The SmarK Rant for AEW Dynamite – 04.08.26

The SmarK Rant for AEW Dynamite – 04.08.26

Live from Edmonton, AB. I had briefly thought about going to this show or Dynasty on Saturday, but airfare prices are NOT conducive to travel at the moment. But I’m there in spirit!

Your hosts are Excalibur, Tony Schiavone & Nigel McGuinness

Meanwhile, Will Ospreay and Jon Moxley are immediately brawling in the parking lot, and that goes badly for Will until the United Empire suddenly pulls up to even things up, including new IWGP champion Callum Newman, which is still kinda crazy. And then Henare chokeslams Wheeler Yuta on a car, denting a perfectly good hood with Wheeler’s head. And then the brawl heads into the ring, including Alex Windsor and Marina Shafir throwing down while Alex’s top hangs on for dear life. And finally UE chases off the Death Riders, but not before challenging them to a match TONIGHT IN THIS VERY RING. This was some tremendous chaos to kick off the show and they could probably pull off a Stadium Stampede deal at the next PPV.

Meanwhile, Don Callis announces that Kyle Fletcher is injured and has been forced to vacate the TNT title, and the title will be up for grabs at Dynasty in a Casino Gauntlet Match. Also he doesn’t care if people want to see Okada v. Takeshita because he’s not gonna deliver it.

Darby Allin, Jungle Jack Perry & Bandido v. Mark Davis, Konosuke Takeshita & Andrade

Aparently Aussie Open is just a cursed team and they can’t be within 10 feet of each other without one of them getting injured. Andrade immediately walks out on the match, so Darby cleans house and then calls him back out, which allows Takeshita to hit him with a rolling german suplex on the floor because Darby is kind of an idiot. Back in the ring, Takeshita puts the boots to Darby, and they brawl on the floor while Andrade takes a selfie with a planted MILF at ringside. I love that gimmick. We take a break and return with Bandido slugging away on Davis and hitting Takeshita with the press slam, but Takeshita gets the Blue Thunder Bomb for two. Darby hits Andrade with a dive on the floor, but Davis mugs Darby from behind and runs him into the railing, and then the heels alley oop him into the timekeeper’s pit in a crazy dangerous spot, which leaves Jack Perry alone in the ring. Davis with the lariat and Andrade tags himself in while Davis hits the piledriver. DM finishes at 11:37. Fun match, pretty anticlimactic ending. **3/4

Afterwards, the Callis Family attacks the babyfaces, but the Young Bucks make the save until Okada gets rid of them, and then Okada and Takeshita brawl and then the Rascalz hit the ring and end up standing tall after 8 million things happening in the same segment. This was just a lot of stuff and didn’t feel particularly focused.

Meanwhile, Doc Sampson gets promo time, and thinks Kenny Omega is fine for the PPV and MJF was just talking shit.

TBS title: Willow Nightingale v. Queen Aminata

Aminata quickly boots Willow and hits her with a neckbreaker for two, prompting Willow to bail and ponder this aggression. So Aminata attacks on the floor while Hikaru Shida hangs out watching in the crowd, but Willow tosses her into the railing. Back in the ring, Willow beats on her in the corner with clotheslines for two. Aminata with a PK for two and we take a break. Back with Willow hitting a missile dropkick and death valley driver for two. Queen bails to the floor and Willow hits her with a senton from the apron. But back in the ring, she misses a moonsault and Aminata gets two and gives us SHOCKED TWO COUNT FACE. Aminata to the top with a double stomp for two. They trade forearms and Willow hits her with a clothesline for a double down, but Willow gets the backslide for two. Aminata with an Air Raid Crash for two and more SHOCKED TWO COUNT FACE. But then Willow pounces her to the floor and back in for the powerbomb to finish at 11:08. This was pretty rough, with Aminata trying to go heel and no one really caring about it, and they took a while to get their shit together. It was fine by the end. **

Chris Jericho joins us to sign his new AEW contract right here in Edmonton! Hopefully it includes a clause that forces him to shave off his moustache. He discusses getting back in shape and having the occasional “stinker” sometimes (WHAT? PERISH THE THOUGHT!) but he loves AEW and pro wrestling in general. Man, the reaction is still not there. But before he can sign the contract, Ricochet interrupts to talk shit about Canada and put himself over. But Jericho is unimpressed with Ricochet’s baldness, and HE JUST MADE THE LIST. So it’s on for Dynasty.

