The SmarK Rant for AEW Dynamite – 03.25.26

The SmarK Rant for AEW Dynamite – 03.25.26

Live from St. Paul, MN

Your hosts are Excalibur, Tony Schiavone & Taz

Kenny Omega v. Swerve Strickland

Hell of a way to open the show. Swerve immediately beats Kenny down off the lockup and puts him down with a clothesline and big boot. Kenny catches him with a rana to put him on the floor and follows with a dive and they brawl on the floor, leading to Kenny smashing into him on the railing. Back in the ring, Swerve ties him up in an abdominal stretch style submission hold, but Kenny starts a chop war and hits him with a clothesline out of the corner. Facecrusher gets two. Kenny with You Can’t Escape while the crowd is divided, and that gets two. They slug it out and Kenny wins that one and hits him with a V-Trigger in the corner, which sets up a One Winged Angel attempt on the top, from which Swerve escapes. Back to the top and Swerve brings him down with a top rope backdrop suplex for a double down as we take a break. Back with them slugging it out and Kenny fires off the snapdragons, but Swerve retreats to the apron and suckers him out there for a low blow to take over. Onto the railing and Swerve hits him with a piledriver on that in a crazy spot. Also I should point out that I have like 4 of the t-shirts being worn by the obviously hip and youthful white guys in the front row here. Back in the ring, Swerve gets an awesome suplex into powerbomb for two. Kenny cradles for two, but Swerve boots him down and follows with the Swerve Stomp for two. They trade shots and Swerve tries a powerbomb and turns it into a powerslam for two. Kenny is fired up and fights back with the knee strike on the ropes and V-Trigger to set up the Angel, but Swerve blocks that and reverses to a Vertebreaker, which Kenny escapes as well. Back to the Angel, but Swerve rakes the eyes this time and he gets the Vertebreaker on the second try, for two. Swerve Stomp misses and Kenny hits him with another knee, another V-Trigger, and the One Winged Angel to finish at 20:30 and send him to the World title match against MJF. Well this was a great goddamn opener, although not quite at the same level as their first match. ****1/2

Meanwhile, Will Ospreay calls out the Death Riders, and thanks them for giving him more time with his son while he was recovering from surgery, and challenges Jon Moxley for Dynasty.

Jon Moxley, Daniel Garcia & Marina Shafir v. Top Flight & Zayda Steel

Zayda hits Marina with a rana out of the corner, and it’s over to Darius, who takes Garcia down and works him over on the mat. But then Mox comes in and stomps him down in the corner, until Darius hits him with a dropkick. Top Flight double-teams Mox and sends him to the floor, and the babyfaces get triple dives as we take a break. Back with Dante getting worked over in the heel corner, but Dante fights back with a dropkick and hits Marina with an enzuigiri to set up the hot tag to Zayda. She gets a tornado DDT while launching off Garcia, and that gets two, but she tries a bodypress and Marina rolls through. They trade chops and Wheeler Yuta, who is so terrible that he uses AI to write love notes to his girlfriend, trips her up. Back to Top Flight as they double-team Garcia, but Yuta interferes again and takes out Christopher Daniels as well. He’s the worst. Garcia with the Dragon Tamer on Darius and Moxley adds a curb stomp, allowing Garcia to get the pin at 11:13. Zayda was really fired up and looked like she was having the time of her life on TV, but no one in their right mind thought Top Flight had any chance here. **1/2. Afterwards, Moxley accuses Ospreay of saying mean things to him and accepts the challenge for Dynasty. Although it doesn’t sound it’s a title match for whatever reason.

Meanwhile, the Young Bucks promise to regroup and regain the tag team titles in 2026.

Rocky Romero v. Speedball Mike Bailey

Rocky mocks the martial arts, so Bailey kicks him down and out to the floor. Back in, Rocky tosses him out, but Bailey skins the cat back in and hits him with the spinkick in the corner and finishes with the shooting star kneedrop to the back at 2:25. This gets *1/2 because Rocky was paying tribute to Hostess Cupcakes with his tights, but otherwise it was a complete squash.

Meanwhile, Hangman gets screwed out of ever getting another title shot again.

MJF joins us to gloat about knocking the Hangman out of contention and runs through his catchphrases, but Kenny Omega interrupts and issues the official challenge for Dynamite: God v. Devil. And MJF accepts and walks off. I was actually debating flying out to Vancouver for Dynasty because I’m on vacation that week, but then I checked flight prices and that’s a big fat NOPE.

