The SmarK DVD Rant for WWE Unreleased

Hey, I finally got this one, and it’s LONG.

Hosted by Charly Caruso and Sean Mooney.

King Kong Bundy, Big John Studd & Bobby Heenan v. Super, Big & Hulk Machine

This looks like a dark match from a Superstars taping. The identity of Hulk Machine remains a mystery to this day, but he was fired from the Machines for making racist comments, so draw your own conclusions. Hulk immediately slams Studd, but the heels go to work on Big Machine regardless. Big takes Bundy down and stomps him to take over, and Hulk comes in and slams Bundy and Studd for good measure. Hulk uses his martial arts, being Japanese and all, and pokes Studd in the eyes, and Super Machine comes in and slams him as well. Man, the Machines are up like $45,000 in this match. Finally Super runs into an elbow in the corner and the heels take over. Bobby gets about 2 seconds of offense and then gets flung over the top rope before tagging out again. Bundy works on Super with a bearhug and the crowd is just jacked for this, and over to Studd for more bearhuggery. Bundy with the Avalanche, and Bobby tags in to celebrate before his big win, so Hulk switches in behind the ref’s back and the crowd goes INSANE, as Hulk quickly finishes with the lariat at 9:39. That was a great finish. 1 for 1.

Pedro Morales v. Randy Savage

This is a dark match from Wrestling Challenge, during Savage’s IC title reign. I always loved the detail of how Savage would make sure to kiss the belt before handing it over. Pedro works a headlock after a long stall session from Macho. Savage works the arm and gets nowhere with that, so he concludes that the issue is Elizabeth’s placement outside the ring and stops to reposition her. Pedro slugs on him, so Savage immediately goes Memphis and finds an object in his tights, using that to take over. Next up, a bouquet of flowers from ringside, which he shoves in Pedro’s face before launching him over the top rope. Back in, Pedro blocks the double axehandle to make the comeback and slugs away in the corner, but Savage takes him down and pins him with his feet on the ropes at 7:43. Nothing to this one. 1 for 2.

Paul Orndorff & Harley Race v. Hulk Hogan & Roddy Piper

Another Superstars dark match and one that I’d have killed to see as a kid. The faces double-team Race in the corner to start and work the arm, but sadly Piper gets caught in the heel corner and choked out with the tag rope. Piper comes back with a sunset flip on Orndorff, but he gets redirected into the heel corner with an atomic drop, and Piper is all in with the goofy selling, but Race misses a diving headbutt and Piper makes a dramatic hot tag to Hogan. Big boot on Race, but the ref is distracted getting Piper out, and Heenan runs in for the DQ at 5:47 after the legdrop. C’mon, Hogan and Piper as a tag team in early 1987 against the Heenan Family? That’s an easy point. 2 for 3. So much fun. Hogan and Piper do the Megapower handshake to seal the deal afterwards.

The Dingo Warrior v. Jose Estrada

Oh man, it’s the Warrior’s tryout match! He takes Estrada down with a clumsy armdrag, but Jose takes him down and works a nerve hold. Warrior quickly escapes and gives him a press slam and goes back to the arm, as this match somehow gets more awful. Estrada stomps away in the corner, but Warrior makes the comeback and finishes with a clothesline at 6:21. I remain astonished that this guy got a job. 2 for 4.

Hulk Hogan & Randy Savage v. The Hart Foundation & Honky Tonk Man

Hey, we read about this one in the Observer Flashback from the time and now here it is. The Megapowers work on Anvil’s arm to start, but Savage quickly gets caught in the wrong corner and triple-teamed. The faces come back with a double boot on Bret Hart, but Bret hits Savage with the hooking clothesline and Macho is YOUR Megapower-in-peril. Savage comes back on Honky, but misses a blind charge and then makes the hot tag to Hulk anyway. Legdrop finishes Honky at 5:12. It’s the debut of the Megapowers, how can you not give it a point? I’m not a MONSTER. 3 for 5.

Barry Horowitz v. Owen Hart

DAMN. This is the most batshit crazy collection of stuff ever committed to DVD and I’m LOVING it. So yeah, this is a famous tryout match from Wrestling Challenge in 1988. Owen does the acrobatic armbar escape on Barry, and follows with the suplex and flying knee out of the corner for two. Owen with another flip into a hiptoss and he goes to work on the arm. Barry catches him with a superkick and takes over with a butterfly suplex for two. Owen flips out of an armbar, dropkicks him to the floor, and follows with a suicide dive. Then he suplexes Barry on the floor and slingshots out with a legdrop on him for good measure. Back in, a moonsault press gets two. Belly to belly and Owen goes back up again, flying ¾ of the way across the ring with a headbutt to finish at 5:44. WOW! No wonder both promotions were fighting over him after that. 4 for 6.

WWF title: Randy Savage v. Andre the Giant

Andre overpowers Macho to start and chokes him out in the corner right away, then uses the Giant Ass to smother him. Andre chokes away and gets the big headbutt, but Liz provides a distraction and Savage grabs a chair for the DQ at 3:21. I’ve seen WAY better from this pairing. 4 for 7.

WWF tag team titles: Demolition v. The Powers of Pain

So this was very early into the Powers’ run, when they were babyfaces managed by Tito Santana because reasons. Demolition runs away to start as we go 3:00 with basically no contact made while they all glower at each other. Ax is unable to shoulderblock Warlord down, which marks the only highspot after 5:00 of this excitement. Barbarian comes in and puts Smash down with a big boot for two, and it’s BONZO GONZO, as Demolition runs away at 7:12. Really, really, really bad. 4 for 8.