Meanwhile, Don Callis makes the match that people are just drooling to see: Young Bucks v. Okada & Takeshita for Dynasty. And if they get along, Okada and Takeshita can fight each other at Double or Nothing and get it out of their system. I’m dismayed at how everyone is forgetting about the real message: Staying FLETCHERSTRONG.

Tommaso Ciampa v. Mascara Dorada

Winner gets #1 in the TNT gauntlet match. Ciampa makes sexy face at Goldy, which is sitting at ringside speaking to him, and then takes Dorada down and gets a rollup for two. Dorada gets his own, so Ciampa bails and gets some advice from his belt/manager/lover before heading back in the ring. Dorada with a wristlock springboard and a thrust kick to put Ciampa on the floor, but he misses a dive. Back in the ring for a slugfest and Dorada hits him with a headscissors out of the corner to put him on the floor, and we take a break. Back with Dorada coming off the top with an armdrag and they head to the floor, where Dorada hits a moonsault off the ringpost. Back in the ring, a 450 gets two. Dorada with a leg lariat, but Ciampa dropkicks him to block a handspring, and Project Ciampa gets two. Dorada with a wacky neckbreaker for two and he goes to the top, but lands on Ciampa’s boot. Ciampa rolls him up and follows with the knee strike, and that finishes at 11:00. Kind of a style clash. **1/2

Meanwhile, the Dogs wreak havoc and want the Trios titles. Don’t they need to win some matches first?

Meanwhile, Thekla challenges Jamie Hayter to a title match for Dynasty, which is weird because they seemed to be clearly leading to Brawling Birds challenging for the tag team titles.

Christian & Copeland join us to discuss the tag team title match on Sunday and Christian clarifies that in fact he banged both of FTR’s mothers, which brings out the champs for the brawl, complete with RPG Vice joining in for the beatdown. What happened to Ciampa as the third member of FTR? That sure went away in a hurry. Anyway Stokely steals Christian’s watch and then they Pillmanize his arm. Putting babyface heat on CHRISTIAN is certainly a choice.

CHAOS IN CANADA: The United Empire v. The Death Riders

They all brawl up the aisle and Claudio presses Ospreay at the entrance, while Alex Windsor returns and fights with Marina. Akira and Henare retrieve a ladder and do some damage with that before Akira dives off the top of the ladder and onto the Death Riders outside as we take a break. Back with more chaos and Claudio suplexes Henare through a table at ringside as we take a second break. Back with Moxley and Ospreay in the ring as Mox hits a piledriver, but the United Empire hits the ring and they all exchange strikes until Garcia gets the Dragon tamer and Claudio adds a curb stomp for two. Akira slugs it out with Moxley and gets clobbered by a lariat. Over to Newman, who hits Mox with a superkick and we get double cutters from Will and Callum, for two. Claudio hits Will with a Giant Swing, but he ends up on the floor and Henare spears him off the stairs and through a table. Garcia gets powerbombed on a table that doesn’t break, and then Akira hits him with a splash for good measure and he STILL can’t break that goddamn table. This leaves Moxley and Ospreay to slug it out in the ring, as Mox hits the DDT and then follows up with two more, but Newman makes the save, allowing Ospreay to put Moxley through a table with a hidden blade and pin him at 20:14. Well this certainly delivered all the chaos promised and clearly Will isn’t taking things easy coming off surgery. ****. Henare was the standout star out of all this, I’d say.

Kenny Omega joins Tony as this show is just going ridiculous overtime now, already 10 minutes into the overrun with no signs of slowing down. Kenny talks about how he’s sick of hearing MJF talking about diverticulitis and talking shit 24/7. And he kind of drags on a bit, before MJF interrupts and reminds everyone that Omega already lost to him once and the devil is winning on Sunday. So Omega wants a handshake of sportsmanship before the PPV, and Max goes for the cheapshot, so Kenny lays him out with the knee strike and steals the Dynamite diamond ring so that MJF can’t use it on Sunday. Which leads to me to ask: What exactly was the point of Bandido winning the ring last year? MJF is still is the one with the ring and they never mentioned it again after Bandido lost his title match.

Solid show this week but MAN we did not need it to be two and a half hours long. There was definitely some stuff that dragged and could have been cut out in the middle. But it did the job of setting up the PPV on Sunday, so that’s fine.

(Thursday morning update: I watched this show after being at a concert beforehand and I was REALLY tired by the end of Dynamite so the show was likely better than I was giving it credit for.)