The SmarK DVD Rant for Austin vs. McMahon

Bit of a different tact for me this time around, as we delve into the first of the WWF’s new videos, “Austin v. McMahon”. The subject is a natural for a compilation, so you just knew it was gonna happen sooner or later. As another happy note, this one is actually duplicated in SP, greatly improving the video quality over the other WWF releases on KOCH which are 60 minutes long and recorded in EP, thus making the WWF look like a bunch of cheapskates.

And speaking of cheapskates, how does a wrestling reviewer go about getting on a comp list, anyway? It seems like video game reviewers get free copies of new releases all the time, as do book reviewers, so would it kill someone from WWF, WCW or ECW to send me some stuff to review once in a while? I mean, ECW I can understand because their budget is probably on par with what I spend on PPV in a month, but WWF and WCW are owned by billionaires! C’mon, guys, throw a little move my way here!

On with the video…

We start with a thesis statement from the narrator: The fans happiness is derived from two men’s hatred. Wow, that’s like, deep, man. Soundbites from various WWF yes-men are intersperced throughout the video, including Jim Ross, Michael Cole, and some guy named Terry Taylor.

“Mr. McMahon’s Utopia”, perhaps the best PPV promo spot ever created, is used as the title sequence here.

We get a quick recap of Vince’s announcing years and Austin’s pre-WWF years. Kerwin Silfies, the WWF TV director, glosses over the Ringmaster thing and talks about Austin rebelling against the character and thus creating Stone Cold. You know, the line between kayfabe and reality is really bizarrely stretched by this video at times, and this is one of them.

We begin proper in December of 1997, as Vince confronts Austin the night after the disastrous D-Generation X PPV and forces him to defend the I-C title against the Rock in a rematch of the only good match from that show. This was, in a nutshell, the interview that drew the line between the two and established Austin as the authority-hating badass. Vince warns him about his language and gives a wishy-washy, nebulous warning of “consequences” if Austin doesn’t play along. Austin refuses and hands the belt over to Rocky, then knocks Vince off the apron. Sadly, they cut out the best soundbite: Rocky butting in with “The Rock thinks you should fire him, Vince” and getting a big laugh from the crowd. Oddly, this bit was completely ignored during the buildup to Wrestlemania 15 in 1999, when it would have fit perfectly. As a further aside, Austin really did refuse to drop the title to Rocky backstage, resulting in some real friction between Austin and Vince.

We move past Austin winning the Royal Rumble for a second year in a row and the whole Tyson situation without a word about either, and land at Vince being asked by Michael Cole if he would actually want Austin as WWF champion. Vince gives the “PR corporate nightmare” speech and says the answer is an “Oh hell no!”

With that established, we move to Wrestlemania 14, as Austin gets the title for the first time. This match, like all the others on the tape, is clipped to about 5 seconds. I miss Coliseum Video, where you’d get all the buildup, plus the full match. For those who care, I had this one rated at ***1/4 in my original review, a disappointment for both guys to be sure.

On to RAW the next night: Vince presents Austin with the current version of the title belt, and offers him a choice: Either cooperate and profit from it, or continue his attitude and suffer. Austin chooses the latter, and stuns Vince again. The war was on.

The next week, Austin tries the business suit approach, giving Vince another great line: “Where are the Gucci shoes, Mr. Austin?” Austin changes his mind, and nails Vince in the Powers That Be.

The next week, we make history as RAW beats Nitro for the first time in 82 weeks. Austin challenges Vince to a match, with his hand tied behind his back, but Dude Love breaks it up and pisses off millions in the process.

Unforgiven: Vince sits ringside for Austin’s title defense against Dude Love, and gets nailed in the head with a chair while trying to interfere. The match is a wash. I had it at ***1/2.

Clips of Mick Foley beating Terry Funk, thus re-establishing himself as #1 contender.

From RAW, Austin is forced to take on Rock & D-Lo with Vince as a partner. A massive beatdown results.

The next week, Austin faces the Stooges in a handicap match, with Sgt. Slaughter as the ref. Another massive beatdown results when Vince and Dude Love join in the fun.

The next week, Vince admits to assaulting Austin on the previous RAW, and is thus arrested and hauled off. Later in the night, Austin is about to nail Vince with a chair, but Dude Love sacrifices himself to save him.

