The SmarK Rant for AEW Dynamite – 01.28.26

The SmarK Rant for AEW Dynamite – 01.28.26

Live from Austin, TX

Your hosts are Excalibur, Taz & Tony Schiavone

Kenny Omega v. Rocky Romero

Poor Rocky gets the “in the ring to my left” treatment here, and Kenny immediately hits him with an elbow in the corner and tosses him to the floor for a dive. Back in the ring for a slingblade, but Rocky runs away from the V-Trigger and catches him with a kick RIGHT IN THE DIVERTICULITIS to take over. Sliced Bread gets two. Kenny escapes another one, but can’t hit the dragon suplex. But then Rocky stops to shimmy and Kenny knees his head off to make the comeback. V-Trigger follows, and the One Winged Angel finishes it at 3:45. A much needed squash for Kenny here. Afterwards, Tony reveals that we’re building up to a #1 contenders match in Australia on Valentine’s Day. Wait, is Valentine’s Day backwards down there as well, like how Christmas is in summer and Santa steals presents from all the kids? This brings out Hangman Page, famous member of Horse Cock, and he offers some advice on Kenny’s quest for the World title and how he looked past Samoa Joe and lost his own title. And the next champion isn’t going to be anyone but him, apparently. The crowd actually doesn’t like hearing that. So then this brings out Swerve, who doesn’t care who he needs to go through to get that title. Some guy: “BURN HIS HOUSE DOWN!” Dude, that’s Hangman’s gimmick. Swerve and Kenny have a moment, but Don Callis interrupts to ruin everyone’s night as usual. But Kenny gets annoyed and chases him back to the dressing room to end the segment.

Meanwhile, Harley and Willow agree to put their tag titles on the line against the Spooky Sisters as long as they agree not to interfere.

Eliminator match: Jon Moxley v. Ace Austin

Ace Austin is apparently the newest member of the Bang Bang Gang what with Juice injured again. Moxley just wallops him at the bell and slugs away in the corner, but Ace fires back with chops and they slug it out until Ace dropkicks him out of the ring as we take a break. Back with them fighting on the top rope and Moxley brings him down with a superplex, only for Austin to hit a lariat and legdrop. Austin with corner clotheslines, but Moxley clobbers him with a clothesline to counter his flippiness. They trade cradles for two and Austin hits a nice spinning back kick and rings his ears with a double stomp for two. They slug it out again and Austin rebounds out of the corner with a kick for two, but he walks into a cutter and the Death Rider finishes at 10:31. Austin looked good here but of course had no chance. ***. This brings out Takeshita, who wants a title shot, but it was just a setup for Davis & Doyle to lay out Moxley and be MEAN DUDES WHO ACT ALL MEAN. I approve.

TNT title: Mark Briscoe v. El Clon

They criss-cross to start and Clon hits him with an elbow for two, but Mark sends him to the floor and they brawl out there. Back in the ring, Clon does some gymnastic dodges of Briscoe’s chairshots and they head back outside again, where Briscoe hits him with a divin blockbuster off the apron. But Clon traps him in the apron and hits him with a running boot as we take a break. Back in the ring, Clon hits a standing moonsault for two, but Briscoe sends him to the floor again and hits him with a suicide dive to make the comeback. Back in the ring, Briscoe slugs away, but tries KUNG FU and gets kicked in the face. So they both wind up for a clothesline and collide for a double down. They slug it out and Briscoe hits him with a suplex and drops him with a fisherman’s buster and Froggy Bow for two. Jay Driller, but the Clon just absorbs it and pops up to his feet before hitting a Pele Kick and moonsault to the floor. That was incredible. Back in the ring for a double stomp off the top, and he follows with an enzuigiri. But then he gets cocky and tries Hologram’s Portal Bomb, allowing Briscoe to get a desperation rollup for the pin at 11:30. This was crazy and El Clon made himself a star. ***1/2. Afterwards, Briscoe issues another open challenge for Collision, and this time it’s Tommaso Ciampa answering! Might need to watch that episode.

Meanwhile, Kazuchika Okada and Kyle Fletcher talk out their differences, and Okada apologizes for stealing the screwdriver and they shake hands like men. I’m sure everything is fine now.

MJF joins us to insult Austin, but Brody King quickly interrupts. So MJF decides talking some shit is the best move, mocking Brody for following Malakai Black around like a puppy, and then following Buddy Matthews around (“how’s the ankle doing by the way?”) and now Bandido. Also Brody is a liberal who looks like a Nazi, which is a pretty funny line. So Brody is pretty chill about the whole thing, and announces that Tony Khan has given him an eliminator match next week, and if he wins, he gets a title shot at Australia.