Andre the Giant v. Big John Studd

So we’re right after Wrestlemania V now, with one of Studd’s last appearances. Studd chops away to start, but Andre grabs him for a choke and that drags on for a while. Studd makes the comeback and Heenan runs in for the DQ at 4:51. 4 for 9.

OK, continuing on with the wacky adventures of Sean Mooney and Charly Caruso.

Earthquake v. Hulk Hogan (04.03.90)

So this is two days after Wrestlemania, and it would be the first time Tenta went just by “Earthquake” instead of “Canadian Earthquake”, so there’s a bit of trivia for you right there. Quake attacks to start and quickly pounds Hogan, but misses the elbow and Hulk makes a comeback with a corner clothesline. It takes two more clotheslines and a high knee to put Quake onto his knees, but Hulk stops to go after poor defenseless Jimmy Hart, and Quake sends him into the post as a result. Good, he had it coming for that show of poor sportsmanship. Quake with the backbreaker and a lengthy bearhug, but the butt splash only gets two and it’s HULK UP time. The bodyslam and legdrop finish clean at 7:36. Both guys were working hard, nothing to complain about here. 1 for 1.

Big Bossman v. Ted Dibiase (04.03.90)

This is from the same Challenge taping as the Hogan match. And this is sweet, because we never actually got this blowoff on TV after the angle at Wrestlemania. Does anyone find it odd that Bossman transitioned as a character from a specific prison guard persona to a more general police-style character? No? Just me? OK then. Bossman quickly goes after Dibiase, but Virgil trips him up and Dibiase goes to work on the floor. The lack of commentary gives us some PRIMO interaction with the fans, like a little kid who jumps out of his seat and screams “SHUT UP, YOU JERK!” at Dibiase. You tell him, kid. I actually talked with Dibiase when he was doing the church circuit after his WCW stint, and he said he specifically loved when he inspired that kind of reaction from people. Back in the ring, Ted drops three fists and gets two, but Bossman comes back for a double KO off a clothesline and gets all fired up. Atomic drop and now his shirt his actually ripped open, which is not a good look for him. Spinebuster gets two and Virgil runs in for the DQ at 4:07. Short but energetic. 2 for 2. Poor Virgil gets handcuffed and beaten up, so at least Bossman got his revenge.

Rick Rude & Mr. Perfect v. Ultimate Warrior & Kerry Von Erich (08.09.90)

What in the ever loving fuck is up with Rude’s generic music here? I just don’t even understand their music-scrubbing rules sometimes. Anyway, if there’s a more perfect tag team match from 1990, I have no idea what it could possibly be. I mean, seriously, Warrior and Kerry could be brothers, and of course Rude and Hennig go together like peanut butter and jelly. Also, I feel like the babyface team could be the punchline of a joke or something, like “What has one brain and three feet?” Anyway, have I mentioned how much I love this set and how I hope that they put out a sequel, because god knows there’s gotta be hundreds of hours of batshit crazy dark matches they could draw from. This company makes me so angry and frustrated much of the time, but then they’re like “Here, have a 9 hour DVD filled with 45 unreleased matches with no commentary from the exact time everyone is nostalgic for” and I’m like “Oh…OK, I’ll take you back.” After 3 minutes of stalling from the heels, the babyfaces immediately clean house and Perfect is taking bumps on the floor. Back in the ring, Kerry clobbers Perfect for two while Warrior paces back and forth on the apron like someone who just had 15 Red Bulls. I always thought that was a hilarious touch for his character, because he was 100% kinetic energy and being in a tag match would have been hell for him. And indeed, Warrior tags in and lays waste to the heels. Kerry comes in with a delayed suplex on Rude for two, but walks into a knee from Perfect and he’s face in peril. I’d call him busier than a one-legged man in an ass-kicking contest, but that’s a bit on-the-nose, I’d say. Speaking of which, Perfect takes him down and works a spinning toehold, and that’s GOTTA be a rib. In fact that’s exactly the kind of thing he’d do. Kerry escapes with an iron claw in a nice touch, but the heels cut off the ring again and Hennig holds him in a chinlock. Rude chokes him out with the tag rope, but Perfect dropkicks his partner by mistake and it’s HOT TAG Warrior and Perfect is just flying all over the ring. Big splash finishes at 11:52. What’s not to love here? Perfect put a man with one leg in a spinning toehold! 3 for 3. On the other hand, everyone in the match is now dead.

Demolition v. The Legion of Doom (10.30.90)

This is the super-wacky period when Demolition had new music and wore full masks, which no one seems to remember anymore. The LOD works on Crush (at least I think that’s who it is, because it’s so INCREDIBLY DIFFICULT to tell them apart, Vince!) but Animal gets laid out by Smash on the floor and Crush comes in with a flying knee to take over. They set up for Decapitation and Hawk breaks it up right away, then hits Ax with a flying clothesline to finish at 2:23. Well that was brisk. 3 for 4. I’m tempted to give it a point just for proving that Masked Demolition was a thing that existed, but I wouldn’t want to break the system.

War Eagle v. Dale Wolfe(01.09.91)

This is one of the numerous, NUMEROUS tryout matches and repackagings of Chris “Tatanka” Chavis, more than a year before he got hired for good. And he is RIPPED here, shredded like mozza, and it’s no wonder they kept trying to give him a job. Also, he’s using “Crank It Up” as his theme, which doesn’t really fit with the native American theme, but this isn’t an exact science. Mr. Eagle spends the first couple of minutes chasing Wolfe around the ring while doing a permanent pee-pee dance that I guess is supposed to indicate how fiercely tribal that he is. Eagle works the arm, then makes a comeback and finishes with the samoan drop at 4:59. Pretty dull stuff. 3 for 5.

