way overdone and lost any sense of momentum after the first fake finish. **1/4

The King’s Court with special guest Bret Hart. But first, Lawler does a whole set on Stu and Helen and how incredibly old they are. Apparently when Kane killed Abel, they were on the jury! Man that’s old. Also Bret was such an ugly baby that he had tinted windows on his incubator. Man that’s ugly. But then Bret comes out and punches him out and steals the crown and that’s it.

Bret Hart v. Diesel

Thankfully we wrap it up with Johnny Polo and Gorilla on commentary for this one. Big D beats on Bret in the corner to start and chokes him out, but he misses a running knee and hits the corner. Bret goes to work on the leg with a toehold while Gorilla and Johnny discuss the dangers of chewing gum during a match. Like getting it caught in your hair. Polo: “You got a crew cut and the crew never came back.” Bret with a spinning toehold while Polo claims to be the only wrestler in America to be undefeated. Then he segues to discussing the Funk Brothers while Bret wraps Diesel’s leg around the post, but Shawn apparently nails Bret from behind and the camera misses it. Polo: “Well you were too busy running your mouth before!” Gorilla: “Did you see it happen?” Polo: “No, I was too busy running my mouth too.” Back in the ring, Diesel with a slam for two. He goes to a bearhug while Polo relates his history of Greco-Roman wrestling experience: He once owned a Greek restaurant where Romans came by to eat. Diesel with a backbreaker for two. Bret gets a small package for two, but Diesel beats him down again. Bret slugs back and makes the comeback with the legsweep for two. Middle rope elbow sets up the Sharpshooter, but Diesel blocks that and Bret drops another elbow on him and goes back to the leg. Shawn gets involved again, but Diesel accidentally boots him off the apron, allowing Bret to get the Sharpshooter, at which point Owen Hart runs in and nails Bret, putting Diesel on top for the pin at 10:38. They had good chemistry later but this wasn’t it. **

Well that last couple of matches weren’t great but OH MAN was the rest of the this thing some bang for your buck. Steiners v. Harts was of course legendary and talked about to this day, and the Kid-Marty team was severly underrated. Even by me. This one is well worth checking out, one of the best they put out in the later years.