The SmarK Rant for AEW All In 2024 – 08.25.24

The SmarK Rant for AEW All In 2024 – 08.25.24

Live from London, England. To prep myself for British action, I actually watched A Touch of Cloth on Amazon Prime, a British police drama spoof by Charlie Brooker that may have been one of the funniest damn shows I’ve ever seen, like a BBC detective show via the Naked Gun. It’s awesome.

The layout of the stadium looks much more spaced out than last year, which is understandable, but it’s immediately lacking some atmosphere as compared to the first one. I actually really like the extra room around the ring, though.

Your hosts are Excalibur, Tony Schiavone & Nigel McGuinness

AEW Trios title: The Patriarchy v. The House of Black v. The Bang Bang Gang v. Pac & Claudio Castagnoli & Wheeler Yuta

And we skip entrances and get right to the big brawl on the floor as Christian and his family run away back to the dressing room, with Buddy bringing the ladder in first and they all take turns making the climb. Brody decides to go after the BBG with the ladder, but Colton dropkicks it back in his face and then everyone hits dives on the floor, with Pac finishing with the Sky Twister Press onto the pile outside. Back in the ring, the Gunns double-team Pac and get the tables, but Brody wallops them and hits another dive onto the pile outside. So with everyone down, Christian sprints from the back and climbs a tiny ladder, but that goes really badly for him as everyone beats on him outside. This allows Mother Wayne to make a climb for it, but she backs down when confronted about it and Killswitch chokeslams everyone. And then Nick Wayne appears from nowhere and puts Brody through a table with the cutter. So Killswitch makes the climb, but Christian calls him down and wants the glory himself, which results in everyone pushing him over. HOB triple-teams Juice in the corner, but the Gunns hit 310 to Yuma on Brody and then Claudio cleans house on the Gang and swings poor Juice. More dives from Pac & Yuta and Claudio makes another climb, but the Gunns break that up and retrieve more tables. Claudio and Brody make another climb while the Gunns cling to their backs to stop them, but that results in everyone going through the tables. Next up, Juice makes the climb and Malakai stops that, but Nick puts him through a table outside with a destroyer from the apron. So Juice finds the monster ladder, which is so tall that it bumps into the belts, but Christian pushes him over and then hits a Killswitch on Pac on a chair. Wheeler climbs and Christian uses hairspray to bring him down, but then Juice uses a chair to block the spray and gives it back to Mother Wayne before Killswitch makes the save and puts Juice through a table. Christian climbs the giant ladder again, but Buddy brings him down with a DDT through the table. But then Killswitch puts Christian on his shoulders and lifts him up, only for Pac to boot him off and claim the titles at 18:58 to get his Wembley moment. A fun and relatively safe opener with big spots and the surprise babyface win. ***1/2.

AEW Women’s World title: Toni Storm v. Mariah May

Despite the hometown advantage, Toni is the clear babyface with London. They slug it out to start and they both go for the finisher immediately, but Mariah dropkicks her into the corner. Mariah puts the boots to her while Mina Shirakawa watches on with poor Rachel Ellering left unnamed. They trade chops and Storm puts her down with a DDT, but she misses the hip attack and Mariah powerbombs her off the apron and gets a cheapshot on Luther for good measure. Back in the ring, May with a spinning sideslam and a rana out of the corner for two. Mariah with a guillotine and Toni escapes that and comes back with a Thesz Press, but Mariah cuts that off with a Saito suplex. Mariah with a knee strike off the apron and she stops to gift Nigel with a kiss and dropkicks Luther into the railing as well before slapping her own mother at ringside. So Toni gets all fired up and makes the comeback with Storm Zero on the stairs, busting her open. Back in the ring, Storm makes the comeback with hairtosses and a short powerbomb for two. Mariah goes up with a missile dropkick, however, and hits her own hip attacks in the corner, only for Toni to blast out of the corner with a lariat and make another comeback. German suplex and Toni hits the hip attack and Storm Zero for two. Mariah flips her off in defiance, so Toni slugs away and they trade kicks RIGHT IN THE LADY YAMBAGS for a double down. Mariah up first with MayDay for two. Mariah goes for the belt and Luther puts a stop to that, so Mariah goes for the shoe and Toni steals that but can’t use it. So Mariah rolls her up for two and hits the knee strikes, ten kisses her and hits the Storm Zero to win the Womens’ title at 15:21. The buildup of the match didn’t really deliver like it promised, but they had a GREAT match to blow it off and I’m glad they pulled the trigger on May. ****1/4.