Blindfold match: Rick Martel v. Jake Roberts (01.29.91)

Another one presented in Squish-O-Vision for some reason. I’m assuming this was the rehearsal for Wrestlemania VII. And if so, they should have rehearsed more. Anyway, this is more of the same, but with even less contact made, as they stumble around the ring and end up on the floor. Back in, Jake does the bit where he points around the ring to echo-locate Martel, and Rick finally gets frustrated and pulls his hood off, but still manages to walk into a DDT and get pinned at 10:13. That’s actually a better finish than the one at Wrestlemania, so I’m not sure why they changed it, unless they were worried about betraying the integrity of the artform or insulting people’s intelligence.

Yeah, I know. 3 for 6.

Ted Dibiase v. Sid Justice (07.09.91)

OH MAN. This set keeps giving like Santa on Christmas morning. So of course this was fresh off Sid quitting WCW, and he quickly clobbers Dibiase with clotheslines and sends him flying out of the ring. Sid sends him into the post, and back in for a backdrop, but Dibiase uses Sherri’s purse to take over. He gets a clothesline for two as Sid does his “dead body” sell but then kicks out at two and tosses Dibiase into the air like it’s a midget match. Dibiase goes up and misses the elbow, allowing Sid to make the comeback with a corner splash and the powerbomb at 5:22. Sid looked like shit here but got over like crazy. 3 for 7, but it’s still so goddamn fascinating to watch.

Casket Match: Undertaker v. Ultimate Warrior (08.19.91)

This is the blowoff I’m assuming we were supposed to get around Survivor Series, before Warrior got fired. Warrior charges in and Taker clotheslines him and chokes him out in the corner, so Warrior comes back with a slam and the clotheslines, but Taker calmly absorbs it all and slugs him down again. Tombstone and rolls Warrior into the casket as the crowd is LOSING THEIR SHIT about this, but Warrior hulks up in the casket and prevents the lid from closing. He grabs the urn, whacks Taker with it, and rolls him into the casket for the win at 5:44. Nothing as a match, but the concept got over like gangbusters. 4 for 8.

Ric Flair v. Roddy Piper (10.01.91)

WHAT HAVE I DONE TO DESERVE THE AWESOMENESS OF THIS SET?!? This is even before the Hogan matches, so Flair is still sporting the good ol’ Big Gold Belt at this point, which is great. Piper tells Flair up front that he’s here to kick butt, and then does so, proving himself to be a man of his word. Piper chokes him out with his t-shirt and Flair bails, so Piper runs him into the post. Back in, Flair tries the chops and Piper no-sells them, giving us a Flair Flip before Ric finally goes to the eyes and then kicks him in the knee to take over. Piper trying to sell his knee while feigning blindness is a thing of beauty. Flair with the kneecrusher and NOW WE GO TO SCHOOL, but Piper makes the comeback and slugs away in the corner before slamming Ric off the top. Neckbreaker, but Flair goes low and grabs a chair as the ref is bumped. Piper gets a small package with no one to count, but Flair rolls him up and a second referee counts the pin at 6:23. Piper protests as the first ref wakes up, so Flair rolls him up AGAIN and pins him for real at 7:00. That finish was some weak, weak sauce, but the match got over in a big way. 5 for 9.

And we’ll stop there and return next time with MR. MADNESS! And the segment that everyone has been losing their minds about since this set was announced.

Continuing on with the remainder of disc one!

Still hosted by Charly & Mooney

Randy Savage v. Ultimate Warrior (04.04.89)

This is from the same show as the scintillating Andre v. Studd match that closed out our previous portion. Both guys are fresh off losing their titles at Wrestlemania, so expect a lot of angst and deep psychology here. Savage attacks to start and gets nowhere, as Warrior quickly puts him on the floor with a shoulderblock and then presses him back into the ring again. Savage goes up with a flying bodypress, which Warrior catches and hangs him in the Tree of Woe. I should note that the Superstars banner above the ring is conspicuously blurred out, so THAT’S still a thing and explains why they can’t put the WWF Superstars syndicated shows on the Network already. Savage gets a cheapshot while Warrior is arguing with the ref and takes over with a chinlock, but Warrior reverses to a bearhug as they might as well have Fed-Exed this one in as a part of a Zahorian drug shipment. Savage puts him down with the hooking clothesline and goes up with the double axehandle for two, but Warrior makes the comeback until new IC champion Rick Rude joins us to taunt Warrior with the belt. Warrior finally takes the bait and that allows Savage to roll him up for two before Warrior makes another comeback. Finally he’s had enough of Rude’s braggadocios behavior and chases him back to the dressing room for the countout loss at 7:12. There was enough of a kernel of a good match here for a point, but not much past that. 1 for 1. An interesting thing I found watching this one is that they cut the camera angles just like regular TV, so you could kind of hear the commentary in your head, even without actual commentary.

Ted Dibiase v. Dusty Rhodes (06.06.89)

Oh man, another interesting one! So yeah, this is pre-polka dot Dusty, making his WWF debut at a TV taping as a substitute for Jake Roberts, and he’s immediately over in a big way. Dusty throws elbows immediately and gives Ted’s money out at ringside, and it’s Flip Flop and Fly to send Dibiase running. I find it weird, but not really I guess, that they never really delved into the natural feud between the Million Dollar Man and the Common Man, aside from the stupid shit with Sapphire. It was really a natural direction to go and they were so busy humiliating Dusty that they never did more than scratch the surface. Dibiase heads back in and Dusty sends him hurtling out with another elbow and the crowd goes NUTS for it. Back in, Dibiase tells the ref to just step aside and he goes on the attack, but walks into another elbow while the fans, who Vince thought would have never heard of Dusty before, chant his name. So Virgil trips up Big Dust and Dibiase chokes him down while Dusty gets more and more over by the minute, and a pair of fistdrops get two. Dibiase drops his own elbow for two, but Dusty makes the comeback, so Dibiase puts him in the chinlock until Dusty makes the comeback and slugs away in the corner. Another elbow puts Dibiase on the apron and Dusty suplexes him back in, but Virgil hooks the leg and Dibiase gets the pin at 10:00. And then Dusty beats them both up and gets his heat back anyway. Like, seriously, they had to beat him in his FIRST MATCH?! Well, yeah, I guess so. 2 for 2.