Meanwhile, Cope and Christian have issues with FTR. Christian calls it despicable that they piledrove Beth Phoenix, but even worse, they piledrove HIM! Glad to see he’s still himself. Adam is gonna end their careers for good measure.

FTR joins us for an unadvertised interview segment, and they’re gonna drop Cope and Christian on their heads to retain the tag team titles, even though they used to live in Adam’s guest bedroom.

Orange Cassidy & Roderick Strong v. David Finlay & Clark Connors

Roddy has now fully embraced his Conglomeration status, although they’re not really hanging out together much now anyway. They double-team Clark with a death-defying Demolition elbow in the corner, drawing justified Holy Shit chants from the stunned crowd, and Orange hits the Dogs with a double rana. But Orange dives onto them and gets caught, allowing the Dogs to take over on the floor as we take a break. Back with Orange getting worked over in the heel corner, but Orange evades them and makes the hot tag to Strong. Roddy runs wild and hits Clark with a slam for two, but Connors powerslams him, so Strong uses Orange as a weapon and tosses him onto Connors for two. Finlay slugs it out with Strong and hauls Orange out of the ring to get rid of him, allowing the Dogs to double-team Strong. Orange breaks it up and hits Clark with the PK, but Finlay clips the knee and they finish Orange with a Rockerplex at 10:00. Hey, the Dogs finally get to win a match on TV! This was fine. **1/2

Meanwhile, Megan Bayne and Lena Kross tell off the former champions.Note to AEW: “Divine Dominion” is a stupid name and no one wants to call them that. Do better.

Meanwhile, Kyle Fletcher decides to mend fences with Takeshita and reform Proto-Shita.

AEW Women’s World title: Thekla v. Mina Shirakawa

Mina tosses Thekla into the corner and hits her with a draping DDT, and out to the floor for a suplex there. So apparently we’ve got multiple mystery storylines happening, dlike all the kids are into, with a mystery attacker of Toni Storm and also a mystery admirer of Mina. Maybe someone will end up in a box, who knows. Mina gets a DDT off the apron and we take a break. Back with Thekla in control with an armbar and some SMALL JOINT MANIPULATION, and Thekla puts the boots to her. Mina counters the spooky spider walk with a dropkick, and a missile dropkick gets two. Mina with a half-crab, but Thekla makes the ropes. They slug it out and Thekla gets the spear for a double down. Thekla is up first and finds brass knuckles in her gear, but Mina goes for a suplex, and Thekla knocks her out for the pin at 11:00. Another OK match with nothing much going on. **1/4

Meanwhile, Kenny Omega accuses MJF of skullduggery AND tomfoolery, but Mike Bailey asks for the first shot when Kenny wins the title.

Meanwhile, Ricochet complains about getting screwed out of the National title at Revolution and he’s coming after Kenny next.

NO COUNTOUT: Rush v. Darby Allin

Does AEW have so many countout finishes that we need this as a stipulation? I can’t even remember the last time there even was a countout finish. I’d say it’s silly that Darby comes back right away after that coffin match last week, but it’s 100% on brand for Darby to do exactly that. Rush immediately sends him to the floor and beats him down out there, but can’t run him into the stairs. So he takes Darby to the railing for a bigger running start, and Darby ends up taking a giant flipping bump off the stairs and into the railing like a madman. Back in the ring, Darby tries a dive to the floor and Rush moves out of the way to send Darby into the railing. This prompts a very loud FUCK ICE chant from the crowd, as apparently it’s very cold in Minnesota and Darby slipped on ice or something. We take a break and return with Darby busted open and Rush stomping him down in the corner, but Darby fights back until Rush headbutts him down. They fight to the apron and Darby successfully hits the dive this time, and goes up for a missile dropkick onto a seated Rush. Don’t worry, there will be no countout despite their extended time on the floor. The stipulation has seen to that. Back in the ring, that gets two for Darby. They trade chops until Darby gets the Code Red for two, but Rush suplexes him into the corner. Rush beats him down to set up the Bull’s Horns, but that misses and Darby jackknifes him for the pin at 11:35. Man they had really good chemistry together, probably because Rush is as crazy as Darby. ****. And then the Callis Family comes out and destroys Darby with a piledriver from Mark Davis, setting up Andrade as his next feud to end the show.

Well, the opener was GREAT and the main event was also great, but honestly it was a lot of nothing matches and talking in between, so your mileage may vary this week. But we’ve already got three matches for Dynasty and they all seem like they’re gonna rule, so that’s good progress regardless.