FTW title: Chris Jericho v. Hook

As expected, Fozzy plays Jericho down and he sings his own entrance music. Taz joins us on commentary and he’s bringing the SALT. So the Learning Tree beats Hook down 3-on-1 to start and they triple-team him with corner clotheslines to put him down while the country continues going wild for Big Bill. Jericho with the codebreaker, but that only gets one. Hook fights back and clears the ring of goons and hits Jericho with the german suplex and t-bone, but Jericho cuts him off with a Lionsault for two. So Jericho finds pool cues and cricket balls for our wacky weapon of the week, but Hook finds a cricket bat and does some damage with that. However, Bryan Keith interferes again and allows Jericho to get the walls, leaving Hook unable to get a hold of his balls. He does reverse to his own version, but Big Bill breaks that up and the UK goes crazy for him again. “That’s because he resembles the clock” notes Taz. The goons retrieve some barbed wire and tables, and Jericho hauls Hook back in the ring and goes after the good eye to take over again. Jericho beats him down with a trashcan, but the Judas misses and Hook suplexes him again before revealing that he’s not actually blinded. Hook makes the comeback with the choke, but Big Bill breaks that up, only to take a pool cue shot and fall into his own barbed wire trap. Bryan Keith interferes again that gets two for Jericho. So Taz has finally had enough and chokes out Keith, while Hook chokes out Jericho and regains the FTW title at 10:20. This was a normal, nice, average hardcore match, nothing particularly special about it. **1/2

AEW World tag team title: The Young Bucks v. The Acclaimed v. FTR

The Bucks are drawing inspiration from a local Liverpool band that are fairly obscure so you probably haven’t heard of them. Luckily I am hip to the music of today’s youth and I get the reference. Big brawl to start and the babyfaces clear the ring, but the Bucks take over on Cash with a sliced bread and Matt drops a knee while some wankers in the crowd chant for CM Punk and immediately get yelled down. Matt also clarifies that they’re the reason why everyone in the crowd is there, so hopefully that puts them in their place. Cash goes for the tag and the Bucks take out Dax to prevent that, so Cash has to tag out to Bowens instead. Bowens with the fameasser and superkick on Nick for two, setting up a double Scissor Me Timbers on the Bucks to get rid of them. Over to Dax and he hits Caster with german suplexes and then FTR does double german suplexes on the Bucks for two. But then the Powerplex misses and everyone is down.

Dax is up first with a DDT on Matt, but Nick takes Cash off the top with a rana and then moonsaults the Acclaimed on the floor. This leaves FTR to hit the Shatter Machine on Matt, but Nick breaks up the count and runs wild. EVP Trigger is saved by Caster, so Matt invites him to join in, and then Max also helps out with a Shatter Machine that gets two. The Bucks go low on everyone and pump up the shoes for a SUPERKICK PARTY, but it only gets two on Bowens. So Matt grabs a belt, but Daddy Ass gives him a fameasser on the belt and Max drops the mic on him for two before Nick makes the save. Cash gets all fired up and dives onto the Acclaimed outside, and Dax rolls up Matt for two, before Nick hits him with the belt and Matt gets two off that. EVP Trigger on Dax finishes at 13:33 to retain. Not that much heat for this one and the finish was flat. ***. Afterwards, the Grizzled Young Vets hit the ring and tease an attack on the Bucks, but SWERVE, they go after FTR instead. Meh. Hopefully this Bucks reign goes somewhere soon because there was no reason to keep the belts on them here. Like they spent MONTHS building up to this three-way and going through the trouble of having the Acclaimed win an Eliminator match, which never happens, and then just booked the same finish of “Bucks hit the guy with a belt behind the idiot ref’s back and pin him.” For that amount of build, it was a huge disappointment.