King Duggan & Hillbilly Jim v. Haku & Andre the Giant (07.19.89)

Well this is pretty wacky. But then most things on this set are, which is why I LOVE IT. Duggan gets punched in the heel corner a bunch to start and Haku drops an elbow that misses by a foot, but Duggan evades a dropkick and makes his own comeback. Haku and Andre have their heads rammed together and Andre falls on top of poor Haku in a funny spot, which allows Jim to get two. Jim with the big boot for two. The faces double-team Haku, but he goes low on Jim and Andre comes in to kick his ass. Andre casually rams their heads together like they’re children, but Duggan manages to tag back in and immediately gets clobbered like the big dummy he is. Haku with a sunset flip that somehow goes horribly wrong, but still gets two. Duggan with an inside cradle that somehow manages to defy physics and yet gets two as well. NOW the match is living up to its potential. Jim comes in again, but Andre catches him with the headbutt, and Haku accidentally superkicks the Giant. Duggan finishes the ex-King with the clotheslines at 9:04. This was a complete and total trainwreck but it was energetic and fun and not boring at all. 3 for 3.

And now, time for TRYOUTS!

Brian Adams v. Barry Horowitz (08.09.89)

Damn, it’s BABY CRUSH! Seriously, he looks like a pudgy teenager at this point, more mullet than man. We were still a year away from working him into Demolition and think of how green he looked THEN. Adams overpowers Horowitz and puts him on the floor with a dropkick. Back in, he misses an elbow and Barry takes over for a bit, but Adams comes back with a delayed suplex and finishes with a tombstone at 5:32. Nothing special at all. 3 for 4.

Earthquake Evans v. Paul Roma (09.20.89)

Mr. Evans is managed by Slick here and hails from the Yukon territory, basically doing a lumberjack gimmick. There’s some weird video signal squashing here, making everyone look shorter. Was this originally from a PAL tape that they converted, I wonder? Earthquake pounds away on the ropes, but Roma takes him down with an armdrag. Roma works the arm, but Evans puts him down with a backbreaker and goes to the bearhug, then continues pounding away with clobbering forearms before missing a blind charge. Roma makes the comeback with flying forearm smashes and a SPECTACULAR dropkick for two (I mean, think of how tall Earthquake was, and picture Roma hitting him square in the face with it), but misses a flying bodypress and Earthquake puts him away with an elbowdrop at 7:07. Pretty boring. 3 for 5.

The Powers of Pain v. The Rockers (01.22.90)

Into our next decade now. The continue to favor Wrestling Challenge tapings because they don’t have to blur shit out. The Rockers manage to keep Warlord off-base with their speed, but Marty gets powerslammed and does an INSANE backdrop bump for two. I seriously thought he was going to land on his head there and die. Marty gets hit with a cane outside and the Powers continue beating him up in the ring as Barbarian goes to a bearhug, then catches a bodypress and turns it into a powerslam. Elbow misses and it’s hot tag Shawn Michaels, who is fists and fury as they say. Sunset flip on Warlord gets two. And then Fuji trips him and it’s a DQ at 7:57. I know it’s just a random dark match, but the Powers were getting split up like TWO WEEKS later! They couldn’t even do a job here? 3 for 6.

WWF tag team titles: Andre the Giant & Haku v. Demolition (01.23.90)

It’s our second appearance of Andre & Haku as a team on this set, and now they’re tag champions! Haku gets double-teamed in the babyface corner and they take turns working over the neck, but Smash stops to mouth off at Andre and gets superkicked, allowing Andre to pound on Smash for a bit to take over. And then Andre kind of rolls into the Demolition corner and they choke him out and double-team him as the structure here is really bizarre. Finally Haku just comes in and kicks Ax now the heels get the heat again. And then they randomly punch and kick each other and finally Demolition gets DQ’d for double-teaming Andre at 8:00. Holy forking shirt, this was awful. 3 for 7.

Intercontinental title: Ultimate Warrior v. Randy Savage

This goes completely off the rails of bizarre by actually just being raw footage from the hard cam, complete with time count at the bottom of the screen. What an amazingly nutso set. They immediately fight onto the floor and Savage tries a bodypress back in, but Warrior catches him and hangs him in the Tree of Woe and stomps away on him. Savage tries a cheapshot and Warrior pounds him with chops, but he misses a charge and Savage rolls him up for two. Warrior with a backslide for two and he backdrops a charging Macho onto the floor. Back in, the big splash misses and Macho chokes away to take over, then follows with the double axehandle to the floor. That gets two. Warrior comes back with a shoulderblock to put him on the floor, but Savage pops back in with the flying elbow, and that gets two. And then Macho grabs Sherri’s purse and nails Warrior with it, which also gets two. Warrior makes the comeback and Savage gets tied up in the ropes, but Warrior charges and hits the floor. Savage tries another axehandle, but Warrior nails him on the way down, and the gentlemen engage in fisticuffs until counted out of the ring at 8:00. Much better than their first match on the set, as you can see the chemistry beginning to really form between them, especially with Savage’s obsessive need to plan his matches and Warrior’s terribleness necessitating planning out his matches. 4 for 8.