Meanwhile, the Bucks are having a SUPERKICK PARTY and everyone is invited, starting next week.

AEW Women’s World title: Kris Statlander v. Thekla

Thekla offers a handshake and then slaps her and walks away, but Kris fights back and guillotines her in the ropes as fight to the floor. Stat with a delayed suplex, so delayed they should call it a Supreme Court ruling, and Kris catapults her into the stairs. Back in the ring, Thekla boots her off the apron to buy some time and then double stomps off the apron as we take a break. Back with Statlander making a comeback with running knees and a Falcon Arrow for two. Thekla necks her on the ropes and goes up with a dive that misses, and Statlander puts her down with a clothesline. Kris to the top and they slug it out on the top, as Thekla gets a spider suplex and then dives onto her outside. Back in, that only gets one. Thekla spears her for a double down and they slug it out off that, but Thekla spins into a headscissors submission. Double stomp gets two off that. Thekla with the spooky spider walk, but Statlander catches her with a superkick and Thekla cradles for two. Stat blocks a spear and powerbombs her, and Saturday Night Fever finishes at 11:15. ***3/4 I would have put the belt on Thekla given how hot she’s been lately, but Megan Bayne comes out for a staredown and obviously she’s the next target. That’s fine, she’s great too.

Meanwhile, Don Callis thinks that Takeshita also needs to forgive and forget like Okada and Fletcher did, but that’s not happening.

Meanwhile, Ricochet and his crew try to kidnap Jungle Jack, but he’s a fighter and won’t go down easy, so GOA powerbombs him through a table and leaves him for dead.

AEW World tag team title: FTR v. Davis & Doyle

Cash and Doyle trade manly shoulderblocks, and Doyle runs him into the corner and it’s over to Davis. Davis really needs to have his name put on his ass for tag team continuity. He’s got plenty of room back there. Dax comes in and trades chops with Mark, but Cash sends them to the floor. So D&D smash them together out there as we take a break. Back with Davis absorbing Dax’s shots and just growling at him in anger, and he follows with a lariat. Cash powerslams Doyle, and Doyle shrugs it off and smashes Cash in a flash to set up a splash. Doyle takes Dax to the top and Cash saves, but Davis waits him out and clotheslines Cash to the floor before going after Dax himself. That sets up the PowerPlex from FTR, but it only gets two. Dax wants the finisher, but Davis fights it off and puts Dax in a sleeper. So then Cash calls in the Death Riders and Mox hits Davis with the belt, setting up the Shatter Machine to retain at 9:38. That finish SUCKED and FTR continues to coast aimlessly as champions. And yeah, we all know why FTR are champions but that’s months away and I wish they’d just get there already. Rest of the match ruled, but it sounds like Doyle might have gotten hurt already and that’s why the match fell apart so completely around the PowerPlex. ***1/4.

Meanwhile, Orange Cassidy has had enough of stupid Wheeler Yuta and his stupid beard, but Toni Storm and Marina get involved to set up a mixed tag again.

Andrade v. Swerve Strickland

They battle to a stalemate to start and Swerve kicks him down, but Andrade is Tranquilo, so Swerve hits him with a rana out of the corner. They fight to the floor and we take a break. Back with Andrade hitting the double moonsault for two. They head to the apron and Swerve drops him with a death valley driver out there, and then Andrade backdrops him on top of the railing. God I wish they’d retire that spot for good. They both beat the count and slug it out with elbows, but Andrade hits a big boot and then nails him with an elbow on the way down for two. That was great. Swerve pops up with a House Call kick for two. They fight to the top and Andrade brings him down with a poison rana and the running knees in the corner for two. El Idolo gets two. Another try is countered by Swerve, but Andrade reverses the JML Driver for two. Swerve hits him with another House Call, but Andrade grabs the ref, hits a low blow, and finishes with the double underhook DDT to finish at 15:05 and advance to a match with Kenny Omega next week. Certified banger to end a great show. ****

And finally, Kenny Omega stops by MJF’s promo, so Max storms off in disgust, only to run into Andrade. And then he retreats to his douche-tastic car, where Hangman is also waiting for his title shot. I like that there’s all these guys with legit cases for a title shot and they all want the title because it’s special and important and the most important thing in the world. That’s good wrestling shit.

Last week was all about the buildup to this week’s show, and it delivered. El Clon was the breakout star of the show for me, but Andrade also showed he could still hang at a high level when he wants to, and this was real good stuff all around. Big thumbs up.