Casino Battle Royale:

Orange Cassidy is #1 of course, repping MR. BEAN in his entrance video. And Kazuchika Okada is #2. Glad to see they were able to squeeze him in. Orange gets a hug right away, but Okada turns on him and beats him down. But Orange blocks the Rainmaker by putting his hand in his pocket and dropkicks him down. Orange rolls him up for two, but Okada flapjacks him as Nigel McGuinness is #3! Well that’s a surprise. He slugs it out with Okada and does some nice reversals and the handstand in the corner before chopping Okada down and a lariat on Orange for two. Kyle O’Reilly is #4 and he trades shots with Nigel and puts him down with a knee strike for two. Taz: “Does this mean I have to work Saturdays now?” Kyle works on Okada’s arm and Nigel breaks that up as they all slug it out and double-team Okada. Zack Sabre Jr. is #5, fresh off winning the G1 Climax, and he runs wild on the Conglomeration, but we get a showdown with Nigel as the crowd goes crazy. They trade cradles and Zack gets two, but Okada puts Zack down with a neckbreaker and drops the flying elbow on him. Okada does the middle finger pose, so Zack grabs the finger and takes him down as Roderick Strong is #6. He throws suplexes on everyone and then we immediately get Mark Briscoe at #7. He runs wild with REDNECK KUNG FU, but Kyle uses actual martial arts to take him down, so he dives onto Zack outside instead.

Hangman Page is #8 as shit gets real now, and he immediately shrugs off a dive from Orange and wrecks everyone. Fallaway slam for Orange and he dives onto Okada and then powerbombs Strong onto the apron in one motion. Back in the ring, deadeye on Orange gets two as Briscoe saves. JEFF JARRETT IS #9, hero to English people everywhere and giant babyface tonight. Now here’s the man who drew the crowd! He slugs everyone down and stops to strut before slugging away on Page in the corner, but Hangman powerbombs him onto the pile outside. And then RICOCHET debuts at #10 and he’s just flipping all over the damn place. He clears the ring and hits the pile with a shooting star press to the floor. But then Christian Cage is #11, hedging his bets with a second title shot tonight. So Ricochet hits him with a crossbody on the way down, but Hangman gets the buckshot on Ricochet for two, with Okada calmly kicking him in the head to break it up. So Hangman takes him down and sets up for the buckshot, but Jarrett blasts him with the guitar. And then Okada gets the Rainmaker, but everyone trades rollups and Orange knocks Zack out of the ring with the Orange Punch. Strong with End of Heartache on Orange, and Kyle teams up with Briscoe on Nigel, but he manages to hit them with the Tower of London and gets two on Kyle. Nigel with the lariat on Kyle and Christian spears him, but Luchasaurus is #12, apparently back on his own again, but then he helps out Christian and chokeslams Kyle before putting Christian on top to win the title shot at 26:08. I certainly would not have called that result in a million years. Match was awesome as this gauntlet deal continues to rule but the finish sucked the life out of the crowd. ****1/2. Not sure how many times we can use Christian as a stopgap challenger for the World title but I guess we get one more.

AEW American title: MJF v. Will Ospreay

Ospreay has a full on breakdancing ninja entrance, complete with tie-in video for Assassin’s Creed. Of course they don’t make that clear until AFTER the video so it was kind of a “what the hell was THAT?” moment watching live. Also very disappointed that we didn’t source “Real American” for MJF, as he just uses his regular music. Max’s giant US flag gets some GIANT heel heat, as apparently the British are still touchy about that whole American Revolution thing. They run in with the slugfest to start, but MJF goes to the eyes and Will tosses him and follows with a dive. Max tries to trip him, but Will regroups and hits him with the SPACE FLYING TIGER DROP. Back in, MJF tries to sacrifice the ref and hits Ospreay with a cheapshot before taking him to the floor for a brawl out there. Max with a running boot on the railing and he backdrops Will out there, and back in for one. Max with a chinlock while the crew tries to deal with the runaway streamers, and they trade cradles for two. Max with a powerbomb on the knee for two. Max yanks the hair to break up a cutter and then unleashes the KANGAROO KICK to send Ospreay to the apron, but Will comes back in with a springboard elbow.