Good, bad or indifferent, this is an endlessly fascinating set thus far, and we continue on with the second disc next time!

OK, let’s finish off the second disc, as we learn the mysterious identity of MR. MADNESS.

Jake “The Snake” Roberts v. Mr. Madness (11.12.91)

“Mr. Madness” never made it to TV and was only a house show deal, so this set continues to be crazy awesome. What is NOT crazy awesome? The disguise of Mr. Madness, which is literally just Randy Savage wrestling as himself and using the same entrance music. Like, he couldn’t even wear a MASK? Savage attacks and hits Jake with the double axehandle right away, but Jake goes low and tosses him for a typically dramatic bump over the top rope. Back in, Jake chokes him out to take over, but Savage escapes the DDT and the ref actually avoids getting bumped on a triple-reverse whip! Good for you, Joey Marella! They fight to the floor and Savage sends him into the post and back in for another axehandle, but he gets all riled up and grabs a chair for the DQ at 4:43. No bell ever rang, but he was whacking the guy with the chair pretty good so I’m just assuming. Huge disappointment here, as I was hoping for some kind of wacky luchador costume or whatever. 0 for 1.

WWF title: Fake World champion Hulk Hogan v. Real World champion Ric Flair (11.12.91)

From the same show, Perfect immediately blows my mind by holding up the elusive Fake Big Gold Belt! Like, as if this set couldn’t get any crazier! That was the belt that the WWF created after they lost the legal rights to the NWA World title belt, and it never even made TV and there’s literally only one photo of it! Flair plays some mindgames to start and manages to evade Hulk while Wooing for the first 5:00, until Hulk literally draws a (pretend) line in the sand and dares Flair to cross it. So Ric grabs a headlock and Hulk powers out of it and clotheslines him to the floor. Flair stops for some advice from Perfect, and since there’s no commentary, we can clearly hear that advice: “If you’re on a plane with Brock Lesnar and you’re high on coke and drunk off your ass, for the love of god don’t challenge him to a fight!” That’s some pretty specific advice, I guess. Flair tries some chops and Hulk no-sells them and sends Flair flying back into the corner, which gives us a Flair Flop. Flair Flip and Mr. Perfect calls time so they can talk it over. Hogan, clearly not recognizing the rules of “calling time”, chases him back into the ring, so Flair drops a knee to take over. You gotta be fair to Flair. Hulk makes the comeback and goes after helpless invalid Mr. Perfect, which allows Flair to clip the knee from behind fair and square. Hogan gets posted and Flair uses a chair on the knee, which is totally legal because the ref doesn’t see it. Back in, NOW WE GO TO SCHOOL and Perfect is even nice enough to put Hulk’s foot on the rope while Flair smashes the knee, and he even holds it there to make sure the ref sees it! What a nice guy. Hulk fights off the figure-four a couple of times, so Flair allegedly gets a foreign object from Perfect, nails Hogan with it, and gets two. Hulk makes the comeback, probably because he’s on PCP or something, and Flair escapes after the big boot. They fight on the floor and Hulk runs back in the ring like the yellow coward he is to “win” the match by countout at 15:00. But Flair got the moral victory, and that counts for something. Also, this was a great match. But Hogan sucks. 1 for 2.

Piper’s Pit (04.07.92)

So yeah, when Piper returned to win the IC title, they also tried to resurrect Piper’s Pit, although they only did a couple and then dropped the idea again. The first guest (after Piper admits that the WWF is going through some scandals at that point) is Brooklyn Brawler. And he’s going to be the next World heavyweight champion, and his plan is to do the opposite of what Piper did at Wrestlemania. To demonstrate, he goes to grab the bell from ringside, but Piper of course steals it and knocks him out with it. If you want to hear Brawler cut an extended promo, this is your heaven. 1 for 3.

British Bulldog v. Bret Hart (06.30.92)

This isn’t introduced or listed as a title match, but the referee holds the IC belt up before the match, so who knows. It’s also pristine video quality, so it’s likely that this was intended for a Coliseum Video release and just never got used for whatever reason. Bulldog works a headlock and shoulderblocks him to the floor, and then works the arm for a few minutes in the ring before Bret decides to go heel and hits him with a cheapshot to take over. Forearms and a legdrop get two and we hit the chinlock, but Bulldog fights out. So Bret hits him with a piledriver for two. Bret with a suplex for two, but Bulldog gets a backslide for two. Bret comes back with the middle rope elbow for two and tries the Sharpshooter, but Bulldog makes the ropes and comes back with an enzuigiri. Slingshot into the corner is followed by a clothesline for two. Delayed suplex gets two, but Bret gets the sleeper and Bulldog runs him into the corner to break. And then they tumble to the floor, and Bulldog suplexes him back in, which allows Bret to land on his feet and hit a surprise german suplex for the pin at 14:00. Huh, thought they were gonna wuss out and do the double countout finish. Turned into a hell of a match. 2 for 4.

Papa Shango & Kamala v. Bret Hart & Ultimate Warrior (10.13.92)

I feel like Shango & Kamala is one of those “Why didn’t someone team them up before?” genius ideas that sadly didn’t get explored past this match. This is in fact from Regina, Saskatchewan, the night after Bret won the title from Flair. Bret and Kamala do the test of strength in what seems like an ill-considered move for Bret, but he wisely just stomps on the bare feet to win that one. Shango comes in and chokes away in the corner, and the heels actually do some double-teaming of sorts. Yay teamwork! If even the cannibals and voodoo practitioners can get along, there’s hope for Trump and Kim Jong Un yet. Shango misses a blind charge and it’s hot tag Warrior as he seems eager to finish up and get the fuck out of Regina (and really, I can 100% relate), and the big splash finishes at 6:26. Like, if we had Uber in this province, Warrior would have called one about 2:00 into the match and ran off to catch it at the conclusion. 2 for 5.