Over the Edge: Austin takes out Dude Love with a stunner, and forces special ref Vince McMahon to count the pin, despite being unconscious. I had this at ****3/4 and voted for it as Match of the Year for 1998. The rest of the show sucks, but definitely give the tape a rental for that match.

We now start an accelerated journey as the feud moves into the boring Undertaker portion.

King of the Ring: Kane screws Austin out of the title with help from Undertaker. I think I gave it *1/2. Austin regains it the next night, which was actually a better match, around **1/2.

We skip over another three months, all the way to Breakdown in September, as Undertaker and Kane combine to screw Austin out of the title. A lot of that going around. Vince triumphantly leaves with the smoking skull belt. Match was pretty ugly, about *1/2.

On RAW the next night, Austin drives a zamboni to the ring and attacks Vince before he can announce who the new champion will be. UT and Kane do nothing to help. This causes Vince to badmouth them, and they break his ankle with a set of stairs as a result, thus putting Vince in a wheelchair for the next two months.

Of course, we take a quick journey to the hospital, as we meet Mr. Socko for the first time, and Austin smashes a bedpan into Vince’s foot and then gives him a forced enema.

The next week, Austin pours a load of cement in Vince’s Corvette. That car currently sits in Titan Towers on display.

Judgment Day: Austin refs a match between UT and Kane, but refuses to declare a winner, and thus Vince delivers another famous line: “Screw you Austin, you’re FIRED.” Match was * on a very generous day.

The next night, Austin kidnaps and tortures Vince, then fires a toy gun at his head. Before he goes, he puts a letter in Vince’s pocket that gives Austin his job back and a guaranteed title shot.

We skip over the next three months because it’s all Rock v. Mankind, and head straight to…

Royal Rumble: Austin gets #1, Vince gets #2, and it ends with Rock allowing Vince to toss Austin and win the match. Very much a lowpoint for the WWF. I had that match at *, if even that. Easily the worst Rumble ever.

So to settle things, we head to…

St. Valentine’s Day Massacre. Notice how short these bullets are getting? This tape is turning into Crash TV. We get some shots of Austin killing McMahon here, but Paul Wight debuts from under the ring and tosses Austin through the cage for the win. I had it at ***.

Vince gets a beer bath before Wrestlemania 15.

Wrestlemania 15: A 5-second clip sees Austin regain the title. Geez, talk about de-emphasizing the wrestling.

And now we skip over yet another huge portion, going all the way to Vince Russo’s Greatest Miss: The Greater Power. The whole thing is given a minute, maybe, as all the idiotic soundbites you know and love are tossed in there: “It was ME, Austin”, “Where to, Stephanie?” and all your other favorites. No attempt is made to make any sense of the whole thing, which is probably smart, and they hit the basic point: Vince is evil. Austin takes over as CEO and we head to…

King of the Ring: The Magic Briefcase match sees Vince and Shane win the company back. Match was about **1/2, which was good enough for Match of the night for that god-awful show.

Home stretch: Vince challenges Austin – face the Undertaker in a first blood match, and if Austin wins, Vince won’t appear on TV again. If UT wins, Austin never gets another title shot. Of course, no one believed for a minute that either stip would hold longer than a month, but it popped a good buyrate anyway.

Fully Loaded: UT bleeds, so Vince is gone. I think I gave it ½*

“Na-na na-na, na-na na-na, oh hell yeah, goodbye…”

The shills give their final thoughts.

We close with the “Utopia” promo again.

The Bottom Line: I don’t know why there’s this arbitrary one-hour time limit imposed on these WWF videos. This one was begging for two hours at least. And the selection of match clips was odd to say the least, with Foley v. Funk, for instance, getting about a minute while Austin v. Rock got 5 seconds.

Anyway, this tape covers a LOT of the same ground as “3:16 Uncensored” and “Hell Yeah”, the second and third Steve Austin tapes, respectively, and what isn’t covered on those is covered on the “Best of RAW” tape. And those tapes had more time given to the match clips because they didn’t have to attempt to fit a two year storyline into a one-hour tape.

Given that the soundbites from the WWF people add nothing that isn’t self-evident from the storyline itself, and the entire thing is available elsewhere, I can’t really recommend it given the existance of the other tapes. I think this is a really good look at the feud, but way too much is either cut out or glossed over for time reasons.

Still, points for effort here, at least.