MJF counters Will’s flips with an eyepoke, but Will hits him with an enzuigiri and handspring kick for two. Standing sky twister gets two, so Max bails to the floor and Ospreay follows another Tiger Drop, which Max catches and turns into a tombstone on the floor. Max clarifies that flipping isn’t special because anyone can do it, so he tries one and misses, and Will catches him with a Spanish Fly out there. Back in, Ospreay with a shooting star to guillotine MJF on the ropes, which gets two. Ospreay with the Stormbreaker, but Max reverses it to a Crossroads for two. Brainbuster is reversed into a stunner and the Ozcutter gets two. Will pops up with a top rope Ozcutter and that gets two, with MJF in the ropes to save himself. They trade reversals and Max snaps off a piledriver for two. Ospreay cradles for two, but MJF slugs him down, and then Ospreay reverses a lariat into a Stormbreaker for two. Will loads up the Hidden Blade, so Max bails to escape and then dodges an Ozcutter on the apron, THE HARDEST PART OF THE RING. All their crazy moves and THAT looked like the most painful thing of the match so far.

And then Max follows with the Panama Sunrise on the apron and demands the countout. And Ospreay of course barely beats the count, so Max demands a much faster count next time. Max sets up his own Hidden Blade and Ospreay is down and selling, so he tries the Heatseeker instead and Ospreay reverses to an Ozcutter on the apron. So Max bails to the floor and I was hoping that the ref would count super fast to pay off the countout gag earlier, but instead Ospreay accidentally takes out a cameraman, which probably won’t help his self-doubt. So MJF grabs the American title, but Will blocks it with a superkick, so Max hits him with the title and gets two. Brainbuster gets two. Max tries another Hidden Blade, but that results in the ref getting wiped out. So then MJF teases a Tiger Driver, but Will escapes it and sets up his own, with Max kicking and screaming like a toddler, so Max goes low instead. Next up, Max loads up the knuckles, but Daniel Garcia returns from the dead to stop him, which upsets Max greatly. Ospreay with the Hidden Blade to wipe out MJF, and it’s Tiger Driver time, which wins the title back at 25:55 and pays off the whole deal. And then Will turns down the American title, and instead Christopher Daniels presents him with the International title to tie up the loose ends. Another perfect match between them, although the theft of the Dynamite Diamond Ring was apparently a dangling plot thread to be tied up later. *****

TBS title: Mercedes Mone v. Dr. Britt Baker DMD

Mercedes gets the full royal entrance treatment. Kamille gets involved right away and Mercedes gets a dropkick, but Britt rolls into the Lockjaw early and Mone has to make the ropes. Britt takes her down and tries another Lockjaw, but Mercedes rolls out of that and slugs away in the corner. Britt tries a Panama Sunrise, which she apparently got in the breakup, but Mercedes hits her with a backbreaker on the top turnbuckle and that gets two. To the floor for some abuse from Kamille, and back in for two off that. These ladies are in a really bad spot having to follow that last match with no cooldown. They probably should have done an interview or promo or something there. Mercedes with a backbreaker for two. Another backbreaker gets two. Britt tries the neckbreaker and her back gives out, so Mercedes comes back with the rolling suplexes for two. Mercedes continues on the back with a kneedrop, but she goes up and they slug it out until Mone just slams her off the middle rope. Britt tries a curb stomp and Mone counters to a powerbomb for two, but Britt gets a cutter for a double down. Mone misses a blind charge and Britt comes back with a hooking clothesline and sling blade, and a pancake gets two. She goes for the Lockjaw and Mercedes escapes that again and steals the glove, but Britt hits her with an Air Raid Crash for two. So Britt regains the glove, but Mone tries the Moneymaker and Britt counters for two. Mercedes with a backstabber and she goes up and fights on top with Britt, but Britt turns another top rope slam into a cradle for two. Curb stomp gets two as Kamille saves, but Britt goes after her while Mercedes grabs the TBS title and then gets caught with it. So Britt gets the New Japan title and plays dead with her own tribute to Eddie Guerrero, which results in Kamille getting tossed out. Britt comes back with the Panama Sunrise, curb stomp, and that gets two. Another Lockjaw in the middle, but Mercedes makes the ropes, so Britt rolls her over and sinks it in and Mone bites the fingers to break this time. Crucifix gets two for Mone and Britt gets a backslide for two, but Mone necks her on the top and hits the Moneymaker to finish at 17:18. Someone’s gotta sit her down and get her a better finisher, but they fought through crowd apathy and ended up with a HELL of a match. ****