Undertaker v. Bam Bam Bigelow (01.24.93)

Another hard-cam special, as Taker chokes out Bam Bam in the corner and goes to the ropewalk, but Bigelow dumps him and they brawl on the floor. Back in, Bigelow slugs away, but Taker fires back until he misses a charge and gets laid out. Bigelow drops headbutts on him and goes up for the big one, but Taker does the zombie situp to escape and finishes with a chokeslam at 4:57. This definitely felt like a “Thanks for coming, see you next time, Scranton!” dark match main event. 2 for 6.

And finally…

The Toxic Turtles v. Tommy Stevenson & Ron Preston

Yes, they really did stick Duane Gill and Barry Hardy in turtle costumes and tried to make people cheer for them. It did not work. The high-concept spot of the match sees one of the Turtles trying a pin, but when he rolls off onto his back, he can’t get up. BECAUSE HE’S A TURTLE. Shockingly, SHOCKINGLY I tells ya, the crowd completely turns on the match moments into it. Thankfully it only goes 2:00 before one of the Turtles slingshots in with a senton for the pin, and then they were never heard from again. So yeah, this was everything promised and then less. 2 for 7.

Well, they can’t all be winners.

Let’s finish this one off and move on with our lives. For those following the saga of my collection of crap, I bought a PS4 for cheap and that’s what I’m using as my Blu-Ray player now because the interface is WAY easier to deal with than Xbox One for playing discs. I had to jump through hoops to get the WWE Network on it, but now I’m all set to go and it’s great.

Picking up with disc three…

Still hosted by Charly & Sean. Mooney gets the all-time great troll during the introduction for this disc, grabbing a box marked “T. Magee” and then commenting that it’s empty and throwing it away. YOU HART-LESS BASTARDS!

Undertaker v. Giant Gonzalez (04.05.93)

Another raw footage hard cam match here. Giant chases Undertaker out of the ring and runs him into the stairs, then back in for an alleged big boot, since raising his foot in the air is outside of his normal moveset. I mean, even Kevin Nash can do that! Taker no-sells a clothesline to the floor and fights back, but Giant knocks out Paul Bearer, steals the urn, and puts Taker out for the DQ at 3:08. Taker then pops up and they battle to the dressing room, to continue this thrilling feud another day. 0 for 1.

Kip Winchester & Brett Colt v. Barry Horowitz & Reno Riggins (04.05.93)

Another notable tryout! Winchester and Colt are of course the rodeo cowboys who would be repackaged into the Smoking Gunns, and they’re in their eventual gear here already. Another hard cam special, with cuts to the entrances, so it’s a weird hybrid match. Maybe they were using this one to test the cameras that night? Clearly Kip is Billy and Brett is Bart. They take turns working on the arm of Reno and hit a double-team legsweep, but the heels get a cheapshot on Brett and choke him out in their corner. Horowitz with a northern lights suplex for two and Riggins gets a back elbow for two and goes to an abdominal stretch. I’m amazed this is a real tag match with heat segment and everything. Anyway, hot tag Winchester and he finishes Riggins with a top rope bulldog at 8:53. It was fine and obviously the Gunns got a job out of it. 1 for 2.

Intercontinental title: Shawn Michaels v. Mr. Perfect (04.06.93)

Onto the next night of tapings now, with another hard cam match. Perfect chases Shawn out of the ring and they brawl on the floor, but Shawn necksnaps him on the way in and chokes him out on the ropes. Shawn runs him into the turnbuckles and grabs a chinlock, but Perfect comes back with an atomic drop and a questionable kick to the thighs in the corner. Shawn does a Flair Flip and Perfect gets two, but the ref is bumped. Shawn grabs the belt for some shenanigans, but Perfect hits the Perfectplex and a second ref comes in for the pin and Perfect is the new champion at 5:49! Or as Mike McGuirk puts it, “New champion of the World Wrestling Federation Intercontinental title!” Sadly, the first ref revives and reverses the decision. The two refs argue and we get a funny spot where Shawn steps in and they both shove him away, as Shawn takes a clownish bump off that while protesting. Of course, nothing ever came of this. Super basic match from these two. 1 for 3.

The Tazmaniac v. Skippy Taylor (05.05.93)

Taz is from the “dojos of Tasmania” according to McGuirk. I can immediately see why he didn’t get a job, since he looks small even next to “Skippy” Taylor. Taz survives the flurry of offense from Taylor and goes to a chinlock, then cuts off a comeback with a suplex and goes to another chinlock. Taylor comes back with a sunset flip for two, but Taz goes up and Taylor catches him on the way down. Taz finishes him off with a belly to belly, however. Scotty 2 Hotty was the one who looked like the better prospect here, honestly. 1 for 4. It’s just all the more amazing that Heyman was able to take the stupid caveman character and craft the whole “Path of Rage” thing from it out of nothing.

Bret Hart v. Yokozuna (05.05.93)

Yoko attacks Bret and chokes him out on the ropes, and they head to the floor as Yoko hits him with a DIXIE CUP OF DEATH. Man, this is shot like an indy promotion or something, it’s really weird. Back in, Yoko puts him down for the legdrop, but misses a charge and Bret comes back with the bulldog for two. Another bulldog sets up the Sharpshooter, but Bret stops to beat up Mr. Fuji and it’s a DQ at 5:10. This was reasonably energetic. 2 for 5. Yoko does a beatdown with the flag, but Owen Hart runs in for the save in a scene you wouldn’t see much of after that. And then he gets beat up like a geek as well and Bret has to bail him out. I really wish they would explored Bret and Owen as a team more before the breakup, because they could have been GREAT.

Hulk Hogan & Brutus Beefcake v. Money Inc. (06.14.93)

So this was one of Hogan’s last appearances with the company, and might even be the last time he appeared in the US before going to WCW. There’s also a big Coliseum Video logo on the screen during the entrances, so clearly we know what this was designated for. The super-high video quality compared to the rest of the disc thus far is another giveaway. Sgt. Slaughter is YOUR special troubleshooting referee, by the way. Hulk clears the ring and then we get the big stall as Sarge checks everyone for weapons and gives instructions. Sarge was in his awkward post-wrestler phase where he basically looked like someone’s dad instead of a star. Finally Sarge starts the match (again) and Dibiase chops Hogan in the corner, but gets pinballed by the babyfaces and bails. Yeah, I’d run away from the, uh, awesome offense of Brutus Beefcake too. So…terrifying? More stalling as Beefcake clowns around and Dibiase demonstrates the hairpulling he was subjected to on Slaughter. And then we get an extended argument about the alleged hairpulling as this turns into a bad Arn Anderson match before our eyes. And then we get MIDGET SCHTICK to top it off, with Slaughter tripping up Dibiase and Beefcake rolling him up for two. Like seriously, Money Inc. were still supposed to be tag team champion caliber at this point, and they’re doing a comedy match? Beefcake gets hit with a cheapshot and gets the heat, such as it is. Hogan’s entrance had a big pop but the crowd is just totally dead for this. And Dibiase hits the chinlock, as does IRS. Thankfully we get to the hot tag and Hulk hits Dibiase with the briefcase, and then Sarge hits them with the briefcase as well and calls for the DQ on them, after he hit them with the briefcase himself mind you, at 11:06. WHO BOOKED THIS CRAP? 2 for 6.

Lex Luger v. Ludvig Borga (10.20.93)

Another aborted Coliseum Video match. Luger’s reaction is pretty pathetic only two months removed from Summerslam. He’s now an “American Original”, which is like, whatever. The steam was basically gone from the Lex Express at this point and this shitty feud didn’t help at all. Big stall to start as the crowd establishes that we’re in the USA for this match. And then we stall and stall and stall as some dude at ringside is taking his shirt off and challenging Borga and we stall and stall and stall. Finally Luger grabs a headlock but Borga wasn’t done with his stalling yet so let’s do more of that! So next, Lex works on the arm and he holds it and holds it and holds it but Borga escapes. But Lex is not yet done with that particular hold, so we go back to it. Finally he misses a charge and Borga takes over with a PUNCH. This makes the shirtless guy at ringside REALLY angry, because as we already established, we’re in the USA and Borga is not from the USA. And we don’t put up with people not from the USA here in the USA. Build a wall around Scandinavia or Norwegia or wherever this guy comes from! Borga goes to the chinlock, but not a good American chinlock, but rather a bad FOREIGN chinlock, wrapping his arm around the neck of Luger like foreigners squeezing the lifeblood out of hard-working Americans with their welfare cheating. Luger fights back, like Trump repealing Obamacare, using ALL AMERICAN punches, and rolls him up for two. Borga hits him with a cheapshot, like immigrants sneaking over the border, but Luger finishes him with the steel forearm for the pin at 12:33. GOD BLESS AMERICA! 2 for 7.

Randy Savage v. Crush (02.01.94)

Macho attacks him on the floor to start and slugs him down in the ring for two. He goes up and Fuji hits him with the flag to distract him, allowing Crush to take over with an atomic drop. He goes for the Head Crush, but Savage rakes the eyes to escape and comes back with a hiptoss and double axehandle. Crush bumps to the floor off that, but sends Savage into the post for two. He goes to the bearhug and works on the back, with a backbreaker for two. Savage fights back with a rollup for two, but Crush puts him down with a headbutt and grabs some salt from Fuj the Stooge. Savage kicks it back in his face and finishes with the elbow at 9:10. Fine little match. 3 for 8.

Tomorrow, we return with the last half of disc 3, as the Hart Foundation EXPLODES and we get a tag team combination that you probably never thought could happen in this lifetime.

OK, last one! We last left off in 1994, and now we pick things up in October, as Jim Neidhart returns to WWF TV to turn on former partner Bret Hart…and then that’s the last we heard of it.

Until now!

WWF title: Bret Hart v. Jim Neidhart (10.21.94)

Funny to hear both guys using slightly different versions of the same theme song. This is from a house show somewhere, and the ring announcer announces in French, so I’m assuming it’s in Spain, or perhaps Portugal. Anvil attacks and Bret very quickly sends him into the corner and gets the Sharpshooter, but Jeff Jarrett runs in to break it up and attacks Bret for what I presume is an immediate DQ. The referees all swarm in and pull Jarrett off, and yet amazingly this match is allowed to continue. So Anvil charges again, misses again, and Bret beats the hell out of him, and gets a crossbody for two. They head to the floor and it’s ADVANTAGE ANVIL, until he misses Bret and punches the ringpost like an idiot. Bret with a sunset flip back in the ring for two. Finally Neidhart gets his shit together and sends Bret into the corner for the turnbuckle bump, his one weakness. Maybe only weakness? Besides being too modest, of course. Anvil goes to the sleeper, which swear to god had a name: The ANVILIZER. Bret shrugs it off, but Neidhart pounds him down while Jarrett cheers Jim on at ringside. Talk about downgrading. Anvil pounds away and chokes Bret down, and the powerslam gets two. Back to the floor and this time Neidhart is SUCCESSFUL in sending Bret into the post, so good on him. Even a blind squirrel finds a nut once in a while. Back in, Bret’s had enough of selling for this guy and makes the comeback with a bulldog for two. Legsweep gets two. Small package gets two. Bret goes up and lands on Neidhart’s foot, and Jim puts him on the top rope and slams him off for a nice bump from Bret. Neidhair goes airborne and I don’t even NEED to tell you how that ends up, and Bret rolls him up for the pin to retain at 10:48. Bret knew exactly how to handle Neidhart, almost literally walking him through the match like a big dumb ape, and it was a lot of fun. 1 for 1.