TNT title, coffin match: Jack Perry v. Darby Allin

Darby starts smashing Perry with a chair right away and then uses the tacks on his own face to punish Perry before putting him in a chair and dropkicking him from the top rope to the floor. The poor coffin already takes abuse, with Darby pulling it off the table and then hurling his own body into it. Perry drops him on the coffin to take over and retrieves a bag of REAL GLASS from under the ring. The crowd sings “Cry me a river” right on cue. But then Darby backdrops him on the glass and hits him with the skateboard, but then Perry sends him to the floor with yet another sick bump. Next up, Jack finds a roll of duct tape, because if you can’t fix it, then duck it. And he ties up Darby’s hands and tries another trip to the coffin, but Darby hits him with a coffin drop to the floor. Oh and there’s blood on the camera, so there’s that. They fight up the ramp and Perry powerbombs him on the ramp and then throws him off the side of the stage and through a giant table. And then Darby gets zipped into a body bag and dragged back to ringside for a trip into the coffin, but Darby manages to escape the bag. So Jack hits him with the running knee and closes the lid to retain at 10:38. Yeah Jack completely destroyed Darby here. This was all crazy bumps and not much else. **1/2. So the Bucks bring a can of petrol to burn Darby alive in the coffin, but Sting makes a guest appearance and makes the save.

AEW World title: Swerve Strickland v. Bryan Danielson

And since we’re close to Europe, Bryan has THE FINAL COUNTDOWN for his entrance. They trade chops as JR joins us and gives us the first “Daniel Bryan” 10 seconds into the match. Swerve tries a suplex and Bryan hits him in the arm to block, and they bump to the floor. Back in, teases a dive and misses, but Danielson hits him with a cannonball and back in for a kneedrop onto the arm. Bryan with the kicks, but Swerve puts him down with a backbreaker and dropkicks the knee in the corner. They fight to the apron and trade shots out there, where Nana puts the ringbell on the apron and Swerve hits a death valley driver onto it to bust Bryan open. Back in, Swerve with the middle rope elbow and he drags Danielson’s lifeless body to the floor and stomps his head in right in front of Brie and his children. Now that’s some good heel work. Back in the ring, Swerve brings him down from the top with a backdrop suplex, which has Bryan’s child in tears! So Bryan fights back with a Regal stretch, but Swerve fights out of that and Bryan puts him down with a lariat. Backslide gets two. Danielson comes back with the running kicks in the corner, but Swerve catches him with a flatliner for two. Danielson with a tiger suplex and he pounds Swerve with kicks in the corner, and then takes Swerve to the top with a tiger suplex off the top for two. And it’s time to KICK HIS FUCKING HEAD IN to set up Cattle Mutilation, but Swerve does an impressive bridge to escape and drops Bryan with a Vertebreaker. This brings the medical staff in to check on the neck, but Swerve wants no medical attention for Danielson and chases them away, setting up the Swerve Stomp for two. Bryan tries to get up, so Swerve hits him with the House Call kick NOT ONCE NOT TWICE BUT THRICE while Bryan reaches for his crying daughter like Ricky Morton in 1985 with a teeny bopper in the front row. But that only gets two. So Swerve beats on him with his on Yes kicks, but Bryan is looking at his family and he’s PISSED OFF and makes the comeback. Bryan wraps him up in the triangle and beats on him with elbows, into a capture suplex, and the bu saiku knee knocks Swerve in the corner, but not off his feet. And Swerve just hits him with a House Call after brushing off the shoulder, and puts Bryan down with the JML Driver for two. Swerve has had ENOUGH and puts himself between Bryan and his family before mocking Bryan, but Hangman Page shows up and goes after Nana until security drags him away. But that allows Danielson to recover with another bu saiku knee for two. They slug it out and Bryan hits another bu saiku knee and makes the big comeback, hitting one more to send Swerve into the corner, and the Lebell Lock follows. But Swerve powers out, so Bryan snaps the fingers, and Swerve taps at 26:00 to FINALLY make Bryan Danielson the AEW World champion. If your heart wasn’t pounding by the end of that one, you’re probably dead, as they had an all time great match to cap off the night. *****

Well you can’t say this one didn’t deliver everything promised, with an all time main event and a classic International title match, plus two great Women’s title matches. Everything else was gravy but the Gauntlet also delivered so this is, as the Brits would say, a BLOODY GREAT PPV, thumbs up.