Intercontinental title, ladder match: Jeff Jarrett v. British Bulldog (05.16.95)

Yes, it’s UNSEEN LADDER MATCHES. We get a funny bit where the tape starts out as Shawn v. Razor and Charly cuts in with “Sean, this match has literally been on every WWE home video ever, you put in the wrong tape!” I really like how relaxed and funny the intro bits for this set are, I should mention. I had no idea this match even existed, so that’s definitely in the spirit of this DVD. Jarrett attacks in the corner and slugs Bulldog down, but falls victim to a delayed suplex before chasing Bulldog out of the ring. Roadie gets a cheapshot on him out there, as Lex Luger is conspicuous by his absence from Bulldog’s corner, despite being introduced as being there. This, by the way, is another hard cam match, although it’s a much higher quality one, without the time count. Jarrett chokes away and finally Luger heads down to get rid of Roadie, so better late than never, I suppose. Bulldog comes back and they botch a clothesline over the top somehow, but Bulldog grabs the ladder for our first attempt. Jarrett cuts him off and climbs himself, but Bulldog takes him down and runs the ladder into him. They both climb and slug it out on top, and both guys go down, but Bulldog makes the comeback and runs Jarrett into the ladder a few times. Bulldog presses him and climbs, but Jarrett dropkicks him off the ladder and grabs the belt to win clean at 9:10. Simple and well worked. 2 for 2.

Intercontinental title, ladder match: Jeff Jarrett v. Razor Ramon (06.05.95)

This is a dark match from a RAW taping at the time, although I would have to turn in my wrestling nerd card if I didn’t point out that they actually did house show swaps of the title in Quebec two weeks before this in ladder matches that remain unreleased. I’m not even 100% sure they were ever acknowledged on TV, in fact, outside of Vince casually mentioning it on commentary during RAW that week. Ramon quickly goes on offense, but Jarrett dumps him and goes for the ladder, then baseball slides it into Ramon. Jarrett gets the first climb, then drops a fist on Razor instead and smashes the ladder into his back. Jarrett climbs and Razor pushes him off, then comes back with a blockbuster slam. Razor climbs and gets shoved off, but he tries a Razor’s Edge and they both tumble to the floor as a result. Back in, they both do the slow climb at the same time and slug it out, but both fall off. Razor whips Jarrett into the ladder a few times and Jarrett goes flying out of the ring, which leaves Ramon with a clear path. Sadly, he takes too long setting up the ladder, allowing Jarrett to push him over and crotch him on the top rope, then claim the title at 10:00 to retain. Another short and effective ladder match. 3 for 3.

Bret Hart & Shawn Michaels v. Jerry Lawler & Hakushi (07.26.95)

Yup, Bret and Shawn as a tag team, not a fever dream, not an imaginary story. The Coliseum banner is hoisted for this one, but apparently didn’t make the cut. Given the shoddy quality of what was being pumped out by the home video division at that point, that’s kind of surprising. Bret quickly gets double-teamed in the heel corner and they work him over with the usual stuff. Lawler with a piledriver for two. Hakushi stomps him down in the corner and Lawler chokes him out. Hakushi with a pump splash for two and more choking in the corner, which prompts Shawn to throw a tantrum in his corner and kick the steps in anger. Bret rolls Hakushi up for two, but the heels engage in more shenanigans, and it’s HOT tag Shawn. Everyone fights and Bret comes back in and finishes Hakushi with the Sharpshooter at 10:50. Bret and Shawn had ZERO interaction here, aside from one quick hug at the end. Like, no double-teams or anything, just Bret immediately getting the heat while Shawn remained on the apron for the entire match. 3 for 4.

WWF title, cage match: Diesel v. Yokozuna (07.26.95)

Well, we’ve been spared Kevin Nash up until this point, so I guess one won’t kill the set. They slug it out and immediately collide for the double down, then trade headbutts and both go down again. This is like Nash’s dream match. Now I want to see Nash v. Reigns in a match where they battle to see who can lay in the corner for longest while still being counted as an active participant in the match. Diesel climbs the cage and gets brought down on his big daddy jewels, but Yoko misses a splash. Yoko goes for the door, so Diesel kicks him in the nuts to stop him and climbs, and Fuji hits HIM in the nuts with the flag. If we were rating this one with a star for every nutshot it’d be the best Nash match ever! They fight for the door and then Yoko takes over and slowly pounds on him and this is REALLY dull stuff. And finally Diesel makes his comeback, they collide again, and Diesel climbs out over the top to retain at 12:00. A very flat end to one of the greatest DVD compilations WWE ever produced. 3 for 5.

Overall, ignore the ratings and snark, this is a must-buy for everyone. Just the sheer volume of crazy stuff and rarities justifies the $20 it costs 10 times over. It was a pleasure to review and hopefully Sean Mooney returns for volume 2 so we can finally get that damn Magee match.